Strawberry Fields Forever

Quietly, Amelie got out of a passed-out Matt’s embrace. She put back on her clothes and re-did her bun. Throwing herself a last glance in the mirror, she left the room and took the keys to Matt’s SUV, knowing she had to pick up the kids from kindergarten.

She wasn’t sure if they were still going to that cabin on the countryside that Matt owned, and if she was completely honest, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to, either. They weren’t meant to be together, so why would they press their luck and play house somewhere neither of them could escape without the other one?

On the other hand, Amelie thought, maybe it would be just what they needed. Still, she didn’t want Matt to be heartbroken when she left in some months. She didn’t want to be heartbroken herself, either, but she knew it was inevitable at this point.

With a sigh, she thought about leaving earlier, but she knew she couldn't. Even if it meant it would hurt so much more later, she had to stay with him for now. It was foolish and selfish, but she decided that once in a while, one was allowed to be just that. And now was one of these occasions.

When she arrived at the local kindergarten, she presented herself as River and Cash’s au pair for the first time, explaining that she would be picking them up from now on. Their lady was a very nice, polite elder woman who seemed to love them to death. After picking them up, she drove to a grocery store and bought the ingredients to the meal she had in mind for dinner.

All too soon, the boys were in bed for their naps and Amelie started cleaning the kitchen, a task she didn’t fulfill the day before, well, because…
For a second, she leaned against the fridge as she recalled the memories of yesterday’s night. Did she feel different, now that she was not a virgin anymore? Not really.

And this morning just blew her away. She knew it was wrong to sleep with Matt, and then a second time after that fight, but it was impossible for her to resist. Like she feared it would, it strengthened her feelings towards Matt, making the prospect of a departure to Germany even more painful. But it happened now, and there was no way around it.


The days passed easily, with Matt writing almost all day and sometimes taking her and the kids out for a picnic or a beach day. River started some parent-kid gymnastics at the local gym and Amelie took him most of the time. One day, Matt managed to come along. It filled her with pride that, when they returned, the young boy said “Next time Ammeli again!”

Just as she was ironing on a sunny Friday afternoon, they were downstairs in the cellar with Matt, raping his drumkit as they pounded the sticks on it relentlessly without as much as a single rhythm. But they enjoyed it, so Amelie concentrated on Matt’s t-shirts. Well, he had… black, and uh, of course, black, then there was… black and oh, he also had some black print t-shirts that contained the words “fuck” or “screw”.

Amelie lost herself in her task until suddenly an incoming phone call on Matt’s landline interrupted her. “Matt?” she called out, but when she didn’t get a response, she decided to pick up. “Hello?” she said into the phone.

“Hey,” the warm voice of an elder woman greeted her. She sounded like she was in her mid-fifties. “So it’s true, after all,” the woman said, “my Matthew found someone. I just wish I didn’t have to find out through the magazine at my hairdresser’s.” Amelie swallowed, not entirely sure if it was right to pick up.

“Are you still there,” the caller demanded to know. “Yeah.” Her voice sounded hoarse.
“I’m Kim, Matthew’s mother,” she introduced herself, “and you are?”
“Amelie,” she said. An awkward silence followed. “I’m actually just some kind of babysitter,” Amelie added.

And to that extent, it was true. She didn’t know what she was to him, but she would definitely not label herself as his girlfriend or anything before he did. And even then, she didn’t know what she’d respond. Was it possible to have a relationship with no future? She didn’t know. It wasn’t wise, of that she was certain.

“Amelie, honey, did you pick up the phone?” Matt’s voice sounded from the cellar. On the line, there was a chuckle. “Just a babysitter, huh, honey?” Kim stressed the last word as she spoke. “Uh, excuse me for a second,” Amelie said awkwardly.

As fast as she could, she ran down the stairs to his music room. He sat there with an electric guitar, which wasn’t plugged in, in nothing but his boxers. His fingers were rapidly moving on the strings, making a sound that didn’t exactly please Amelie’s ears.

“Oh hey,” he said when he saw her. He quickly put the guitar aside and walked up to her. “Ready for round three?” he asked with a smug grin, and under other circumstances, she would have said yes. Before she could warn him, he pressed a kiss on her lips. The smacking noise would surely be audible on the other end of the line.

The familiar tingles started to form in her chest, and Amelie had to force herself to pull away. He gave her a questioning look. “Matt, it’s your mom,” she managed to say, showing him the phone she’d been holding all of the time. Much to her surprise, he laughed as he took it from her.

“Hello there,” he said with a grin. He waited a couple of seconds and then laughed again. “Yeah, I take it you’re already acquainted by now.” He pulled her into his lap as he listened.

Absentmindedly, he stroked her hair, and Amelie closed her eyes to enjoy this newly-found, lingering feeling. “Actually, we don’t. That would be a good idea, alright. See you then.”
He ended the call, then smiled at her. His dimples were ever so prominent.

“Alright honey,” he said with a shy smile, “we’re going to my parents’ for the afternoon.”
“We are?” she asked, not sure what to think of this whole situation. “Don’t you think this is a little early?” She sounded diplomatic. He chuckled. “Knowing them, they’d come here in a heartbeat if we don’t go there.”

“Okay,” she mouthed. The response earned her the happiest grin she’d ever seen on Matt. He leaned forward and captured her lips in a soft kiss. Her chest felt like it was going to explode into a firework of joy.

He snaked his arms around her body and pressed her against himself as they kissed. Their lips moved against each other in perfect sync, but none of them felt the urge to deepen the kiss. When they pulled away, she noticed his lips were reddish and swollen, and he looked a little like an embarrassed kid. He sighed with a smile, "Oh honey, the things you're doing to me."

“Alright, then let’s redress the kids.”

Fifteen minutes later, they were sitting in Matt’s convertible. It was a beautiful sunny day and Matt told her they would just sit around on his parents’ porch and eat some cake, so Amelie had opted for a black and light blue sundress with golden sandals. She’d thrown a bikini into her bag, too, since Matt told her to. His parents, apparently, had an inflatable wading pool for their grandchildren.

“We go Gwanny, we go Gwanny!” The giddy sounds the boys were making filled the entire street. Matt slowly pulled out of the driveway. He was looking good in his white t-shirt and some beige shorts. After mere minutes, Matt parked the car in front of a beautiful house just some streets away.

It was smaller than Matt’s, but bigger than most of the houses in the street. The white paint appeared to have been retouched just recently, and there were some brand new crimson red roofing tiles on the brownish roof, too. There was a small porch in front of the door with a bench and two bicycles leaned against it. Matt smiled at her as he lifted River, the heavier one of the two sons, out of the car. Amelie proceeded to take Cash and put him back to the floor right next to the car.

Before Matt reached the cherry red door, it was opened by a mid-sized woman. Amelie's guess about her age had been right. She appeared to be in her late fifties. Kim wore her dark brown hair just above her shoulders with bangs, and she wore red three quarter pants with a white t-shirt with a black flowery motive.

“Hi there,” she said with a warm smile as she came closer to Amelie and pulled her in a warm embrace. Her hazel eyes sparkled as if they wanted to make sure Amelie knew where Matt had his eye color from. “I’m Kim, you must be Emily.”
“It’s Amelie with an A,” sounded Matt’s voice from behind her, “it’s a German name.”

“German?” the woman said as she hugged her grandsons, surprise evident in her voice, “do you have German roots?” Amelie swallowed, suddenly realizing that Kim, as nice as she was, had no idea just how short Matt and Amelie’s time was. “Matthew, my son,” Kim said as she hugged him. “Yeah, I’m German,” she replied, trying hard to hide the last piece of accent she had.

“How nice,” Kim commented, and Amelie was glad she didn’t pick up that subject again. “So come on in guys, we’re on the back porch. We already filled the pool.” With a gesture, she motioned them to come in.
“I made a fresh key lime pie,” Kim said as they walked through the living room to their back door and onto the back porch, “Gary’s been dying to get a piece of it since lunch.” She then called out, “GARY!”

Amelie took the time to look around. The back porch appeared new. It was of a dark wood with a metal table and the corresponding four chairs. The hassocks were light pink, which went along perfectly with the big vase of tulips on the table as well as the cushions on their canopy swing, which apparently was from the same line as the rest of the outdoor furniture. Behind the porch there was a piece of lawn with the promised wading pool as well as a hammock, two sunbeds and a narrow bed with some currant bushes.

Finally, a noise from inside signaled the arrival of Matt’s dad. He was tall, but not as tall as Matt, with an athletic figure. He was in his early sixties, Amelie guessed, and his light brown thinning hairline was starting to move back already.

“Matthew,” he said in a louder voice than Amelie expected him to have, “it’s a bad season for the Lakers. How could they lose again yesterday? Against the stupid hornets! Ah man, one of these days I’m gonna bribe a referee.” His voice grew quieter when Kim motioned towards Amelie.


“Oh, where are my manners? I didn’t know Matt was bringing someone! I’m Gary, nice to meet you,” he said as he shook her hand. “Amelie,” she replied, “nice meeting you, too.”

“So about that key lime pie?” Gary said to Kim with a mischievous smile before picking up both of his grandchildren at once and sitting them on his lap. “And you guys, have you been good boys to daddy and Amelie?” They nodded. “Well, are you sure?” Amelie grinned as they nodded again.

“Alright, then you’re gonna get some pie from Granny!” “PIE! PIE! PIE!” they squealed.
“Ta-duh!” Kim exclaimed, walking through the door with the pie. “Gary,” she scolded playfully, “make yourself useful for once and set the table. The coffee’s almost through.”

Gary groaned as he got up. “That woman, Matthew, I swear one of these days she’s gonna kill me. If you’re still in your right mind, you shouldn’t have one of those in your household at all!” He winked at them before disappearing in the house. Amelie grinned, liking him more each time he spoke.

The pie tasted even better than Amelie expected. After eating, she and Matt put on their swim suits and changed the boys into their trunks, too. The afternoon passed easily as they fooled around and splashed with the water. The boys seemed to have the best time of their lives. In the end, Amelie grew really fond of Matt’s parents since they were so easy-going. And when they left, there was almost no water left in the pool.

At home, Amelie quickly prepared a big salad with mozzarella and chicken and they dined on the couch while watching some children’s series. After that, Matt built a lego house with River while Amelie played with Cash before they put them both to bed. They were really tired after a long day of playing.

“That was a nice day, after all,” Matt said as he slumped into the seat next to her. “Yeah,” she said absentmindedly. Luckily, she’d been distracted most of the day, but now that they were alone, it was as if all the doubts were suddenly there again.

It felt like they were tearing at various strands of her hair, on parts of her skin, slowly dragging her away from him. Amelie really enjoyed the day with him, but the more she thought about it, the more she became certain that they could not continue what they were doing.

“Something wrong?” he asked. He started to lightly run his fingers through her hair as he watched her with a concerned expression. “Nothing, it’s just… This day was so nice, but I can’t stop thinking about leaving. Later, I mean. But I’m going to, Matt, and we’re both gonna hate it.”

“What is this to you?” The question hit her unexpected, as well as his tone. He sounded… hurt in a way. Her heart skipped a beat. She didn’t dare think about this question, let alone talk about it.

“Please Matt, let’s not talk about this right now,” she replied evasively, running her fingers through his hair. From his expression, she could tell he wasn’t pleased with her answer. “Why do you keep saying that? Do you not believe in answers?” He was louder now, not screaming, but obviously angry.

His question hung in the air like the sword of Damocle. Amelie knew that her response could be either the destruction of everything they had or a plain lie. And she didn’t know which was worse. If she were wise, she thought, she’d tell him. She was leaving, and both of them knew it. They shouldn’t ignore it like they did, that much she knew.

But somehow, Amelie felt like there was no way back, no way out, and surely no way around, either. Deep inside, she knew exactly what she felt, and she knew, too, that it wasn’t how she was supposed to feel. Do I not believe in answers? She asked herself.

“I do, but… not today,” she heard herself say, responding to his question as to if she believed in answers. For a second, Matt looked disappointed. After some seconds of silence, she added, “Matt you KNOW what this is. It’s us playing house and then me leaving. It’s inevitable. And just because we speak out the truth doesn’t make it any easier. In fact, it makes it harder. Or does this feel good to you? I’M LEAVING!”

A mixture of hurt and anger was audible in her voice.

“Is it better to live in denial?” Matt screamed, and from the ringing in her ears, Amelie suddenly understood why he was a metal singer. “How am I supposed to know? I like how it is. I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

Matt punched the table. “It is, but… It’s not enough for me.” He swallowed. “I want... more. And your whole ‘my way or the highway’ mentality is bullshit. I want more. Plain and simple. And at the same time, I don't. And I don't know what to feel anymore.”
She took a deep breath. More... What did that mean? “Matt, I never said ‘my way or the highway.’ I said I like how it is. That’s all… You said you want more. Isn't that 'my way or the highway', too?”

“Whatever,” he growled, getting up from the table. “I’m heading out for a beer. Don’t wait on me.”

Notes

Hope y'all enjoy this update!
Thanks so much for your nice words and encouraging comments :)