Zachary

I felt relieved when Matt told me he had Spencer safe in the truck with him after she ran off in Los Angeles. She was no longer on the streets of LA doing God knows what, I was relieved. Once I was informed that she was safe I wanted to – no, I needed to see her. I needed to explain what was happening, I needed her to know I never meant for her to get hurt. I never wanted to kiss Gena, I never wanted to still be married to her. I loved Spencer. I wanted to be with Spencer, no one else. I needed her to know that.

“I’m just going to go home. You should too. Tell the Berry’s…” Matt started to tell me on the phone but I cut him off.

“What?” No, I need to talk to her, I need to see her!” And I did. I really, really did.

Matt’s voice was quiet. “She doesn’t want to see you, dude.”

I felt my heart break. Spencer was always willing to talk. Even when she was mad at me, she still wanted to talk it through. She still wanted to fix whatever problems we were having and she wanted to fix them right then. She was always willing to talk and now she wasn’t. I fucked up, I fucked up bad.

I try to protest but Matt stands his ground. I push the thoughts of something going on between them from me. “Okay, will you just tell her I love her?” I needed her to know. She needed to know.

As soon as u hung up with Matt, Jimmy asked what was going on. Now, Jimmy was a guy I wouldn’t mind being around Spencer. Jimmy cared about her, he really cared about her but it was in a brotherly way. He never crossed any lines, he never developed a crush, he never flirted with her. But Matt…

Fuck, now I was in a bad mood and I was worrying. I quietly dismissed myself and ventured off to my bunk.

God, I could still smell a trace of Spencer’s shampoo and I felt that pang in my gut again. I couldn’t lose her. We have been through so much shit these last few months, we’ve overcome so much shit. When I found out she nearly slept with that bartender the thought of breaking up went through my mind and over the course of the first several weeks, the thought reoccurred.However, I knew above all else, that I loved her. I knew if we wanted to take the time and work though this we could and I was right, it took some time but we did it. We did it and it was all for nothing because I fucked up, badly.

Of course, I couldn’t blame it on anyone but myself. Sure, Gena played a major role in it but it was my fault. I should have never put myself in the position for Gena to be able to kiss me. I should have let my lawyer take care of the divorce. Most of all, I should have told Spencer. She deserved to know, why did I decide not to tell her? Jesus fucking Christ, I’m stupid. If I would have just told her, none of this would be happening, literally. She would have never gotten into bed with the bartender therefore I wouldn’t have been so pissy these last few months, I wouldn’t have had to sneak around about the divorce, I would have never been alone with Gena for her to kiss me, and Spencer wouldn’t be alone with Matt.

Ugh, Matt. Of all people, she had to be emotionally vulnerable around him for fucks sake.

I sigh, and flip to my other side so now my back is facing where Spencer should be laying. I should be happy, at least I knew where she was. At least I knew she wasn’t being groped by strangers or raped or dead in a ditch somewhere. I should be happy but I wasn’t. I was selfish because I wanted her here even though I knew I was in the wrong. I was jealous…insecure because I wondered if Matt would take advantage of Spencer.

I can’t remember exactly when I noticed the shift in Matt’s feelings towards Spencer but it was sometime after Vanessa left. It didn’t make me feel any better that Matt never told anyone why she left him. Now I worry that she left because of Matt’s feelings for Spencer; maybe she knew something I didn’t. I guess I’ll never know.

The thought made me sick to my stomach and I flip over onto my back. What if Spencer leaves me and Matt tells her how he feels? Fuck. I need to see her but until then I’ll rest. Maybe I’ll call her when I get back home. Maybe then she will want to see me. I hope so.

---

It was a dreamless sleep, and I can’t say I wished for anything more. Any dreams of Spencer would only make my heart ache. I called her as soon as I wake in Huntington Beach like I planned. I called her again, and again and again. She never answered. After a day or so I invited Matt to the batting cage with Brian and I. I made Brian make the call, unsure if I could bring myself to talk to him right then. I invited him to try and squeeze some answers out of him. Spencer still hadn’t returned my calls; she still hadn’t replied to a text. I knew there was something going on, there had to be. Why else hadn’t she spoken to me?

“She hasn’t really spoken to me about you or the fight,” Matt shrugged when I brought it up. “Every time I ask her about it she changes the subject.”

I didn’t know if I believed him or not but I didn’t press it. However, when I got home that afternoon I wished I would have. Spencer had apparently come home while I was out. All she took was some extra clothes but I still noticed. I wondered if Matt agreed to hang out with Brian and I so he could keep an eye on me while Spencer snuck over and grabbed some of her stuff. I knew I was being paranoid but god damn, it was so easy.

I did my best to give Spencer space but I was going insane. It was hard to sleep, hard to eat. I had to see her, I needed to see her. And so, after another restless night I got in the car and headed to Matt’s. I told myself to turn around, I told myself she needed more time but I just couldn’t do it, not anymore. I needed to talk to her. We needed to sort through this before I left on tour again.

When I arrived at Matt’s, he didn’t answer. I contemplated leaving, coming back later but decided against it. I found Matt’s house key on my key ring and let myself in. The living room was deserted and after a quick peek into the kitchen, I made my way upstairs and towards the guestroom. It’s empty and I knew something was wrong right away. It was early, maybe around seven so I knew she wasn’t running errands. She should be here, in bed. I groaned, noticing the bathroom door open, the bathroom empty.

“Don’t be so paranoid, Baker,” I mumble as I exit the room. Maybe she went out last night and was too drunk to come back. Hell, that didn’t make me feel any better.

My eyes wandered to Matt’s bedroom door. It was ajar and I could faintly hear Matt’s familiar snores. It wouldn’t hurt to take a look, would it? Maybe I could wake Matt, ask him where Spencer was. Ugh, who am I kidding? I want to know – need to know – if she was asleep in there with him. My feet are moving towards the door and my hand is lightly pushing the door open before I realize what I am doing. The door creaks open and a lump catches in my throat when I see two figures asleep in the bed. Neither of them stir as the door comes to a stop and I step into the room.

I recognize Matt and Spencer immediately. Matt is pressed against Spencer’s back and his arm is over her waist securely. As I swallow the lump in my throat, anger fills me. I couldn’t tell if I was surprised or if I knew this was happening. Different emotions filled me as I yanked the blanket from the bed. For a moment, neither of them stirred and then Spencer’s hand moved and she searched Matt’s side without opening her eyes. I heard her mumble Matt’s name and he grunted in response.

“The blanket,” she groaned. Matt began to speak but out of impatience and anger, I throw the balled up comforter at Spencer as hard as I could. I wasn’t trying to hurt her, and it was a blanket so I knew it wouldn’t. I just wanted her to have just as a rude awakening as I just did.
And she did. Spencer shot up immediately and I could tell she was angry. “What the fuck is your…” Spencer’s eyes fell on me and she fell silent.

Neither of us had the chance to say anything – and I didn’t even know what to say to her if I had the chance – before Matt jumped up, his hands in the air as if I were pointing a gun at him. He stammered something but I didn’t hear him. I couldn’t believe this was actually happening. I couldn’t believe I just witnessed my best friend jump out of bed with my girlfriend after he was cuddled up with her. Granted, they were both dressed besides Matt being shirtless, but, fuck, why would she even be in bed with him in the first place? I have been freaking out about our relationship for days now and she’s been shacking up with Matt? Fuck her.

I had to leave. I had to leave before I said something I regretted. I was at the front door, about to step outside when Spencer caught up to me. I wanted to ignore her. I wanted to keep walking, but I didn’t. I had to hear what she had to say even if I was hurting right now. I reluctantly closed the door, my back still to her. “What the fuck, Spencer?”

I tried to listen to her side of the story and I felt bad when she reminded me that the reason she was there was because of me. It didn’t matter though; she can’t just run into the arms of another dude every time I fuck up. I tell her I didn’t mean to hurt her but it’s hard for me to keep my anger under control. Spencer is acting like she doesn’t know about Matt’s crush on her. God, she is so infuriating. I knew she knew by the way her face twitched when I mentioned it. She knew he had feelings for her and she still crawled into bed with him, why? Because she was mad at me?

Spencer is speaking to me but my mind is racing too much to listen. I hear the words wife and married. Does she not remember a few days ago when I told her when I wanted to be married to her and not Gena? She’s crying now but I still can’t find the right words. She angry with me as much as I am angry with her and I don’t see either of us talking this through any time soon.

Before I can grasp what the words mean they slip out. “I think we should break up.” They’re quiet and I don’t mean them. I turn around and allow my hand to linger on the door handle for a few seconds before I open the door. I want her to say something, but when she calls my name it’s not enough. With every step to my car I take, my heart begs me to turn around, to go back to Spencer and tell her I didn’t mean what I said and that I love her, but I don’t.

I sit in my car and stare at the front door of Matt’s house for more than a few minutes but Spencer never comes out. She never comes after me and why would she? Hell, I bet Matt is inside comforting her right now. Fuck them.

Notes

I thought it was about time we seen things from Zack's perspective! This is one of my favourite chapters so far, so I hope you enjoyed it. Has anyone decided if they're Team Matt or Team Zack yet? Hell, I'm the author and I haven't even decided who I want her to end up with!

Thank you so much for reading! The feedback is such a delight! If anyone is interested I have started a new story with Matt as the main male character. It is called My Sweet Medusa and you can find it here! I'm not 100% sure if I'm going to continue it or not, but I probably will!

Don't for get to comment, rate and subscribe!

Title credit: The Used "Blue and Yellow"