Zachary

“What? Matt, what do you mean you haven’t heard from her in a week?” I ask scrunching my eyebrows together.

Matt sighs into the phone. “I mean, I’ve called her, I went to her apartment, I’ve left her messages and nothing. She hasn’t returned any of my calls or stopped by. I don’t think she’s even been home. I’m worried dude.”

It was my turn to sigh into the receiver. I looked up to my ceiling and closed my eyes. Fuck. I really did not want to get in the middle of this but I knew I had to. I had to make sure she was okay; I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I at least didn’t check up on her. I take a deep breath. “Alright,” I exhale. “I think I know where she’s at. I’ll get back to you.”

Matt reluctantly said his goodbyes and I hung up the phone. I sat back on the couch and covered my face with my hands. I didn't want to do this; I wasn't ready to see Spencer. I should have told Matt where I thought she was, I should have told him to go deal with his own problems. I don't know why I didn't. I contemplated calling Matt back. My flight for New York left in the morning. I should be packing, getting ready for my week long trip –but I couldn't. I needed to go check on Spencer.

The trip to Big Bear isn't a very long one, not when you're used to driving city to city for months on end for a tour. I allow the radio to play, but I'm not listening to it. Spencer invades my thoughts and I allow it.

I don't know why I told Matt I was okay with him seeing Spencer. I wasn't okay with it one bit. I hated the thought of seeing them together, kissing. I didn't want them seeing each other but I knew they were going to either way. Matt was always the type to get the girl if he wanted her, even in high school. Chicks flailed themselves at him, his hazel eyes and his dimples. If he wanted Spencer, he was going to get her. I guess that's why I told him I was okay with them together. I would rather know about them seeing each other instead of them seeing each other being my back and telling our friends “were keeping it on the down low. Zack doesn't know yet”. I didn't want to be lied to.

God, what was I getting myself into? Making a two-hour trip to talk to Spencer about what her problem was? She isn't my problem anymore, we broke up. This should be Matt running after her. She was always running from something, running away from any sort of conflict – was I supposed to run after her every single time, even if the conflict has nothing to do with me? No.

But I will. I will because she's the love of my fucking life. Whether I want her to be or not, whether she wants to be or not, it's the truth. I will always love her. She was my best friend for years before we started dating, and now that we've broken up…I miss her. I miss her with every ounce of my being. I fucking hated it.

It was going to get easier, though. It was hard right now, so hard that there were some days I didn't want to get out of bed, but it would get easier. Eventually, seeing Matt and Spencer, hearing their names in the same sentence or thinking about them wouldn't cause the stinging in my heart that it causes now. I just needed time.

I spotted Spencer's car as soon as I pulled into the resort. She always stayed at the same group of cabins, the ones that faced the lake. I didn’t blame her – it was a beautiful view. I park my car next to hers but I don’t exit the vehicle, instead, I sit and stare at the front door of the cabin. I don’t know what I’m waiting for; I don’t expect her to come out; I don’t even expect her to know I’m here. Still, I sit there and wait.

At the five-minute mark, I realize what I’m waiting on. Myself. I groan and hang my head. Fuck, fuck, fuck. “Grow some balls, man,” I mumble before practically throwing myself out of the car. I wipe my hands on my jeans but the sweat recollects on my palms almost immediately. I rap my knuckles against the door and wait for Spencer to open the door. She doesn’t.

I inhale deeply and stuff my hands into my pockets before exhaling and kicking a pebble that was beside my shoe. I turned on my heel and headed back to my car. I tried. I came all this way to check up on her and if she doesn’t want to be checked up on what am I supposed to do? I stop two steps away from my car. Fuck. I couldn’t leave. I had to make sure she was okay.

Before I could change my mind again, I took the strides back to the door and threw it open. “Spencer,” I started but the room was empty.

Glancing around, I made my way towards the back of the cabin. If I knew Spencer, she would be on the back porch. And there she was. She was curled up on some patio furniture, a thin blanket tossed over her legs, a book in one hand and a coffee cup in her other.

Fuck, she looked beautiful. Instant flutters filled me and I felt an ache in my chest. Spencer must have sensed my presence because after a short moment she looked up.

“Zack…” she started. She set her book down, and then her coffee cup. “What are you doing here? Wait…how did you know I was here?”

I felt my cheeks tug my mouth into a small grin. “You always came here when we got into big fights.”

“Oh,” she said quietly, looking down.

I wanted to approach her but I couldn’t feel my legs. I couldn’t feel my hands, I couldn’t feel my face. The only thing I could feel was my heart pounding against my thoracic cage. My ribs vibrated from inside me as I stared at her.

“So, what are you doing here?” She asks me.

I wet my lips, hoping to find my voice again. “Um, Matt…he’s uh…he’s worried about you.”

She scoffed, glancing at me and shaking her head. “Oh, is he? Let him then.”

Spencer’s response shocks me but finally I’m able to move my feet. I take my first few steps to her. “What happened?” I don’t know if I want to know.

“He didn’t tell you? Or…you haven’t heard? I’m sure the entire town knows by now.” She tells me, looking away once more.

I pulled my eyebrows together. “No. He just said you guys got into a fight and you disappeared. I haven’t heard anything else.”

She takes a deep breath, still avoiding my gaze. “He and Vanessa got back together.”

There’s some news that could knock me over. I stared at her like she was crazy because she was – right? There was no way he and Vanessa were together. Vanessa has been gone for over a year. If she was back, he would have told me…right?

“What do you mean?” I ask her. It’s a stupid question but it’s all I could think about.

She shakes her head. “She came back. She woke us up banging on the door…and…and Matt asked me to leave. And So, I did! I just left! I just left wearing nothing but his shirt and…God, I’m so stupid! How could she come back? After all this time…and…”

Her lips kept moving but I stopped hearing her. She left wearing nothing but his shirt. Nothing but his shirt. They slept together? Spencer and Matt…slept…

The feeling was gut wrenching. I felt as though all the air was forced from my lungs and thought I could feel my heart physically breaking. “You…slept with…him?”

Spencer didn’t realize what she had said until I said something. Her face was panic-stricken. “Oh, Zack…I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean…I didn’t mean for that to come out.” I couldn’t answer her, I couldn’t look at her. I don’t know why I didn’t see this coming. It didn’t matter. I couldn’t be here, not anymore.

“I…I have to go,” I choke out. I turn before she can stop me and exit the back porch and re-enter the cabin.

I’m halfway to the front door when she stops me. Her fingers wrapped around my wrist are enough to make me melt there on the spot. “Zack, what are you doing here?”

“I told you,” I mumble, still facing away from her.

She doesn’t say anything for a long moment. She tugs slightly on my wrist, but I keep my feet planted, still staring at the door. Finally, she drops her hand and sighs. “If it makes you feel any better it was a mistake.”

It didn’t make me feel any better. It didn’t make me feel any better because no matter if it was a mistake, it still happened. She still slept with him and the only reason why she thinks it was a mistake is because she thinks Matt and Vanessa are together again and they’re not. As soon as she figures that out…they’ll be back at it again.

I cleared my throat, pulling myself together and gathering my courage as I force myself to face her. Now that she’s closer I notice her flaws, her beautiful, perfect flaws. The circles under her eyes are dark, her hair looks tangled and she looked a little pale. “Are you okay?” I ask her.

She nods. “Yeah, just…a lot on my mind.”

“Matt isn’t with Vanessa,” I admit. I would be lying if I said a part of me didn’t want her to know. A part of me wanted her to think Matt and Vanessa were back together forever but I couldn’t lie to her. She was hurting and there was no reason to.

“Zack, I'm glad the two of you have made up. And that you were so ready for me and Matt to get in a relationship or whatever but please don't lie for him,” Spencer sighs.

“Spence, he's been worried as fuck about you. He's been calling you, going by your apartment. Hell, he even called me even though I told him I wanted nothing to do with your relationship with him. He never even mentioned Vanessa.”

“Just because he didn’t mention her doesn’t mean they’re not together, Zack,” she countered crossing her arms.

“Look, this isn’t my problem, okay? I told Matt I would check up on you and I did. If you don’t want to believe me, fine, don’t but…I can’t do this.” I tell her rolling my eyes. Coming here was a mistake. Getting in between the woman I loved and her now-boyfriend-and-my-best-friend was a mistake. There was no way I was going to convince her that Matt and his ex-wife weren’t back together. That wasn’t my place, it’s none of my business and I didn’t care.

Okay, that was a lie. I cared. I fucking cared. That was one of the main reasons why I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t stay with her for another second. If I did, I knew I would do something that would cause more problems. More problems between me and her; between her and Matt; between me and Matt.

God, I wanted her. I wanted nothing more than to kiss her, to hold her, to tell her I loved her. I wanted to tell her the news that my divorce was finally finalized, for real this time but I couldn’t.

She wasn’t my girlfriend anymore and she definitely wasn’t my best friend anymore.

I ignore Spencer’s calls as I fled the cabin. The closer I got to my car the harder it was for me to breathe; the air was cold on my cheeks and as I pulled the door to my car open, I realized I was crying.

I was crying for her, for Spencer. My heart ached for her, it physically and painfully ached. Spencer stood in the doorway of the cabin, we locked eyes for a fraction of a second before I pulled out of the driveway.

The emotion inside me swells. It keeps swelling until eventually, I have to pull over. I slam my hands down onto the steering wheel, once, twice, three times before I rest my head on it. I yell out, hoping to release some of the emotion built up inside me. I had never felt so much emotion in my entire life. It was like I was feeling everything I've felt in the last six months all at once. Pain, anger, disappointment, betrayal, jealousy, confusion…the list went on. Nothing felt like it was going to be okay again. I was exhausted and lonely and crushed.

I didn’t know what I was going to do. I was stupid and I lost the love of my life. I lost her to my best friend who then broke her heart. I took a deep breath and wiped my face dry. As I exhaled, I closed my eyes. Fuck my life.

Notes

I'm not really happy with this chapter, but oh well. Thank you for reading! Three chapters left and I've finally decided how this is going to end! Anyone know who they want Spencer to end up with? :)

Thank you to Hollie, Kimmie, MeRi, imagine fiction, foREVer-A7X, Cheyenne16, Mrs.Fiction and ShadowSkye for commenting.

Title credit: Faber Drive "Second Chance"

Also, to those who read My Sweet Medusa: I'm hoping to update soon. Right now, I don't really have any inspiration for it but I'm hoping that changes any day now.