Playing With Fire

I awoke just as I heard the shower turn on, groggily rubbing my eyes. My head was throbbing, I needed some Advil pronto. I propped up on my elbow, glancing over at the other side of the bed. The hefty comforter was thrown over and the sheets messy at best. I pulled the comforter closer to my body when I noticed a damp towel lay next to the bed, my clothes nowhere in sight.

I uneasily looked around for any sign of anything that could tell me what happened last night. I darted my eyes, left to right to left. There was an empty Jack Daniels bottle on the end table with two cups, presumably with the remaining liquor in them.

I laid back, trying to piece together what happened. I’ve got to stop getting drunk around Zack, I never remember anything. I highly doubt we slept together, just like last time. Kissed, probably fooled around a bit, but Zack would never go for me. Especially drunk me. Yikes.

I sighed deeply, trying to calm myself. Nothing happened. The shower shut off and my heart suddenly started beating out of my chest. What was I going to say? Should I just pretend I’m asleep? The door knob started turning and I flipped over quickly, shutting my eyes.

Moments went by before Zack chuckled.

“I know you’re awake. I saw you roll over.” Dammit.

“What?” I said in my best sleepy voice and he laughed again, nodding his head in fake agreement. Zack walked further into the room, adjusting the towel around his waist. He began rummaging through his bag before throwing out a pair of jeans and black t-shirt, typical Zacky Baker style. He ran his hand through his jet black hair before quickly slipping on a pair of boxers, letting the towel drop simultaneously. I gulped.

“So, your flight leaves in a few hours if you wanna shower or whatever…” he trailed off, as he sat on the end of the bed. I nodded and picked at my nail beds. He cocked his head and studied my face. I could feel his smirk without looking. “You okay?”

I looked up to see his eyes burning a hole right through me, causing me to pull the comforter closer to my chin. “Yeah, just tired,” I lied. He gave me the look he always gave when he knew I wasn’t telling the truth. “And hungover,” I added. We both chuckled in unison.

“I feel you. Go take a cold shower, it’ll make you feel better.” Zack got up from his place and the bed and began to act busy.

The cold water stung and felt relieving all at once. I let the water run through my hair for a few minutes before washing off last night’s sins. Should I ask Zack what happened, for the second time? What would happen if we did…? Just never talk about it again?

I towel dried my hair and decided to put just foundation and mascara on.
“Hey Zack, will you bring my bag in here? I forgot to grab clothes,” I asked out the cracked door. Moments later, he stands with my bag in his hand. I smiled, silently thanking him. He stood in the doorway for more than a few seconds while I rummaged through my bag.

“So we’re still friends, right?” he spoke up. My facial expression must have answered for me. “After last night and stuff...it’s not gonna be weird around the guys and stuff? Especially Matt.”

“Uh, yeah, we’re friends still...why are you asking me that?” I let the last part out with a giggle. He looked at me dumbfoundedly and shook his head.

“Damn CJ, you really gotta stop blacking out,” he walked away.

“What do you mean?” I chased after him.

“You never remember anything. I could have done anything to you and you wouldn’t have known.” Zack’s body language was not like the happy-go-lucky person I came here with. It was now protective and almost suffocating. “Imagine if I was someone who didn’t have your best interest in mind.”

I was confused and taken back. “Please explain what you’re talking about.”

“We hooked up last night.” Zack paused, allowing me time to let that fact process. “If I wasn’t standing here, telling you, you could have found out later and claimed rape. Because you didn’t remember agreeing to it.”

He sat down on the bed, running his hands through his hair. “I knew better than to do it under these circumstances. I knew better,” Zack said to himself.

“You did agree to it, just so you know,” he told me. I stood there for a few moments, adjusting my towel. I observed Zack and it came to my attention how much he really did have my best interest in mind. He didn’t want to do it under those circumstances, then why did he? After a few minutes, I broke the silence.

“So...how was I?”

Zack looked up at me, studying me to make sure he heard me correctly, and let out a chuckle. “You were...flawless.”

I sat down on the bed next to him. “I’m sure you were great too,” I laid my head on his shoulder. In reply, he set his hand on my bare thigh. We sat there for a few minutes like that before I glanced at the clock and sprang up.

“Fuck, we have to get to the airport. My flight leaves in an hour.”
Half an hour later, we stood at the end of the security line. He pulled me aside and gave me the biggest bear hug Zack’s ever given me.

“Be careful. Don’t crash and die cause then I’ll have no one to pick on,” I pushed him out of our hug and he nudged me. We laughed just like we always have. “Last night changed nothing, right?”
I shook my head no. “Promise?” I held on my pinky.

“Pinky promise.”

Zack pulled me into another hug. “Love you CJ.” I paused for a moment, realizing this is the first time he’s ever said that to me. Before I could come up with another reply, my mouth was moving.

“Love you too Zacky.”

I pulled away and looked at his eyes one more time, the last time I will for a while. But when I looked into his eyes, the blue tile below our feet turning them a lighter shade of green, my heart felt...different. It felt full. As if I’d be content looking at those eyes for the rest of my life.

I turned away just as the line began moving and headed to security. Zack waved goodbye one more time before walking down the long corridor. I breathed in deeply. Is this what love felt like?

Boarding had just been getting ready to end when I made it to the gate. Luckily the nice ticket lady stopped them from shutting the door.

I got sat next to a family of five with twin infants. But my mind and heart were too high on this new feeling to even register the annoying whining I had to endure for the next three hours. I decided to shut my eyes and take a nap, blissfully unaware my life was about to do a 180.

Notes

Hi all. No, I didn't die or drop off the face of the Earth. I decided to take an unannounced hiatus from writing due to my mental health and my deteriorating relationship with myself. (Funny way of putting it, right?) But, now that I have learned new ways of coping with my semi-crippling anxiety and depression, I'm taking another hack at writing. So, that's basically why this chapter sucks and is ultra boring. BUT, hopefully this will get the creative juices flowing again.

As always, thank you for sticking with me and commenting on this while it was VERY inactive. Subscribe, comment, rate, tell ya friends. All very much appreciated. :)

Title credit: Jason Aldean "Fly Over States"