Zachary

The night was a success. She tried to resist at first, but I could see it in her eyes that she wanted me as much as I wanted her. Eventually, she finally conceded and when she did I couldn’t keep my hands off her.

The next morning was equally as great, until she said the words I’ve dreaded to hear, and suggested we talk about our past. Our past. Ugh. No fucking way. There was no way I was going to talk about the chapter in my life. Why would we? Why should we? Nothing was ever going to fix what happened. Nothing was ever going to make me feel any better. There was no way I was having that conversation, especially right after such a great night. No fucking way.
Until, like her, I eventually conceded. I was able to delay the conversation by showering, and I took my time. God, I didn’t not want to have this conversation with her. I dressed slower than I showered, but Evelyn was still downstairs waiting for me when I arrived. She poured each of us a cup of coffee and then I listened to her as she told me how was still in love with me.

I wanted to run. I wanted to run as far as my legs would take me. I didn’t want to hear it. I was relieved when she finally answered her phone, but relief turned to grief when I realized what it was about.

“My dad…” she choked out once she hung up, “he’s dead.”

I didn’t know what to say to her. What do you say to someone when they tell you that? So, I did all I knew what to do and I took her into my arms. She wrapped her arms around my torso and tucked her head into my chest and she just cried. I comforted her, or, well, I did my best to comfort her. I stroked her hair and allowed my lips to linger on top of her head as I whispered to her.

“It’s okay,” I told her. “We can fly back to California together.”

And so we did. We boarded the next flight and I held her hand. To comfort her, that’s all. We parted ways once we were in Huntington Beach. I dropped her off at her mothers, and then went home myself. I felt bad for Evelyn, she wasn’t exceptionally close to either of her parents and I think her mother even gets on her nerves more than anything, but to lose a parent…I can only imagine how bad that hurts.

I spent the next couple of days avoiding Gena and worrying about Eveyln. Gena thought I wanted to get back together since I had slept with her before I left for New York, but that wasn’t the case at all. I was worried about Evelyn for obvious reasons, but I was also worried about our conversation before her bad news. I was worried she took things the wrong way, I was worried we wouldn’t be able to be friends.

The day of Mr. Sanders’s funeral came, and of course I attended. My heart ached for the Sanders family. First they lost Nathan, Evelyn’s brother, and now Evelyn’s dad is gone.
I couldn’t help but think how beautiful Evelyn looked, despite her mourning. She had always been so sophisticated, even in high school. I couldn’t suppress a frown when I noticed Jeff with her, holding her hand. I couldn’t place the exact reason, but I knew I did not like that man.
“I know exactly why you don’t like him,” Brian told me when I mentioned it.

I rolled my eyes. “And why is that?”

“Your feelings for her, dude. It’s the reason why the sex is so great and it’s the reason you don’t like her boyfriend.” He replied.

“That’s not it,” I groaned.

Brian didn’t press it and I was thankful. Instead of arguing with him, I watched her at the funeral and though she was sitting between her mother and boyfriend, I wished I was sitting with her, comforting her. After the funeral everyone went back to her mother’s house. I thought about going home, getting out of this suit and tie but decided against it. Instead, I kept my eyes on Evelyn. She looked tired, but still smiled at every family member and friend that came her way. I wanted to approach her, to comfort her but Jeff seemed to be doing a pretty job with that. He was constantly touching her. His hand was either in hers or on the small of her back. He never left her side, and I couldn’t blame him.

In the passing days before the funeral, I’ve been thinking about mine and Evelyn’s conversation from her kitchen when she told me she still loved me, she always had and always will. If that were true, if she really loved me then how could she hold on to another man’s hand in her time of need?

I will deny it until the day I die if I have to, but Evelyn will forever hold a piece of my heart. She was the first woman I had ever loved, besides my mother. Maybe that’s why I was so jealous of her affection with Jeff. Ugh. I hated it, I hated this feeling. I wish Jeff didn’t come to California, but that was me being selfish. Evelyn lost her dad, I should be glad that Jeff came to her in her time of need. I should be, but I wasn’t. I wasn’t because of my feelings for Evelyn, but of course I would never admit that to Brian. I would never admit any of this to Brian or anyone for that matter.

“Evelyn,” it was my voice but I didn’t remember speaking. I was standing inches from her, but I couldn’t remember moving my feet.

Jeff looked at me and I thought I heard him groan. If Evelyn heard him she chose to ignore him. “Zack,” she gave me a small smile. “How are you?”

I couldn’t help it. I pulled her into my arms and rested my chin on the top of her head. Jeff glared at me and I ignored him, moving my chin from Evelyn’s head and my lips down to her ear. “Don’t be silly,” I murmur. “How I am is not important.”

Evelyn rubs her face in my chest and I hear her sniffle. “I can’t believe he’s gone.”

“I know,” I mumble. “Everything is going to be okay. He loved you, Ev. He really fucking loved you.”

“I should have stayed,” she cried into my chest. “I should have stayed here in California but instead I moved. Why did I move, Zack? I should have spent more time with him.”

“No,” I tell her. “Don’t do that to yourself. You can’t blame yourself for this. You were living your life. That’s exactly what your dad wanted you to do, okay?”

“Okay,” Evelyn whispers, tightening her grip around my torso. I ran my hand through her hair.Fuck, she always had such soft hair. She slowly pulled away from me and I resisted the urge to pull her back into me.

“Where are you staying?” I asked her. It didn’t matter, wherever it was I knew Jeff would be there.

“We’re staying at the Huntington Beach Inn,” Jeff replies. He basically spits it at me and I silently remind myself that it’s not the place or time to knock his teeth down his throat.

It takes me a moment to pull my thoughts back together, and when I do I give Evelyn a reassuring smile. “Call me if you need anything. Anything, I mean it Evelyn.”

She nods, returning the smile. “I will. I promise.”

With those final words I decide it’s better if I walk away and find someone else to talk to. Not only because Jeff is about five jealous seconds away from getting knocked the fuck out but also because I needed a break. I didn’t understand how I was feeling towards Evelyn. At first I thought I was just feeling sorry for her because she lost her father, because she was so vulnerable. Then I thought it was because I knew I couldn’t have her. Not romantically but sexually. She told me she couldn’t do it anymore and I have to respect that, not matter how bad I want her. Now I’m wondering if that’s really it or not. Maybe my feelings were delayed because I held so much anger towards her all these years. Now that I’ve finally let most of that anger go, it leaves room for how much I used to care for her, love her. Evelyn was right. What she and I had was real.

It doesn’t matter.

I find Matt talking to a cousin of his and I approach him, eager for some distraction. “Hey,” I smile.

“Hey, Zack. You know Juliet, right?” Matt introduced.

“Hey! You were getting married the last time I saw you!” Juliet smiled. “Where is the bride? Is
she here?”

Ah, fuck. This is not the type of distraction I meant. I didn’t want to be distracted from one ex to another. “No,” I answer. “She and I ended up not getting married.”

She nods. “Matt told me you and Evelyn used to date, I saw you talking to her earlier. Are you two…?”

“What?” Matt and I both laugh, mine more forced than his.

“She’s clearly brought her boyfriend home with her, Juliet.” Matt shook his head.

This isn’t the type distraction I wanted either.

I lose myself in my thoughts easily and the remnants of mine and Evelyn’s conversation back in her kitchen in New York ran through my head. What else had been said? She told me she loved me and then what? God, I was too worried about freaking out to listen to her words. I should have given her more of an opportunity to talk about things.

We needed to finish that discussion, I knew that. I didn’t know if it would do any good or cause more damage but I knew it had to be done. I knew this wasn’t the time or the place but I caught myself scanning the crowd for her anyways. Where had she gone?

I quietly excuse myself from Matt and Juliet and enter the house. I look around and sigh when I realize the house is mostly empty. Everyone is outside enjoying the weather and company in their time of loss. I turn on my heel and I’m about to exit the house when I hear Jeff’s voice coming from upstairs, and fuck he sounded angry. I make my way to the staircase and am at the second floor in no time. The voice is coming from Evelyn’s old bedroom. The door is shut, but I can still hear him clear as day.

“I can’t fucking believe you. I can’t believe a goddamn word that comes out of your mouth!” He hollered.

There was another voice, a quieter voice – Evelyns. “Jeff, please. Can we not do this right now.”

My hand was on the doorknob. “Are you fucking him?” Jeff again.

“I just finished burying my father.” Evelyn. She’s crying.

“Answer me!” Jeff demanded. Evelyn didn’t reply. “You fucking whore! You…”

I throw the door open before I realize what I’m doing. It opens just in time for me to see Jeff’s open hand collide with Evelyn’s cheek. I don’t have time to think about reacting, it just happens. I grab Jeff by the collar of his shirt and throw him down to the floor.

“What the fuck?” He exclaims. I throw my fist and ignore the slight pain when it collides with his jaw.

“Zack!” Evelyn shrieks behind me. There’s tugging on my shirt and after another punch I pull myself back into reality.

This isn’t the time or the place.
This isn’t the time or the place.
This isn’t the time or the place.

“Get the fuck out of here,” I demand. I watch him pull himself to his feet. He glares at me and then looks at Evelyn. “Fucking go,” I yell. And he does. As soon as he is out of the door I turn to Evelyn. Her cheek is already bright red and my blood continues to boil. It takes every ounce of my self-control not to run after him.

“Are you okay?” I ask her. I move a stray hair from her face and tuck it behind her ear. Her cheeks are wet with tears and I get – and ignore – the urge to kiss her.

“What are you doing up here?” She asks me quietly, refusing to look at me.

Why did I come up here? Oh yeah. “I wanted to talk to you,” I told her. “I wanted to see when you wanted to finish our conversation.”

“Our conversation?” She asked.

I nod. “The one we were having in New York before…” I didn’t finish my sentence.

“Oh,” was all she said.

I looked at her, took in her face and features as if it were the first time I saw her. She was still refusing to look at me and I didn’t understand why. “Evelyn…” I start. “Did he…does he…hit you?”

“No,” she answered quickly, but not quick enough for me to think she was lying. “This is the first time. It’s not a big deal. He thinks there’s something going on between us.”

I got that from the conversation I had walked in on but I don’t mention it. “You should stay with me tonight.” The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. And something else happens before I can stop it – I hope she agrees.

Notes

Raise your hand if you got a bad feeling from Jeff.

Thank you guys so much for reading! Poor Zack, that guy just can't make up his mind what he wants. I'm pretty sure he either really just wants sex or he's just afraid of getting hurt again. Who knows!!

I've really got to start thinking how/when i want this story to end. I have no idea if i want a sad ending or a happy ending. I know what you guys want! A happily ever after! Haha We will seeeeee.

Don't forget to leave feedback, i love hearing from you guys!

Thank you, MeRi, Hollie, foREVer-A7X, imagine fiction, Billiehobo and Kimmie for commenting on the last chapter.

Title credit: Halsey "Is There Somewhere"