The next couple of weeks go by without incident. Zack came back to school and everything went back to normal, whatever that was. I hated admitting how much more I enjoyed school with Zack there. I never realized how much I searched for his green eyes and smile in the hall between classes until he was never there. The same thing happened at work. I caught myself glancing at his schedule hoping our days would align. Every time the small bell on the cafe door would ding, I would stop whatever I was doing, and glance up, hoping it was him. I was always looking for him. He made my life better and it scared me. It absolutely terrified me.

Midway exams came and went and I was thankful that I had Val and Michelle to help me study. Zack was great to have around except for when it came to studying. He constantly distracting me and though I absolutely loved it, I knew I needed to make good grades on my midway exams if I wanted to get into a good college.

Ugh, college. I was tired of thinking about it. Zack wasn’t worried about college. It wasn’t anything he was interested in, which was somewhat of a shame because he was so smart. He was only interested in his band, though. Right after midway exams, Zack told me he and the rest of the guys almost had enough money to start recording their demo. He said when he got his next check from the café it should be enough to cover the amount due. Zack was so excited, I never saw anyone speak about so much passion in my life. I was excited for him.
Winter break came and so did the first Christmas without my dad. This time, mom and Eli were both home, but I still felt incredibly lonely – until Zack stopped by. Zack knew about my family now. Well, he knew about my mother being an alcoholic and a partier. He knew that Eli and I didn’t get along but he didn’t know the real reason why. I think he knew that I felt lonely inside that household, and so on Christmas Day he stopped by as soon as he could.

“Sorry, I didn’t get you a Christmas present,” he smiled over at me. “All of my money is tied up with the demo right now.”

“Was your paycheck enough to cover what was needed?” I asked him.

He nodded, a smile the size of the moon plastered across his face. “Matt booked the studio today.”

I grinned, too. “That’s exciting!”

“I know,” Zack replied. “I can’t wait to get it sent out and get signed.”

“Well, you’ll definitely get signed. My only concern is how am I supposed to go to all these shows you demand me to be at if they’re all over the world?”

Zack laughs. “Well, I’ll fly you around on my private jet, of course.” He winks at me and I have to take a moment to focus on not melting in the passenger seat of his sister’s Corolla. “But uh, it’s not that simple, really. With my old band, we sent out demos and got rejected every single time. Every single time! Eventually it just kind of…I don’t know, took its toll on the band or whatever and we broke up. Matt and Jimmy’s band broke up around the same time, so I guess it was just meant to be.”

“Sounds like another reason to have peace of mind about sending out demos for this band,” I try to reassure.

“Yeah, plus, MPA sucked so, so bad,” he laughed.

“MPA?” I asked, arching a brow. “What does that stand for?”

Zack burst out laughing. “Mad Porno Action.”

“Mad…Mad Porno Action?” I laugh. “Wow! You are such a guy!”

“Hey! I wasn’t the only one in the band! Don’t blame me.”

I shake my head, laughing. “Well, with a name like that, I’m not surprised that you didn’t get signed.”

“Wow,” Zack exclaimed, tugging at the words length, smiling still. “You’re such an asshole.”

We spent the entire night laughing. I didn’t want to go home, I never did when I hung out with Zack. But all good things much some to an end, and so I suppressed a sigh when Zack pulled into my driveway.

“Oh, so you know how the other day when you gave me a ride home after your show? You were saying something and then my mom uh, kind of drunkingly interrupted us.”

“The other day?” Zack laughed. “That was literally a month ago.”

I laughed nervously. Truth was, I had been meaning to ask him about it for weeks now. It just never felt like the right time, or I talked myself out of it for some reason. “You know what I mean, though,”

“Yeah,” he grinned, “I do. What about it?”

“Well, what were you going to say?” I asked.

Zack thought about it for a second. “Oh, so Val and Michelle are supposed to be throwing a bad ass New Year’s Eve party…have they told you about it yet?”

“No, I don’t think so,” I reply but in all honesty, they could have mentioned something while I was daydreaming about Zack.

“Well, I was just going to ask if you wanted to go with me,” he shrugged.

His words caught me off guard. I didn’t know if it was meant as a date or just as friends. “You mean…as a date?” Guess the best way to find out what he meant was to just ask.

“Or…you know, just in case the party sucks and I need someone cool to spend my night with.”
So, not a date. I focused on trying to keep my face neutral as I answered him, “Well, if they’ve been planning it since the end of November, it better not suck.” I laugh, pushing my disappointment down. “Alright, deal.”

Zack grinned, “Awesome.”

“I better get inside,” I tell him. The day had been so shitty and now that I realized the guy I’ve grown so attached to only seen me as a friend, I felt like crying.

“Okay,” he says. “Merry Christmas, Sheridan.”

“Merry Christmas, Zack.”

---

Even though Zack said it wasn’t a date, I still spent the next week looking forward to the party. I kept myself pretty busy with word – picking up extra shifts and staying as long as my boss, Drake, would allow me – and a few days before New Year’s Eve, Val and her sister came in with Matt and Brian and invited me to their party. I found it odd that they had been planning this party for a month and were only just now bringing it up to me, but I tried to not let it bother me. After all, they really could have mentioned it and I wasn’t listening.

The night of the party came and I was more nervous than I was excited but I didn’t know why. I was sure there were going to be people I didn’t know, it was someone else’s party after all, but for some reason the thought of being around strangers made me feel anxious tonight. Actually, it wasn’t that simple. I was afraid to meet more of Zack’s friends, I was afraid to meet the pretty girls that I was sure threw themselves at him at one point or another. I mean, what female wouldn’t? How many of these girls at this party had Zack dated…or slept with?

Why did it even matter? Zack didn’t like me more than a friend, so why was I acting like a complete psycho jealous girlfriend? I needed to chill out. Zack and I were just friends. I liked having him around and even though it hurt that he only wants to be friends, that was better than the alternative, which was not to be friends at all.

I frown at my reflection in the mirror as that thought quickly comes but doesn’t go as quickly. A life without Zack. I didn’t like the sound of that; I didn’t like the sound of that at all.

I force the thought away, to the back of my mind with the other daily things I don’t ever want to think about again and walk out of my room. Eli isn’t home and neither is mom. If I wasn’t going to this party, tonight would have been a great night to just relax. It was almost tempting, to stay home and enjoy the silence. Almost.

The knock at the door sounds just as I enter the living room. I take a deep breath and open the door, revealing Zack. His dark hair is slightly spiked and he’s wearing blue jeans and a Metallica shirt. I tug at my skirt, suddenly feeling slightly overdressed.

“Hey,” Zack grinned. “You look great, are you ready?”

The heat in my face rises my mind traces the lining of his compliment. “Yeah,” I respond after silently reminding myself that our friendship was strictly platonic and his compliment didn’t mean anything. I grab my thin zip up hoodie and walk out of the house, locking it behind me.
“Zina had her own plans, so I couldn’t get the car tonight. Hope walking is okay,” Zack says, pulling a pack of cigarettes out of his back pocket. Walking was fine. Hell, I would walk to the end of the earth as long as Zack was with me.

“You best be glad I wore my comfy shoes, Baker,” I joke.

Zack laughs. “Well, princess, I could always give you a piggyback ride.”

“Oh, really?” I ask as we start our way down the street.

He nods, taking a drag of his cigarette. “As a result, we may not get there until the end of the party, but, as long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters.”

“Is that supposed to be a fat joke?” I ask, arching my brow. My cheeks try to put my lips into a smile but I fight it.

“God, no,” Zack laughed nervously. “More like an I’m a smoker and also have no muscles, so I’ll have to take lots of breaks because of my bad health joke.”

I stare at him, narrowing my eyes before I start laughing. Zack looked relieved immediately. “You should have seen your face,” I exclaim between laughs.

Zack shakes his head taking a long drag from his cigarette. “Wow, you are such an asshole.”

Once we approached the block where the DiBendetto family lived, the nervousness I felt began to disappear. So, what if I was heading to a party with a bunch of chicks that may or may not have a crush on him or vice versa. For whatever reason, Zack asked me to this party, not them.

The music got louder as we approached the big yellow house. Cars were parked all along both sides of the street. Despite the cooler weather, there were people outside hanging out and drinking. Zack greets a few of the teenagers as we make out wat to the front door and let ourselves in. It was just like in the movies. The house was so crowded, Zack and I had to nearly squeeze our way to the kitchen.

“Wow, Val and Michelle really outdid themselves,” I comment eyes the several types of booze that set on the counter.

“You’re damn right we did,” I hear behind me. Michelle stood with a huge smile on her face. She had a can of beer in one hand and a plastic cup in the other. “It’s about damn time you two got here.”

“Sorry, some of us had to work tonight,” Zack joked, grabbing a plastic cup.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Excuses, excuses,” she winks. “Well, help yourself to whatever. Liquor is on the counters, as you see. Jello shots are made extra strong and they’re in the refrigerator with the beer.” And with those final words, she grabs another beer out of the refrigerator and disappears into the crowd.

“Well, pick your poison,” Zack says. He fills his cup with some sort of liquor while I try to decide.

I didn’t want to get slobbering drunk, so I decided on a beer. I was never a huge fan of the brand they had, but it was a smart choice seeing how popular it was. I also pulled out two jello shots.

“Let’s see what that tongue can do, Baker.” I hand him a jello shot.

Zack looked taken aback from a brief moment. “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours,” he winks and it’s nearly enough to make my heart explode.

I shake my head, laughing and prepare the jello shot. Zack prepares his as well by running his finger between the jello and the wall of the plastic cup.

“Cheers,” I raise my small, one-ounce cup in the air.

Zack gently taps his jello shot with mine. “Cheers.”
I pop the jello shot into my mouth, nearly choking on the taste. Michelle wasn’t lying when she said they were strong. I quickly recover before Zack has time to notice my sour-looking face and crack open my beer.

“Well, what do you want to do first?” I ask.

“How about we go make our rounds and see who is here and avoid the people we don’t like?” Zack suggested.

So, that’s what we did. I don’t know how much time passed but it must have been a couple of hours or more. Zack and I took turns grabbing each other more drinks. I began to feel loosened up around Zack and all his friends he kept introducing me to. It was crazy how many people Zack and the twins knew outside of school, that didn’t keep me from noticing Gena constantly watching us. Well, not us necessarily but Zack and occasionally me. For the first time in a long time, I felt powerful. I don’t know exactly why, and I had to keep reminding myself it wasn’t technically true, but it felt like I had something, or rather someone, she wanted. It felt good but I knew it wasn’t like that. Zack and I were just friends. Gena, however, thought we were more and it felt good, I couldn’t deny that.

Though, I couldn’t deny another feeling I had either. The way Zack kept me at his side the entire night made me wonder if Zack asked me to go to the party with him to make Gena jealous. That thought made me feel not-so-powerful. I didn’t like the thought of being used, especially by Zack. I cared about him and I could live with being just friends but I couldn’t live with being used by him.

I felt uncomfortable and suddenly I wanted to go home. I wanted to crawl in bed and pull my blankets up and over my head but I couldn’t do that. I wouldn’t allow myself to do that. I would, however, allow myself to drink.

“I’m out,” I announce to Zack and the few people around us.

“Okay, it’s my turn. You want the same thing or…?” Zack trailed off, reaching for my cup.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll get it,” I tell him.

Without waiting for a response, I turn and submerge myself into the crowd. I make my way to the kitchen, keeping my head down. Suddenly, I felt out of place and I wondered if I could find a place to hide out until it was acceptable to leave.

I start to make myself a jack and coke; I down half of it and then refill my cup. I turn and lean against the counter. Zack couldn’t use me. He just wouldn’t; there were plenty of chicks I'm sure that he could use to make his ex-girlfriend jealous. Why put in the extra effort just to use someone? It didn’t make sense.

“Hey, chick!” Val greeted as she walked into the kitchen, she threw away her beer and grabbed a plastic cup.

“Hey, Val,” I smiled. I hadn’t seen her since Zack and I arrived. She looked a tad sweaty and I assumed she had been off dancing with Matt or some of her friends. “Great party.”

“Yeah?” Val smiled, clearly proud of her and her sisters work. “Not bad for something we planned so quickly, huh?”

“Quickly?” I ask. I wouldn’t necessarily call a month’s worth of planning something hasty.

Maybe if it were for a wedding or something similar but for a high school party? Aren’t these things usually planned on a whim?

“Yeah, we just had like a week to get the word out about the party,” Val replied. “Michelle kind of decided last minute that she wanted to have one. It would have been easier if we were in school, you know? Pass notes and fliers or whatever during class. But with everyone out of town for Christmas, I just didn’t know how many people were going to attend. I’m glad it turned out so well.”

“You only had a week to plan?” I ask, confused. Zack said he wanted to ask me to come with him right after Thanksgiving it didn’t make sense.

Val nodded. “Yeah. Did you see that super cute top Michelle’s wearing? I got it for her for Christmas. Well, I actually bought it for myself, too, but don’t tell her,” she laughs. I try to, too, but can’t find it in me to focus on her jokes. “Anyway, she wanted to throw a party so she could show it off, I guess. So why not a New Year’s Eve party? Our parents are in Denver anyway, so it worked…”

“Sheridan?” Val and I snapped our attention to Michelle who suddenly ran into the kitchen.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Val and I asked her at the same time.

“Well, your, uh…super attractive and super buff cop brother is outside trying to shut down my party. Can you like…go tell him to go away?” She gave me a hopeful look.

I thought she was joking. I mean, she must have been, right? How was I supposed to go tell my abusive big brother to go away?

“Please, before he scares everyone away,” Val begged.

My feet were moving before I could stop them. They carried me out of the kitchen. My brother stood off to the side with another cop that was checking ID’s. I approached him, slowly; insecurely. His eyes flicked towards me and he smirked the kind of smirk that made me feel uncomfortable. The desire to go home, crawl into bed and hide under the blankets – this time with the door locked – began to swell in my chest.

“Little sister, I know for a fact that you are not twenty-one, so what on earth are you doing at a party serving alcohol?”

“Eli, can I talk to you?” I ask.

“I have to shut this party down, little sis. It’s my job,” he says.

I shifted from one foot to the other. “But what if…you don’t?”

Eli arched a brow. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because I literally never ask you for anything.”

“And?”

“Come on! Please?” I felt stupid. “These are my friends, Eli. We’re not doing anything wrong!”

“Drinking while you’re under the age of twenty-one is illegal, Sheridan. That means it’s wrong,” Eli smiles. He was loving this. It made me sick to my stomach. “So, if you and your friends aren’t doing anything wrong, you guys won’t mind taking a breathalyzer test.”

“Eli…” I start but he interrupts me.

“What about that prick, Zack? I’m sure he’s not twenty-one and I'm sure he’s probably around here drunk.”

“Leave him out of this…” Why was I protecting him? He lied to me.

Eli arched his brow and opened his mouth to say what I'm sure was going to be a sarcastic remark. Before he could utter a word, however, a blonde appeared at our side.

“Oh, officer, we’re just trying to blow off some steam. We’re mostly seniors trying to have some fun before we graduate and have to go out in the real world. Surely you know what it feels like to need to blow off some steam, being a police officer; sacrificing your life every single day for people who don’t even appreciate all the challenging work you do.”

Gena was flirting with him. She was flirting with my brother and…he was enjoying it. He laughed as she touched his arm and I just stood there.

Finally, Gena says, “Come one, when do you get off? You should stay party with us.”

Eli laughed. “Party with a bunch of underage high schoolers? I could get in a lot of trouble.”

“Oh, come on. Who’s going to tell? In order for them to report you, they’d have to admit they were one of the underage high schoolers. You know, your friend can stay too the more hot guys the merrier,” Gena replied.

Eli’s partner mumbled something in Eli’s ear which caused Eli to grin. “Alright,” Eli gives in, “It is our job to protect and serve, so…”

“Great!” Gina exclaimed. She grabbed Eli’s hand, “You can dance with me, then.”

I watched Gena and Eli in horror as they walked off and the music started up again. Eli’s partner gave me a look that made me feel uncomfortable but it was probably only because I was already feeling uncomfortable. Gena didn’t know what she was getting herself into. She didn’t know the kind of person Eli was. Again, before I knew what I was doing, my feet were moving me towards Eli and Gena.

The party resumed as if it never stopped. I pushed through the crowd of people until I reached Gena who was grinding up against my brother.

“Gena, can I speak to you?” I ask her. I had no idea what I was going to tell her. I certainly wasn’t going to tell her the truth.

“What?” She scoffed, “No.”

“Gena, it’s…it’s important. Please.”

She rolls her eyes and turns in Eli’s arms, so they're facing each other. Eli ran his hands all over Gena's body and I felt like I was going to be sick in the middle of the makeshift dancefloor when he buried his face in her neck.

“Gena…”

“Go find Zack, Sheridan. You’ve been attached to his arm all night so, go back to him and leave me alone.”

I opened my mouth to reply but before I could, Eli responded. “Go away, little sis.”

I don’t go away, I stand there and I want to pull Gena away from them, to protect her but I don’t. There’s no use in making a scene. There’s no use in making a scene when I can’t tell anyone the real reason why I don’t want him around her or anyone else for that matter. I couldn’t tell them the truth, about everything he does to me.

So instead of making a scene, I walk away. No, walk isn’t the right word. I basically run away. If it wasn’t for the herd of people in my way I would have sprinted. I found myself in the upstairs bathroom and shut and lock the door behind me.

My chest tightened and I couldn’t breathe. I felt like my chest was caving in on me. I was going to die. I was going to die in Michelle and Val’s bathroom while Gena danced with my rapist brother and Zack flirted with God knows who.

I wanted to go home. I wanted to go home and cry but I couldn’t seem to pick myself off the floor. Instead, I sat on the floor and hoped they had cleaned the floor recently. And cried. I cried for what felt like hours.

Eventually, I was able to calm myself down and I washed my face off in the sink. Makeup and small fragments of my dignity ran down the drain but I didn’t care. I felt like crap. Gena was in trouble, and there was nothing I could do about it. I was a coward.

The party is still going on when I exit the bathroom. I feel better but I still feel like I no longer belong there. I head to the kitchen I grab a plastic cup, this time filling it with water instead of the assorted booze that still remained. Without talking to anyone, and keeping my head down, I headed out the front door. I was going to sober up a bit more and then go home.

The front lawn is empty now and the silence comforts me. I sit on the porch and sip my water, wondering what I'm going to do after tonight. Everything felt so wrong. I empty my cup and am about to start the journey home when the door opens. Loud music seeps from the opening but is muffled again once the door is closed.

“Oh, hey, I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

I don’t have to turn around to recognize who is speaking to me. “Yeah, I was just about to leave,” I reply.

Zack joins me on the steps. “I heard your brother showed up and Gena talked him out of shutting down the party, that’s pretty cool.” He pulls out a cigarette and places it between his lips.

“Yep.”

“Pretty cool of Gena to get him to back off, huh?” He asks. I don’t look at him directly but out of my peripheral vision, I can see him light his cigarette and take a drag.

Yeah, but at what cost? “I guess so.”

“Are you okay?” Zack asks me. “Did your brother do or say something to upset you?”

“I’m fine.”

Zack doesn’t reply immediately. “Did I do or say something to upset you?”

“I’m fine,” I repeat.

Zack sighs. “Sheridan…”

“I just don’t like being lied to,” I tell him and then stand up. “I was actually just leaving, so…”

“Wait, Sheridan,” I hear Zack stand up as I begin to walk off. “Wait. What did I lie about?”

I sigh. “it’s been a really rough night. I don’t really want to get into it right now.”

Zack shakes his head. “No, wait…” I do as I'm told. Not because he told me to but because I wasn’t ready to walk away from Zack. I wasn’t ready to not have that feeling I had when he was around. “Sheridan, I didn’t lie to you about anything, I swear.”

“Really? Because Val says this party wasn’t planned until Christmas day but you said you planned on asking me a month ago.”

“Oh, that…”

“Yeah, that.” I spat, rolling my eyes and turning to leave.

Zack grabs my arm before I can take two steps. “No, it’s not what you’re thinking, I promise.” Reluctantly, I turn back to him. “You’re right. I lied about that but only because I didn’t want to tell you the truth.”

“Yeah, that’s usually why people lie, Zack,” I shove my hands on my hips.

“I know, I know, it’s just…I didn’t want to…I don’t know, freak you out or something.”

“Freak me out?” I ask.

“Yeah, you see, I was…” Zack takes a deep breath as though he was preparing himself to break shocking news to someone, “I was going to ask you if you wanted to go out on, like, a date.”

You could have knocked me over with a feather. A date? Like… a date-date? I didn’t think Zack liked me like that. Maybe he didn’t. I mean, there was a reason he didn’t ask. Maybe he changed his mind.

“So, then, why didn’t you?”

Zack shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean, you’re kind of intimidating.”

“Me? Intimidating?”

“A little. It’s just you’re super smart and beautiful. I just didn’t want you to say no and if it makes things weird between us or ruin our friendship.”

“Oh…” Did he just call me beautiful?

“But in all honesty, I didn’t lie to hurt you or whatever it is you’re thinking.”

I wasn’t sure what to say. “Okay…” I trail off.

Zack didn’t say anything for a moment, then he tosses his cigarette to the ground and stomps it out. “Well, I guess I'm going to head back inside.” I nod, still unsure of what just happened and he turns to go back into the house.

Zack was going to ask me out. He had plans to ask me out on a date. He didn't bring me to the party to make anyone jealous. He brought me because he genuinely enjoyed my company. He enjoyed me enough to want to take me out on a date. And I was just going to let him walk away?

“Zack,” the word came out of my mouth in a rushed tone. Zack was reaching for the door but stopped and turned around. I wanted for him to say anything but he didn't. Now it was my turn to take a deep breath. “I would love to go on a date with you sometime.”

Notes

Hey guys! Long time no see! So sorry this took so long. I just couldn't find the inspiration or anything when it came to writing. Finally, i forced myself to write something and then all of a sudden i had almost 5000 words written. So, i hope this chapter wasn't so boring.
Over the past few weeks ive tried to get a timeline for this story so i know what will take place in each chapter, originally i did it so maybe i could figure out something i could write, but then found out that i should have started this story off later in the school year. So, this story will have 25 chapters and it's gonna have some time gaps here and there and im really sorry about that. i will try to make it flow as best as i can but i know exactly how i want this story to end and it has to end on a particular day to work out. anyway. thank you all for reading! please don't forget to rate, comment and subscribe! love and miss you all! hopefully ill update again soon.

Huge shout out to HometownGlory, Avengedlover, MeRi and Tina7x for commenting on the previous chapter.

Title Credit: Hollywood Undead: "California"