Spencer

I’ve always loved the ocean. I loved the salty smell, the noise of the waves crashing. I loved the warmth of the sand on my feet and the sun on my face. I always came here when I was a teenager. The beach was my favourite place to spend my time, whether I was doing homework, or nursing a breakup or just avoiding life. I’ve been here drinking with friends, and celebrating…the beach, the ocean, had always been good to me.

Today, I was here clearing my head. Matt was leaving for tour which mean Zack was leaving too. I tried not to worry about it much, it didn’t matter anyway, right? There was only a month left and then they would be back; Zack would be back and maybe we would be able to work things out, and Matt…well, I just didn’t know what to think about Matt.

My heart and head have been so conflicted with this break up and with Matt. I knew if I wanted the chance to be with Zack again, I would have to distance myself from Matt. I knew that, I told myself that every chance I got. I just knew it wouldn’t be that easy to abandon him. Matt was my best friend, above all else. He was a really great guy and I wasn’t willing to lost him over a relationship. Even if that relationship was with Zack. Ugh, my life was a mess.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by my name being softly called and a hand placed upon my shoulder. I turned around to see Matt behind me, his aviators covering his eyes and a small, sad smile on his lips.

“It’s time to go,” he told me.

I nodded before standing up and dusting the sand from me. Matt gives me another smile before he throws his arm over my shoulder and we make our way back to his house. We don’t speak much as we arrive to his house and he grabs his backpack and other essentials. I’m driving him to where the bus will arrive and I’m not looking forward to it for two reason, one being because I don’t want to say goodbye for four weeks and the other because I know I'm going to see Zack. I haven’t seen him since the breakup, and though a part of me wishes to see him the rest of me absolutely dreads it.

“We can turn back,” Matt says as we pull into the parking lot. I can see the bus a little ways off with a small group of people standing outside.

“What?” I half-laugh.

“We can turn back,” he repeats. “Go back to my house, grab your things. You can still come.”

“Matt,” I start, “We’ve talk about this.” Actually, we’ve talked nearly nonstop about this since lunch yesterday.

He groans. “I know, but Spence, really. Come.”

I shake my head. “I can’t. Maybe next time.”

Matt gives me a weak smile as we approach the bus and I turned off the car. “Okay,” he tells me and gets out. He’s hurt, it’s obvious but I would hope he would understand my dilemma.

I hop out as well and follow him to the back of the car where he’s pulling out his luggage for the trip. “Matt, you know I want to. It’s just not a good time right now. Zack…he wouldn’t think of it as just friends if I were to go to spend time with you.”

“I know,” he mumbles. He then sighs and then looks at me. “I’ll talk to him, okay? We’re going to be stuck on a tour bus together for four weeks, he won’t be able to avoid me forever. So I’ll talk to him and I’ll fix this. I know you love him.”

And I knew how painful this was for Matt.

“It’s not your fault,” I tell him. “Don’t worry about me. Don’t worry about my relationship. Just…fix your friendship, Matt. No matter what it takes.” I tell him leaving out the even if he asks you to stop talk to me part.

Matt nods, “Okay. Are you going to go say hi to the rest of the guys?”

I look over to Brian, Johnny and Zack chitchatting and then find Jimmy a few feet away talking to one of the Berry’s. I nod and Matt and I begin to walk towards the group. I want to take hold of his hand to comfort my nerves but I don’t. Instead I stuff my hands deep into the pockets of my jeans to silence the urge.

I avoid Zack and the gang around him and head towards Jimmy as Matt takes his things onto the bus.

“Little Bird!” Jimmy exclaims running towards me. He hugs me as soon as he can pull me into his arms and I hug him back tightly. “Are you ready for another four weeks of fun?”

“Oh,” I said pulling away. “Haven’t you heard? Zack and I broke up so I'm going to be sitting this one out.”

He gave me a small smile. “Of course I’ve heard,” he told me pulling ma back into another hug. His lips brushed my forehead and I felt a small pang in my heart and had to tell myself not to start crying. “You should still come. Fuck Zack and what he thinks, why should you sit at home depressed because of this? You should be with friends; you should be with us.”

“You sound like Matt,” I mumble.

Jimmy smiled. “Yes, well. We’re both right and you know it.”

I nod. “I’m just too hurt to be around him right now, Jimmy.”

“I understand,” he tells me.

I stood there talking to Jimmy for the next few minutes until I looked up and caught Zack starting at me. He looks away as soon as our eyes connect and I chew on the inside of my lip. I want to talk to him, I want him to know I'm willing to fix this, to work on us. I'm willing to sit down and talk.

“I’m going to go talk to Zack,” I tell Jimmy and then walk away before he could talk me out of it or worse, root me on. As I approach Zach my stomach beings to twist and flip and for a brief mom I believe I'm going to get sick, but then he looks up at me – whether on purpose or accident I'm not sure – and his green eyes ease me. “Can we talk?” I ask. It comes out quieter, weaker, that I would have liked but there’s nothing that can be done about it.

Zack doesn’t answer right away and I nibble my lip nervously until he does. “Spencer…” he begins. I can tell by the tone of his voice what his answer is going to be.

“Please,” I speak up. I don’t know why I want to talk to him so bad. I don’t even know what I was going to say to him exactly. I just knew it was important for him to know that I still loved him.

I sighs before nodding and walks away from the small group of people, I follow him. He turns to me once he thinks were out of earshot from any eavesdroppers. “You don’t have any luggage.” It’s not a question, and the statement confuses me. It was as though he still expected me to come even though he had broken up with me. Did he want me to still come? Or was it more of a I thought you would be coming with Matt type of thing?

It didn’t matter. “I thought I would stay home this time,” I told him looking at my shoes.

“Yeah, I think that’s for the best.” He told me.

Okay, I was wrong. It did matter what he meant, and what he meant fucking hurt. Of course I thought he wouldn’t want me there…but fucking shit, it hurt for him to confirm my suspicions.

“Yeah…” I trail off, still looking at my converses. Man, I should really try to clean up the scuff marks on these things. I guess I could do that while I sit alone in Matt’s big ass house.

“Spencer,” Zack sighed, pulling me out of my thoughts. “I have to go soon; we’re leaving in like two minutes. What do you need?”

Him. “I just…” I sigh, suddenly I wished I wouldn’t have made the effort to speak to him. “I miss you,” I told him. “I just…I don’t know, Zack. I just really hate this.”

Zack gives me a small smile. He opens his mouth to reply but is cut off by one of the guys telling him it was time to go. He looks back at me and whatever it was he was going to say, he had decided not to say it. “I have to go,” he tells me.

Was it possible to feel your heart actually break? “I miss you,” I blurted out. “I want to fix this. I want to talk.”

“I know,” he mumbles before walking away. I watch him enter the bus and hold back the tears as the doors close. A moment later the bus is pulling away and I was left pulling myself back together.

Notes

Will Zack and Spencer ever make up? Will she fall for Matt? Who knows! I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!

Thanks to foREVer-A7X, MeRi, Cheyenne16, and Kimmie for commenting. Keep it up! I love hearing from you!

Title credit: Mest "This Time"