Neither of them spoke about the kiss. They knew that quick kiss meant something, it had to, but life was much more complicated. They couldn’t simply jump back into a relationship or a thing because they missed each other; there were other people involved, them being Michelle and JJ. If JJ probably couldn’t exactly understand what was going on, Nancy couldn’t allow herself to let her down again, not after she finally got to meet her father. As for Michelle, Nancy didn’t exactly dislike her but didn’t like her either, however she didn’t have the heart to ruin her relationship with Brian; the man, instead, was confused as hell. Part of him wanted Nancy and only Nancy, he wanted the kisses, the sex, the cuddles, the running under the rain, the conversations in bed on Sunday morning, the shows with her in the backstage, the love… Yet he couldn’t just break up with Michelle. Yes, her behavior wasn’t the best, she was way too hard to please and he didn’t love her the way he loved Nancy but she had done so much in the past for him and he just couldn’t let her go.

The day of the kiss, Nancy spent the night alone at the cottage while Brian got a room at the ranch not far from where she was staying. Clearly, after what happened, sleeping together didn’t seem a good idea. Brian’s plans for the following day were ruined since Nancy wanted to leave immediately. They arrived in Huntington Beach after a day and a half. Nancy dropped Brian off at Matt and Valary’s place, then she drove to her parents. Needless to say, JJ was more than excited to see her mother again and Nancy was extremely happy. It was already late, so Nancy read a bedtime story to JJ then they both fell asleep in Nancy’s old bed. She didn’t want to go to her new apartment just yet, maybe tomorrow.

Brian didn’t even have to knock, Matt opened the door as soon as his friend got out of Nancy’s car. He hadn’t heard much from Brian in the previous days but when the guitarist texted him saying he needed a place where to sleep that night, he didn’t say no. Nor did Valary.

Once Brian got inside, he found Valary on the couch sipping some wine and his stomach twitched. He was expecting her to yell at him, slap him in the face or something, instead she got up and simply placed a hand on his arm.

“Welcome back, Brian.” She said, giving him a small smile before walking away.

Brian stood there, watching Valary head upstairs. Saying that he was shocked was an understatement. Matt hit his friend’s shoulder with a hand and then sat on the couch, handing him a beer. Brian grabbed the bottle and sat down next to his friends, sipping the drink. At first they didn’t say anything, then Matt finally spoke.

“So. Care to share what happened during the trip?”

“I fucked up, man.” Brian said. “I fucked up so fucking much.” He was expecting his friend to say something or ask for an explanation, but he said nothing. Brian took a long sip of his beer and then took a deep breath. “I kissed her. Nancy, I mean.”

“Dude…”

“I know, Matt. I know.” He said. “I just felt like doing it, you know. Fuck, she’s–” He didn’t know how to continue his sentence. He was so overwhelmed with feelings that he didn’t know where to start.

“She’s Nancy, I get it.” Matt said. “I’m not saying what you did was smart because it wasn’t. At all. However, if I was with someone else and Val came back into my life, even with a kid, hell, I’d do the same. She’s my everything, you know.” He added, not really caring about how cheesy he probably sounded.

Brian listened to Matt’s words and leaned his head back on the couch, closing his eyes. “I took her to the Grand Canyon.”

“You what?” Matt asked, raising his eyebrows.

Brian opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. “I took her to the Grand Canyon. She’s always wanted to see it and the night before she told me how she never had time to do anything besides working and raising JJ and I dunno, I wanted to do something nice for her.”
He explained. “Did you know that she hasn’t been with anyone after me?”

Matt’s jaw dropped for a moment, then shrugged. “What did you expect? She’s never been the girl who sleeps around, besides she was busy raising your child.”

“That’s not the point.” Brian said. “She didn’t have anyone after me and I slept around, not really caring about anything, until I got with Michelle.”

“I don’t think you slept around not caring about anything, Haner.” Matt took a sip of his beer. “I mean, we all knew how much Nancy meant to you and you just didn’t sleep around ‘cause you didn’t care. I guess you slept around because you missed her. But hey, what do I know?”

Brian frowned and looked at Matt before laughing. “Not sure I like this wise Matt Shadows.”
Matt laughed as well; he didn’t think he was wise at all. “I ain’t wise, Brian. I was just lucky enough to get the woman of my life when I was a kid and I ended up making her mine, forever now.” He said. “You and Nancy… Well, you guys had shit going on and broke up. Now she’s back with your daughter. I don’t know what you wanna do with her but think about it because I’m kinda tired of seeing my sister-in-law around all the time and crying because of you, dickhead.”

Brian smiled sadly and nodded. Matt was right. He needed to understand what he really wanted to do and who he really wanted. It wasn’t easy, though. Not after what had happened at the Grand Canyon.

The following day, he left Matt’s place to head to his own. He stood in front of the door of his house for a few minutes, trying to find the courage to open it. He wondered whether he should just knock and wait for Michelle to open the door, but then he decided to use his keys. This was his still house, after all. He slowly opened the door and closed it behind him; the dropped the bag on the floor and looked around, nobody seemed to be home, but that feeling didn’t last for long because Pinkly ran down the stairs and immediately started jumping around.

“Oh, look who’s here.” He chuckled and started petting her. “How’ve you been, princess? I’m sure you’ve been good, yeah.” He smiled and continued to pet the dog until he heard a voice whispering his name. Looking up, he noticed Michelle standing on the stairs. She was wearing an old t-shirt and a pair of shorts and she looked great, despite the dark circles under her eyes. He was pretty sure they were his fault.

“Hi…” He whispered and took a few steps towards her. Michelle walked down the stairs and stopped in front of him; they stared at each other for a brief moment before she threw her arms around his neck. He returned the hug and closed his eyes, enjoying that moment. Just like her sister, she didn’t slap him in the face nor yelled at him. “How… How are you?”

Michelle slowly pulled away and smiled softly, “I’m happy you’re home.” He smiled a little at her; she really looked happy he was home and on another occasion he would’ve been happy as well. “How about you?”

He slowly nodded and quickly looked around. “Glad I’m back.” He said, “I’m sorry about leaving like that…”

“It’s okay.” She said, running a hand through her hair. “I just wished you told where you went, you know. I was worried as hell.”

“I know and I’m sorry.” He said and looked down at his feet before reaching out to grab her hand. “Wanna sit and talk?”

She slowly nodded and followed him on the couch. Brian wasn’t exactly looking at her, which worried Michelle. She knew something was up and she wasn’t exactly ready to hear what he had to tell her. She sat on the couch and wrapped her arms around her legs, looking at him. Brian took a deep breath, not really knowing where to start. He had rehearsed the speech in the car on his drive home, but now it seemed like he completely forgot his words.

“You’re gonna leave me, aren’t you?”

It was Michelle who spoke and Brian looked at her. Her eyes broke his heart, because they showed how hurt she was. He put his hand on her knee and leaned his side against the couch, so he could face her.

“I don’t know, Michelle.” He admitted, gently brushing his thumb on her bare skin and looking at his own hand.

“Is it because of Nancy?”

He looked at her, meeting her gaze. He could tell she already knew the truth, but she probably wanted to hear it from him. “I think it’s mostly because of JJ.” He said, “And yeah, also because of Nancy.”

Her eyes were now filled with tears, but she quickly wiped them away.

“I’m not surprised, Brian.” She said, “I knew this would eventually happen. I hope it wouldn’t and for a while I was convinced it wouldn’t happen. She was gone, you kind of forgot her, we were happy.” She said, her voice breaking a little. “Then she came back and I knew this would eventually happen.” She repeated.

“Brian!” Michelle exclaimed as she threw her hands up in the air before wrapping them around his neck. “I’ve been looking for you the whole time.”

Brian was surprised when the blonde almost jumped on him, but he knew he shouldn’t have been so surprised. Ever since breaking up with Nancy, Michelle had slowly made her way into the group of friends. At first he saw her once in a while, usually when they were playing at the DiBenedetto’s place or whenever Valary brought her to their parties but no more than that. He wondered if maybe Valary asked her to come around, but he didn’t think his friend was so manipulative.

Whenever Michelle was around, he could feel her presence around him and at first it was annoying, but he got used to it. Everybody did, except for Jimmy. It seemed like the drummer had this strong hatred for the poor girl and nobody could really figure out why. Brian thought about asking him why he could barely stand her presence, but he had so much going on in his life that he didn’t need other people’s problems.

It had been almost two months since he and Nancy broke up and he wasn’t exactly holding up that well. His cocky attitude and stubbornness helped him when he was around others, but deep down, he was dying. He wondered many times how they ended up deciding to break up and even though they had some good points back then, it seemed like he had done the worst decision of his life. Life without Nancy was empty. He had music, but it wasn’t the same. He missed her eyes, her laugh, her whispers, her body, the way she ran her hand through her hair or how she looked when she read an interesting book…

And since Nancy wasn’t there, he tried to find her in every other girl, like the one who had left Johnny’s bedroom right after him. She looked nothing like Nancy. Actually, it was her opposite. Blonde, extremely tall, blue eyes and no tattoos. She looked like a Barbie, almost like Michelle, with the exception of the height, the twin being much shorter.

“Yeah, I was busy.” Brian said and quickly glanced at the blonde girl who winked at him and licked her lips. He smirked before Michelle forced him to look down at her, putting her hands on his cheeks. She followed the blonde with her eyes and sighed heavily.

“That girl? Really?” She asked, raising an eyebrow. “You can do much better, you know.”

“Really?” He asked, looking straight into her eyes. He wondered if he said that only because she wanted a great night with him or because she meant it. He was pretty sure it was because of the first option.

“Yes, really.”

“You think? ‘Cause you know, that girl gave me the best blowjob I’ve had in fucking months.”
Michelle glared at him and shook her head, letting go of his face. “You know what? Fuck you, Haner.”

“How?” He asked; he didn’t see this coming at all. Yes, he had loved Nancy so much in the past and when she came back he was happy to have her kind of back in his life, then he found out about JJ and he was so mad at Nancy… No, never in a million years would he have thought he could break up with his girlfriend because of his ex.

Michelle shrugged and took a deep breath. “Because you never stopped being in love with her.” She said. “I wasn’t around much when you guys were together; I was so focused on school and other guys, but the few times I saw you together, I could see how much you loved each other. Shit, even a blind man could see it.” She smiled sadly. “Something like that doesn’t go away so easily. So I don’t know, maybe it’s that or the fact that you used to say her name at night while you were asleep or maybe it’s even because nobody could never compare to her, even if I’m way hotter than her.” She chuckled nervously and shrugged again. “I don’t know, Brian but I knew it. I know you.”

Brian listened to his words and tried to swallow the lump in his throat, but it wasn’t easy. He didn’t think she knew him so well.

“I know that at the beginning I was nothing but someone you used to forget Nancy, but I like to think we tried to build something.”

“We did, Michelle. We did build something.”

Michelle looked down and sighed softly. “Yes, maybe we did but it was temporary.” She said and licked her lips before finally looking at Brian. “You’re still love with her, aren’t you?”
Brian looked straight into her eyes and took a deep breath, not knowing how to answer. “I care about her, yeah.” He eventually said; he was way still too confused about everything for saying that he was still in love with her. Maybe he was still in love with the memory he had of Nancy, not with the person she was today.

Michelle didn’t say nothing and simply nodded, wiping her tears away again. Even if she saw it coming, it didn’t mean it hurt any less. She poured her heart and soul in that relationship, thinking that maybe they could build their own family and future together, but someone else had his heart. It was beautiful while it lasted.

“I’m sorry, Michelle.” He whispered, placing a soft kiss on her knee. “I’m so sorry.”

She slowly nodded, taking his hands and gently brushing her thumbs on the tattoos on his fingers. She knew he was sorry; it wasn’t completely his fault if this didn’t work out. She thought it was also her fault for not giving everything he needed.

“I just hope she treats you right.”

“Michelle…”

“I mean it. You may be a dick most of the time, but you’re a great guy.” She said, “And I swear that if she hurts you, I’m gonna murder her.” She added with a small smile.

He smiled back at her before moving closer and softly kiss her lips. One last kiss. It reminded him of the night he and Nancy broke up.

“You know I loved you, right?” He asked, resting his forehead against hers.

Michelle closed her eyes and bit her lips, trying not to start sobbing. “Yes, I do. And I love you.”

He didn’t deserve her. He never did. She could upset him a lot, but she was absolutely the best. She’d always given him everything he needed and even more, while he ended up disappointing her. He hated himself for this, but lying to her and staying in this relationship wasn’t fair either.

When they finally pulled away from each other, Brian took a deep breath. “You can stay here as long as you want. I’m gonna stay at my dad’s or something.”

“Okay. Thank you.” She said, thinking how her life had changed in just a few minutes. “Would you mind–” She started saying, “Sleeping in the guest room or something tonight? I really don’t feel like sharing the bed with you.”

“Of course.” He said, nodding. “Actually, I’ll go to my dad’s already so you can have the house for yourself.” She nodded again and Brian bit his lip. “Do you want me to call Val or?”

“No.” She answered, “I just want to spend some time alone.”

Despite the request of spending some time alone, Michelle and Brian ended up talking for a few hours. They spoke about anything, from their past to random thing, from memories to the new Avenged Sevenfold album. Saying goodbye to each other wasn’t easy for them, but they both thought it was for the best.

After saying one last goodbye to her, he walked out of the house and got into his house. He couldn’t believe Michelle had been so calm about the whole situation, but maybe it was because she had no idea that he went to Portland and on the trip back to California, he kissed Nancy. Without even thinking, he drove to Jimmy’s condo. He needed to see Nancy, to tell her what he had just done. He wasn’t sure that doing this now was a great idea, but he didn’t want to wait.

As soon as he parked the car, he noticed the lights were off. He didn’t even realize he’d spent so much time with Michelle until he saw that it was almost midnight. Maybe Nancy was already asleep? Or maybe she wasn’t home at all? No, that couldn’t be. Where else could she be, then? He locked his car and ran into the building and up the stairs. He didn’t even bother to take the elevator. When he arrived, he took a few deep breaths to calm himself down, then finally knocked on the door many times. He was nervous and nauseous; he just hoped he wouldn’t throw up when she opened the door. If she opened the door.

When she did, he didn’t throw up. Instead, he smiled widely at her.

“Brian…” Nancy said, slightly confused. They hadn’t spoken to each other since the previous day, when she left him at the Sanders’, so seeing him standing there was quite a shock to her. “What are you doing here?”

“Can I come in?” He asked, taking a step closer to her. “I wanna tell you something.”

Nancy raised her eyebrows and slowly nodded at his words. “Of course.” She moved to the right to let him and he immediately rushed inside. “Are you–” She started to say when she closed the door, but she couldn’t continue her sentence because as soon as she turned around, Brian was already pressing her against the wooden door, his lips already on hers, kissing her eagerly.

Notes

Boom. New chapter! Did you like it? Clearly, there's more coming in the next chapter(s) and obviously, I don't wanna say tell too much but there's thing I can tell you: despite what happened, Michelle will be a huge presence in the story (because yes and because my heart is breaking for her right now) :D

Thank you to Avengedlover, Kimmie, J.J., Hollie and Burnedpasta! I didn't want to break Michelle and Brian up but I had to for the sake of the story. But guess things can change? Or maybe nah? Haha! Stay tuned for more <3