When We Were Young

Brian stayed in Portland for two days after his arrival. Despite what Nancy told him about Michelle, he decided to turn his phone off and use Nancy’s if he needed to call Matt. According to him, Michelle was spending most of her time at the Sanders or with the girls although there was nothing they could do or say to make her feel better. Matt didn’t like lying to his wife and her sister, but Brian was family, too so kept the secret as long as possible. Valary eventually figured out what was going on when she caught Matt speaking with Brian while locked in the closet. Clearly, the younger DiBenedetto sister was upset with his husband and Brian, but decided to keep her mouth shut anyway for the sake of her own sanity. She couldn’t handle Michelle if she ever found out about where Brian was.

The previous night, Nancy received a phone call from both Valary and clearly the call turned into a conference with the Sanders, Nancy and Brian, and they all talked a lot about anything and nothing. Nancy thought Valary would bring up Michelle or something, but she didn’t. Instead, she simply told Brian to be prepared for her sister’s rage when he came back. Great. Also, Valary guessed that Michelle probably stole Nancy’s phone number from her sister’s phone but no one had any proof, so it was also guessing and nothing more.

Nancy didn’t like Michelle that much but she couldn’t help but feel bad for her and for what Brian was doing to her; the guitarist, on the other side, simply thought this time away from his girlfriend could help them… Or break them. Either way, he was willing to take the risk. But now it was time to come back and he wasn’t sure he wanted to go back to California. Thankfully, it would take them around a week to come back to Huntington Beach since they’d be travelling by Nancy’s car, which meant only one thing: road trip! He absolutely loved going on road trips, whether it meant using the tour bus or just a car, he only hoped things wouldn’t turn awkward between them during their drive home.


“Hello? Gates! Are you even listening to me?” Nancy asked, “I’m telling you the plans for the next week. If you don’t wanna come, just let me know and I can take you to the airport or I can leave you in the middle of nowhere. Whichever you prefer.”

Brian rolled his eyes and Gladys chuckled, “I hope you two aren’t going to fight on your trip. I don’t want my beautiful great-niece to become an orphan.”

“We’ll be fine, Mrs. Kennedy.” Brian said and smiled a little at her, before turning his attention to Nancy. “And I was listening to you, Nancy. We’ll leave tomorrow at 9 AM. I know, I know.”

Nancy shook her head and finished off her cup of warm milk. “Alright, then I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight, grandma.” She said, placing a kiss on Gladys cheek, then looked at Brian. “Goodnight, Brian. Wake up in time, or I’m leaving without you.”

“Jesus, Nancy. I’ll be up in time.” He said, “Goodnight.”

Brian watched her walk away and took a sip of his beer before looking at Gladys. She was staring at him and suddenly, he felt uncomfortable in his chair. It wasn’t the first time Nancy left them together, but it was the first time it felt weird.

“What is it?” He asked, tilting his head.

“I have no idea what your intentions with Nancy are, but I’ve been told you have a girlfriend, so whatever you have in mind, delete it. Erase it. Burn it.” She said, “She’s been heartbroken for too long because of you.”

“I have no intentions, Mrs. Kennedy. Right now, she’s the mother of my child and that’s it. We’re friends, nothing more.”

“Okay, good.” She got up and smiled softly at him, “Goodnight, dear.”

Brian stayed there sipping his beer until he finished it off, then he headed to the guest room. He got changed then laid in bed, staring at the ceiling. In the past two days, he and Nancy got enough time to get close to each other, but not enough since neither of them brought up their past relationship, Michelle or their feelings at the moment.

He didn’t even realize he fell asleep when a loud voice woke him up. He glanced at his watch and groaned. 8:30 AM.

“Shit, shit, shit.” He groaned and got up, putting some clothes on. He ran downstairs and found Nancy having breakfast. She looked beautiful and he wondered if she woke up at 6 AM to get ready or something. “I’m here. See? I’m on time.”

“That’s because I woke you up.”

“Yelling isn’t exactly considered ‘waking up’, Nancy.”

“Whatever.”

Brian shook his head and poured himself some coffee, then finished to get ready and before getting into Nancy’s car, he thanked Gladys.

“Remember what I told you yesterday.” She whispered as she hugged him. “She cares you, don’t play with her.”

Brian looked at the woman and let her kiss his cheek. He wasn’t exactly surprised Nancy still cared about him; her heart was so big she still cared about him after all these years and after his shitty behavior. Or maybe it was only because he was JJ’s father. He got into the car and waved at the woman, then he stayed quiet, staring out of the window.

“Are you okay?” Nancy asked, glancing at him for a moment, but keeping her eyes on the road.

“I’m fine, I just didn’t think we’d end up on a road trip together again. Not after what happened, you know.”

Nancy tilted her head to the left and sighed, “Well, I’m surprised, too.” She admitted, “I mean, I’m even surprised you’re talking to me.” She said with a nervous chuckle.

Brian rolled his eyes at her words, but he knew she was right. He had been an asshole to her ever since she told him about JJ. He wanted to say ‘I’m sorry’ but he was too damn cocky for this. Instead, he turned the radio on, groaning in disgust when a Lady Gaga song started playing.

“There should be some CDs over there.” She said, motioning to the passenger door. Brian looked down and noticed some CDs with nothing written on it. He hoped there wasn’t pop shit in it. He put the CD in and smiled as a Metallica song started playing from the speakers.

“You still listen to Metallica.”

“And Pantera and Guns N’ Roses and Black Sabbath and Van Halen… Yeah, I still listen to the same old bands. You know, becoming a mom doesn't mean I don't get to like metal anymore.” She said, “If you wanted to listen to your music, sorry to inform you that your albums are in one of the boxes.”

“You have our albums?” He asked, surprised, and remembering how just a couple of days before he thought that she’d thrown them away.

“Yes, I do. Uh, do you remember that I was there when you guys recorder the first demo, right?” She asked, “It took me a while to listen to Avenged Sevenfold about what happened between us and sometimes it’s still weird but you guys are great. Plus, Jimmy got me the self titled album as a present.”

“Favorite song of the album?”

Nancy bit her lip and kept driving, trying to find an answer. She had listened to that album for so long after giving birth and it always made her cry. When she finally decided to stop listening to it, she realized that JJ fell in love with Dear God and it became her favorite song, so she went with it.

“Dear God, I guess.” She answered, “JJ used to love it a lot, especially when Jimmy sang it to her. Whenever she didn’t want to sleep, I only had to turn it on and bam, baby asleep.”

“Really?” Brian asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Oh yeah. Now she’s obsessing over The Lion King soundtrack and that’s your fault but it’s okay. At least she changed genre?” Nancy chuckled then licked her lips, “It’s a great song, by the way.”

“Jimmy never told us who he was thinking about when he wrote the song. The guys thought it was about Leana but I think it was about you.”

Nancy shrugged at his words, “Maybe, or maybe not. I guess we’ll never know, right?”
Brian nodded slightly and looked out of the window, trying not to think about Jimmy. It wasn’t the case.

The trip went well that day; they stopped here and there to have some food, get some rest or use the restroom. Most of the time Nancy was the one one drove the car, but for a few hours Brian drove so she could get some rest. They stopped somewhere in the middle of nowhere in Indiana. They found a small motel on the highway so they decided to spend the night there, sleep and the leave again in the morning.

The motel was disgusting to say the least, but it was more than enough for them. They’d have to spend the night there and that was it. Thankfully, the night passed quite quickly so the next day they were already on their way to California.

Brian wouldn’t stop complaining about the fact that summer or spring was a better time to go on a road trip, which made Nancy roll her eyes constantly.

“Nobody forced you to come with me.” She told him at some point, “Besides, I needed my stuff. It’s not like I could stay in Huntington Beach without my clothes or JJ’s stuff!”

“Still! You could’ve bought new clothes and JJ could’ve gotten new stuff.” Brian groaned, “I hate this.” This time he was the one who was driving.

“Then you can head to the closest airport and you can take a flight home.”

“No way.” He said, shaking his head. “I’m in this so you gotta accept this. Besides, you’d have to stop at another motel tonight or in the next days and fuck, I’ve seen that movie, Psycho. Shit doesn’t end well for the girl who stops at a motel.”

“Sure, because there’s a creepy Norman Bates in every motel, right?”

“Who’s Norman Bates?”

Nancy frowned at his question and looked at him, wondering if he was being serious. They’ve seen Psycho together in the past (Zacky forced them to watch it with him) so he should’ve known who Norman Bates was. Clearly, he forgot.

“No one. He’s no one.” She said, “Just… Keep driving, Brian.”

The next couple of days went well. Thankfully, they didn’t argue and other than stopping from time to time to get food, use the restroom or sleep, they kept driving. Nancy wanted to get back home as soon as possible, missing JJ too much. She had never been away from her daughter for so long and knowing JJ was in California while she was in the middle of nothing made her physically sick.

That night, Brian parked the car parking lot of a motel in the middle of nowhere. They both wanted to get to a city or town of some sort, but the nearest town was an hour and a half away from there and they were both way too tired to keep driving, so that motel was their only option.

“What do you mean there’s only a double room available?” Brian asked, looking at the man behind the counter.

“I mean that there’s only a double room available. Take it or leave it, I don’t care.” He replied, before taking a sip of his beer. The man looked terrible and Nancy didn’t feel quite okay being in the same room as him, but thankfully she wasn’t alone.

Brian groaned and looked at Nancy who simply shrugged. It’s not like they could pick another motel or sleep in the car.

“Fine, okay.” Brian said, leaving a twenty-dollar-bill on the counter.

“Great.” The man said before grabbing an old register book, “Name?”

“John and Jackie Kennedy, from Atlanta.” Brian answered and his words made Nancy frown at him. He smirked and waited for the man to write down their names then grabbed the keys.

As soon as they walked outside, Nancy looked at him. “What the hell?” She asked, laughing. “John and Jackie Kennedy?”

“Why not?” He asked, “We always use your last name anyway. I wanted to change tonight.”

She shook her head and smiled slightly. Ever since their first stop at a motel, they’d been using her last name so nobody would recognize Brian and she was okay with it, but this was different. She decided not to say anything and followed him into their room for the night. She wasn’t too surprised to see that it was incredibly small and that the smell wasn’t that great. She was used to be sleeping in shitty places, especially when she was touring with Avenged Sevenfold in the early years, but this was completely different. Other than the bed, there was a small table next to a chair and a small TV on the wall.

“I can sleep on the floor, if you want.” Brian said, looking at the dirty carpet. “Or on the chair.”

“There’s no way you’re sleeping on the floor or on the chair, Brian.” She said, “You’ll sleep on the bed. We paid for it, right?” He simply nodded and Nancy smiled a little at him, unsure if sleeping together was a good idea. “Uh… I think I’ll go shower.” She informed him, leaving her bag on the bed.

Brian nodded at her words, “Sounds good.” He said, “I’ll go grab some food, then. I saw there’s a diner on the other side of the road, so… What would you like?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Brian nodded and left, heading to the diner. There was no point in waiting for Nancy to shower so they could have dinner at the diner, especially considering that it was shit as well. Looking around the diner, he noticed how he was one of the three people in there. He ordered burgers, two beers and even two pieces of pie as a dessert. He headed back to the motel, but stayed outside to smoke a cigarette. He leaned back against Nancy’s car and looked up at the sky full of stars, it wasn’t that bad that place. If you didn’t count the shitty motel, the shitty owner of the motel and the shitty diner, of course.

In the motel room, Nancy removed her clothes and walked into the shower. Unlike the rest of the room and the motel itself, the bathroom wasn’t too bad. The shower was clean and honestly, that was all that mattered right now. If there was one thing she hated was dirty bathrooms. She closed her eyes as warm water started running down her body; she could feel herself relax and that’s all she needed. She couldn’t wait to get home and take a long bath in her bathtub, but right now that shower had the power to make her feel slightly better.
She only hoped the bed was comfortable; she had to share it with Brian and this was already too much for her, so she wasn’t sure she could handle an uncomfortable bed too.

As soon as Brian finished smoking, he walked into the room and immediately noticed how Nancy was still in the bathroom, both because he could still the water running and also because her clothes were on the bed. He pursed his lips together and left the bag with the food on the table, wondering whether to leave again and wait outside or to just sit and wait for her to be done. As he was trying to decide, he couldn’t help but think of something that had happened what seemed to be a lifetime ago in a similar, shitty motel.

“I said no, Jimmy.”

“Why not, Nancy? Please! I’m begging you!”

“Because I just walked into the shower. Go use your own shower!”

“We don’t have one!” Jimmy complained, “We have a bathtub and Johnny has been using it for the past thirty minutes and has no intention of getting out anytime soon.”

“I don’t care!” Nancy said, “I’m not letting you shower with me!”

“Please?”

“Get the fuck, Sullivan!”

When Brian walked into the motel, he could hear someone arguing in the bathroom, so he went to see who it was. He found Nancy in the shower and Jimmy standing there, wearing nothing but his boxers. He frowned and looked at his friend and then at his girlfriend, who was standing out of the shower, her body naked and a towel wrapped around her body.

“What the fuck is going on?”

“I just wanna shower!” Jimmy said, “Can you tell her to let me come in?”

“Why would I do that, Jimmy? I’m not gonna let you shower with my girlfriend.”

“Why not? I need a shower and you guys have one.”

“Who fucking cares? Jimmy, get out!” Brian said.

“All this shit because you don’t want me to see her naked.” Jimmy said, pointing a finger to Nancy. “Maybe I’ve seen her naked before so this shouldn’t be a big deal!”

“What?” Both Brian and Nancy asked, confused.

“I’m not saying I have. Chill!” Jimmy rolled his eyes and groaned. “Fine. You’ll have to deal with me smelling bad for the rest of the night.”

“Since when do you care about appearance, Sullivan?”

Jimmy groaned in frustration and walked out of the bathroom, only to walk back in. “And by the way, I may have not seen her naked, but I’ve kissed before you, dude. Just remember this.” With these last few words, he left the room.

Brian looked at Nancy with a questioning look. “What does he mean? He kissed you before me?”

Nancy chuckled. “Technically, he’s right. Jimmy and I kissed when we were kids because we thought we liked each other but we didn’t, so that’s it.”

“So I shouldn’t be jealous?”

“No, but I like it when you’re jealous.”

Brian smirked and took a step closer to her, but Nancy, instead of walking towards him, she took the towel off and got into the shower.

“Care to join me?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

Brian smiled at himself at the thought of that night but his smile faded away when Nancy walked back into the room. A white towel was wrapped around her body and her wet hair was falling down on her shoulders. She didn’t expect him to be there, and he didn’t expect her to get out of the shower so quickly. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out of it. He just couldn’t take his eyes off her and how her skin seemed to shine.

“I–I forgot my clothes.” She said and quickly grabbed her own clothes before disappearing into the bathroom again.

Brian stood there for a couple of seconds before letting himself sink into the chair. What the fuck had just happened. It wasn’t the first time he’d seen her half naked, but it was the first time after so many years and she still looked so gorgeous. It was like not a single day had passed since their break up.

Later that night, neither of them brought up what happened earlier. Nancy was embarrassed and Brian had absolutely no idea how to feel about this, confusion running through his mind. Back in the day, he always proudly said that he had her in every way but now things were different. Finishing off his burger and pie, he was now sipping on his beer, still sitting on the chair.

“Can I ask you something?”

Nancy nodded at his question. “Sure, go ahead.”

“Has any of your boyfriends ever met JJ?”

Nancy frowned at his words and put down her pie, looking at him. In the background, the TV was playing an old show from the 90s, but they weren’t exactly watching it. It was like it was keeping them company while they tried word to use to make things less awkward after what happened an hour earlier. “What do you mean?” She asked.

“After we broke up… Well, not after, after I hope. Well, I guess you had a boyfriend or something, right? Has he ever met JJ?”

She was surprised by his question, not really expecting him to ask her something like and quite surprised that Jimmy never told him anything.

“I was busy raising a child and working. That’s all I did every single way. I barely had time to get a coffee with one of the few friends I made in Portland. I didn’t exactly have time for dating and stuff.”

Brian looked at her, carefully listening to her words. “There must’ve been someone.”

“No.” She said, firmly. “Like I said, I didn’t have time and honestly, I didn’t want anyone. Not after you.”

“That’s… That’s impressive.”

“Excuse me?”

Shit, he thought. “No, that’s not what I meant.” He said, realizing how his words didn’t exactly sound right. “I mean; it’s been a while since we broke up. Like, a lot. I’m just surprised nobody asked you out or something.”

Nancy took a deep breath, not knowing if she was ready to talk about this with him. “Someone did, yeah, but I wasn’t… I don’t know if I wasn’t ready or something. I think I simply didn’t want to date anyone. I loved you a lot, Brian. You were my first everything and I was raising our daughter, so I couldn't move on so easily. Not to mention that JJ was, and still is my first priority. So JJ always comes first.”

Brian bit the inside of his cheek as he listened to her. Loved. Did it mean she didn't love him anymore? What the fuck did you expect, dude?, he asked himself. It's not like she was gonna wait for you forever! Despite his thoughts, he couldn’t believe that she hadn’t dated anyone in the past years, while not only did he date another girl, but he also moved in with her. He wondered what the fuck was wrong with him. Michelle must’ve brainwashed him or something.

Noticing how Brian wasn’t saying a word, Nancy decided to keep speaking. “So to answer your question, no man has ever met JJ, except for the few friends I had in Maine.”

He nodded at her words and took the last sip of his beer. “That’s good. I’m glad.”

Nancy nodded and sighed, putting the pie away. Suddenly, she wasn’t feeling hungry anymore. She handed her beer to him, “I think I’ll try to sleep now, I’m really tired.” She said, “If you wanna finish this, go ahead.”

Brian grabbed the bottle she was handing to him and nodded, “Yeah. I’ll go outside to smoke.”

Without saying a word, Nancy laid in bed and turned around, her back now facing him. He bit his bottom lip and headed outside, leaning back against Nancy’s car again. He lit one of his Marlboro reds and he sipped the beer between a drag and another. It wasn’t fair that Nancy didn’t have time to do anything because she had to raise his daughter and work to make sure to provide the best for her. It just wasn’t fair and he hated himself for letting this happen. But it wasn’t his fault, was it? He was staring at the dark sky again when he thought of something. According to him it was probably one of the best ideas, he only hoped she’d like it as well.

When he came back to the bedroom, he found Nancy fast asleep. Now, however, her back wasn’t facing him anymore, he could see her face. He laid in bed next to her and smiled softly, seeing how she was hugging her pillow. She used to this a lot when they weren’t together, then they started sleeping with each other a lot and eventually moved in together, so he became her own pillow. Then things changed. He took a deep breath as he got closer to kiss her forehead. He smiled softly as he recognized the smell of the same old shampoo she had been using since forever. He missed it. He smiled down at her one last time before saying something he thought he’d never tell her anymore.

“Goodnight, baby.”

Notes

Hello and happy Sunday! I wasn't sure whether to post this slightly longer chapter today or not, but then I thought... Why not? :D I hope you enjoy! What do you think Brian's idea is? And what do you think is going on between Nancy and Brian?

Hollie, Avengedlover and Kimmie, I just can't thank you enough for your comments. They're so lovely and I really love seeing how you guys are so passionate about my story. It really makes me wanna write more and more :') So thank you <3