Unholy Confessions

"Fucking go! What the fuck are you doing?" Brian yelled at the TV. I was in the living room with the guys watching the football game. Jets were winning, but I guess we were all rooting for the Colts.

"Get into it, Court!" Brooks exclaimed as I sat calmly on the recliner across from them.

"I don't get crazy over teams I don't like," I said, smirking.

"Oh right, you like the fucking Saints," Matt said.

"Guess what? Fuck you!" I said, laughing.

"We don't like either of them, but we did bet on the Colts," Zacky said.

"Why does football night have to be here?" I muttered.

"Because everyone else has kids or pregnant wives that don't appreciate the sport," Brian said like it was obvious.

"What about fiancees that don't enjoy constant yelling?" I asked mockingly. He glanced at me with that smirk I died for: His jaw was set, the slightest curl to his lips, and his one eyebrow slightly raised. The same smirk that would've terrified me six years ago.

"Then go upstairs," he teased.

"I will!" I said. "But I'm taking a beer with me."

"That's football beer!" Johnny yelled.

"Don't care!" I went into the kitchen, getting one from the fridge and took it upstairs to my room. I set it down on the coaster I had next to the lamp and opened my laptop.

I turned Spotify on and started going through my novel, thinking.

What if I did turn it into an autobiography? It would be a story of survival and love, surprisingly from the same person. Would that be glorifying abuse?

I got through seven pages of revisions as I quietly sung along to whatever was playing.

"How does it feel to stand on the very stones that ran with your parents' blood? Do you feel sad, full of rage? Or does that outfit help bury your feelings?" I whispered with Panic! At The Disco's "Mercenary".

I felt hands spread on my shoulders and lips next to my ear, before I heard Brian's husky voice whisper with the song, "Hiding your true self, you're a truly extraordinary specimen. I look forward to breaking you."

I hit pause and spun around. "Must you?"

"What?" he asked innocently.

"You know what shit like that does to me," I said.

He winked. "Maybe."

"I was working!"

"Okay, I'm sorry," he said, "but the guys left and I was lonely."

"Mhm, I bet."

"Can't we do something together? You're up here all the time by yourself until like three in the morning."

"Because I work better at night, Brian, I told you that."

"I know..." He shoved his hands into his pockets before he said, "I just miss when we spent every second together."

"Wasn't that last week?" I asked.

He chuckled. "Funny. Really though, can't we watch a movie?"

"What movie?"

"I dunno, anything."

I sighed, shutting my computer. "I suppose."

We walked downstairs and he already had the Xbox set up. I grab the controller, plopping down on the couch.

"Have you looked at the deals with Live this month yet?" I asked, going to the store section.

"Nah, go ahead and look," he said, going into the kitchen.

I scrolled through new games and then the "Recommended" section, stopping on one I thought sounded good. Brian came back in while I was reading the summary.

"Absolutely not," he said.

"Why not? It looks good and it's on sale," I whined.

"It looks scary as fuck, too. I'll be the one playing it while you hide behind a pillow."

"No I won't!" I exclaimed, pushing him. "And don't be such a pussy."

He raised his eyebrows at me. "Oh really?"

I nodded, smirking.

He took the controller from me, pressing "buy" and said under his breath, "watch what I'll do to your pussy later."

"Excuse me?" I asked, laughing.

"Oh, nothing."

"Weirdo."

It downloaded quick and we started it. The game was called Layers of Fear and it was a psychological horror game. It centered around an artist who apparently lost his family and he searches his house for various things so we can understand what happened to him.

Brian got really into it, but he was right; it was scary as shit. There were more than a few times I screamed and he jumped. We'd have to pause it to compose ourselves and then we'd keep going. It took a few hours to complete it, but it was fun.

As the credits rolled, Brian set the controller down on the table, saying, "That was insane."

Reading from my phone, I said, "And that was just one ending. There are three different endings depending on what you did in the game and what items you collected."

"Well, we're not gonna find out because I can't do that again."

"Brian, it wasn't that bad," I said, scooting closer to him and hugging his arm.

"So I can't laugh when you can't sleep or wake up with a nightmare?"

"Nope!" I laughed until I remembered the nightmares I had years ago. The ones of my parents and of Brian. He noticed my sudden change.

"What's wrong?"

"Just remembered something," I said, standing up. "But it's late, we should get to bed."

"You head up, I'll turn this off and whatever," he said.

I went to our room and started changing for bed, undressing down to my underwear and pulling on a tanktop.

"I like this view," Brian said, walking in over to me. He stood behind me and looked at me through the mirror on the closet door.

"I bet." I threw my shirt into the hamper and his arms closed around my waist.

"You've grown up so much," he murmured with his lips against my hair.

"You say that all the time," I said, resting my hands on his.

"Because it's true. In every way, you've grown physically and mentally, and I love you more every single day for the woman you've become."

"You're getting gross," I said, turning to face him.

"But honest." He leaned down and kissed me and his grip tightened.

"So what were you saying you were going to do earlier?" I asked quietly smiling. "You know, after I called you a pussy."

"What I said was before I realized how fucking tired I was," he said, frowning. "I'm exhausted with everything going on, I'm sorry."

"It's fine, babe," I said. "We have forever, right?"

"Of course." He kissed me one more time before we crawled into bed and he turned the light out.

I laid in the crook of his arm with my head on his chest as we both fell asleep.

***

"Come here, you fucking bitch!" he yelled, his voice ringing throughout the house.

I ran through the hall into my room and into the closet. I tried running as quietly as I could, but I had to go quick. I knew hitting him was a stupid idea, but I couldn't let him do what he was going to do. I couldn't do it again.

I could hear him singing to himself as he searched.

"Know it's too late, you've wasted all your time," he whispered, entering my room. His slow footsteps shadowed by the door and I covered my mouth with my hand. My heart was pounding so hard I could barely breathe.

"What the fuck, where did you go?" he muttered, leaving the room.

Tears spilled over as I let out a breath, but just like that, the door flung open.

"Hey baby," he said, grinning.

"Brian, please," I cried, more tears flowing down my cheeks.

"Come on out, see the bruise you gave me," he growled, grabbing me by my hair and pulling me out.

I let out a short yelp as he let go and took my wrist instead, pulling me up so we were eye to eye. He was right, the corner of his eye was slightly swollen and his cheek had already started tinting purple.

"What am I going to tell the guys about this?" he asked quietly, his voice dripping with innocence.

I didn't say anything.

"I'll figure it out," he sighed, "but until then, we have something else to tend to."

"No, please!" I screamed.

"God, shut the fuck up," he muttered, yanking me out into the hallway and to his bedroom.

I shot up out of bed and felt my heart racing.

It was just a dream, Courtney. Everything is fine.

I looked to my side and saw Brian peacefully asleep, looking significantly different (older) than he did from that dream.

From that memory.

I rubbed my eyes and pulled my hair over my face, trying to take in a scent and feeling that would bring me back to the present. I was wide awake, there was no way I was going back to sleep.

I carefully got out of bed and walked downstairs, taking into account I was walking the same path as I did when I had to hide from him. Once I got to the kitchen, I put a K-cup into the Keurig along with a mug and waited for it to pour out, letting my mind wander.

I hit him that day. I believe it was the fourth time he wanted to have sex with me, and I was terrified, rightfully so. He said or did something and I knew what it meant, so I punched him and ran for it. It stunned him for only a second, but it gave me enough time to get away from him. He said he respected me for trying, but I'm not sure if I would've been better off just taking it instead of running, because that time was one of the worst.

I would much rather have had a nightmare about that goddamn game.

I turned the Keurig off and mixed creamer and sugar into the coffee, taking it back upstairs with me to my room. I sat down at the desk, turning my computer on and still had images from the nightmare in my head. I looked at the time. It was only 3:30.

I chugged the entire mug and got to work on whatever I could find to get my mind off of everything. I didn't want to work on the book, so I found other poetry or really anything else I had that didn't remind me of Brian. I had my headphones on with my music turned up pretty loud, so it scared the living shit out of me when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

I tore the buds out of my ears and spun around, coming face to face with a very tired Brian.

"What are you doing?" he asked, eyeing my mug.

"Just getting work done," I said, forcing myself to not cringe away from his hand.

"It's four in the morning, Court, come back to bed."

"I'm not tired."

He sighed and sat down in the chair next to my desk. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Look at me," he said, raising his voice a little. My breath caught in my throat as I met his gaze. "Tell me what's going on."

"I just had a bad dream," I murmured. "It's really not important."

"It is, Courtney. Was it about me?"

I turned my chair back to face my computer, but Brian shut the top.

"Stop," I said, staring at his hand.

"No, you need to tell me what's wrong-"

"No!" I yelled at him, turning back to him. "Just stop! I don't want to talk about it and it doesn't matter! Just leave me alone!" I pushed his hand off the laptop and opened it again. I could feel the disbelief radiating off of him. I glanced over and his face was a mix of anger and hurt and confusion. Before I could say anything, he got up and walked out.

I held my head in my hands as my throat became dry and tears pricked my eyes. After a little bit I felt exhausted, so I shut my computer down and went across the room to the futon that was against the wall. Pulling the blanket off the back of it, I laid down and fell asleep within minutes.

***

I woke up to a pain in my shoulder and groaned. I remembered where I was and groaned louder. I was hoping all of last night was a bad dream, not just the one part. I opened my eyes and gasped as I saw Brian sitting at my desk, facing me.

"You good?" he asked with an amused expression on his face.

"Fantastic," I muttered.

He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. "Are you ready to talk now?"

"I thought you were mad," I whispered.

He half smiled. "I was upset, but I get it."

I pulled the blanket up to my chin. "I don't know if I want to tell you."

"Do you want to play the question game?"

I nodded. The question game was something he came up with so I wouldn't have to verbally speak of things I didn't want to talk about. Instead, he would ask questions and I would just say yes or no or nod or whatever. It made things a lot easier on both of us so times like last night didn't happen.

"Was the dream about me?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said quietly.

"Was it of something that actually happened?"

"Yes."

"From one of the first times?"

I nodded.

He watched me as he thought about it. "It wasn't about the first?"

I shook my head. "When I hit you," I whispered.

He nodded, remembering.

I snuggled deeper into the couch and he walked forward to sit on the ground in front of me.

"Why did it scare you?" he asked.

"Just reminded me of you how used to be," I said.

"That's never going to happen again, that's not me anymore. You know that, right?"

"Yeah," I agreed, relaxing a little.

His hand reached up and caressed my cheek. "I love you, Princess."

"I love you, too."

He smiled a little. "Get up so we can do something with our day."

"Like what?"

"I don't know, Ill figure it out." He winked at me and I smiled. He stood up and walked out of the room as I stretched. The dream was still in the back of my head, itching at me to think more about it. I pushed it away as far as I could as I walked to the bathroom to take a shower.

Notes

Chapter title credit: P!ATD as stated in the chapter
Second chapter! Feels slow to me but maybe just cos it's starting out, new storyline really with new problems and whatnot. I'm hoping for the drama to really kick up in the next couple chapters, if not the very next one. I'm glad you guys are liking this so far, it means a lot. I'm very appreciative.
As always, don't forget to comment! Thank you!