Spencer

There was a small streak of light peeking its way through the curtain when I wake. I groan as my head begins to pound. I pull the comforter up over my head and shove my head into the pillow. It takes me a couple of seconds to realize this wasn't the tour bus. I threw the blankets back and rose up. A sigh of relief escaped once I realized I was in Matt’s bedroom. I looked down and tensed when I noticed the clothing I was wearing one of Matts t-shirts. Did he change me? Or did we...oh, God, did I sleep with him? Zack would never forgive...

My thoughts were interrupted by another thought, a memory. Zack cheated on me. He cheated on me with Gena. He has made me feel like absolute shit for cheating on him with some stranger, and this whole time he's been cheating on me with his ex-wife...no, not ex-wife - they were still married. They were still married and he kept it from me.

I started to cry and so I laid back down and pulled the blanket back over my head. My heart hurt and I wished I was still drunk. I hoped I didn't do anything stupid last night but at the same time I didn't care.

I woke up again sometime later. My head didn't throb as bad. I laid there for a moment before getting out of bed. I wasn't wearing pants or underwear so I grabbed a pair of Matt's sweats and slipped them on. Matt was a foot taller than me, so they were way too long. I tightened the string around them and tied them so they'd stay on my hips and then did my best to roll them up so I wasn't tripping on them and then walked downstairs.

Matt was playing on his Xbox, his bare back was to me and he was too busy mouthing someone in the headset to notice me. I walked into the kitchen. My stomach was queasy but I grabbed a water from the refrigerator anyway and walked back into the living room. As soon as he felt the extra weight on the couch he looked over at me and without a word to his component, turned off the console and ripped his headset off his head.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" He asked.

"Did you dress me or...?" I asked. I had to know. I needed to know if we slept together but I couldn't get the words to come out. Matt rolled his eyes and got off the couch. "Matt?" He seemed angry but I wasn't sure why. Was he mad that we had sex and I didn't remember it?

"Yeah, Evelyn. You threw up on your other clothes and you were too fucking drunk to change yourself, so what was I supposed to do, leave you in your puke clothes? Don't treat me like I'm some perverted creep when I was just helping you." Matt seethed.

I was taken back by his answer. I began to shake my head. "No, Matt. That's not what I meant at all. I was just asking...because well...I don't remember and..." I sighed not wanting to continue but I knew I had to. "I was just wondering if we slept together or not." My voice was quiet but I knew Matt had heard me because his face became soft and he joined me in the couch again.

He shook his head. "Spencer, I would never take advantage of you like that. I mean, we kissed...again, and you were a little...frisky, and I probably enjoyed it more than I should have and I'm sorry about that. But I would have never allowed sex to happen while you were inebriated."

I'm not sure what to say. I was - what did he say? - frisky with him and he enjoyed it but stopped before anything could really happen...Matt was speaking again before I could sort through all of my thoughts.

"You, uh, took your shirt off and then you kissed me. After the kiss, I was able to talk you into going to bed. So, we went upstairs and you said you needed to pee. Next thing I know I heard you getting sick, so I went to see if you were okay. You had gotten sick all down your chest and you were trying to get your bra off. So, I helped you and then helped you into the shower. I know, it's weird but what was I supposed to do, call Zack when you were begging me not to? I couldn't leave you covered in sick and I couldn't leave you alone in the shower in case you fucking fell. So, I held you up and kept my eyes off you. Got you out, dressed, and into my bed. Then I went to sleep in the guest room. No sex."

I listened to Matt explain what happened and I couldn't help but feel thankful for Matt. I was at a very, very low point last night and Matt took care of me. H didn't have to, he could have called Zack, but he didn't. He took care of me.

"Matt..." I began.

"I swear my intentions were good, Spence. I would never..."

"Thank you," I blurted out. He shut his mouth and looked at me. "You took care of me when you didn't have to. Thank you."

"You're welcome." He smiled slightly.

I nodded. "We need to talk about something else though and I need you to be completely honest with me."

"I didn't know about Gena, Spence, I swear." He said.

"No, I know." I said. "Matt, do you have...feelings for me? Like more-than-a-friend feelings?"
Matt doesn't answer for a long time. By time his reply comes I already know his answer. “I never meant for it to happen."

A part of me knew he had feelings for me since he kissed me but hearing him say it gave me a funny feeling I couldn’t put my finger on. "Since when?" I asked.

He shrugged in. “I’m not sure." I could only nod; I didn't know what to say. "It's not going to ruin our friendship, Spencer."

"Does Zack know?" I asked him. He shook his head.

We didn't speak for a few minutes. When I brought my attention back to him he had a look on his face that looked like a mashup between bliss and confusion.

“What are you thinking about?" I asked him.

Matt shook his head. "Nothing."

I shoot him a look. "Matt."

"I don't know" he starts off slowly. "I guess I just kind of think you have feelings for me too. And you're just too scared to admit it. I mean, you kissed me last night. I know you were drunk but...there has to be some part of you that likes me in more-than-a-friend way."

I don't reply to him. I always thought Matt was a super attractive, sweet, caring and all around amazing guy but I was with Zack. I loved Zack. I only wanted Zack. But what if there was no Zack? Then would I have feelings for Matt? I would have every reason in the world to. He was always there for me; he was always very good to me. He was my very best friend, though. I couldn't have feelings for him. I just couldn't.

"Oh, here's your phone," Matt hands it to me and I light up the screen. It's flooded with texts, phone calls and voicemails from Zack. I press my messages.

"Please call me." "Spencer, I love you." "I can explain. It wasn't what you think." "Just let me know you're okay." "You know I wouldn't cheat on you." "Please call me today. We need to talk about this."

I stopped reading them and put my phone away. I wasn't ready to speak to him or hear his voice. "What do you want to do today?" I asked Matt. I didn't want his confession to make things weird between us.

Matt sighed. "You need to call him, Spence."

"I will...when I'm ready." I said quietly.

He gave me a look. "He's probably worried sick about you."

"I don't care, Matt!" I half-yelled. "He's fucking married. He kissed his wife and I don't know if that means I got cheated on or if Gena got cheated on. I mean, he was with her before me and they never actually got a div..."

"Spencer, shut up," Matt shook his head. "You're thinking way too hard about this. Stick to the facts, okay? Stick to what we know."

"But..."

"We know Zack filed for divorce. We know he signed the papers. We know he loves you. He wanted to be with you - not Gena. He loves you - not Gena."

"Do we know what, Matt? You said it yourself he's been treating me like shit since I cheated on him. And you know, the only fucking reason I went out that night was because Zack and I got into a fight because he was texting her! His wife, Matt!"

"She is only his wife because of a stupid piece of paper, Spencer. She isn't his wife in his head, heart or eyes." Matt sighed.

"He should have told me," I told Matt.

He nodded in response. "I agree."

I sighed. I didn't know what to do. I needed more time but I didn't want to talk about it anymore. I wanted to ask Matt how he could push me towards Zack when he has feelings of his own for me, but I don't. Instead I ask again, "what do you want to do today?" I wasn't sure what was in store for me and Zack but I knew I wasn't ready to speak with him. I didn't know what was in store for me and Matt either, but as of right now he was the only one I could stand to be around. And I think that's a good thing.

Notes

Title credit: Avenged Sevenfold "The Stage"