Spencer

Once I was finally able to find part of the Avenged crew to allow me to go backstage, I started looking for Zack immediately. This was all wrong, why was he so angry with me? Maybe last night he was drunk, maybe he didn’t mean anything he said and now that he’s sober he’s regretting what he said. I should have told him I was coming, I should have made sure it was okay for me to come. I’m so stupid, fuck.

“So, I guess you’re the reason for that little outburst?”

I turn around to see Brian standing behind me, he has a glass of wine in his hand. “Hey,” I breathe. “Have you seen him?”

I turn around to see Brian standing behind me, he has a glass of wine in his hand. “Hey,” I breathe. “Have you seen him?”

“What are you doing here, Spencer?” Brian asked.

I shook my head. Zack regretted it so much that he hadn’t even spoken to Brian about our conversation? Ouch. “I just want to talk to him.”

Brian stared at me for a moment and I could tell he didn’t want to tell me. Then, he caved. “I think they stepped outside.”

“They?” I asked.

“Matt and Zack,” he told me. “They’re yelling. Good luck.”

As if on cue, the yelling began again. I wince. “Don’t you want to come in case…”

Brian didn’t let me finish. “No way. I’m tired of their bullshit.” And with those final words he turned from me and walked into another room.

I approached the door the yelling was coming from and took a deep breath. Here goes nothing. The door opens and I step out into the night air. Zack and Matt looked like they were about to fist fight. Matt was a lot larger than Zack, but Zack looked much angrier so I’m not sure who would have won if fists were to fly.

As soon as the door closes it snaps Matt and Zack out of their altercation and they looked at me.

“Hi…” I said quietly and also a little awkwardly.

“Spence…” Matt breathed. “You are here, why are you here?”

“I…um…” God, I’m so stupid. I glanced at Zack. “Can I…can we talk?”

Zack looked surprised but reluctantly agreed. Matt looked at me with a look of confusion on his face before shaking his head and walking inside.

“So?” Zack said after the door closed.

“What are you guys arguing about?” I asked.

Zack stomps out his cigarette. “My cab is about to be here, Spencer.”

“Your cab?” I asked, confused.

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, Spencer, my cab. I’ve got to get out of here. I’m going home.”

“But…Zack, the tour…there’s still two weeks left.” I shook my head. “You can’t leave.”

Zack groaned. “Spencer, what are you doing here? What do you want?”

“Why are you being so mean?”

“I’m not, I just don’t understand what the fuck is wrong with you.” He yelled.

“Excuse me?” What the fuck was he talking about? “Zack, I don’t understand.”

“Drop the charade, Spencer. I caught your conversation with Matt last night. That’s what he and I were talking about. I suppose that’s why you’re here? You want – what? – my blessing? Fuck you, okay? Actually, no. You and Matt deserve each other so if he is who you really want, then fine. Who the fuck am I to stand in the way of true love. Forgive me if I don’t want to witness it, though.”

What the fuck was he…oh no.

I dig in my pocket for my phone. I pull it out as soon as it touches my fingers and click on my messages.

Oh no. “No, no, no, no, no,” I mumble. I texted Matt last night instead of Zack. Are you fucking kidding me? What the fuck? How had I not checked the messages? I’m so fucking stupid. “No, Zack…there’s a misunderstanding.”

The cab pulls up and Zack gives me a look. “Don’t, Spencer. You’re fine to date whoever you want.”

“I thought I was texting you.” I blurted out. He just stared at me so I continued. “I was drinking and…I missed you. I thought I was texting you, Zack. I’m here to see you.”

Zack chewed on his lip. It sounded ridiculous, it sounded like a lie. He laughed. He actually laughed. “Whatever, Spencer.”

“Zack, I swear.”

The cab honked and Zack shook his head. “I have to go. Have fun with Matt.”

“Zack,” I called as he walked away. He ignored me and hopped in the cab. “What the fuck,” I whispered as the cab pulled off. I stood there for a moment, hoping the cab would pull around, hoping he would come back.

The door opened and Matt walked out. “Hey,” he said softly. “Where’d he go?”

I sighed. “He left. He said he was going back to California.”

“Wait, what?” Matt asked. “What do you mean he went back to California?”

“I don’t know,” I told him. “He said he was leaving.”

Without a word, Matt turned around and walked back into the building. I stood there, unsure of what to do. Matt thought I was texting him. He’s the one who said all those nice things. And to make things worse, the man they were actually to saw them.

A few moments later Matt walked back out of the building. “Are you going to come in, Spence?”

“No,” I tell him quietly. “I think I’m just going to…”

“Spence,” he cut me off.

“Yeah?” My back is to him but the sound of his shoes against the gravel tell me he’s moving towards me.

His hand touches my waist and I move away from him. “Spence,” he says again.

I finally turn to him. “Matt, last night…”

He sighed. “I know,” he tells me. “That was a conversation meant for Zack. I got that when you asked to speak to him instead of me.”

“I’m sorry, I was drinking…I must have just…I don’t know.”

He gave me a small smile. “It’s fine. I’ll wait.”

“What do you mean you’ll wait?” I asked him.

“Spencer, I care about you. You make me happy. I…” he sighed. “God, Spence. I want nothing more than to kiss you, for you to be mine. If you want to be with Zack, fine. Just tell me and I’ll leave it. But…if there is just even a small part of you that cares about me in the way that I care about you…I’ll wait.”

Man, he sure does know how to make a heart melt.

“Matt, I have to go,” I tell him quietly.

Matt grabbed my hand. “Go, where, Spence? Come on, don’t avoid this. Please.”

I bit my lip. Of course, there was a small part of me that cared about how him the way he cared about me, but I didn’t want him to wait for me. I didn’t want him to wait for me because I knew as soon as things cooled down with me and Zack, as soon as we talked, we would get back together. We would be happy. I didn’t want Matt to wait.

“It’s complicated, Matt,” I told him looking down at my shoes.

“Just admit it,” Matt sighed. He pulled me closer to him. “I meant everything I said to you last night, even if it was a misunderstanding. Please don’t leave.”

“Tour is over, Matt. Your guitarist is gone.”

Matt ran a hand over his face. “Yeah, I know. Brian is on the phone with Larry to see what he wants us to do. You can still ride back with us on the bus.”

I shook my head. “No, I have a hotel. I might as well use it and I’ll just fly back to California in the morning.”

“Well, how about all of us get a hotel? You, me, Jimmy, Brian, and Johnny. And we can fly back together.”

“No offense, Matt but I just want to be alone.”

“Spence,” Matt shook his head. “Are you mad at me or something?”

“No, I’m just mad at myself,” I tell him.

“Why?”

I shake my head. What am I supposed to tell him? I can’t be honest, that would just cause more problems. I can’t lie to him either. “I just feel stupid because of last night, and then today I dressed up in this stupid outfit because I thought…I wanted…” Tears stung my eyes but I refused to let them fall. “And I don’t want you to wait for me because what happens if you wait and then I still choose him, Matt? That would be awful.”

“Spence, I know what could entail if I waited for you. I know that. So, when I tell you that I will wait for you, please know that I’m not taking this lightly. I know all the consequences. Just tell me you care about me and let things fall into place. And if that means you and Zack end up talking and you find happiness with him again, then so be it. I’m just asking for a chance, I’m just asking for you to give us a chance.”

I sighed, “What about Zack, Matt? He wouldn’t be okay with that – with us. And I can’t let anything happen to you and him and the band. Matt, I will walk away from both of you before that happens. I’m not worth it.”

“Zack and I will always be friends, Spence. Plus, it’s not like he’s going to expect you to stay single forever. If you guys don’t fix things, eventually he will move on and you will too – hopefully with me. Don’t worry about the band or our friendship because I promise those two things will never go anywhere. And I’m not saying you and I should start dating and whatever. I’ll wait for all that. I just want to know there’s a part of you that cares about me in the way that I care about you.”

I don’t know when it happened, but now Matt’s lips were inches from mine and instead of using his normal voice he was basically whispering; his hands on my waist. I wanted to deny it but the truth was I did care about him the way he cared about me. Matt was so good to me, he was so kind and loving and protective. He was always my shoulder to cry on. I cared about him; I really, really cared about him.

“Okay,” I whispered. “You win.”

Matt smiled, showing off those beautiful dimples and then he slowly brought his lips to mine. The kiss was soft and slow before he pulled away. “By the way,” he whispered, pecking my lips. “I think you look absolutely gorgeous tonight.”

Notes

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Title credit: Halsey "Is There Somewhere"