Eli didn’t bother me again that night. I was able to rig my door fixed so would close, and went to the store and stocked up on padlocks. I didn’t know it was possible to feel more broken than I already did, but it was. I tried to put on my happy face when I was around my friends or in school, but it was hard. Mom came home the day after I tried to report Eli. Apparently, she married her boyfriend in Vegas, and then it got annulled because he was already married.

“I just came home to get my passport,” she told me. “This is my second failed marriage, Sheridan, I just need time to figure everything out.”

I thought she was being dramatic. The divorce with dad was painful. They were married for years, they had kids together. But with this guy? He was some trucker she met while he was passing through town. They were married for a week and it ended because she didn’t even know him well enough to know that he was already married. She was being absolutely ridiculous.

Graduation was 15 weeks away and I hadn’t even started filling out my college applications. I was so stupid. I should have filled them out ages ago. I should have started over the summer, but of course, I was too busy partying and trying to kill myself.

Zack was currently practicing with the band and then tonight we were celebrating Jimmy’s nineteenth birthday. Matt’s parents were out of town so they were planning to have a huge party and even though I didn’t feel like it, I knew it was mandatory to attend.

The band’s song comes to an end but before the last few guitar chords Brian stands up and groans exaggeratedly. “I can’t get those last fucking chords right.”

“I think it sounds great,” Jimmy said jumping up and stretching.

“That’s because you’re way back there and you can’t hear anything. I need a break,” Brian said, walking into the house.

“What? Dude, this is like the smallest garage in the world,” Jimmy said following him.

Zack sets down his guitar and walks up to me. “Hey babe, what are you doing here?” He pecks me on the lips.

“I thought maybe after you got done with practice you could fill out some of your college applications with me?” I suggested, giving him my sweetest smile.

“College applications? We have plenty of time for that!” He said.

“Please?” I grab his hands and lace my fingers with his.

Zack shakes his head, gently pulls away from me and lights a cigarette. “I don’t have time today. We’re practicing for another hour. And I have an errand to run with my mom, and then we have Jimmy’s party.”

I fake a pout. “Pleeeeeease?”

He takes a long drag from his cigarette and then exhales towards the sky. “You’re a pain in my ass, you know that?”

“You love me,” I tell him before grabbing the cigarette out of his mouth and taking a drag. Zack raises his eyebrow and I gently tuck the cigarette back in between his lips before kissing him on the cheek. “I’ll wait inside.”

An hour later, Zack was done with practice and we were heading back to his house to start on the applications.

“You know,” Zack starts as we get comfortable on the couch, “you could have totally started these while waiting for me.”

“Oh, I did,” I tell him, reaching into a folder. I pull out my completed applications. “I did some this morning, too. So, I’ve got Cornell, Dartmouth and Brown completed. I want to get UCLA, Harvard, Yale, and Princeton done today too and tomorrow after work I plan on doing Columbia, UPenn, USC. Oh, and that college counselor that came last week insisted on me filling out three community college applications just in case so I guess I’ll do those too, but I mean, honestly, there’s no fucking way I'm going to community college.”

“Babe, literally all of the schools you have picked out except for like two are Ivy League schools…” Zack informed me.

“I know. My dad always dreamed of me going to an Ivy League. That was the plan before I fucked…I mean, before he died…” I bit my lip and avoided eye contact, hoping he didn’t catch my slip.

“Before you did what?” he asked me, confused.

I took a deep breath. “Before I fucked up.”

“What do you mean?” He asked me.

I shook my head. “It’s nothing. I just…I was a different person last year before I came here – before my dad died.”

“How so?” he asks.

“Um…I partied a lot, I did a lot of things I shouldn’t have done…a lot of really, really terrible things. Things that I can’t believe I did.”

Zack shrugs. “We’re teenagers, Sheridan. We all do things we regret.”

I nodded. He didn’t know the half of it, but I didn’t want to tell him. “So, what schools are you applying to?”

“Uh, I guess the Musicians Institute and a few community colleges and USC.”

“Musicians Institute?” I ask. “Didn’t Brian apply there?”

Zack nods. “Yeah, we’re going to try and get into their Guitar program together. He’ll definitely get in because he’s so much better than me, but I think I’ve got a pretty decent shot.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, “I think you do too.”

“So, about your choices…don’t you think that you should choose something more than Ivy League schools? I mean…do any of those schools have an acceptance rate higher than ten percent?”

“What? You don’t think I’ll get in?”

“No, I…” he starts but I interrupt him with a scoff and start gathering all of my things. “No, I mean, no! That’s not what I meant. Of course, you’ll get in, that’s not…Sheridan, wait.”

I shake my head. “I have to go.”

Zack stands up after me. “Babe.”

I ignore him though and head out the door. I don’t know why I'm so upset. I know Zack didn’t mean what he said in the way that I took it. Zack is the most supportive person I know, and that was probably because not very many people supported his passion. I should go back, I should apologize for storming out like I did, but my pride wouldn’t let me. Instead, I went to the café.

I stayed at the café until close and then decided to go home and get ready for the party even though I was tired and wanted to sleep. Eli was gone when I got home so I decided to take a shower. When I got out I put a little product in my hair and then blow dried it. I didn’t feel like putting on much makeup so instead, I put on some mascara and a little bit of lip stick and then began to get dressed. There was still a bruise on my stomach from where Eli kicked me, but thankfully the one on my shoulder and neck was barely visible. You wouldn’t know they were there if you weren’t looking for them.

I walk out of the house after eleven at night. The party started at ten so I was already an hour and a half late, but I’m sure Jimmy would be too drunk to notice. I let myself into Matt’s house when I get there. There’s loud music playing and inside, everyone is talking, dancing or drinking. I begin to search the house for Jimmy and sure enough, I find him by the keg, completely wasted.

“Sheridan!” he calls over the crowd. He wraps his long arms around me. “You’re late!”

“You’re drunk!” I laugh. He grabs a plastic up and fills it to the brim with beer.

He hands me the drink, spilling some of it on the floor. “You have to catch up.”

“Hey, can I talk to you?” My heart fluttered when I turned to see Zack standing there. Damn, he looked good.

I nodded. “Of course.” I grabbed his hand and he led me away from the group of people by the keg and upstairs to Matt’s room where it was quieter.

“You look great,” he told me.

“Thanks, you do too,” I tell him.

Zack nibbles on his lip. “Sheridan, I'm sorry that –”

“No,” I interrupt and he looks disappointed. “Zack, no, I…I was out of line. It’s just…going to an Ivy League school is so important to me. If I don’t get in…I don’t know what I'm going to do. I picked a fight with you and it’s not your fault.”

“It’s fine,” he tells me and gives me a reassuring smile. I try to return it but when I fail, he leans down and kisses me softly. “Do you want to get out of here? We can go fill out those applications.”

I shake my head. “I just got here, we should hang around for at least a little while.”

“Okay,” he says before kissing me again.

We go downstairs and rejoin the party. Soon after, he gets pulled aside by Matt and a few minutes later they have their instruments and are playing a song. I lean against the back wall and watch them attempt to play, drunk, in the cramped space.

In the middle of their second song, someone joins me. “Hey, Sheridan.” I look over to see Michael Taylor.

I narrowed my eyes. “Michael.” Michael and I weren’t friends. As a matter of fact, the last time I even mentioned Michael’s name was months ago when Zack told me he got into a fist fight with him.

“You look good tonight,” he tells me.

“Um, thanks, I guess.” I reply, keeping my focus on Zack.

Michael steps into my view. “Look, I was wondering if you wanted to go out with me Monday night, you know, be my Valentine?”

I raised a brow. “Michael, you know I'm dating Zack.”

He shrugged. “So? It’s not like you’re serious. I mean, you’re not going to spend the rest of your life with him. There are better guys out there. You know, men with an actual plan for their life and not just a shitty band.” He caresses my hand.

I scoff and cross my arms. “Okay, Michael. I don’t know what your damage is, but Zack is a great guy. And he has a plan for his life – that band is his life and for good reason, too.”

“I just think a great girl like you deserves someone better.”

I shoot him a look that clearly tells him I'm unimpressed. Before I can reply to him, the crowd of partiers begins to clap and I realize the band is done playing. Zack makes a beeline to me and I realize Michael has disappeared from my side.

“What was that about?” He asks me.

I shake my head. “Michael? Nothing, really.”

“Do I need to beat his ass?”

“What?” I ask. “Zack, it’s really nothing, okay? He just asked me out for Valentine’s Day, I shot him down. It’s not a big deal. I handled it.”

Zack shakes his head. “No, no, that’s not okay. I don’t even know why he’s here, he doesn’t even like us. He’s just talking to you to get to me.”

“I know,” I nod, “Don’t let him. I’m not interested.”

Zack takes a deep breath and unclenches his hands. “Okay. Can we get out of here?”

I wasn’t quite ready to go, but I knew it was for the best. “Okay, let’s go.”

Notes

Just remember if it's a boring chapter it might just be some foreshadowing...or it might just be a shitty chapter! Only time will tell! haha Thank you for reading! Don't forget to leave me a comment!

If you can't view the journal entry you can find it here
Title Credit : Travis Porter – "College Girl"