Evelyn

I went back to New York as soon as I woke the day after the funeral. This was a mistake. Sex with Zack was a mistake, it shouldn’t have happened. I told myself it wouldn’t happen again. I opened up to him, told him I loved him and he didn’t return those feelings. He just wanted to be friends, to have sex. I knew I couldn’t do that, my heart wouldn’t be able to take it. I hated rejection, and I knew that’s something I would constantly receive with him if I stayed. So, I did the only thing I could think of doing, to protect myself – I left.

I sent a quick text to Jeff, asking him to bring my things back to New York. I didn’t want to see him, to speak with him but I also didn’t want to buy a partial new wardrobe. Some of my best clothes were in that suitcase. I wanted them back. As soon as Jeff texted back, saying he would bring them back to New York if I would speak to him. I boarded the plane without a text back.

It didn’t take long for Jeff to show up to my house. I wouldn’t be surprised if he came over as soon as he got off the plane. I ignored the dinging of the doorbell and the ringing of my phone, the chirps as he sent dozens of text messages. I wasn’t supposed to come home for another week, so instead of going to work, I stayed in bed.

I was sad. I was sad because of my father. I was sad because of Zack. I was sad because the guy who was supposed to keep me distracted from Zack was no longer a distraction. I cried for what felt like days, until Whitney came home from her trip for work and I was forced to pull myself together. Unfortunately, I had made myself sick from being so depressed, from crying so much. But it was fine because I at least now I had a reason to stay in bed instead of going out with Whitney.

I loved Whitney. She was my best friend, but I couldn’t tell her about Zack. I couldn’t tell her about everything we had done, I couldn’t tell her how hard I fell for him again. I was being pathetic.

I went back to work and things were going great. Zack had texted me a few times but I successfully kept myself from replying. I was good, I was busy.

In a day, all that changed. My whole world changed. Everything was flipped upside down and sideways and I couldn’t get my head straight. I was worried, and scared, and nauseous. I wanted to tell Zack, I wanted to – needed to talk to him. I needed to talk to him but talking to him meant, well, talking to him. Talking to him also meant fucking his world up and that’s also something I didn’t want. I didn’t want him to hate me. Not again.

Another day came and I could no longer avoid Jeff. I knew that, I knew I needed to talk to him. He was an asshole, but he deserved answers too. So, when he came over, like he had every day since he had since he came home from California, I let him in.

“We need to talk,” I tell him.

Jeff takes a step in and I close the door behind him. “I know,” he tells me. His eyes trace my face and land on my cheek - where weeks before his hand had once been – before moving to my eyes. “Evelyn, baby, I am so, so sorry for how I reacted at your father’s funeral.”

“You hit me, Jeff. There’s no excuse for that,” I sigh, stepping away from him as he tries to embrace me.

“I know, I know, and I’m not, really. I just…I’m really sorry. If you will give me a chance, I promise I will make it up to you.”

I sit down on the couch and Jeff follows me. I don’t know what to say to him. He keeps talking, apologizing and he means it, I think he genuinely means it. But it doesn’t matter because I love Zack and Zack is going to hate me. He is going to think I planned it.

I’m going to lose him all over again.

“Evelyn, are you even listening to me?” Jeff asks.

I nod even though I wasn’t. “Jeff, I...”

The doorbell rings and I’m interrupted. I don’t know if I’m thankful or annoyed. I quietly dismiss myself and take the few steps to the door. I open it, still trying to decide what exactly what I was going to tell him, but none of that matters when I come face to face with Zack. My heart races, I feel nervous and I think I might throw up.

“Zack, what are you…” I begin but my words are broken by a kiss. And I know I should pull away. I know I’ll never be anything more to him than a friend with benefits – but god, kissing him felt so nice. My worries melted away from him, and finally I felt at ease.

“I love you,” he murmurs against my lips.

A confession. He kisses me again and I let him. He loves me. Everything is going to be okay. He loves me.

Another confession. “I’m pregnant.”

Notes

Thank you for reading, see you guys in a month or so.

Thanks to imagine fiction, foREVer-A7X, Hollie, foreverfallen, kaylakakes, Kimmie for commenting

Title credit: From First to Last "Regrets and Romance"