Anger

Somewhere on the European continent, Zack woke up early morning. It was his routine, but he knew it was different this time. It had been different ever since they started the tour. He was only able to sleep a few hours a night before his brain woke him up with all the dark thoughts he had in his head nowadays. It completely sucked, but he had no way in preventing it.

He rolled out of bed and put on his sweatpants, a shirt and his hoodie. With his earplugs in his ears and the keycard in his pocket he made his way down to the exit of the hotel. He knew the rules, when they left the hotel they needed to take security with them, but he was choosing to go against the rules. He needed to be alone.

The cold air hit him in his face hard. He longed for the California sun. Everything always looked brighter in the sun. In this cold weather, where the days were dark and short, it was harder to keep a light heart. He pulled his hood over his head and started his run. Step after step, in de rhythm of the music that was blasting in his ears.

He didn’t really know where he was going in this unknown city, but he had seen the park nearby when they drove over to the hotel yesterday. If he just remembered which turns he took, he would be able to find his way back. As soon as he entered the park his mind shut off, or at least, the part that was paying attention to his surroundings. Giving the other part of his brain time to wander off.

He ran passed drunks making their way home after their night of partying, a man walking his dog in the early morning and a woman on taking her kids to wherever they needed to be. That woman, with her kids, it caused his heart to squeeze together. He thought about the doctor’s appointment Mia and he had when they were in Hawaii for Johnny’s proposal. The doctor had been nice. He was one of the best in the field. But even he couldn’t make it better. Not even he was able to come to other conclusions than they already heard. Mia and him weren’t able to get pregnant, at least not naturally.

Zack still couldn’t get a grip on all the medical mumbo jumbo, but it came down to the fact that his swimmers weren’t fast enough and Mia’s uterus not welcoming. Talk about a double whammy.

Who would have thought that a couple that fell in love head over heels the moment they met, a couple with so much attraction and compatibility, would fit so badly when it came to this? He couldn’t even grasp the thought of not being able to expand their family with a few kids, but that was what he would have to accept. When he would finally face the music.

He shook his head, he wasn’t ready, far from… and just kept running. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. He had planned it in his head. He would find the woman he loved, he would marry her, they would have kids and live happily ever after. He was looking forward to seeing Mia fat and round, glowing with the power that their little baby inside of her would give her. But none of that.

Of course they had options, but he didn’t have the feeling Mia would like any of them. Honestly, he didn’t really know how she thought about the options, they didn’t discuss them really. He hadn’t been home and Mia was barely talking to him. Yes, they spoke every day, talked about the daily stuff, but every time he tried to bring the subject to more important stuff, she dodged him. He didn’t know what he could do from the other side of the world. He would be able to read her emotions when he would see her face, when he would look into her eyes. But she even avoided skyping with him. He just wished she’d agreed on coming with him, or even flying over now, a few weeks into their tour.

He didn’t know how they got here. So far apart. Not only in the figurative way.

Subconsciously he had reached the entrance of the park again. He checked his watch to see how far he’d run, and concluded that 10 miles was more than enough. He slowed his pace and made his way back to the hotel.

As soon as he entered, he knew he would be in trouble. Their head security was waiting for him with his arms crossed over his broad chest.
“ZV” he let the end of the sentence linger with a threatening tone.
“Yes. I know. Don’t care either” Zack replied quickly and tried to walk into the elevator. To no success. The big hand of the accordingly big man held the door before it closed and stepped inside too.
“That was reckless”
“No it wasn’t. I just wanted to go for a run. Alone. And look. I came back safely, didn’t I? No need to be a bitch about it”

Zack acted tough, but he sure felt the ‘threat’ when their head security rose up to his full height, barely fitting into the elevator. He always felt like a little boy when Big T did that. He got that name for a reason. The man’s deep laugh filled the small space “Oh man, I don’t have to be a bitch about it. I’ll just wait for the first chance to tell your wife about your little adventure. She will have more efficient ways of showing you how stupid you were”

“It was no fucking adventure! It was a damn run! Holy fuck, why does you have to make such a big fucking thing of it?!”
“Because it’s fun to watch you squirm as soon as I bring up Mia. Gotta love how that girl has control over you” The large man couldn’t stop laughing.

Normally Zack was happy they were put up in penthouses and beautiful rooms on top of the hotel, but now he just wanted this elevator ride to end. When it finally gave a ding to announce their arrival, Zack rushed out of the elevator and over to his room. He let out a satisfied chuckle when he made it inside just in time to close the door in Big T’s face.
“I don’t mind staying outside your door, Z”
“I hope you brought your lunch, because I ain’t coming out any time soon” Zack stubbornly replied through the door.
“Don’t be ridiculous, breakfast in 30 minutes” the man chuckled back.

Zack pulled his shirt over his head and threw it in the corner angrily. Why couldn’t he just be alone for one fucking second! He knew the man was right though, there was no way he would be skipping breakfast, and knowing the asshole he had forbidden the hotel to bring him any roomservice.

After a cold shower he grabbed his phone, almost automatically calling Mia, but changing his mind. She would be sleeping, or at least he hoped she was.

“Oh Zaaaacckkkk, you ready for me to escort you down?”
“SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP!” Zack called out to the way too happy security guy outside.
“You don’t think about ordering roomservice are you?” the voice sounding triumphant told Zack that he had been completely right before. That asshole. He took a deep sigh and stepped outside, not facing the face that would have a big smile on it. He knew without even looking. They made their way to the elevator in silence, but as soon as the doors closed the big man spoke. Every little bit of tease out of his voice now.

“You okay, Z?”
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?!” Zack snapped, instantly regretting. “I’m fine, just tired” he shrugged in a more normal tone.
“You seem off. I don’t know and I think I know you guys pretty well after all this time.”

Big T always stayed out of their business, so Zack knew his behavior must have really stood out. He thought about his promise to Mia. Maybe it just wasn’t healthy to keep this all inside. It really did feel unnatural. He shared everything with his friends, good and bad. He needed to talk to her. Really talk to her. Convince her that it was better to tell her friends, for him to tell his friends. Maybe they could help them get through this.

Just before they stepped out of the elevator, Zack replied to the big man
“I’m okay. Really. But thanks man”
Zack bent his head and made his way over to the restaurant where there breakfast was served. The others already there.

After Zack grabbed food and coffee, Matt began to speak.

“So, I got you guys something” Matt grabbed under the table, revealing 3 paperbags, the shape revealing they definitely contained bottles. Izzie had prepared everything and Matt was kinda regretting that he chose to let her sleep. She was going to love their faces when the surprise was revealed.

“You know I’m never complaining, but drinking before 11 was a few years ago. It’s a little early for alcohol, Shads” Brian smirked as Matt handed him one of the packages.
“Shut the fuck up, just open it” Matt smiled widely as he watched his friends unpack their gifts. When the paper bag was removed the bottle was revealed. A handmade label on it.

“Only the best friends get promoted to uncles” Johnny read out loud, snapping up his face to Matt as he read the last word.
“Seriously?”
“Seriously!” Matt smiled, as he revealed the shirt that Izzie made for him, saying Achievement unlocked: Fatherhood.
Brian, Johnny and Zack made their way over to Matt, giving him a tight hug.

“Holy fuck! You are going to be a dad! I can’t fucking believe it” Brian let out, happy for his friend.
“You better learn to control your language I’m not going to tolerate you cursing in front of my son”
“Son huh?” Johnny smirked.
“Yes. Real men make boys. There is no way I’m going to be a girl’s father. That would kill me”
The guys lifted their brows at him, silently scolding him for not wanting to have a girl.
“Fuck you! You guys understand me wrong. How the hell will I handle boyfriends? There is no way I’m able to be a good dad to a girl. I’m going to lock her up in a tower, guarded by Bowser”

The men chuckled at his Super Mario reference and shook their heads, looking at their friend.
“And you think boys will be easy? Think about all the shit you pulled yourself”

Matt’s eyes widened and he put his head in his hands “Fuck, how the hell am I going to be a father. I’m not even grown up myself”
“You have one thing that will make all the difference, you know” Johnny said kindly
“What?”
Johnny looked over to Brian and then to Zack, both of them nodding, agreeing on this point, before Johnny replied
“Izzie”
“And a whole family of crazy uncles and loving aunts” Brian added. “Do the girls know?”
Matt nodded “Izzie told them during lunch. We had our doctor’s appointment this morning. Izzie is 7 weeks along. We know it’s early to tell, but we need you guys. She is going to need people around her when we are not there and you guys need to know why I will be unbearable when I’m not home.”
“Back up. You had your doctor’s appointment?”
“Yeah. We skyped. I saw the baby, I heart it’s heart. It was amazing”

Zack listened to Matt gush over his pea turning into a baby and smiled. He was so happy for Matt and Izzie. They had been together for a long time and this was the logical next step, just as it would have been for Mia and him. He felt twinge to his heart, but pushed it aside.

Maybe this would be a good thing. They could watch their friends’ pregnancy first. They could see how it would be to get a kid into the world they were living in. With the band and all. They would be able to have some kind of test drive, without having the real responsibility for their own kid. His smile grew wider.

This was going to be a good thing. He could support Matt when he was away from home, be his friend and most importantly, be the best uncle the kid was going to have. He would push the children’s clothing line for Vengeance University. He had started on it before they got the definite answer from the doctor, but now he had a reason to continue again. The kid would wear the coolest clothes, he would make sure of that.

His thoughts wandered to Mia. She would definitely be hurt at first, but he was sure she would feel better about it soon. Izzie was her best friend and Izzie would need her when Matt wasn’t there. For doctor’s appointments, for the nursery and of course for shopping.

When he thought about it, this would be perfect. It would be absolutely perfect.

Zack directed his attention to the conversation again, seeing Matt radiate happiness. Who said only women glowed from pregnancy?
Matt let out a deep sigh “Damn guys, who would have thought that when sweet little Izzie fell from a bus, right into my arms, she would be the mother of my child so many years later”
“We did” Brian and Zack replied with smirks, they all had seen it happening.

Zack laughed at the surprise in Matt’s face. He was still surprised by the fact that he and Izzie were meant to be from the first second. But Zack understood. The others told him time after time again that they were witness of the love at first sight situation between him and Mia, but him?

He just couldn’t believe it when he met her….

Notes

A new chapter for you all!
Still a little sad, but as you hopefully noticed at the end... the next chapter will be a flashback!

Let me know what you guys think! :)