Matthew

Out of all the times Zack could have broken into my house he chose the time I was half naked and curled up with his girlfriend. Okay, maybe he didn't break in, he has a key in case of emergencies but did this look like a fucking emergency?

After Spencer ran downstairs after Zack I sat down on the bed and listened. On one hand, at least Spencer was talking to Zack. On the other hand, I'm pretty fucking sure I just heard Zack say that he knew I was in love with Spencer.
Fuck.
Shit.
God damn it.

Spencer doesn't deny it and I don't expect her to. She knows that I have feelings for her, I told her!

Fuck. Why did I let her sleep in the same bed with me? I groaned, I know why. Because I love having her curled up to my side. I love how beautiful she looked when she first woke up. Why did she want to crawl into bed with me in the first place? After she knew I had feelings for her? I don't understand that.

"Zack, please!" I heard Spencer cry. Fuck, what had I missed?

I jumped off the bed when I heard the door slam. When I reached the bottom of the stairs, Spencer stood in the middle of the room, staring at the door. She took a step towards the door and then stopped.

"Spence?" I called softly. She didn't turn to me or even acknowledge my presence. I took a few steps towards her and gently touched her shoulder. She sniffed as soon as I touched her. I didn't say anything, I just waited.

"He's gone." She whispered after a few moments.

I shook my head. "So go after him, Spence."

She didn't move, she didn't speak. After a few more seconds she turned to me, her cheeks were wet from tears. "He broke up with me," she confessed. Her face twisted and she began to cry hard.

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into me. Her arms were folded between us and she sobbed as I ran my fingers though her hair. I resisted the urge to kiss the top of her head. My heart ached for her. I knew she loved Zack with her whole heart. This was my fault. If I would have just left her alone or forced her to speak with Zack earlier none of this would have happened.

We stood in the middle of my living room until Spencer either couldn't or didn't want to cry anymore. "I'm going to go take a shower," she told me without making eye contact.

I nodded as she pulled away from me and began to walk towards the stairs. "Are you hungry? I can make something or go pick something up - whatever you want."

She sniffed and without turning to face me she said, "You should go speak with Zack before this ruins your friendship."

She was right. I needed Zack to know nothing was happening between Spencer and I. I needed to convince him that I didn't love her, not because I didn't want him to know but because it was just simply untrue. I didn't love her! I just...I couldn't stop staring at her, and I always wanted to be around her. I wanted to be the first one she called with good news, with bad news, or when she was just bored. She was my best friend. She was my best friend and I formed a crush on her - that was it. I didn't love her. She is - was - my best friend’s girlfriend. I didn't love her. I didn't.

I cut up some fruit and waited for Spencer to get out of the shower. I knew she was probably crying again or maybe she was just trying to pull herself together. I knew I had to wait until I knew she was okay before I left.

After an hour Spencer finally emerged. She didn't say anything as she sat next to me at the dining room table. I pushed her the bowl of colourful fruit and she took a piece from it but didn't bite into it.

"Eat," I quietly tell her.

She took a small nibble. "Did you go talk to Zack?"

"No."

"Matt, you really should. I'm serious, he is so mad and you guys have tour in a few days and..." She started to tear up again.

"Hey, no, it's fine. Spence, everything is going to be okay. I'll go speak to him, I'll sort this out but right now I want to be here with you. I just want to make sure you're okay." I grabbed her hand and gave it a small squeeze.

She returned my gesture with a light smile. "I just need to think about something else for a little while."

"Okay." I smile. "What do you want to do?"

Spencer groaned. "Get drunk and pass out."

"Okay. Vodka? Whiskey? Tequila? I can go to the liquor store." I offer.

"Stop, stop," she gives a small laugh. It's barely there before it vanishes completely and her eyes fill with sadness once again. "I can't do that again."

"Why not?" I asked her. "It's not like we have anything else to do."

She shoots me a funny look. "Because of what happened last time, Matt."

The memories of last time invaded my mind. The kiss, the seduction, her running my hands up her sides and then pulling her shirt off. Spencer obviously and understandably regrets what happened but...I didn't. God, I'm such a shitty person, a shitty friend.

"Did you tell Zack? About what happened, I mean." I asked her.

"God, no." She tells me. "Why? Do you think I should have?"

I shook my head. "No," I said quickly. "Yes...I don’t know. You were drunk. It didn't mean anything. You know that and I know that." I wished it did though.

"I still cheated on him twice," she looked down at her hands.

"Spencer..." I started but realized I didn't know what to say. She did technically cheat on him.
"It doesn't matter anyways." She sighs. "Because we're not together and there's no point in making him hate you too."

"How about we watch a movie?" I asked her, trying to change the subject.

Spencer nods while I stood from my chair. She follows me into the living room and I let her pick out the movie. I didn't care what it was, I just wanted to be there for her, to comfort her. I sat on the couch and was surprised when she laid down next to me, her head resting in my lap. I allowed my arm to rest across her waist and she softly held onto my arm. It was moments like these that made me think somewhere deep, deep down Spencer had more-than-a-friend feelings for me. It was wishful thinking, though. I knew she didn't like me in that way. I knew she never would.

Once the movie was over I realized Spencer was sound asleep. I knew after not getting much sleep last night and crying all morning she must have been exhausted so I decided to let her sleep. I slowly got up from the couch, careful not to wake her. I grabbed the throw blanket draped across the back of the couch and frowned before covering Spencer with it. The throw blanket reminded me of Vanessa. I should really get rid of it. I hate having things that reminded me of her, of my failed marriage.

I wrote a quick note to Spencer before grabbing my car keys and heading out the door.

---

I arrived at Zack and Spencer's house not even five minutes later. I sigh when I see Zack's car in the driveway, I guess a part of me was hoping he wouldn't be home so we wouldn't have to have this conversation right now. Or ever.

I get out of my car and make my way to the front door. I ring the doorbell and count the seconds until Zack answers.

"Figured it was you," Zack mumbled when he finally opened the door fourteen seconds later. "What do you want?"

"We need to talk, Zack." I sighed. "Can I come in?"

Zack glanced at behind me and I wondered if he was looking for Spencer. "Fine." He turned and ventured further into his house and I followed, closing the door behind me. Zack turned to me once we were in the living room but didn't say anything.

I took a deep breath and then let it out slowly. Alright, here we go. "Nothing is going on between Spencer and I, dude. I know it might have seemed like it but really, I don't see Spencer as anything more than a little sister. She's my best friend and she was torn up over everything that happened in LA. I know it must have looked compromising, but I swear dude, you have nothing to worry about."

Zack had a smile on his face and was shaking his head at me by time I was done talking. "Don't fucking come into my house and boldface lie to me, dude. Seriously, I've known you for how long? You think I can't tell when you're lying to me or when you've got feelings for a woman?"

I sighed and looked away from him. I didn't know what to say. Of course he knew when I was lying. I should have seen that coming.

"Okay," I say after a long moment. "You're right. I have feelings for her. But...she loves you. She wants to be with you and even if she didn't do you really think I would pursue her? I value our friendship. I don't want to lose you. You're my best fucking friend..."

Zack interrupted me. "You should have never allowed yourself to develop feelings for her in the first place, Matt! She was my girlfriend! I love her! And you - what - waited for her to become vulnerable and then fucking decided to make your move?" He laughs dryly. "Well, I broke up with her so she's probably feeling really fucking vulnerable right now. So, have fun. I'm getting drunk." He turned away from me.

"Hey!" I called, grabbing his shoulder and turning him back to me. "Don't act like that, okay? Yeah I have feelings for Spencer but I would never take advantage of her like that."

"Did she tell you I told her I wanted to marry her?" Zack shot at me. I didn't answer him. She hadn't told me that. Why hadn't she told me that? "The night she found out about my bullshit divorce," he continued. "I told her I didn't want to be married to Gena, that I wanted to be married to her instead and she still took off! She still ran out onto those street and she still went home with you. She still ignored my texts and calls. She still fucking crawled into bed with you. So what-the-fuck-ever; I don't fucking care. It's obvious she doesn't love me like I love her. It's fine. We're not together anymore, so if you want to be with her so badly then go for it. And please get the fuck out of my house." Zack walked out of the living room and I let him. I stood there watching as he climbed the spiral staircase before I turned and left.

On the way home I ran through the conversation with Zack. Obviously going over there had been a mistake. It did more damage than good and now I felt like complete shit. I should have never kissed Spencer. That's when everything started to go downhill for us, for her. When I kissed her, she and Zack were in the midst of fixing their relationship and then...

No, fuck that. This wasn't my fault. Zack was the one who kept Gena a secret. Spencer would have walked in on them kissing no matter how many times I kissed her. Anything that happened between me and Spencer had nothing to do with their break up.

And now Zack just fucking assumes that Spencer and I are going to date or mess around or something just because they're not together? Fuck him. Does he really think I would do that to him? I know he loves her. I know she loves him. She would never do that to Zack, she would never hurt him like that and neither would I. I cared for him too. And I cared for Spencer.
Shit. Tour was going to be awkward as fuck.

Notes

Thank you guys so much for reading! Feedback is always appreciated! Sounds like a lot of you are team Zack...for now. ;) We'll just have to see if she and Zack get back together or if she catches herself falling for Matt. And tour is starting up soon, will she still tag along? Or will she stay home in Huntington Beach?

Thanks to Cheyenne16, forREVer-A7X, kaylakakes, Hollie and MeRi for commenting on the last chapter!

Title credit: Mest "Nightmare"