Forever is Right Now

Three days have passed since we got the word Jimmy had died, I haven’t seen Brian since that day. He has been hidden away in Suzy and Senior’s house. I’ve tried calling him, and have been ignored. I’ve messaged him letting him know I’m there for him. I’ve literally done everything I could short of driving out there to reach Brian.

Besides trying to pull my boyfriend out, I’d been running around with the other guys and staying with Zacky. Trying to plan Jimmy’s funeral, which as you can imagine was not easy. Simone and I were mainly in charge of grabbing snacks for the guys, making sure the houses were stocked with booze, food, and coffee. The guys were trying to make decisions, but didn’t want to finalize anything without Brian.

While Simone drove us around Huntington Beach to get more food for the guys, I called Senior. “Hey Ember, what can I do for you?”

“Hey Senior, how’s Brian?” I asked hopefully.

“He’s still basically locked in his room, he comes out for meals and showers, but hasn’t really been eating. I know he leaves to get booze, because his room lets out this immense odor of alcohol,” he replied.

I sighed, “He won’t be able to make any decisions with the boys while he’s drunk. Is it okay if I come over later and try to get him to come out?”

“Of course sweetheart, you know you’re always welcome. Maybe bring the guys with you? I’d love to see them, to give them hugs and make sure they’re doing alright.”

“Yeah, I should be able to. Simone and I will drive them over, they’ve been drinking a lot too. Maybe the 4 guys will get some frustration out on the front lawn,” I joked trying to lighten the situation.

He laughed a little, “well I’m sure we can try to get them to talk, but no fighting. That’s how accidents happen.”

“Alright,” I laughed, “We’ll be over around 7.”

“Sounds perfect, that’s our dinner time, so you guys can eat with us tonight.”

“Awesome, thank-you Senior, we’ll be over soon.”

“Alright sweetheart, be safe.”

* * * * * * * * *

Later that night at 7 exactly, we pulled up to Senior and Suzy’s house, the moon illuminated the pavement, as the Christmas lights twinkled along the roof of the house. I walked between Matt and Zacky up to the house, while Simone was between Matt and Johnny. Zacky kissed my forehead before reaching up and knocking on the door.

Almost immediately Suzy opened the door, “Hello!” She hugged all of us and smiled at Simone’s belly clad in a blue sweater. “You look beautiful.” She gently rubbed Simone’s belly which made Matt’s chest swell up in pride. I couldn’t help but giggle as she ushered us into the house.

Senior came into the foyer and hugged me first and kissed my cheek, “Glad you guys could make it.” He hugged everyone else and kissed Simone’s cheek too, “Baby’s getting bigger, I see.”

Simone smiled and rubbed her belly, “Yes he is.”

Everyone stopped and stared at her, “You found out it’s a boy?!” Johnny said excitedly.

“Yeah, we found out yesterday,” She smiled shyly up at Matt.

He kissed her gently, “Yes we did.”

I smiled and hugged my brother as we heard a door open and close upstairs, followed by some stumbling. “That would be my cue,” I walked over to the stairs.

“Babe, why don’t you let Zacky and I handle him,” Matt said moving away from Simone.

“Yeah, we don’t know what mood he’s in, he’s been drinking,” Zacky said moving in front of me.

I huffed, “I’m not scared of him guys.”

Johnny stepped up and wrapped an arm around my shoulders, “Come on Em, let’s go get settled with Senior and Suzy. They’ll bring him downstairs soon.”

I sighed as Senior and Suzy nodded, “Wanna help me in the kitchen?” Suzy asked me.

“Sure,” I smiled slightly and followed her to the kitchen, while Simone and Johnny went with Senior.

“How are you holding up sweetheart?” Suzy asked me as we stood around the island.

“I’m…doing alright. Better than Brian, but mostly only because I blocked out most of my emotions,” I admitted. “I’ve been sleeping at Zacky’s because I don’t want to be alone, Matt and Simone are getting ready for the baby. I just, I don’t know what to do to help everyone.”

“Ember you’re only 21, you’re not supposed to know how to help everyone. Everyone grieves differently, unfortunately Brian is one that drinks away the pain. It makes it difficult,” Suzy smiled sadly.

“How’s McKenna doing?” I asked, McKenna and I had grown up together somewhat, even though I’m a couple years older.

“She’s alright, she’s 19 now; doing the music thing,” Suzy smiled at me as she pulled a roast out of the oven.

I nodded, “That doesn’t surprise me. And Brent?”

“Oh, being Brent,” she laughed. “You know how he and Brian can be.”

This made me smile, “Yes I do.”

“Can you grab that bowl of mashed potatoes and bring it over to the kitchen table for me dear?” She asked as she carried the roast to the table.

“Yeah, of course.” I picked up the potatoes and the corn that was sitting on the island and carried it to the table.

“Thank-you Dear,” she pulled out silverware and plates from the cupboards and then began setting places.

“Want me to get everyone some water?”

“That’d be great,” she smiled appreciatively.

After about 5 minutes, we had the dinner table set, rolls were warming up in the oven, and everyone except Matt, Zacky, and Brian were at the table. I sighed and sipped my water nervously, “Johnny would you go check on them please?” Johnny nodded and excused himself from the table as we waited.

**Matt’s POV**

We stood there outside Gates’ room. He wouldn’t open the door, we’d been here for 30 minutes trying to get him to come out and come to dinner. Suzy had hollered at us 15 minutes ago that dinner was ready. “Bri, come on. Let’s go eat dinner, you’ll feel better,” I said through the door.

“Go fuck your sister,” Brian slurred out drunkenly.

“That’s your girlfriend Haner, and she needs you just like you need her right now,” I growled.

“Brian, come on. Suzy made a juicy roast,” Zacky tried as Johnny climbed the stairs towards us.

“He still not coming out?” Johnny asked as there was a loud crashing sound and I instantly tried to get inside the room, “Brian!”

Papa Gates came running up the stairs hearing the crash, “What the fuck was that?”

I pointed to the door, “He won’t come out and he just knocked something over or threw something.”

Papa Gates knocked on the door similar to how a cop would, “Brian Elwin Haner Jr. You open this fucking door up. Right the fuck now.” I flinched hearing the use of Brian’s full name. I knew it would piss Brian off, but even worse, it’d been a long time since I’ve seen papa Gates this mad.

Brian threw the door open, revealing the TV stand knocked over with the TV on the floor. Brian had obviously ran into it trying to get away from the door or get to the door. “What the FUCK do you want?” He spat obviously 3 sheets to the wind.

“Watch your fucking mouth,” Papa Gates told him. “Matt, take him to the shower. A nice warm shower will sober him a little bit. Don’t care if you throw him in with all his clothes, smells like he could use it.”

Brian glared at his father and I took ahold of Brian and took him to the bathroom and pushed him fully clothed into the big glass shower and turned on the water. I stood outside the shower as Brian slowly sank down under the water, squatting with his head in his hands. I saw his shoulders start to shake and he started to cry, releasing the frustration of the past few days. I felt my heart drop a bit as I shut off the water and called Zacky and Johnny into the bathroom. There we were, 4 men in the shower, holding each other. Making sure to hold Brian as tight as we could.

We stood there for a few moments before Brian started shivering, “Come on man, let’s go get you changed into some dryer clothes.” I led him into his room. “Guys go ahead and go down stairs, tell everyone to start eating. We’ll be right there.”

They nodded and retreated as I moved sat Brian down on his bed and searched through the drawers for clean clothes. “I’m sorry,” Brian whispered to me wiping his eyes.

I nodded, “I know you are man, don’t worry about it.” I handed him some clean clothes. “Do you need help changing or are you okay?”

“I’m okay,” he said and stood taking off his clothes and putting the new ones on.

“Alright, let’s go eat, yeah?” He nodded and we made our way down the stairs.

**Ember’s POV**

About 10 minutes after Johnny and Zacky had come down the stairs, Matt and Brian appeared. Brian looked absolutely horrible, you could tell he hadn’t taken a proper shower in a couple days atleast, hadn’t bothered shaving. Instantly I felt my heart break a little bit more, he sat across from me and Matt sat between Simone and me. I tried to catch Brian’s eye to give him an encouraging smile, but he was focused solely on his food.

We ate, mostly in silence and once everyone was done, Papa Gates and Suzy cleaned up the meal and the rest of us went to the backyard. I went to Brian’s side and hugged him immediately, but he stood there like a statue. Not hugging me back, just allowed me to hold onto him for a few. When I looked up in his eyes I saw sorrow weighing in them.

“Will you come home tonight? Please?” I asked softly.

He shook his head, “You don’t need me, Em. I’m not good for you. I need time…and I…I promised your brother I’d never hurt you.”

I tilted my head looking at him, “Brian…I want to be here for you.”

He turned away from me, “I know. But I don’t want to be there…I…I need to process me.”

I glared at him, “You’re NOT the only person who lost someone you love. All of us are processing things, all of us are grieving.”

He stared at me, “Ember…I just can’t. I’ll see you at the funeral. I’ve agreed to meet up with the guys tomorrow.”

I stared after him as he walked over to Zacky smoking a cigarette and talking to him. I must have had a dumbstruck look on my face because Matt came up to me and hug me tightly. “He just told me he wasn’t coming home. I…I think he just broke up with me.”

Matt hugged me tightly, “He’s grieving Em, cut him a little bit of slack.”

I shook my head, “No. Fuck him.” I took off out the gate and started running. In the distance I could hear the guys calling out after me. I kept walking until I got to the beach and sat down on the sand. I sat down and stared out over the water. It was cold, but luckily I had my jacket, jeans, and tennis shoes on. I knew none of the guys or Simone could keep up with me; the guys would have stopped after the first 2 blocks and Simone could only waddle after me. I’d ran 3 miles to get away from them and I knew it would have taken atleast 20 minutes for them to figure out even a course of direction as Brian’s parents lived in a neighborhood that was branched off of a few different roads.

I was about 6 miles from Zacky’s house, about 6 blocks from Brian’s house. I didn’t care, it’d take the guys a long time to figure out where I was. That’s all I wanted. I needed to process that Brian didn’t want me anymore. I had to process that I was on my own again.

**Zacky’s POV**

Brian came up to me after talking with Ember and from what I could see, it wasn’t a good conversation. “Hey man, you guys okay?” I asked him curiously.

He shrugged, “She wanted me to go home. I’m not ready, I need to process. I don’t want to be reliant on her.”

I shook my head, “Did you end things with her?”

He looked at me solemnly, “Kind of. I don’t know. I just told her I wasn’t coming home. I didn’t blatantly say that I was never coming home. Just…not right now.”

I groaned, “Bri, that makes it seem as though you guys are over.”

He shrugged again, “Then yeah, it’s over.”

I shook my head, “You’re a fucking dick.” Next thing I saw was Ember pull away from Matt and run out the side gate. “Shit.” I ran over to the gate after her with the others except Brian, “EMBER!”

Fuck, she was already a good 2 blocks down the road from us. Matt and I ran into the house and almost ran over Senior. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, where are you guys going so fast?”

“Brian just ended things with Ember in a not so easy way and she bolted. We gotta go try to find her,” I sped out as Brian entered the house.

Senior looked at his son, disappointedly, “Brian, you should go upstairs to bed. You’re clearly not feeling well.” He turned to us, “I’ll help you look. Suzy, take Johnny and Simone back to Matt’s, just in case she decides to go there. Matt you go to Brian’s house and check if she’s there. Zacky go wherever you think she’d be. I’ll drive around the neighborhoods close by and we’ll see if we can’t find her.”

I nodded and ran out to my car and headed towards the pier, knowing that she usually either went there or to the beach. However, that was a shit ton of beach to cover, so hopefully I’ll get lucky and find her before I get to the pier, along the PCH. As Matt took off to the other direction, Papa Gates went the other. I split the difference and took off.

Notes