My alarm goes off Monday morning and I just lay there, fully awake. I haven’t seen or spoke to Zack since the incident Saturday night, and for the first time since I met him, I wasn’t looking forward to seeing him again. What happened wasn’t his fault, I knew that. I knew that he must be confused by my freak out and I was being unfair to him, but it was all I knew to do. I hear the front door close and Eli’s heavy footsteps coming down the hall. He worked overnight last night and must just now be getting home. I continue laying in silence, staring up at my ceiling until I hear the shower turn on.

I dress in a pair of sweats and pull on a hoodie. Maybe I could keep my head down and avoid Zack at school. Except we had calculus together and he talked the girl that used to sit next to me into switching him seats. Hell, maybe it would just be best to talk to him and get it over with. It would be a great idea if I knew what to tell him; if I even knew where to start. He deserved the truth, but I couldn’t give it to him.

I decide to go to the café and get breakfast even though I'm not hungry. Really, I was just waiting for time to pass. Usually, I try to get to school early so I can hang out with my friends, but today there’s no point. Zack has probably told everyone about my meltdown and if they don’t think I'm a complete crazy person, then they probably think I'm a complete tease.
I don’t see Zack until calculus. For the first time ever, he’s already sitting in his seat waiting for me. We lock eyes for a moment and then I look away. First, I look at the ground, then I look to the front of the room hoping Ms. Walton would be there and I could find an excuse to be excused. Unfortunately, she’s not there and in her place is a substitute with rollaway TV next to her desk.

The bell rings signaling class to start and I have no choice but to take my seat. I felt Zack staring at me and tried to ignore it and focus on the few stragglers walking in. Soon enough, the substitute stands up and begins talking. This, however, doesn’t make Zack take his eyes off me.

“My name is Mrs. Coffman,” she introduces. “Ms. Walton had a family emergency and since she didn’t realize she wasn’t going to be here today, she didn’t leave any instructions on what to do today so we’re going to watch a movie. Just because we’re not doing work does not mean this is a free period. There will be no talking.”

She hits play on the VCR and then turns off the lights. There’s a shuffle of noise as students get comfortable or as they pull out work from another class. To my surprise, out of my peripheral, I see Zack pull out a notebook instead of using his desk as a pillow. I pull out my history homework and stare down at it. The soft glow from the light seeping in from the hallway and television is enough to see the writing on my paper but I can’t focus.

I’m still staring down at my homework when a piece of folded paper lands on my desk. I glance over at Zack but he’s not looking at me. His notebook lays open and his pencil rests on top of it. Slowly, I open the note and immediately recognize Zack's handwriting.



I stifle a sigh, tempted to not write back. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I didn’t know what to say. Eventually, I write a reply and put it on the edge of his desk.



My reply isn’t a lie. I really do have a test next period. Zack wastes no time handing me back the note.



I tap my pencil against my fingers for a moment before scribbling a reply.



Zack doesn’t write back immediately. As a matter of fact, he doesn’t write me back at all. I watch him out of my peripheral but he never picks up his pencil. I try to watch the movie, do my history homework, but I can’t. I afraid that I'm losing Zack. I’m afraid, but I'm more afraid of what will happen if I tell him the reason I freaked out Saturday.

Class seems to take forever but, finally, the bell rings. Zack leaves before me but I quickly grab my things and follow him.

“Zack,” I call, catching up with him. Surprisingly, he stops and turns towards me.

The look on his face in unamused. “Don’t you have a test to get to?”

“I’m sorry, Zack,” I tell him.

He nods. “Yeah, you said that.” He turns away from me and begins to walk away. I catch up with him, though, and this time pull him into an empty science lab.

“I’m sorry about Saturday, okay? I’m sorry I had a freakout and…and teased you, or whatever but…”

Zack scoffed. “That’s what you think I’m upset about? Because I thought we were going to have sex and we didn’t? Look, it’s a bit obvious that I really want to have sex with you but that’s not why I'm upset! Yeah, you freaked out for reasons I don’t know but then you snuck out of my bedroom window, Sheridan? Who the hell does that? I know you heard me at the door begging you to let me in. I thought I hurt you – I thought…” he stops and shakes his head. “Then, you avoided me. I came by your house a thousand times yesterday, Sheridan. So, what the hell is going on? Are we breaking up? Or what?”

“N-no, no,” I stumble, shaking my head. “I don’t want to break up. I just…I thought I was ready and I wasn’t. I'm sorry. I climbed out of your window because I was embarrassed. And I’ve been avoiding you because I didn’t know what to say to you. I’m just…sorry.”

Zack stared at me but didn’t say anything. I could tell there was more he wanted to say, questions he wanted to ask, but he knew it wasn’t the time. The bell rings overhead and Zack takes a deep breath before pulling me into a brief hug. When we part, he kisses me on the side of my mouth. “I have to get to class.”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “Me too.”

Zack opened up the classroom door and held it open as I walked out. “I’ll see you at lunch, okay?”

“Okay,” I nodded and we went separate ways.

---

I never made it to lunch. Instead, I had another break down in the bathroom after we went our separate ways. I wanted to tell Zack so bad about everything that’s going on. I wanted him to know that it had nothing to do with him; that he was perfect in every way. I wanted him to understand but I knew there was no way I could tell him. I couldn’t tell him because I didn’t know how he would react and Eli was a police officer. If Zack were to react badly and want to protect me but punish Eli, Eli could easily have Zack thrown in jail for God knows how long. That is if he doesn’t kill him first and hide his body somewhere – which, let’s face it, is something Eli would do. So, Zack couldn’t know. He couldn’t know until Eli was out of the picture.

So, that’s why I'm standing outside of the police station. I don’t know if it’s going to work. I don’t have any proof and I should turn back, go back to school but I don’t. The first step towards the entrance doors is the hardest, but I eventually make it inside.

“Excuse me,” I say to the first officer I see. “I need to report a rape.”

The officer is young, he has sandy blonde hair and green eyes that rival Zack's, but he takes me seriously and immediately leads me into a vacant room. My heart was racing. “When did this happen?” He asks me as we sit down.

“Um…the last time was maybe a month ago give or take a week,” I told him.

“This has happened more than once?” He asks me, pulling a pad and pen out of a drawer.

I nodded. “Y-yeah, quite a few…few times.”

“Okay, my name is Officer Jacobson, what’s yours?”

I don’t answer right away. “Sher…Sheridan D-Davis.”

“Okay, Sheridan. It’s really brave of you to come in today. I need you to fill out this form with as much detail as possible. If you know your rapist's name, there’s a slot at the top for you to pencil it in. I know it can be hard, but we want to do everything in our power to help you.”

I nodded and took the pen out of his hand. “Okay.”

“I’ll give you some privacy. After you fill it out, we will go over it together and figure out our next steps, okay?”

“Okay.”

I feel like I'm filling out the paper for hours. I didn’t know what time Eli had to be back at the station but I knew I wanted to be gone before he did. My anxiety kept building with every sentence I wrote but I knew I had to finish. For me. For Zack. For Gena. It had to be done.

Officer Jacobson came back after I finished. He asked me if it was completed and when I said it was, he grabbed the paper and began to read it. The more he read, the more his eyebrows furrowed. “Eli Davis?” He asked me. “You don’t mean Officer Davis?”

I bit the inside of my cheek so hard, I tasted blood. “Y-ye…yes.

Officer Jacobson stared at me. He opened his mouth to say something and then closed it. A moment later he opened it again. “Okay. Since this concerns someone in the department, I’m going to grab one of my superiors. Just wait here, okay?”

I nod and he walks out. This was happening. This was actually happening. I wasn’t exactly sure what they could do with only my accusations, but they had to do something right?

Officer Jacobson doesn’t return right away. It’s fine for a little while but I begin to get nervous. I tell myself that there’s nothing to worry about, that policemen were busy. It worked and I began to feel less nervous…until I saw him.

Eli’s hand was already on the doorknob before I noticed him. It opened and he walked in, shutting the door behind him. “What in the hell are you doing?”

I froze. I didn’t know what was happening. Why was he here? “N-nothing…”

Eli shakes his head. “Do you know how much trouble you could get in for a false rape accusation? Nevermind that it was against a police officer?”

He knew. How…how did he know? Officer Jacobson…he told him? He called him? But that…that wasn’t allowed. That was unlawful! He…he swore an oath to serve and protect – to protect!

“Come on,” Eli demands. “Let’s go home. Thankfully Jacobson called me instead of reporting your false accusation.” I was going to pass out. “Let’s go! Now!”

“N-no. I’m not…I can’t go anywhere with you. Leave me alone or I’ll…I’ll…”

Eli laughs. “You’ll what? Call the cops?” He was right. There was nothing I could do. I was trapped with him. “I’m not going to say it again, Sheridan.”

Slowly, I got up from my seat. I was shaking so much it was hard to walk. When I got to the door, Eli kept it close. “You say another God damn word and I’ll make sure you wished you had never been born.” What he didn’t know was the fact that I already did.

Eli made me go home with him. I wanted to go back to school, wanted to go anywhere but home but I knew that wasn’t an option. I was out of the car before it was even in park. Eli’s heavy footsteps were behind me as I ran into the house and down the hall. I ran into my bedroom room and was able to lock it before he reached me.

I stifled a cry while his fists landed on the door. The door shook with every thump. “Sheridan, let me in! Let me in now!” Even if I planned on opening the door, he wasn’t going to wait. He kicked the door with so much force, it tore the lock from the wall.

“Eli, no, I’m sorry! Okay, I’m sorry! It’ll never happen again!” I cried as he approached me.

He slaps me across the face. “You dumb –” he slaps me again, harder this time, “– bitch!” Eli grabs me by the hair and throws me to the ground. “I’m going to fucking kill you, you know that?” he kicks me in the stomach. “You could have ruined my career! My life!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” I cry into the floor. “Please, I’m sorry!”

Eli crawls on top of me and slaps me twice more. I taste blood and try to wipe my mouth but before I can do much, his hands are around my throat. “You’re sorry?! You’re fucking sorry? Sorry doesn’t mean shit.”

I try to fight him off, but nothing works. The edges of my vision begin to darken. I pray for death; I pray that after I pass out he doesn’t let up.

I wake up and he’s still on top of me, but it's different. I feel the cold air on my outer thighs and the heat of his skin on my inner thighs. “Stop…”

Once Eli realizes that I’m awake he grins, and places his mouth on my bare shoulder. He bites down hard causing me to scream out in pain. My cry out is soon muffled by his hand covering my mouth.

“You’re mine. Do you understand? If you try to go to the police again, I will fucking kill you.
Do you think anyone would miss you? A troubled child like you? All I’d have to do is tell mom you ran away and she’d believe me. No one would give a damn, no one would look for you.”
His hand is around my throat again, and this time I know he won’t kill me. Why would he when he could continue to torture me – rape me – and there was nothing I could do about it?

I wake up again to a loud knocking and Eli cursing. He pulls out of me and jumps up, pulling on his jeans. I roll over and attempt to pull myself up. I had to get out of here.

“Is…um…is Sheridan home?” It was Zack.

“She’s sick,” Eli said. I wanted to cry out, I wanted to cry his name out and I wanted him to save me but it wouldn’t come out.

“Well, can I see her? It’s just…she was at school today and things were weird and I said I would see her later but…she left and –”

“Look, dude, I said she was sick. I’ll tell her you stopped by.” And I heard the door slam shut.

I pulled on a shirt and pants and ran to the window, but it was stuck and wouldn’t open. I blinked back the tears as I heard him approach.

“Well, where were we?” He asked and I froze. He took another step, his hand reaching out to me but the phone rang, stopping him. He was tempted to ignore it, I could tell from the look in his eyes, but, for whatever reason, he decided to answer it.

“Yes, sir,” I heard him say. Eli’s voice got deeper and more professional, so I knew it was his boss. “212 Frankfort Avenue, domestic dispute. Got it, tell Jacobson I’ll meet him there.”
Jacobson…so what, Officer Jacobson was Eli’s partner? Out of all of the officers I could have reported Eli to I reported him to his partner? Are you fucking kidding me? How the fuck does that happen?

Eli doesn’t come back in the room. Instead, I watch him go into his bedroom, a few minutes later he emerges in his uniform and without even glancing in my direction, leaves the house.
I wanted to shower, I wanted to cry. I needed to go see Zack, he was going to think I was avoiding him again and I couldn’t lose him, not after everything I went through today.

I take a shower first. I stay in there until the hot water runs cold and then pull myself up and get dressed. My stomach is tender from the kicks I took, and there’s already a bruise forming around the teeth marks on my shoulder like he branded me. I would be lying if I said I didn’t think about going to the hospital and getting a rape kit done, but I knew there was nothing that could happen. No one could save me. I just had to get through it.

Notes

Thank you so much for reading! Don't forget to rate if you haven't already and comment. i love hearing from you guys!

Thank you rebelteaparty (I'm glad I'm back too) and DaphneG for commenting!

To view the note Zack and Sheridan wrote back and forth click here
To view this chapters journal entry click here

Title Credit: Avenged Sevenfold "Radiant Eclipse"

Also, I'm seeing them in concert in 27 days!! This will be my third time seeing them overall but my first time without Jimmy! I'm taking my little sister and best friend with me, it'll be their first time seeing them!