Auden’s POV

I woke up with Matt’s arm tight around my waist. I looked over at his sleeping face, I kinda smiled but it wasn’t my usual light up the face smile. I was thankful that Aimee came over yesterday but she really didn’t help what I was going through. I was afraid that I was going to fall back in the darkness. I had to act quick before it would happen. I got out of bed softly and as quietly as I could. As pissed off at Matt I was, I just wanted him to be able to sleep. I waddled down the stairs and walked to the fridge grabbing a bottle of water, then I waddled out to the back patio to sit down and enjoy the morning breeze and the sun. I pulled out my phone checking my messages. I had 3, one from my dad checking on the baby and me. One from Kindred and one from Malibu. I opened theirs immediately and wrote back about everything going on.

So Matt left yesterday after I kinda got shitty with him. Like I didn’t mean to get shitty. It’s just the hormones. Then when I woke up this morning there he was in bed, fresh smelling from a shower. With that being said I know he was at the bar. I’m afraid I’m going to slip back into the darkness.

K: Seriously?! Is he helping you through this at all?
M: Talk it out with him. It couldn’t hurt.

He’s kinda helping me, I know it’s rough for both of us but I can’t do this on my own.

K: Ok well that’s bullshit
M: breathe dear and just talk it out with him. If you stress yourself out, it can hurt the baby.

I think I’m going to talk to Brian about last night to see what he has to say.

K: In other words I am on my way.
M: Kin, you shouldn’t do that. Calm down.
K: Too bad Mal, either you’re with me or you’re not.
M: Fine come get me also.

I let those two go back and forth while I was dialing Brian.
“Hello?” he said all groggy. I must have woken him up.
“Sorry to wake you Bri” I said softly
“No it’s ok, what’s wrong?” he said sounding alerted.
“I just need to know what is going on with Matt. It’s like he doesn’t wanna be near me anymore” I said starting to cry.
“Shh Auden it’s ok. I will be there soon. Just take some deep breathes.” he said trying to calm me down
“Ok thank you Brian” I said
“No problem Auden. I will see you soon” he said hanging up the phone.
I sat the phone down and took a deep breathe, I knew Mal was right, getting upset over this stuff and stressing myself out was not healthy for me or the baby. I sat there looking at the ocean and breathing in the salty air. I rubbed my belly and talking softly.
“I don’t mean to stress out but daddy isn’t taking this well. I love him but I wanna kill him. I swear if you turn out like him more, you will get ass whoopins. But you’ll still be my baby. I love you alot. You will have bad influences but they are good guys, they are the perfect uncles for you. Uncle JimJam will your bestfriend, I mean they all will be but JimJam is your best bet. Uncle Bri, he’s a good guy. He may be a dick, but I’m pretty sure he’ll be there for you no matter what. Uncle Johnny is cool, funny and a short shit but cool. Uncle Zack is the one that has the fashion sense go to him about fashion, your Aunt Aimee let me tell you, she’ll spoil alot. I can’t wait to meet you.”

“I can’t either, but I’m offended that you didn’t tell him about my good looks” A voice came from behind me
“Jesus Brian don’t do that!” I said glaring at him.
“Well you shouldn’t talk to Matt Jr like that and not compliment my features.” he chuckled
“Kiss my ass.” I said
“You’re already called for so I can’t.” he said
“Brian! Sit down” I laughed
“Ok mom chill out” He said chuckling and taking the seat next to mine. “So what is going on?”
“What happened last night?” I asked.
“Why don’t you ask him” He asked
“Because he is sleeping. I don’t wanna wake the bear. I learned my lesson on tour” I smiled a little.
“You’re not smiling like you usually do. You’re worrying yourself too much” he said
“Kindred and Malibu think the same thing and are on their way over here. I just don’t want him to stop loving me because I am getting bigger and I will look horrible.” I sighed.
“Listen to me, I need you to listen good. Matt almost fucked up last night and kissed a girl who he thought was you. Even though he was drinking he was thinking of you. He will always think of you. When I pulled him away and told his to basically get his head out of his ass, his face was full of guilt and sadness. He knows what he has. I know the hormones are horrible but just lighten up on him.” He said.
“I know I’ve been tough on him but I can’t help it. I want his affection and love but all I am filled with is anger. I don’t know why but I am filled with anger.” I started crying.
“Shh Auden it’s ok dear.” He said.
“I need Matt.” I cried
“I’m right here” Matt said from behind us.
“I’ll be inside” Brian said getting up and walking away.
Matt came and sat next to me, I looked at him still upset.
“How much did you hear?” I said softly looking at the ocean.
“All of it” he said, “Why didn’t you come to me about this all”
“You were sleeping, I also wanted others insight.” I said barely audible.
“Still should have came to me about it.” he grunted
“I went to Brian because he is a good friend. Kin and Mal asked me how I was doing. What am I supposed to do, tell them everything is fine and dandy. Matt they know me like the back of their hands. I didn’t tell them to come over, they just are. They are over protective. They are just like you.” I said
“Why do you think I wouldn’t you think I love you Auden. I do and always will. You’re carrying my child, we are getting married. I will always think you’re beautiful no matter what. The whole anger thing has to do with a piece of you missing, I get it I really do. It’s just a hard transition.” He sighed.
“I’m sorry Matt” I started crying again.
“What did you do?!” Kin asked from behind us.
“Nothing” I said between sobs.
Kindred was getting in Matt’s face, Matt was getting angry.
“Kindred back away from me right now” Matt said with warning. But she didn’t listen, she was getting in his face. Malibu and Brian ran out of the house and got between them.
“Kin we talked about this, you can’t just get in his face.” Mal said.
“Fuck that, when I got out here Auden was crying because of this fuckhead” she spat.
“Why the fuck was she crying” Malibu turned around and faced Matt and Brian.
“We were talking that’s all” Matt said. Kindred tried to jump around Malibu to get to Matt but she was too slow.
“Guys calm down, you’re stressing Auden out” Brian warned. But everyone kept going back and forth.
I got so fed up that I went back inside, slipped up the stairs to baby Sanders room. I just walked inside and sat in the rocking chair. I looked around the room and smiled. I was running baby names through my head. Matt and I still haven’t thought of a name. I was almost 5 months pregnant now and I knew we needed a name.

Notes