When We Were Young

The following morning, Brian and Nancy went to have breakfast to the same diner where he bought dinner the previous night. This morning, however, they weren’t the only one there and the place was quite crowded for being a diner in the middle of nowhere.

They didn’t speak about the conversation they had the previous night and that was okay, more or less. Nancy had no intention of speaking about her lack of relationships and Brian didn’t seem to be interested anymore. At some point, once he was done eating, Brian interrupted their silence and asked Nancy for her phone. Without saying a word, she handed him her phone and watched him walk out of the diner. She had no idea who he was calling, although she was pretty sure it was just Matt. She finished off her breakfast and when he came back, Nancy couldn’t help but notice the big smile on his face. Has she missed something?

“Nice phone call?” She asked, curious to know why he looked so happy.

“Yeah. I mean, it was just Matt.” He answered without giving away much information. “Oh, I decided I’m gonna drive today, by the way. You drove most of the time in the past days, let me do something, alright?”

Nancy slightly frowned at his words but nodded anyway; that didn’t sound a bad idea at all. She could use some rest. “Sounds good. As always, try not to break my car.”

He smiled and promised he wouldn’t. She truly hoped he wouldn’t, but he wasn’t a bad driver so there was no reason why not to trust him. Besides, it’s not like he was going to drink alcohol and drive, right?

They spent the whole day on the highway, stopping only for gas and some food right. According to her plan, it’d take them no more than three days to get to Huntington Beach, which was great because she’d been away from JJ for too long and even Brian started missing her.

Later that afternoon, Nancy started feeling really sleepy and was glad Brian decided to drive. She was usually never tired or sleepy, unless it was really late in the day, but they ate a lot for lunch that day so she blamed it on the food. She just hoped that wasn’t the first symptom of a flu or something. Brian told her to just sleep and rest, reassuring her that he’d wake her up when they arrived at the motel.

And he woke her up after a couple of hours, but when Nancy rubbed her eyes and looked around, she noticed how there was no sign of a motel around there, so she was definitely confused.

“Please, don’t tell me we’re out of gas or that you broke my car.” She said, quickly looking at Brian. “Gates, answer me!”

He looked at her quite amused and shook his head. “No, your car is fine. We’re here. Get out, I wanna show you something.”

Nancy frowned and got out of the car, her eyes wandering around to try to recognize the place.

“Where is here, exactly?”

“Will you shut up and come with me?”

Thankfully it was still afternoon, so she could see some stuff, otherwise she would’ve thought he brought her in the middle of nothing to kill her and hide her body behind a rock. Rocks. Nancy focused on what was around her and noticed how there were rocks everywhere.

“Are we even still in the States?”

“Yeah. Jesus, calm down.” Brian chuckled and grabbed her hand, “Do you trust me?”

Nancy raised her eyebrows, unsure of what to say. “Uh–I think so? But not really, to be honest.” He laughed and squeezed her hand as he started walking. Her eyes looked down at their hands and she could swear her heart skipped a beat. Or two. Maybe even three. She followed him without saying a word and it was when they finally turned a corner that she realized where they were.

“Ta-dah!” Brian exclaimed, letting go of her hand and spreading his arms wide, showing the view in front of them. He was excited, she could tell it by the tone of his voice, but she couldn’t focus on that. Instead, she looked straight ahead of her.

Nancy couldn’t believe her eyes. The Grand Canyon was right in front of her and all around her. She simply couldn’t believe it. Her legs started trembling and she was afraid of even taking a step, thinking this was a dream or something.

Brian tilted his head and didn’t look away from her. He waited almost a minute for her to say something or do something, and when she didn’t, he decided to speak. “Can’t tell if you’re happy or not?” Brian admitted, keeping her eyes on her.

She shook her head slightly and when she finally looked at him, there was a wide smile on her lips. He could see the excitement in her eyes and this only made his heart beat faster. He loved seeing her so happy and it had been so long since the last time he got to see her like this.

“It’s… Beautiful.” She whispered, absolutely speechless, and he took her hand again, taking her to the railing where she could see everything better.

There were many people there, probably waiting for the sunset just like them. Nancy couldn’t speak a single word, she was so overwhelmed with emotions and questions, and she couldn’t take her eyes away from the nature and the beauty that was all around them. Brian, on the other side, couldn’t keep his eyes off Nancy. She looked so happy, excited and beautiful that he didn’t care about anything that wasn’t her.

“Last night you said you didn’t have much time for anything between work and JJ, so I don’t think you went on vacation in the past years, right?” He said, “So yeah, I thought about bringing you here.” He finally looked at the beautiful view and smiled softly. “It’s not much, I know, but I hope you like it. I know it’s one of the places you wanted to visit the most.”

He remembered.

Nancy looked at him and gave him a genuine smile. Never in a million years she would’ve thought he’d bring her to see the Grand Canyon. Maybe when they were still together, but definitely not now. But the thing is, he did remember.

“Alright, kids.” Jimmy said, laying down on the floor of Brian’s living room. “One place you’d like to visit one day.” Everyone stayed quiet for a moment, thinking of their answer, making Jimmy roll his eyes. “Alright, I’ll go first. Japan and Africa, baby.”

“You said one place, Jimmy. That’s one place and a whole continent.” Valary said, which only caused Jimmy to throw a pillow at her.

“Shut up and answer my question.”

“Fine! I wanna go to Rome.”

“Really?” Matt asked, looking at his girlfriend.

“Yes, really. Italy is just so beautiful!”

“Then I’ll take you one day. Promise.” He said and quickly kissed her lips before answering Jimmy’s questions. “I wanna visit Finland.”

“I wanna visit Reykjavík.” Lacey said and pretty much everybody frowned at her answer. “Iceland. Europe. Hello?”

“Of course, of course.” Johnny said, nodding at his girlfriend although he wasn’t even sure where Iceland was. “I want to go to Rey-whatever-it’s-called too.”

Everybody else mentioned cities and countries all over the world. One wanted to visit Russia, the other France and another one Brazil.

“What about you, Nan-Nan?” Johnny asked, noticing how she was the only one who didn’t answer.

Nancy shrugged and took a sip of her drink, “I guess any place is good.” She said, “I’d really like to visit the Grand Canyon, though.”

“Boo. That can’t be counted.” Jimmy said, “It’s in the States. You can see it whenever you want. I’m talking about somewhere far away from here, somewhere you’ll probably never visit but that you’d still like to see.”

“Hey, shut up.” Brian said, “If she wanna go see the Grand Canyon, then let her.”

“I don’t know where I’d like to go…” She admitted, “Africa would pretty cool, though. I’m with you on that one, Jim.”

“You remembered.” She whispered, trying not to get too emotional about this and cry in front of him like a kid.

“Of course.” He said, looking down at her. “That day you told us about your dream of visiting the Grand Canyon I promised myself I’d take you here one day, one way or another, and–well, it’s slightly later than I expected but… Yeah, I’m glad I did it now. They say later is better than never, huh?” He took a deep breath and looked away again. Somehow, being in that particular place with her made him feel… Peaceful and happy.

“Thank you.” She whispered, leaning towards him to gently kiss his cheek. “I really don’t know what to say. I mean, this is just so beautiful.”

Brian froze as she kissed his cheek. He didn’t expect it and now he had no idea what to do. Shit, he thought. He looked down at her, but she was already looking away from him. It was like they were running away from each other with their eyes. He smiled softly and took a deep breath before speaking again, afraid he completely forgot how to form a sentence or even what his name was.

“You deserve it.” He said, “I’m sorry you didn’t have time to do anything while I travelled the world and had fun.”

“You were just doing your job.”

“Doing my job with a woman I didn’t love by my side while the one who has my heart was raising our daughter.”

Nancy looked up at him as he spoke; she was looking for something, anything that could let her know that what he said was what she’d heard, but he was keeping such a straight face that she found it difficult to read anything on his face. When he finally turned his head, she noticed that he was smiling, almost shyly. The man in front of her wasn’t Synyster Gates and it wasn’t even the Brian his friends knew; that was the Brian only Nancy and Jimmy knew, the same Brian who haunted her dreams.

“Brian, I…” She whispered, trying to find the right words for that situation. Were there even right words? She thought there weren’t. His sentence could’ve meant so many different things and she had no idea how to feel about it.

“Holy fucking shit. You’re Synyster Gates!”

The male voice behind them made them turn around. In front of them there was a teenager with long dark hair and wearing a Metallica t-shirt. The typical Avenged Sevenfold fan. Brian smiled at the guy and nodded.

“Shit, I am!”

“Guys! It’s Synyster fucking Gates. Here!” The guy yelled at his friends who immediately turned around and ran towards them.

Nancy took a deep breath and slowly walked away, not wanting to ruin those guys’ special moment and also wanting to give Brian some time as Synyster Gates. Besides, she didn’t want to risk anyone to ask them who she was and why Michelle wasn’t there.

“Are the others here as well?” A girl asked Brian and he shook his head.

“Nope, that’s just me and–” He looked around and didn’t see Nancy anymore, which made him frown. “Well, just me.”

“This is so fucking great. Synyster Gates at the Grand Canyon!” The first guy exclaimed, taking a camera out of his backpack.

“I almost didn’t recognize you without your fedora and eyeliner.”

Nancy looked over at Brian surrounded by fans and smiled softly; she almost forgot how it was to hung out with a rockstar. The first time some fans stopped the band and she was there with Valary and Lacey, she couldn’t believe it. It scared her a little, but she was so damn proud of the whole band that she could barely contain her excitement, then things got bigger and bigger and she eventually got used to it. But now, after so many years, it was weird to be in this again. She wasn’t sure she missed it.

She took her camera out of her purse and started taking a few photographs, wanting to show JJ how beautiful and magical this place was. Once she was done, she put her camera away and leaned against the railing, her eyes still scanning the beautiful view. She was still so speechless about everything: Brian taking her to one of her favorite places in the world, Brian saying something like she still has his heart (or has she made this up in her heard?), Brian, Brian, Brian.

The strange feeling in her stomach wasn’t very pleasant and Nancy wondered why the hell she felt like that. She used to feel like that back when they weren’t even dating and she was starting to realize that maybe something was going on between them. She thought she was over him; hell, it’d been over three years. Her stomach knew better, though. Fuck her stomach. They were slowly becoming friends again after so long, they had a kid, she couldn’t allow herself to fuck this shit up because of a nice gesture and a couple of sweet words.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

Nancy was so deep in thought that she didn’t even notice someone was standing behind her, his hands next to her elbows on the railing. She didn’t even have to turn around to see who it was. Brian smiled down at her, but she didn’t look away from the view.

“It really is.” She whispered; noticing how the sky had darkened but the view was still so beautiful. “I wish we didn’t have to go.”

Brian slowly moved his head closer to hers. “We don’t have to.”

“What?” She asked, quickly turning her head towards him. Her heart stopped beating when she realized how close their faces were, so she quickly pulled away, keeping her eyes on him. “What do you mean?”

He sighed heavily and leaned against the railing with a hand. “I may have booked a cottage at a ranch house not far from here. I came here with my dad, Suzy and my siblings when we were kids and we stayed at that place. It’s nice and I dunno, thought you’d like it.”

Nancy bit the bottom of her lip, not sure this was a good idea. And wait, a cottage? That meant sleeping together again? Shit.

“But I can cancel the booking, if you want.” He said, noticing how she seemed uncertain all of a sudden.

She shook her head, “No, it’s okay.” She said, “I’m just… Surprised, that’s all.”

Brian smiled softly at her and nodded. “Well, I’m glad I surprised you.”

She smiled back at him and then looked around, “Are your fans gone?”

“Yeah, they left after the autographs and the pictures.” He answered, “Cool guys.” He added before his pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. He brought a cigarette to his lips and lit it up, then offered one to Nancy, who simply shook her head. She smiled a little and watched him look away. “Shit, I forgot how beautiful this place is.”

The fans weren’t the only ones gone, his façade was gone as well. He was back being the Brian she liked. Nancy smiled a little wider and followed his gaze, losing herself in the beauty of nature. Brian stood there and smoked his cigarette in quiet, reflective silence. There was so much to think about, he could think about literally anything, but whatever he was thinking, Nancy came to his mind as well. Old memories, new ones, her beautiful face, her sweet laugh… Nancy was anywhere in his mind.

“Nancy.”

“Brian.”

They both spoke at the unison which made them look at each other confused for a moment, then they started laughing.

“Sorry, go ahead.” Nancy said.

“No, no. It’s fine. You speak.”

She smiled softly at him and tilted her head a little. “Why are you doing this for me?” She asked, “I mean, I understand if you wanted to help me with my stuff, although we both know you came to Portland just to get away from Michelle, but… This, Brian?” She asked, glancing around them. “Why did you take me here? Just… Why? You hated me so much last month and now this?”

Brian looked straight into her eyes. She had a point. He hated her so much the past month for keeping JJ a secret and for taking a decision that would influenced both of their lives, but deep down he knew that ‘hate’ wasn’t the right word. He was disappointed, yes, but he could never hate her. He’d tried to but he just couldn’t. So why was he doing this? He had absolutely no idea. Was he going insane, maybe? Probably. The fact was that he just couldn’t stop thinking about what Jimmy told him in his last letter and about what Nancy told him about those years where she was in Portland. He’d missed her for so long, searching for her in every girl he fucked or kissed but none was her.

He could tell Nancy was waiting for an answer; he wasn’t even sure how long he’d stayed quiet. Maybe a minute? Five? Ten? An eternity? Without saying a word, he simply stepped closer to her and cupped her cheek right before placing his lips on hers. He didn’t know what pushed him to do such a thing; part of him wanted to slap himself for doing this or at least hoped Nancy would slap him in the face, like the first time they kissed, but it didn’t happen.

Nancy didn’t quite understand what was happening for the first couple of seconds, and when she did, her legs were trembling. No, this couldn’t be happening. She closed her eyes and returned the kiss; she felt like she was a kid again, butterfly in her stomach and her mind completely empty. She had missed this, him so much. But this time, unlike when she was a kid, when she didn’t exactly think right when it came to Brian, her mind told her that despite missing him so much, this wasn’t right.

“You can’t.” She whispered as she broke the kiss and placed her hands on his on her cheeks. “We can’t.”

He leaned his forehead against hers, his eyes still closed. She was right, he couldn’t. Not when there was still Michelle waiting for him back at home. Michelle. The woman who gave him everything when Nancy left, the woman he loved in a way that didn’t even close to the way he loved Nancy, the woman who loved him despite everything, the woman who wasn’t Nancy. He took a deep breath before speaking; his heart was beating so fast and having her so close to him made him out of breath.

“Things were so much easier when we were young.” He whispered and she couldn’t help but agree in her own silence.

Notes

Hiii! New chapter, new stuff happening. As you probably noticed, this chapter is longer aaaand I wanted to cut it in half and leave you with a cliffhanger but then I was like, do I really wanna do it?! so yeah, here it is haha Did you like it? What do you think is happening next? And what would you like to see happening? So many questions, I know, but I'd really like to know :D

I just want to take a moment to say that I'll start working tomorrow, I don't know my shifts yet but I can assure you I'll always be on (even during work time, oops) to check if there are new updates and to reply to messages! I'll try to update as often as I can, but know that it might take me slightly longer to do it. I hope you don't mind! Obviously, if you have questions, want to talk about something or anything, really, just message me :D Also, I'll be taking one-shot/short stories requests from now. Obviously, I don't know when I'll be able to post them, but I wanna have something to think about/work on when I'm on a calm shift. So if you have ideas, come tell me!

A huge thank you goes to Kimmie, unholy confessions;;, J.J., Hollie and Avengedlover for your lovely comments <3