The Fire and the Flood
23: I'm Not Giving Up, However Long It Takes
Zachary
I pulled up into a familiar driveway before taking a breath and staring at the house, wondering if I was doing the right thing by showing up here. I wasn’t. I needed to go home, pack, maybe try to get on an earlier flight. I needed to get away from here, away from life, but instead, I sat in my car in front of Matt’s house.
A part of me wanted to beat his ass, another part of me knew that wasn’t an option. I chewed on my lip, running through the conversation I had with Spencer a few hours ago at Big Bear. I needed to know if Matt and Vanessa were back together. If they were, I needed to know why – why he hurt Spencer, why he had me run after her.
I grab my keys and climb out of the car. I still don’t know how I'm going to approach him as I make my way to the front door. I knock on the door and then run my hand through my hair. I wanted a shower, or did I want a drink? I couldn’t tell. Both sounded excellent.
Matt answered the door before I could say anything his mouth was open and words were spilling out. “Dude, what the fuck. I’ve been calling you.”
“I know.” I had been ignoring his calls on purpose, I just wasn’t sure what to say to him.
He threw me an incredulous look. “So, what the fuck is going on? Is she okay?”
I sighed, shaking my head. I felt myself smiling but there was nothing funny about this situation.
“Why the fuck did you ask me to go check up on her and not tell me the real reason why she left?”
Matt shoved his hands in his pockets. “I didn’t know how.”
“So, are you and Vanessa back together? You fucked Spencer just to turn around and get back together with your fucking ex-wife? What the fuck dude? And then you had me chase after her for you? You knew I didn’t want anything to do with this bullshit!”
“I know, I know,” Matt replied. “Vanessa and I…we’re not together. She came back, and she wanted to get back together but…I wouldn’t do that to Spence, Z.”
I got the urge to punch him. “Why the fuck did you send me after her, Matt?! You sent me after her and you never even told me what the fuck happened!”
“I never asked you to chase after her, Zack! You did that on your own, I just wanted to know if you knew where she was,” Matt retorted.
Rolling my eyes, I said, “And I did because I know her better than you! She deserves better than you! She deserves better than someone who fucks her and then tells her to leave when the ex shows up!”
“Hey!” He yells, “Back the fuck off! You weren’t there, you don’t know what happened!”
“But it’s the truth, isn’t it?” I scoff, “Let her go. She deserves better.”
“Fuck you, dude! You don’t get to say what she deserves. You broke her heart, too, or are we just going to forget that happened? You gave her the cold shoulder for months! Months, Zack and as soon as she started to regain some hope, you fucking shattered it by cheating on her with Gena – your fucking wife!”
“Whatever, I have to go,” I turn, but Matt grabs my arm, turning my back to him forcefully.
“No, fuck that! We’re going to talk this through. Do you not want me to be with Spencer, Zack? Is that it? You changed your mind?” Matt asked.
I didn’t know why I was even having this conversation with him. I was pissed off at him, sure, but he was my brother. I didn’t want to fight him, I didn’t want things to go back to being bad. I just wanted him to not have feelings for Spencer. I wanted both of them to be happy but didn’t want them to be together.
“I have to go,” I repeated.
Matt pushes me. I stumble a few steps back, and my muscles tense out of reflex. I ball my fist but don’t move as Matt opens his mouth. “I fucking love her, dude. I tried to be considerate, and get your damn blessing or whatever but, you know, I don’t give a fuck anymore. You fucked up with her, okay? That’s your own god damn fault. I love her, and if you think I'm going to back down because you fucking decided you changed your mind or some shit, you have another thing coming.”
My jaw is clenched and I want to hit him. I don’t say anything, and we just stare at each other for what seems like an eternity. I turn on my heel and begin to walk back to my car but I couldn’t get in. Not yet.
When I turn around Matt is still standing in his doorway, staring at me. “I love her too, Matt. I’m not giving up either.” He doesn’t say anything, and neither do I. I give him a final shrug before getting in my car and driving up.
I wasn’t sure what was going to happen next. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen between me and Matt. The only thing I was sure about was that I wasn’t giving up on Spencer. I was going to win her back. I had to.
I pulled up into a familiar driveway before taking a breath and staring at the house, wondering if I was doing the right thing by showing up here. I wasn’t. I needed to go home, pack, maybe try to get on an earlier flight. I needed to get away from here, away from life, but instead, I sat in my car in front of Matt’s house.
A part of me wanted to beat his ass, another part of me knew that wasn’t an option. I chewed on my lip, running through the conversation I had with Spencer a few hours ago at Big Bear. I needed to know if Matt and Vanessa were back together. If they were, I needed to know why – why he hurt Spencer, why he had me run after her.
I grab my keys and climb out of the car. I still don’t know how I'm going to approach him as I make my way to the front door. I knock on the door and then run my hand through my hair. I wanted a shower, or did I want a drink? I couldn’t tell. Both sounded excellent.
Matt answered the door before I could say anything his mouth was open and words were spilling out. “Dude, what the fuck. I’ve been calling you.”
“I know.” I had been ignoring his calls on purpose, I just wasn’t sure what to say to him.
He threw me an incredulous look. “So, what the fuck is going on? Is she okay?”
I sighed, shaking my head. I felt myself smiling but there was nothing funny about this situation.
“Why the fuck did you ask me to go check up on her and not tell me the real reason why she left?”
Matt shoved his hands in his pockets. “I didn’t know how.”
“So, are you and Vanessa back together? You fucked Spencer just to turn around and get back together with your fucking ex-wife? What the fuck dude? And then you had me chase after her for you? You knew I didn’t want anything to do with this bullshit!”
“I know, I know,” Matt replied. “Vanessa and I…we’re not together. She came back, and she wanted to get back together but…I wouldn’t do that to Spence, Z.”
I got the urge to punch him. “Why the fuck did you send me after her, Matt?! You sent me after her and you never even told me what the fuck happened!”
“I never asked you to chase after her, Zack! You did that on your own, I just wanted to know if you knew where she was,” Matt retorted.
Rolling my eyes, I said, “And I did because I know her better than you! She deserves better than you! She deserves better than someone who fucks her and then tells her to leave when the ex shows up!”
“Hey!” He yells, “Back the fuck off! You weren’t there, you don’t know what happened!”
“But it’s the truth, isn’t it?” I scoff, “Let her go. She deserves better.”
“Fuck you, dude! You don’t get to say what she deserves. You broke her heart, too, or are we just going to forget that happened? You gave her the cold shoulder for months! Months, Zack and as soon as she started to regain some hope, you fucking shattered it by cheating on her with Gena – your fucking wife!”
“Whatever, I have to go,” I turn, but Matt grabs my arm, turning my back to him forcefully.
“No, fuck that! We’re going to talk this through. Do you not want me to be with Spencer, Zack? Is that it? You changed your mind?” Matt asked.
I didn’t know why I was even having this conversation with him. I was pissed off at him, sure, but he was my brother. I didn’t want to fight him, I didn’t want things to go back to being bad. I just wanted him to not have feelings for Spencer. I wanted both of them to be happy but didn’t want them to be together.
“I have to go,” I repeated.
Matt pushes me. I stumble a few steps back, and my muscles tense out of reflex. I ball my fist but don’t move as Matt opens his mouth. “I fucking love her, dude. I tried to be considerate, and get your damn blessing or whatever but, you know, I don’t give a fuck anymore. You fucked up with her, okay? That’s your own god damn fault. I love her, and if you think I'm going to back down because you fucking decided you changed your mind or some shit, you have another thing coming.”
My jaw is clenched and I want to hit him. I don’t say anything, and we just stare at each other for what seems like an eternity. I turn on my heel and begin to walk back to my car but I couldn’t get in. Not yet.
When I turn around Matt is still standing in his doorway, staring at me. “I love her too, Matt. I’m not giving up either.” He doesn’t say anything, and neither do I. I give him a final shrug before getting in my car and driving up.
I wasn’t sure what was going to happen next. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen between me and Matt. The only thing I was sure about was that I wasn’t giving up on Spencer. I was going to win her back. I had to.
Notes
Well, it looks like Zack is back in the game and with only one full chapter left! Is he too late? I dunnoooooo!! Thank you so much for reading! Sorry for the late update, y'all!
Title credit: Between the Trees "We Can Try"
Thank you to foREVer-A7X, AvengedLover, Hollie, ShadowSkye, imagine fiction, Kimmie, Mrs.Fiction and MeRi for commenting! Feedback is muchly appreciated, you guys!
@Holly
the letters are fixed! sorry it took so long, i couldn't find my memory stick!
p.s. thank you so much!!!
1/25/19