Evelyn

Zack has been great throughout this whole thing. When I first told him, he embraced me and just held me, comforted me. He even pulled some of his rockstar-status strings and was able to get us back to California in a heartbeat. He was perfect, he remained calm and he took care of me. I was reminded yet again why I loved him and why I fell in love with him in the first place. That’s why, when Jeff asked if I wanted him to fly to California for the funeral, I told him yes. I was allowing myself to get too close to Zack, to rely on him too much. I couldn’t allow it. Not after our conversation; not after I told him I loved him and he said he just wanted to fuck.

I wanted my mother to meet Jeff anyways so she would get off my back about Zack. She just wanted me and him to live happily ever after so bad, and I knew it wouldn’t happen. Jeff was great throughout the process of the funeral too. He was constantly there comforting me and touching me, and when the funeral came his actions didn’t change and I was glad. I needed him, I needed to be comforted by someone who cared for me.

Well, I thought I needed him until I asked to speak with me privately and we went upstairs. I knew what it was about. Zack had just spoken to me and Jeff was jealous. Jeff was always jealous when any guy spoke to me but he especially didn’t like Zack.

“Evelyn, I'm going to ask you a question and you better not fucking lie to me,” he told me as we entered my old bedroom.

“What?” I sigh.

Jeff doesn’t answer right away. He just stares at me and the longer he does, the harder it is for me to look at him. “What the fuck is going on between you and him?”

“Me and who, Jeff?” I ask.

“You fucking know who!” He yells. And he’s right.

“Zack is just a friend,” I tell him. “I’ve told you that.”

Jeff laughed humorlessly. “Yeah, fucking right. I know there’s something more going on between you. I can tell by the way he looks at you.”

I shake my head. “We dated in high school but that’s it.”

“You dated that asshole?” Jeff asks. “You fucking dated him and you didn’t think that would be something to tell me?” I open my mouth to reply but he interrupts. “I can’t fucking believe you. I can’t believe a goddamn word that comes out of your mouth!” He hollered.

My voice comes out quiet. “Jeff, please. Can we not do this right now?”

Jeff either ignored my question or didn’t hear it. He was angry. He was angry and I knew he wouldn’t drop this. “Are you fucking him?”

The question beings tears and I'm not exactly sure why. I didn’t want to deal with this. I didn’t want to deal with the drama and bullshit. I didn’t want to talk about Zack – a man I loved who didn’t love me back. I didn’t want to think about my dead father. I didn’t want to do anything, to think about anything. And so I just cried; in between sobs I’m able to choke out. “I just finished burying my father.” I didn’t want to do this. Not here; not now.

“Answer me!” Jeff demanded. I don’t answer him and so he draws his own conclusion. “You fucking whore! You are!”

Before I realize what’s happening, it’s already done. My cheek is burning and Zack has Jeff on the floor and is pounding away at his face.

He slapped me. Jeff actually slapped me.

I tug on Zack's shirt to get his attention. “Zack,” I call. He ignored me. “Zack!” I yell louder. He hears me this time and pulls himself to his feet. There’s blood on his knuckles but I don’t think he realizes or cares.

“Get the fuck out of here,” Zack shouts at Jeff. I watch Jeff and suddenly feel nervous when his eyes catch mine. I’m grateful that Zack all but pushes him out the door. When Jeff is gone, Zack turns to me. “Are you okay?” he asks me softly. I get butterflies when he tucks a piece of hair behind my ear.

“What are you doing up here?” I ask instead of answering his question. How am I supposed to answer something like that anyway? No, I absolutely was not okay. For many reason. Life sucked right now, life really fucking sucked.

I demand. I watch him pull himself to his feet. He glares at me and then looks at Evelyn. “Fucking go,” I yell. And he does. As soon as he is out of the door I turn to Evelyn. Her cheek is already bright red and my blood continues to boil. It takes every ounce of my self-control not to run after him.

“I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to see when you wanted to finish our conversation.” He gives me a small smile. What the fuck was he talking about? What conversation?

“Our conversation?” I asked hoping he would clarify.

“The one we were having in New York before...”

Before your dad died, is what he wanted to say. I'm glad he didn’t. “Oh.”

Zack reluctantly asks me if Jeff hits me and I know I have no choice but to tell him the truth.After all, Jeff doesn’t hit me. He hasn’t, this was just a one-time thing; and I deserved it. I cheated on him. I tell him that and I'm thankful he believes me.

“You should stay with me tonight,” Zack offers. I don’t know where the offer comes from and I don’t know how to react. I knew I couldn’t stay with Zack, not if I wanted this to work out with me and Jeff.

“I can’t,” I tell him. “It would only upset Jeff more if he found out. I’ll be fine.”

“Ev,” Zack started shaking his head. “You deserve better than that guy. He’s a tool. You should be with someone that loves you.”

I nodded. If only it were that simple.

But he was right, and even if he wasn’t I knew I didn’t want to see Jeff tonight anyways. I reluctantly agreed and Zack smiled. I sure hoped I was making the right choice. I don’t know what I would do if more problems were to rise from this.

Zack stayed by my side throughout the remainder of the day, and I was happy when he suggested we leave. We said goodbye to my family and friends, and when we finally reached Zack's car, and the doors were shut with the keys in the ignition, I let out a breath of relief.

“You okay?” Zack asks. His fingers skim the back of my hand before he holds it.
My heart skips a beat as he gives my hand a slight squeeze and I stare at our hands for a moment before looking up at him. I didn’t know what this meant, but I wanted it to last. “I’m good,” I tell him.

Zack gives me a smile. “You don’t have to lie to me, Ev.”

I shake my head. “I’m not. I’m good. I mean…as good as expected. Thank you, Zack.”

“For what?”

“Being there for me despite everything.” I tell him, suddenly looking away from him.

Zack started the car. “Of course. I’ll always be there for you.” The words from his lips throw me off and I'm unsure of what to say. Thankfully, he wasn’t expecting anything else and he begins to drive off towards his house.

Zack and I spend the remainder of the day hanging out at his home. I'm thankful he doesn’t want to go out and do anything because every now and then the memories of my father cause a sharp pain in my heart which cause my eyes to burn. Zack never points out the tears the randomly start to fall and I'm thankful for that too.

There’s something different about him. He’s sweeter; he’s constantly touching me and even the look in his eyes is different. I know what the look is, I just try not to think about it too much. He pitied me. He pitied me because my father was dead. He pitied me because the man I love will never love me back.

“What do you want for dinner?” Zack asks me but I can’t think about dinner. Zack's hand is resting on my thigh, and when he asked his question he slightly rubbed my thigh, sending electricity through me. I used to never understand why this happened. I never understood how I used to get that bolt of electricity course through my veins when he touched me, kissed me. But I knew now.

Zack held an electricity in his eyes, in his heart. He was such a good person; he was such a great person. I loved him. He was the true meaning of true love.

“Ev?” Zack is waving his tattooed hand in front of my face when I pull myself out of my thoughts.

“Yeah. Sorry.” I said shaking my head.

Zack chuckles. “What’s going through your head?”

“Nothing,” I tell him. “It’s not important.”

He nods in response. “What do you want for dinner?”

“Um…I don’t know. Do you want to order in? or cook?”

He rubs my thigh again and I bite my lip, pushing thoughts from my brain waiting for him to answer. “Let’s cook.”

“Okay,” I smile.

And so we did. Within the next few minutes, Zack and I were in the kitchen. He poured us each a glass of wine and we began cooking some Italian dish that Zack swore by. I didn’t care what we cooked, as long as I got to spend time with him. God, I was being stupid. I was hoping for something I knew wasn’t there. Stupid, so fucking stupid.

But Zack made me happy and that’s not something that could be helped, could it? He made me happy and that’s what I needed right now – happiness. I needed to be happy. I tried to find that with Jeff, I really did, but I just couldn’t; he didn’t make me happy, not like Zack did anyways.

“Taste this sauce,” Zack told me as he scooped some into the wooden spoon. He turned to me, cupping his hand under the spoon in case any dripped. I watched his lips as he slowly breathed onto the sauce, cooling it off.

Zack slowly fed me the sauce and watched as I swallowed. “That is good!” I exclaim. And it was good! It was some sort of garlic cream sauce and was the closest thing to heaven I had ever experienced.

“And you doubted me! I told you I was an exceptional cook!” Zack laughed, turning his back to me and continued to stir the sauce.

I hopped up on the counter beside the stove and gently kicked Zack while bringing my glass of wine to my lips. “I didn’t doubt you, asshole!”

“Wow, calling the man cooking you dinner an asshole?” Zack laughed, shaking his head.

Zack glanced at me and I was trapped in his green eyes for a moment before my phone rang out, interrupting us. “Hey, I helped!” I told him, pulling my phone from my pocket and glancing down at the caller ID. My stomach churned when I read Jeff’s name across the screen. I sat there, letting my phone ring until Zack touched my thigh, bringing me out of my thoughts once more.

“Hey,” he said softly. He took my phone from my hands and hit the ignore button. “Don’t let him ruin your night.” He’s standing in between my legs now instead of in front of the stove. Both of his hands are on each of my thighs, and he’s looking at me. God, he’s so handsome.

“Why don’t you grab the pasta bowls?” Zack asked me.

I smile, nodding. “Okay.” I begin to shift, ready to drop myself from the counter.

“Hey,” Zack said again, this time more softly. I looked at him again, but neither of us said anything. Zack’s hands still rested on my thighs, his thumbs made a back and forth motion and it warmed me. Zack began to tilt his head towards mine and before I could completely comprehend what was happening, he was kissing me. The kiss was different. It was soft and passionate. Not that our other kisses weren’t passionate; this time it was just…a different kind of passionate.

This kiss reminded me how it used to be when we were in high school. I felt the electricity in my blood and through my veins. The fire within my nearly consumed me, and I wanted more.

Zack pulls away from me; he allows his lips to linger against mine. “You’re going to make me burn my sauce.” He winks before kissing me again, and then helping me off the counter.
Nothing more happens between us for the rest of the night. I didn’t know if I wanted more to happen or not. I loved kissing Zack, I could be myself around him and everything just felt right.Except the face that he would never love me, and kissing would just be kissing for him.

I cleaned up after dinner and then Zack and I watched a movie. I couldn’t watch much of the movie because I was too busy thinking about Zack and what could have been, what should have been. It seemed like the movie ended as soon as it began, but I was grateful. I was ready to go to bed, ready for this day to be over.

“What’s next?” Zack asked holding two DVD’s up.

“I think I’m just going to go to bed, you know. It’s been a long day.” I tell him.

Zack looks disappointed. “Oh,” he says. “Okay.”

I give him a small smile for standing up. “Thanks for letting me crash here tonight, Zack.”

Zack stands up too. “Hey, it’s no problem. I’ll show you to the guest room.”

We climb the stairs and he takes me into the guest room. The room is nice, but I'm not surprised. “There’s extra blankets in the closet if you get cold,” he tells me.

“Thank you,” I tell him.

Zack nods. “Well, I’ll leave you to it.” He gives me a grin before walking out of the room, closing the door behind him. I stand there for a moment staring at the bed, wishing I was back home in New York. Wishing my dad was still alive. I shed my pants, getting ready for bed before the bedroom door swung open, revealing Zack.

“Zack, wh…” I started but I was interrupted by Zack kissing me again. The electricity shot through me once again as he gripped my hips and pulled me deeper into the kiss. I ran my hand through his thick hair as he began to back me up towards the bed. I fell onto it and he pulls off his shirt, and then crawls on top of me.

For the first few moments, it’s fine. And then I remember how I’m going to feel after this. I remember how sex will always mean more to me than it will him. I begin to scoot away from him.

Zack chuckles against my lips as he follows me, clearly unaware that I'm trying to get away from him. “What are you doing?”

At this point I'm in a near-sitting position against the wall. Zack is between my legs, still kissing me. God, his lips feel so good against, mine. His hand is on my hips and this is so great, but I know we can’t go any further.

“We can’t do this,” I whisper. I kiss him again. “We talk about this.” And we did. I told him I wouldn’t be able to just fuck. I wouldn’t be able to because I loved him.

Zack's hand is between my legs now and I didn’t realize it until he began rubbing me through my underwear. A quiet, involuntary moan escaped my lips and I cursed my body for betraying me.

Zack is smiling against my lips. “So tell me to stop.”

God, I want to. I want to tell him to stop because I don’t want to feel bad tomorrow. I don’t want to feel like shit. But god damn I fucking wanted him. I wanted every fucking part of him.

So instead I kissed him, and ran my hand down his back. Zack’s hand traveled up underneath my shirt as he moved his lips from mine and to my jawline. He kissed my jaw, and then me neck. “That’s what I thought,” he told me and I didn’t have to look at him to know he was smirking.

Notes

I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!! Thank you so much for reading!

Thank you to Hollie, foREVer-A7X, rebelteaparty, MeRi, kaylakakes, Kimmie, Billiehobo, and imagine fiction for commenting. Keep it up, guys! i love hearing from you all. it keeps me writing!

Title credit: Halsey "Is There Somewhere"