Anger

“This is highly unusual.” The OB gyn was looking at the woman in the chair and then at the screen of the iPad that was standing next to her.
“Well, Doctor James, you better get used to it” the man’s voice cracked a little through the connection. His smirk made the OB gyn blush, but she could see it was sincere “I’m away a lot, but I want to be with my wife every step of the way”

The woman in the chair smiled at the determination of the man. He was on the other side of the world on their European tour and even though the time difference he had insisted on ‘going’ with her for her first ultrasound. His wife told him she could ask her best friend, but he didn’t want any of it. He would be there. One way or another.

The woman had explained the situation to Doctor James and the doctor understood, even though it was a little weird having an iPad over for an ultrasound.
“Okay, let’s see what we can find out about your pregnancy, Izzie” the doctor smiled as she squirted the gel on Izzie’s belly.

Matt and Izzie couldn’t wait to get more news about the baby. Together they had decided to wait with telling their friends until they had this ultrasound, making sure everything was all right. Izzie was meeting the other wives for lunch and Matt would tell the guys over breakfast. The fact that Izzie had already told Mia a month ago would be one of the few secrets she was keeping from Matt.

The sound of the beating heart of their baby made them both tear up “Oh my god” Izzie put her hand in front of her mouth, completely in awe.
“This was a bad idea” Matt whispered as he stared at the blurry black and white screen. When Izzie was finally able to tear her eyes of the sonogram screen she interpreted his words the wrong way “If you need to go, it’s okay.”
“No, honey, no. I just… I need to be with you and not on the fucking other side of the world.” Izzie saw the tears in his eyes.
“Come on, you need to do your job so you can provide for me and this little deathbat” She smiled at him encouragingly.

The doctor froze the screen and recorded the sound. She did a few measurements and calculations before she turned to the happy couple. “By the measurements of the fetus I would say you are 7 weeks along. The heart is sounding strong, so I would say; congratulations on the pregnancy.” She wiped the belly clean and looked at the odd couple in her examination room. One in real life, one on screen. Both husband and wife were still staring at the black and white image and the doctor smiled. This was something that happened with every couple that was happy to get pregnant.

“I will leave you two alone for a minute”

Izzie put her shirt back down and put the iPad on her lap so she could look at Matt.
“I love you so much” he whispered, “I want to look at you all the time, but please turn me towards the screen again.” They were staring again.
“I can’t believe we made a baby” Izzie let out quietly, almost unable to believe that little one was growing inside of her.
“We will have 4 days off after the concert tomorrow, I will arrange a flight and come home” Matt sighed, frustrated with their situation. The woman took the iPad and turned it towards her again.
“Please don’t. I really want to see you, but it will be too much. You can’t take that long a flight for just one day. Please promise me you don’t. I will worry. I will come over as soon as I’m not barfing every morning.”
He looked at her, knowing there was no point in arguing because she was right.
“I hate this”
“We will get through this. Don’t worry. Go sleep, tell the guys tomorrow. I love you” She put her fingers to the screen, even though she knew it was pointless.
“I love you too, I will call you first thing tomorrow, we can tell the guys together”
“Okay. But Matt, I know it’s early, but you know I’m telling the girls over lunch, right?”
He chuckled “Yeah, yeah, I know you can’t hold it anymore. Have fun, honey, talk to you in a few hours.”
“Bye”

She got up from the table and waited for the doctor to come back in.
“Well, I printed you two photographs and have a soundbite of the beating heart. If you check with the frontdesk they will plan the next appointment. Maybe at a more convenient time for your husband?”
Izzie smiled and nodded as she took the little bag the doctor handed her. It was filled with pamphlets, prenatal vitamins and a prescription for anti-nausea medication.
“You know…, you can still fly if you want to, no problem with that before 34 weeks.”
“You heard that, huh?” The doctor nodded “Thank you doctor, I will see you soon”

Izzie made a new appointment and then stepped out of the doctor’s office. She made her way to the mall, she had some shopping to do. Matt and her had already prepared the reveal to the guys, but she needed to buy the one for the women still. She bought 3 huge chocolate bars and wrote three cards. Highly satisfied with her little plan she snapped a picture for Matt. Then she fetched her phone out of her pocket and texted her best friend, before she made her way over to the restaurant where she was meeting her friends for lunch.

The baby is doing good, I’m 7 weeks along. I will tell everyone over lunch, act surprised ;-)

Mia was at home, enjoying the sun in her garden, when she received Izzie’s text. Her first reaction was a frown, but then the smile found way on her face. She was happy for Izzie, she truly was. Of course, she wanted to be pregnant herself, but life doesn’t give presents, you need to work for it.

It sucked though, that she had to work so hard for it, while Izzie just got this handed to her.

Mia sighed and put her coffee aside. It didn’t taste like it should. She never really got the hang of the expensive coffee maker that was in her kitchen. That had always been Zack’s thing. But Zack wasn’t here.

Zack had to go on tour just a week after they had gotten back from Hawaii. And in that week she hadn’t seen him much with all the preparations that were going on. Zack had begged her to come along with them this time, but Mia had decided to stay home. She needed time to think and when he was near, that was nearly impossible.

Mia loved her husband dearly and she was grateful for him. The day after Johnny’s proposal he arranged a day for the two of them and they talked. They both were aware that the most important conversation was avoided, but Mia realized that even though her world was falling down, there was one thing that always remained valid.

Zack.

That didn’t change the heavy feeling in her heart though. She probably had to say goodbye to the dream she had since she was a little girl, but she wasn’t quite ready to give up though.

Mia went into the house when she heard a car pull up. Knowing that it must be Tammy to pick her up.

“You ready to go?” The redheaded woman asked as soon as she entered the house.

Mia nodded. She was as ready as she could be, but that wouldn’t make any sense to Tammy at all. Because that was the one thing she had pushed her way on with Zack. They hadn’t told anyone. Mia kept her promise and she was pretty sure Zack did too. There was no way the men would have stayed away if they did know, neither would have the wives.

Mia took a deep breath as she let the wind go through her hair while Tammy drove them over to the restaurant in her red convertible. After this lunch everything would change in their little group and Mia wasn’t sure how she was feeling about that.

The other two women were already there when they arrived at the restaurant and hugs were exchanged.
“So, how are you girls holding up with the guys being gone?” Tammy asked, looking around the group “I have my new book completely planned out and the first chapter written. I have so much time when Brian isn’t around” she laughed, but the others could see the little hint of that other emotion in her eyes. The emotion they all felt when the men were gone. It was too quiet without them.

“I have been keeping myself busy with wedding stuff” Nessa sighed “I always thought I would really enjoy everything about my wedding, but damn, there are so many things I have to think of. It doesn’t help that Johnny and I are in complete different timezones and not agreeing on anything.” The women all frowned “You guys not agreeing on anything? That should be a first. That man adores you!”

“That’s exactly the problem! With everything I bring up, he says ‘Just do as you please sweetheart’, ‘I’m fine with whatever you decide’. It’s his day too! He needs to decide on something, I don’t want to decide on everything!” Nessa crossed her arms over her chest and huffed, making the other women chuckle.

“Who would have thought that Johnny adoring you would become a problem” Tammy calmly remarked with a smile on her face.
“I love him for adoring me, I totally do, but he needs to have a good time at the wedding too”

“Nessa, dear” Mia put her hand on Nessa’s “Whatever you will do, Johnny will be happy, he really doesn’t care. First… The man is happy everywhere, always, he is the easiest to please ever and Second… He just loves you, he trusts your judgement and he will be happy if you are happy. But if you don’t want to do it alone, we can help you, you know?”
Nessa blushed “I know” she smiled at Mia “what did you do the past few days?”

Mia didn’t have time to answer, because Izzie interrupted. Mia frowned, but kept her mouth shut and let Izzie go.
“I have something for all of you!” she got the three chocolate bars with the cards out of her bag and handed them to the three other women at the table. Tammy and Nessa looked at her curiously before they turned the card and started to read. Mia following them with a little less anxiety, already knowing where it would go anyway.

“What does that mean If I’m getting fat, so are you?” Nessa asked, but Tammy seemed to put 1 and 1 together a little faster.
“Are you-?” Izzie nodded excitedly “7 weeks!”
“Oh my god! I’m so happy for you guys!” Nessa hugged the woman sitting next to her, quickly followed by Tammy and last Mia.
“What does Matt think? It is Matt’s right?” Tammy was fucking with Izzie and Izzie laughed loudly before she stuck her tongue out to her.

“Matt is happy, we had our first appointment this morning. Look.” Izzie showed the picture of the sonogram and the women all stared at it in awe. The baby wasn’t more than a pea, but it had limbs already and the hands and feet started to grow. There was definitely a little human in the picture.
“I have the heartbeat too” Izzie beamed.

Tammy and Nessa started firing questions, not noticing Mia not participating in the conversation. She just held the ultrasound picture in her hand, tears filling her eyes. She was happy for her friend, but she couldn’t help but think that it should have been her.

“Mia, you okay?” Izzie asked, her hand reaching out for her friend’s.
“Yes, of course” Mia smiled through her tears, putting her hand on Izzie’s “I’m just really happy for you guys. Can’t wait to see you lose your perfect figure” Mia smirked at her friend.

“Oh that will be something. I told Matt he will hate he knocked me up when I get fat and obnoxious”
“You are already obnoxious, honey” Mia replied, causing the other women to laugh loudly.

The food was served and Izzie was the center of attention during the whole lunch. It served Mia well, because it took her a lot of energy to keep up with the happy demeanor. She just wanted to crawl away in bed and not come out for a while. Mia just hoped she would make it through without anyone noticing her, noticing what was going on inside of her.

Little did she know that she was already made by the observative redhead next to her. Tammy had noticed Mia’s weird behavior. Her not being as happy for Izzie as she would have normally been, seeing that Mia and Izzie always were thick as thieves. Something was going on, but she couldn’t really put her finger on it.

After a second serving of chocolate cake, all in the name of eating for two,the women said goodbye and went their separate ways. Mia was silent all the way home and just stared ahead of her, not noticing Tammy observing her friend, slowly getting into a worrying mode. When they pulled up at the Baker house and Tammy got out, Mia was surprised. She didn’t feel like company and just wanted Tammy to leave. She couldn’t keep this up another minute.

“Tammy, I’m sorry, but I have another appointment and-“
“Stop the bullshit, Mia” Tammy replied “I know something is going on and you are going to tell me now. You want to do it outside, or are we going in?”

Mia motioned for Tammy to follow her inside. While she opened the door her mind was working overtime, trying to come up with a plausible story to get the other woman of her back. One look at Tammy showed her she was screwed though. There was no way Tammy would believe any of the lies she would come up with.

“You want something to drink?”
Tammy raised her brow in an ‘are you kidding me now’-fashion and Mia shrugged, making herself comfortable in her favorite chair.
Tammy sat across from her on the couch and patiently waiting for Mia to gain enough courage to speak. When she finally did, the tone in her voice told Tammy this couldn’t be good.
“I… I don’t even know where to start”
“Mia, it’s okay. Please.”

A deep sigh came from Mia’s mouth before she finally started to talk “Zack and I have been trying to get pregnant for a while. It didn’t happen, so we visited a doctor. More than one actually, but they all agreed. There is only a 20% chance we are able to ever conceive naturally”

Now she said the words out loud the weight of the words was real, making Mia burst out in tears again. Tammy immediately got up and pushed her way into the chair too, hugging the other woman close.

“Oh Mia, that fucking sucks. This lunch must have been hell for you”

Mia only nodded and cried more. She knew it was a bad idea to tell anyone. She couldn’t fucking stop the crying anymore.

Notes

Yay! Second chapter!

Okay, maybe not so yay. The start is a bit sad, the next chapter will be too, but after that I'm hoping to pick up the mood a little. I have a lot of plans for this! I just hope you guys like it!

For now I will try to keep the pace at updating once a week... Hopefully every Wednesday :)