When We Were Young

Nancy had spent that day out with JJ and later that afternoon she met up with Linda and Lacey, who didn’t waste time to ask her questions about Brian, especially if she knew where he was. Clearly, she denied. She had no problem in saying that Brian came to Portland to help her pack her stuff, but considering that she already lied to Michelle about this and things happened during the trip, she didn’t feel exactly comfortable in telling them the truth. Not yet, at least.

She came home after dinner, since the girls insisted in having dinner together, and JJ fell asleep almost immediately. She absolutely adored her new bedroom and so did Nancy. She could tell a woman helped Brian pick the bedroom, but she could still notice some things that screamed “Synyster Gates”, like the Star Wars sheets. JJ didn’t mind, though. She thought they were cool, actually.

As soon as Nancy put JJ to bed, she went to her bedroom and got changed into something more comfortable. She wasn’t really tired, so she decided to make herself some hot tea and sit in bed to read a book. Her book of the moment was The Little Stranger by Sarah Waters. Her co-worker Jenna recommended it to her and even though she wasn’t exactly into gothic stuff, she had to admit that she was really enjoying it. She was so focused into reading the book that she barely heard someone was knocking on the door; at first she thought it was a neighbor or something, then she realized that there was someone knocking on the door. On her door.

Nancy didn’t even look through the peephole; instead, she simply opened the door. Brian was standing in front of her. He looked terrible and she wondered if he was drunk or something; if he was, however, she couldn’t smell the alcohol.

“Can I come in?” He asked, taking a step closer to her. “I wanna tell you something.”
What followed his words left her completely speechless. Nancy didn’t see this coming. At all. She hadn’t heard from Brian since she dropped him off at Matt’s place, but she figured he needed some space or something, so she didn’t bother him with useless phone calls or texts; but there he was, kissing her. Again.

She slowly pulled away and opened her eyes, trying to look at him.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m kissing you.” He answered before kissing her again, but she quickly pulled away again. This was so damn wrong.

“Brian… We can’t.”

He smiled and shook his head, cupping her cheeks with his hands. “Yes, we can.” He said, “I broke up with Michelle.”

Nancy frowned at his words. No, this was wrong. She slowly moved her hands on his chest and avoided another kiss.

“Brian, stop.”

“Why?”

“Why did you do it? Why did you leave Michelle?”

Brian looked at her and wondered if she was kidding or something. Wasn’t it obvious?

“For you.”

Nancy felt her heart sink in her chest; part of her wanted to kiss him again, deeper this time, but her mind told her this was a bad idea. This whole situation was a bad idea.

“I didn’t ask you to.”

Brian frowned at her words and looked down at her, his hands still on her cheeks. “I know, I just thought this was what you wanted?” He said, “You said that we couldn’t because I couldn’t, but I now I can!”

Nancy shook her head and slowly moved his hands away from her face, he was staring at her confused as hell. What the hell was going on? Why the hell wasn’t she kissing him back?

“But I can’t, Brian.”

His eyes widened and immediately hit the door with his hand before pulling away from her. Fuck, he though. This wasn’t how he thought that night would end. He had just broken up with his girlfriend for her and she said she couldn’t?

“Why?” He asked, “There’s someone else, huh? Please, don’t tell me it’s that fucking Jack.” He ran his hands through his hair and took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down, but it wasn’t easy. “I left Michelle for you because I thought we had something. Jesus, I’m such a fucking idiot!”

Nancy looked at him and took a step closer to him, especially when he started raising his voice. “First off, lower your fucking voice!” She said but right before he could say anything, she explained her words. “JJ is already asleep and she doesn’t need to hear or see us fight.”

Brian quickly glanced over the dark corridor and sighed, knowing she was right. But how was he supposed to stay calm after this?

“Second, no, there’s no one else. I told you.” She said, looking straight into his eyes, then slowly reached to take his hands. “I–I… Shit, you made me question everything, Brian.” She whispered and shook her head, almost in attempt to clear her head and think straight.

“What do you mean?” He asked, “I know this happened suddenly and unexpectedly but… I want you. We have a kid together. This is–”

“That’s the point.” She said and he immediately frowned. “When I came back and saw you again, I didn’t think anything would happen between us then–”

“Then it felt like only a day has passed since we broke up.” He continued and softly smiled at her as she nodded.

“Exactly and I’m not sure what’s going on right now but I wish I could just give in and kiss you and not think about anything just for once, but I can’t.” Her voice cracked a bit and she looked down, biting her bottom lip. “I have to think about JJ first. She just met you, she finally has a father and I just can’t do this. I’ve already let her down a lot for not letting her see you, I can’t risk to let her down again making her believe that her parents are together again when things might turn shit in a few months or whatever.”

Brian looked at her and slowly wrapped his arms around her; she had always been kind but he’d never seen her be so altruistic like now, when it came to JJ. He knew she was kind of right; it wasn’t fair to JJ. He was about to say something, when she spoke again.

“Besides, you shouldn’t have broken up with Michelle.” She said, finally looking up at him. There were tears in her eyes, she could feel them and he could see them, but she somehow managed to hold them back. “I may not be her biggest fan but she seemed to be very worried about you. I think she really cares about you.”

Brian took a deep breath as Nancy mentioned his now new ex-girlfriend. “Yeah, she cares so much about me that she didn’t say much when I told her I wanted to leave her. She knew this would happen.” He said, “She said I never stopped loving you.”

“And is that true?”

Brian didn’t answer her question and instead, he softly kissed her lips once again. A kiss was better than an answer, right? She was everything he ever wanted and gave him the most important little person in his life: his daughter. When he pulled away, Nancy kept her eyes closed. He thought she was probably trying to find the right words to reject him, instead she was thinking of how she wanted to do this everyday for the rest of her life.

“We can’t. I told you.”

“Look, I can’t promise you this will work forever but I want to try; just give me a chance.”

“And you give me time, Brian.” She whispered, looking up at him. There we go, her tears were back. “Get some time for yourself, Brian. Speak to Michelle, even Jimmy if you want to… Just don’t jump into something you’re not a hundred percent sure you want. I don’t care if you hurt me, but I don’t want you to hurt JJ–”

“I don’t want to hurt her.”

“I know you don’t, but you need to think about all of this. Like I said, distract yourself and see if you really want this or if it’s just something temporary. Just wait and see.”

“But I want you now. I know I do. Shit, I love you.”

Nancy’s tears started falling down her cheeks this time; she wasn’t able to hold them back anymore. Her feelings for him had always been kind of clear: she loved him. She tried to deny it, to pretend she didn’t care, but she’d never stopped loving him and if she didn’t have JJ, she wouldn’t even think twice about kissing him and even having sex with him, but she had a child to think about.

This time, she was the one who kissed him. She barely deepened the kiss before pulling away, her hands still on his chest. Her heart ached in her chest; it was almost as if someone was trying to rip it out of her ribcage.

Brian returned the kiss and groaned as she pulled away, but didn’t say anything. She didn’t exactly return his I love you, but he was sure she was feeling something for him. He looked down at her for a moment before kissing her forehead. On his way to her apartment, he thought about all the kisses he was going to give her that night, on her lips, neck and body, and even imagined her completely naked under his body… But he was pretty sure this wouldn’t happen anytime soon. It was okay, though. He was willing to wait and show her that he was serious about this.

“Can I give JJ a kiss?” He asked and she smiled, wiping her tears away.

“Of course you can. Just don’t wake her up.” She said, “We were out with Linda and Lacey today so she was really tired but I’m pretty sure that if she wakes up and sees you here, she won’t want to sleep anymore.”

“I’ll be careful.”

Brian sighed and headed to JJ’s bedroom. Nancy watched him leave and took a deep breath, immediately heading to the kitchen to splash cold water on her face, then sat down on the chair, sipping some wine. Why did it always have to end like this, with her drinking alcohol in hope to feel better? She shook her head and tried to focus on the wine, instead of the conversation she just had with Brian.

Brian couldn’t see much since JJ’s bedroom was lighted only by a small mood lamp with Disney princesses on it. McKenna picked that one; she wanted to get one with Studio Ghibli characters but since she couldn’t find one, she ended up getting a Disney one. JJ loved it. He smiled softly and sat down on the floor next to his daughter’s bedroom. She was fast asleep and there was a slight smile on her lips. He wondered what she was dreaming of; he guessed it was puppies and cookies, but who knows?

“Hi, princess.” He whispered and gently brushed her hand on her pillow. She looked beautiful, just like her mother. “I’ve missed you a lot.” She was so fast asleep that she didn’t even move when he touched her or when he spoke; this was something she took from him. He could sleep through a tornado warning with no problem, Nancy, instead, was the opposite. “I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but I kissed your mommy.” He said and smiled like an idiot for a moment, then he got himself back together. “Michelle is not my girlfriend anymore, but I think she’s still your friend. I mean, you’re great and she’s great, so… She just isn’t mommy, you know.” No, she doesn’t, he thought. Or maybe she did. JJ probably knew how great Nancy was, just not in the same way he did.

With a sigh, he softly placed a kiss on JJ’s forehead before getting up and walking out of the room. He saw Nancy in the kitchen drinking some wine and he gave her a small smile. He just wished she could believe him so that he could kiss her again and again.

“I–I’m gonna go, then.”

Nancy placed the glass on the counter of the kitchen and got up, nodding at his words. His hand was already on the handle of the door and he was ready to walk out.

“Brian, I–” She started saying, but her words died in her mouth.

“I know.” He said and took a deep breath, “I’ll call you so you can tell me when I can have JJ for the day.”

“Alright.” She said, “Goodnight, Brian.”

“Goodnight, baby.”

Nancy watched him leave the apartment and squeezed her eyes shut. She had just lost her opportunity. She’d hoped something like this would happen for so long and now that it finally happened and Brian told her he still loved her, she pushed him away for the sake of her child and maybe even his relationship with Michelle. What the hell?

Nancy glanced up at the clock. It was almost 1 am; definitely too late for a phone call. However, she decided to grab her BlackBerry and quickly typed a text. It was now or never. Without a second thought, she pressed send and the text was delivered to the recipient.

She went to check on JJ for a brief moment before heading to bedroom and lying in bed. She didn’t even want to keep reading her book now; she needed to sleep and try to forget about what happened that night.

Her phone placed on the coffee table in the living room lit up after a few minutes she went to check on JJ. It was showing a new text message.

Notes

I meant to wait on posting this chapter but then I was like "nah" so here I am haha What do you think of this new chapter? What about the ending? Any guesses on who Nancy texted? :D I might update again this weekend or something, so stay tuned for more... And even for (finally!) some drama ;')

Thank you so much for the amazing feedback I've been getting, especially to Avengedlover, unholy confessions;;, J.J., Hollie, seventhtrumpet and MylMyl for your comments <3 Can I say that I'm kinda glad you guys feel bad for Michelle? Because I do, too!