So Far Away

With a deep breath to steady myself, I pushed open my car door and headed for the crowd. I stood at the back, head down, hoping that no one would notice me. I didn’t feel like I belonged anymore, but I had to be here.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” An angry voice hissed quietly in my ear. Before I had time to look up a hand gripped my arm and dragged me away from the small crowd that had formed. Everyone wanted to say their goodbyes to Jimmy and I was no different.

I finally looked up into hazel eyes. Matt looked the same as always. Except for the exhaustion and sorrow I could see in his eyes.

“I had to say goodbye to him,” I choked out. Tears burned my eyes, threatening to fall. Trying to stop them was hopeless.

“He wouldn’t want you here,” Matt spat. It amazed me that someone who was once my best friend could talk to me like this.

“Don’t say that!” I screeched, tears finally spilling over and rolling down my cheeks. I knew I wouldn’t be welcome here, but I never imagined it would be like this. How could Matt be so cruel?

“Just leave, Jerrika. Don’t let the other guys see you, it will only make things worse.” I stared at the face that was once so familiar, remembering the dimples that formed when he smiled. His expression now was far from smiling. The ways the corners of his lips were turned down, I could see the pain written all over his face.

“Sor-sorry!” I turned and ran for my car. I barrelled across the grass, dodging headstones. I ran straight into someone, but never stopped to see who it was. I just had to get out of there.

I threw myself into my car, started it and shifted to drive quickly. Tires squealed and the car fishtailed thanks to the rain that had been falling for the better part of the day. I brought it back under control and sped away. I broke the speed limits, driving dangerously considering the weather condition.

I was relieved when I finally came to a stop in front of my apartment building. I wanted nothing more than to be alone and drink myself senseless. I hopped out of the car and jogged across the parking lot, seeking the warmth of the lobby. I had almost made it when a figure suddenly stepped in front of me. I skidded to a stop, hands grabbed my shoulders to keep me on my feet.

“Zacky, what are you doing here?” I asked, barely able to believe what I was seeing. I hadn’t talked to any of them in a year and ten months and now Zachary Baker was standing here before me.

“I wanted to see if you were alright,” he said.

“Like you give a fuck if I’m alright or not.” I pushed past him and rolled my eyes as I heard him follow me. So much for being alone. He followed me all the way to my apartment door and that’s when I finally turned to face him again.

“What do you want?” He looked at me sadly, rain drenched hair dripping onto his face. I felt a twinge of guilt over treating him like this on such a sad day. I pushed open my door, motioning for him to go inside.

“You looked so upset when you were leaving and you almost knocked me on my ass. I had to know if you were okay. Was Matt too hard on you?”

I walked to the hall closet and pulled out two towels. Only after I’d tossed him one then wrapped my hair up in my towel did I answer.

“Yeah, he was pretty hard, but I deserved it.”

Zacky stepped forward, reaching out as if to touch me but let his hand fall back to his side. He stared at me for a few moments and then stepped forward to pull me into his arms, taking me by complete surprise.

“I’ve missed you, Jerri. We all have.”

I leaned my head against his shoulder, sobbing against his shirt. He soothingly rubbed my back. Between Jimmy’s death, Matt’s confrontation, and now Zacky standing in my apartment my emotions were all over the place.

“We’re all meeting up at the beach tonight for a sort of memorial to Jimmy, if the rain holds out. You should come. Despite what Matt might say, Jimmy would want you to be there.”

“Oh I don’t know Zack. I don’t want to cause any more problems today.”

“You won’t. I invited you, everyone else can shove their opinion up their ass.” I smiled, that was the Zack I remembered.

“I don’t think so. Matt was really upset that I was there.”

“Go change into something more comfortable, I’ll wait here. We can go grab a bite to eat then go to the beach. I won’t take no for an answer.”

I chewed on my lower lip, thinking it over. I wasn’t too eager to come face to face with Matt again, but seeing the other guys would be nice.

“Okay, fine. Not that you left me much choice.” I scurried off into my room to slip into some dry clothes. A simple outfit, jeans and a Pantera tee. I scrubbed the remaining makeup off my face and reapplied everything. After drying my hair, I joined Zack back in my living room.

He was standing in front of the bookshelf, looking at the framed pictures on it. One of my grandmother and I before she passed away, a few of me and my best friend Amanda, and one with all the guys, Val, and I. That’s the one his attention was focused on.

I didn’t have to look to know every detail. We were on the beach, our favorite hangout. I was on Jimmy’s back and Val was on Matt’s. Zacky and Brian had hoisted Johnny up onto one of each of their shoulders. It was taken three months before shit hit the fan. We were all laughing and having a great time, not knowing it would be one of the last times we were all together and that happy.

“I have this same photo on my wall,” Zack said, pulling me from my thoughts.

“Reminds me of a time before I fucked everything up,” I muttered softly, hoping he wouldn’t actually hear me.

“That was not all your fault and you know it. Matt was just as much at fault as you were.”

“Yeah, but yet I’m the one getting cursed at in the middle of a cemetery for daring to come pay respects to the man I loved.”

“Matt hasn’t exactly had it easy. Things with him and Jimmy were never the same again and he’s going to carry that guilt around with him probably for the rest of his life. Val left, she said she could never forgive him and disappeared. The next month she was married to some asshole photographer from L.A.” I hadn’t known all of that, but it still didn’t give him the right to talk to me the way he had.

“How was one drunken mistake the cause of so many problems?” I asked, blinking back tears.

“It’s shitty, but that’s just how it happened. Please come with me, you’ve always been one of my best friends. I can’t, we can’t, live without you anymore.”

I took a deep sigh then finally nodded, agreeing to go with him. I just hoped this wouldn’t end up causing more heartache for everyone.

Notes

I wasn't going to post this story until I finished at the least one of the others, but I couldn't help it haha. Hope you enjoyed it even if it was a sad place to start off!