Spencer

I decided on the first day of the guys being gone that I was going to use this month to separate myself from both Zack and Matt. I was going to use this month to decide what I wanted because I wasn’t sure. My heart and mind were being tugged in five hundred thousand different directions.

I missed him – Matt. Wrong, right? I shouldn’t miss him, at least, not in the way that I miss him. I missed Zack too; I missed Matt the same way I missed Zack and I knew then that I was in deep, deep trouble.

I don’t know what’s going on with me; I don’t know what wrong. I'm such a slut, a whore. I love Zack, I care about him so fucking much but I care about Matt too, more than I should. I’m fucking ridiculous.

During the second of the four weeks, I broke down and texted Matt. I asked him how the tour was going and more specifically, how things were going with Zack. I just wanted them to be friends again. I didn’t want to come in between them, I never wanted that. I knew, that if it came down to it, if I absolutely had to because all other options were exhausted, and the issue was still not resolved, I would have to walk away. I would have to walk away from both of them because of all else, their friendship had to last.

They couldn’t ruin their friendship over a girl; over me; over a slut.

I wanted to text Zack too, but my heart was still broken from our last conversation. It was obvious that he wanted to move on, that he didn’t want to talk to me. I told him I missed him, that I wanted to talk and fix this. I admitted that to him and it was hard and all he said was that he knew. He knew, that’s it. What the fuck?

You know, maybe it was his fucking fault that I started caring about Matt in a more-than-a-friend way. You know, he pushed me away and kept secrets from me. Matt was there for me, Matt cared about me. It’s not a complete surprise that I started to develop feelings for him. And, if Zack is going to act like a complete ass then I might as well move on to someone who cares. Hell, he’s probably moved on plenty of times since we’ve broken up with plenty of women.
Zack has a thing for sluts apparently.

God, I miss him.

At the beginning of week three, I started drinking and stopped texting Matt again. Less than two weeks until the guys came back and I still had no idea what the fuck I was going to do, all of the issues that stood two weeks ago, still stood. I still hadn’t talked to Zack, I was still in love with him. I still hadn’t figured out how I exactly I felt about Matt, but I knew I cared about him more than just a friend. I didn’t know if I should wait for Zack or see how he felt about me and Matt, I didn’t know what to do.

I eyed Matt’s liquor cabinet and decided on what I wanted to drink tonight. Man, he’s going to be so pissed at me when he comes home and his liquor cabinet is almost empty. I decide on a bottle of wine instead of one of the various whiskeys, rums, vodkas and gins. I turn on the television and then use the corkscrew to open the bottle. Knowing the bottle will be finished tonight, I don’t bother using a glass as I bring the bottle to my lips.

A slutty barbarian.

I lose myself in whatever lifetime movie that’s on television and the bottle of wine that’s slowly emptying. One bottle turns to two and two turns to three. The third bottle turns from wine into liquid courage and as I search for my phone, I wonder if that’s what Jesus wanted when he turned water into wine.

I want to text him but the keyboard on my phone is blurry. Names are blurry, everything is blurry. It takes me eons, but eventually I send an “I miss you,” and stare at the blurry conversation, waiting for a reply. The words don’t make sense and the letters keep moving. Suddenly, my phone dings and I see a reply.

“I miss you too,’’ it read. At least, that’s what it looked like. He missed me. Zack missed me.

“You do?” I texted back.

“Of course,” a reply came a few moments later. “I wish you would have come.”

I smiled. Right about now I was wishing I was there. “I want nothing more than to be with you right now,” I texted back. This text was a tad bit longer than my other ones so it took a few moments of carefully typing each letter to send, but still, Zack replied in just a few seconds.

He sent an emoji, the one with hearts as eyes, followed by, “Can we talk when I get home?”
Yes, finally. He wanted to talk. He wanted to talk, and that gave me a glint of hope. We could get back together. God, I missed him.

“Yes,” I texted back.

“Good,” he sent. “Go to sleep. It’s late.”

“Okay, goodnight,” I sent and then decided to get a little flirty and sent the kissy emoji. You know, the one with its lips blowing a kiss and a little heart escaping its mouth.

His next text didn’t involve any words which made it easy for my drunk mind and eyes to decipher. It was just a series of kissy emoji’s.

God, I missed him. I loved him. I couldn’t wait to see him.

I laid there in the guest bed thinking about the texts over and over and over again. I really could not wait to see him. I missed him, I loved him. I wanted to see them right then. And then, I remembered I could if I really wanted to. I could see him.

Eagerly, and drunkenly, I googled the dates for the remainder of the tour. Tomorrow the guys played in Connecticut. I could go, I could fly and I could go. I could see him. I could fly and be there in hours. I could see him, we would fix this and everyone would live happily ever after. Except Matt.

I didn’t know how I felt about that. I didn’t want Matt to be unhappy. I didn’t want things to be weird if I chose to get back with Zack.

Wait, what did I mean if I got back with Zack? Of course, given the chance, I would get back with him.

I’m tired, I just need to get some sleep.

The next morning I wake with a smile on my lips. I begin packing immediately. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to be bold and travel across the country until I was already on my way to the airport. I went over what I was going to say to him, and what I was going to wear in my head over and over again. I wanted it to be a surprise, I knew that. I wanted to look cute; sexy, I knew that too.

The flight felt longer than it actually was and the butterflies in my stomach didn’t make it any more pleasant. As soon as I landed I realized I didn’t have a way to get inside the concert.

“Please let there be tickets left,” I whispered as I typed rapidly on my phone.

Luckily, there were a couple left and I ordered one immediately. I decided to run and grab a hotel just in case things didn’t turn out as planned, plus I wanted to shower. I went over my outfit one more time as I was washing my hair.

God, I hope I was doing the right thing. I hoped he wanted to see me as bad as I wanted to see him. I couldn’t wait.

I keep my makeup light but colour my lips a deep red. I blow dry my hair and leave it straight and down, I think that’s how Zack liked it best. I pulled on my cute black bra, and then my black lace bodysuit.

What if we had sex tonight? Fuck, I’m so horny. I feel like I haven’t had sex in years.

I check myself in the mirror. I felt good, I thought I looked great. The lace bodysuit showed off just enough skin to be sexy but not slutty. Okay, maybe the push-up bra made it look a little slutty, but there was nothing wrong with that. I pulled on my black leather pants over the bodysuit and then slipped on the black studded combat boots.

I glanced at myself once more in the mirror. I felt really good. This was going to be a good night, I could already tell.

The concert was packed. I expected nothing less, the guys had such a large fan base. Every concert was packed. I stood in line with the other fans as we waited for the doors to open in a few minutes. The fans were talking about their favourite members and which songs they hoped they played. They took selfies and updated their facebook statuses and twitters. They talked about what they would do if they met the guys and how awesome it would be if they could get to meet them and get autographs. I wished every fan could meet the band if they wanted, and I knew the band felt the same way.

The doors opened and the line began to shuffle in. My tickets were at the Will Call box so I knew it would take me a little longer to get in but that was fine. I was nervous anyway, so it gave me more time to settle my nerves.

“If you have a physical ticket in your hand please remain in line. If your name is at Will Call, please enter through this door,” a security guard announced as we got closer in line. I happily departed from the larger group and made my way through the doors.

The line at Will Call was much shorter. Most people picked up their tickets before the event so we didn’t have to wait as long.

“What name are your tickets under?” The lady behind the window asked.

“Spencer Rosson,” I told her with a smile and then added. “It’s just one ticket.”

She looks in her folder and then hands me a ticket. “Have a great time. Next!”

I walked away and looked down at my ticket, reading the details. I’m so proud of the guys, all of them. I’m so proud they all got so far with this, that they achieved so much. I made my way to some doors and showed my ticket to a man before he allowed me inside.

The music was loud and it was already so packed, I wasn’t sure if there was going to be room for everyone still waiting outside. I stood near the back, unsure if I wanted to get closer. While I was still deciding, the lights dimmed, the crowd got thicker and the opening band walked on stage.

I tried to enjoy the concert, but I was still nervous. I wanted to text him; call him but I knew he was getting ready for the show. I knew he was probably warming up with Jimmy or helping Brian pick on Johnny.

Another band and the butterflies grew. By the time they left the stage I thought I was going to throw up. I knew the drill. Fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes and the guys would be on stage, doing what they did best. Fifteen minutes and I was going to see Zack again.

“Hey Barbie,” I hear someone call directly behind me. “I’d love to be your Ken!”

I turned around to see a young guy, maybe eighteen, standing behind me. He had a cup in his hand, and his breath told me it wasn’t lemonade.

“Nice,” I tell him before turning back around. Suddenly, I feel his hand on my ass and I swat it away. “Excuse you,” I spit. “Keep your fucking hands off me.”

“Stuck up bitch,” he says and then walks away.

Ugh. I forgot how stupid eighteen-year-old boys could be.

Soon, the lights dimmed again and the crowd screamed. Now the guys are putting in their IEM’s and getting ready to walk out of the stage.

“Sevenfold! Sevenfold! Sevenfold!” – Brian walked out on the stage – “Ah!!!”

I nearly had to cover my ear from all the screaming, Johnny followed Brian and then Matt and Zack. I was kind of surprised those two were standing next to each other.

The guys started the concert and I forgot how amazing it felt to enjoy the concert down here at ground level. The guys had so much energy. Zack looked so good up there jumping around and having a good time. Matt looked good too – no, wait. Stop, Spencer. Shut up.

Ugh, but they both looked so good.

My nerves seemed to calm, and the concert zoomed by and now I knew why the crowd always begged for more. There was no way they were up there for an hour! Some of the crowd decided to disperse, maybe hoping to get out of here before the traffic got too bad, and I used this opportunity to push myself up to the very front.

Unholy Confessions and A Little Piece of Heaven, those are going to be the two songs they play as an encore. I wondered if I was right, I hoped I was right.

The crowd began to chant “One more song!” and I chimed in. I was now at the very front of the crowd, pressed against the small barricade separating us from the security guards and the stage.

The crowd cheered louder than before once the guys stepped back on stage. I made sure I was closest to Zack's side, I wanted him to see me, I wanted to surprise him. I wanted to make his night.

Unholy Confessions started and I got excited. I loved this song, I loved it live, I loved it on the album, I loved it on vinyl.

I watched Zack, hoping to catch his eye, but couldn’t help but allow mine to find Matt every now and then too. God, they looked so good.

Brian and Zack began their solo, and then Brian slapped Zack's ass and then he stepped up.
He started his little solo, and I was kind of shocked when Matt stepped up next to him.

“Zacky V,” Matt said into the mic, “Great show tonight, huh?” Zack smirked, nodding, looking around the arena - and that’s when it happened.

Our eyes met. He stared at me for a moment, before briskly turning around, pulling the guitar from across his body and slammed the side of it onto the floor of the stage. The rest of the band turned to him, and their faces told me this wasn’t planned at all. Zack slammed the guitar into the floor one more time and then, leaving the broken guitar on the floor, stormed off the stage.

Notes

Thank you so much for reading! This week I sat down and outlined this story so I knew where it was going to go and how long it was going to go on for. So, with that said, this will be ending at chapter number 25!

Thank you to Hollie, foREVer-A7X, Cheyenne16, MeRi, Mrs. Fiction and kaylakakes for commenting!

Title credit: Lana del Rey "Carmen"