Enough

The bright lights on the other side of my eyelids and the beeping told me where I was before I even came to completely. I had been here so many times before. I slowly opened my eyes and squinted as a pain went through my head, I felt like it was going to split open. I tried to sit up but stopped immediately because the pain was bearable but barely. I lie back down and hit the button on my bed to call for the nurse.

She walked in a few moments later, a clipboard in her arms. "Oh, Ms. Bowman, you're family and friends will be so glad you're awake." She smiled at me.

"Who?" I croaked. My voice was dry.

She poured me a cup of water and handed it to me. I brought it to my lips greedily. "Yes, a friend of yours brought you in and then shortly after, your parents and three other guys your age showed up." She began to check my chart, "How are you feeling?"

"Sore," I told her bluntly.

She nodded. "Yeah, you need another dose of pain reliever. They should have already been in here with it. I'll go grab it, do you need anything else?" I shook my head. "Okay, well there's only about ten minutes left of visiting hours, so I'll tell your friends and family they can visit you in pairs. I'll be back with the Doctor and your pain medicine." She walked out of the room and I nervously straightened out my hospital gown.

A few moments later my parents walked in.

"Mom, dad..." I started and the both hugged me. My mom burst out in tears and my dad pat her on the back.

"Now, dear calm down." My dad hushed her.

"You're right, I'm sorry." She said and dried her eyes. "What happened?"

I frowned, unsure of what to say. I couldn't - wouldn't tell them the truth. "It...it was an accident." I lied, "You know me, clumsy as all get out. I fell down the stairs."

My parents stared at me for a few moments and I knew they were trying to decide if I was lying or not. I couldn't remember the specifics but I was sure Jake didn't leave me looking pretty.

"We're just glad you're okay!" My dad kissed me on the top of my head. "We're going to get going, we know you need the rest and the guys are completely distraught. I'm sure they're just itching to come see you."

I nodded and my mom kissed my cheek. "We'll come see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay," I said softly and watched them walk out. I figured Zack and Matt would be next since I was closer to them but when Johnny and Brian walked in, I was relieved.

"Jesus, Bekah." Johnny said and hugged me, Brian hugged me after him.

"Zack and Matt aren't ready to come in," Brian explained.

"Oh," I said.

"Bekah, what happened? When Matt called, he said he found you at the bottom of the stairs. He thought you were dead." Johnny said.

"Matt...found...me?" I whispered quietly, more to myself than anyone else.

Brian nodded, "You called him. You don't remember?"

I shook my head. "You must have called him before you passed out. He answered but didn't hear anything, so he tried calling you a few times and when you didn't answer he rushed to your house." I nodded slightly, taking it all in and unable to speak. Tears began to build but I refused to let them fall.

After a few moments of silence I found my voice. "Guys, thanks for coming and I love you both. But I really need to speak to Matt. Could you..."

Brian nodded, and both he and Johnny gave me a hug. "We'll talk to you later." One of them said before leaving.

I took deep breaths trying to hold myself together, and then Zack walked in with Matt right behind him.

"Beks..." Zack said softly. He didn't move towards me and neither did Matt. Both of them stared at the floor.

"I'm so sorry," I told him. In that exact moment I didn't know why I was apologizing but it was the only thing I could think of. They both looked up at me and I could tell they had been crying. Tears threatened to fall again, but I held them in the best I could.

"What the fuck happened?" Matt said in a small voice. If I didn't see his lips move I wouldn't have thought it was him that spoke.

I opened my mouth to reply and then closed it again. I nibbled at my lip, stringing the words perfectly together. After a couple of moments I gave up. "I fell down the stairs." I lied.

Matt shook his head, "Bullshit."

I took a deep breath. "I'm not lying, Matt..."

Matt walked up to the bed and jerked back the hospitals thin blankets. He grabbed my arm and lifted it up. "Really?"

I looked down and saw a perfect bruise around my wrist. I jerked back my arm and rubbed my wrist. "Those aren't anything."

Matt shook his head again and tugged my hospital gown off my shoulder. "Want to tell me how you got this from a fall down the stairs?" I looked over and saw a perfect bite mark with bruising beginning to form. “Or how about the perfect bruise around your neck?” He asked me.

"Matt," Zack began.

"No, Zack. She's lying to us. That asshole is beating her. You didn't see her lying motionless at the bottom of the stairs. She was half naked; she wasn't walking down the stairs, something happened and that asshole pushed her down them." Matt turned and stared at the wall for a moment. "I saw all the bruises, Bekah!” I didn’t say anything and he let out an aggravated groan. “I can't be here right now." He walked out of the room without looking at me.

Zack walked up to me after a few moments of awkward silence. "Beks," he said softly, "is it true?"

I stared at him, and the tears that begged to fall finally fell. "I'm so sorry, Zack." Zack sat on the bed and pulled me into a hug.

"Why didn't you say something?" His voice cracked and I knew he was holding back tears.

"I'm sorry. I don't know."

Zack pulled away from me, "How long has this been going on?"

"I don't know, a while." I told him.

Zack stood up from the bed and his knuckles were white from clenching so tight. "I'm going to kill him."

"No, Zack..." I started but the nurse walked in.

"Sir, I'm sorry but visiting hours ended a few minutes ago." She told him kindly.

"Can he please just stay a little bit longer?" I asked.

She shook her head, "Rules are rules, and you need your rest." Zack nodded and kissed me on the forehead.

"Don't do anything stupid." I begged him. He didn't reply, but instead stood back up and looked at the nurse.

"When do visiting hours begin?"

"Ten in the morning," she told him.

He looked back at me, "I'll see you then." He told me and then walked out of the room.

**


Ten in the morning came quickly, mostly because the nurse doped me up on pain reliever and a sleeping aid. Zack was in my room not a minute later and was even nice enough to sneak me in breakfast from a bakery we used to go to.

"Well, you look a lot better." He said after giving me a hug and handing me my breakfast. I had seen my reflection, I knew he was lying.

"Thanks," I said anyway. I pulled a chocolate donut and some chocolate milk out of the bag Zack handed me. Jake never let me have sweets.

After we ate breakfast Zack thought it would be good to take a walk so my body didn't get even more sore just laying in a hospital bed. He got permission from my doctor and then we walked around and found ourselves outside in the smoking area not soon after.

"What's wrong?" I asked Zack after he had fallen quiet. He brought his cigarette up to his lips, took one drag and then held it between his fingers.

"What are you going to do when you get released from the hospital?" I watched the cloud of smoke disappear and stared into the sky for a few moments after.

"I don't know," I told him.

"What do you mean you don't know, Beks?" He asked me. I knew he wouldn't understand my answer even if I had one to give.

I sighed and sat down on the bench beside him. "It's complicated."

He shook his head, "You can't go back to him. I won't let you. What if this happens again?"

"Zack..." I started but he interrupted me.

"No, look at you. You have to leave him. You should have left him the first time he laid hands on you."

"I don't know if I can." I told him.

Zack took another drag from his cigarette and then threw it into the ashtray. "What do you mean? Like you don't think he will let you leave?" He looked at me, "Because he won't do anything. I won't let him. Matt and Brian and Johnny...they'll back me up on that, Beks. We can get a restraining order against him. You can move in with one of us if you don't want to be alone."

I sighed, and broke my gaze from him. "It's not just that, Zack."

"Then what? Don't tell me you think you love this bastard." Zack shook his head.

"Of course I do," I told him. "I love him so much. He wasn't always like this, you know. Something in him just snapped one day. I just have to wait for it to snap back."

"You deserve better."

I laughed, "I'm damaged goods, Zack. Look at me."

Zack did as he was told. I felt his eyes move up my body, to my throat and then across my face. "You're beautiful. You're talented, and smart. You deserve better than Jake. Hell, you could be the exact opposite of all that and still deserve better than him."

I chewed on the inside of my cheek. I knew what he wanted me to say but I wasn't sure if I could. "I can't."

"You're my best friend, and I love you but Beks, I swear to God you can be so stupid sometimes."

"It's not like that, Zack!" I exclaimed.

Zack took a deep breath and stood up, "Then tell me how it is because clearly there's something I'm missing!"

I pulled Zack down on the bench beside me. What was he missing? Well, for starters I occasionally did cocaine. Oh, and I've slept with more men I could count for money. I knew I had to tell him the truth. But where to start?

"I...occasionally do blow." I said quietly.

"What?" Zack asked me.

I sighed. "Not on a regular basis. Just when I need it."

"When you need it?" Zack asked, "What does that mean?"

"I just..." I started but then closed my mouth. I didn't want Zack to know I was basically a prostitute. The only time I really used was when I was about to have sex with a stranger. "It means I'm not addicted to it."

"You have to go to rehab." He said.

I shook my head, "No, I'm not addicted. Really."

Zack sighed. "Is he your dealer? Is that why you won't leave?"

I groaned. "No, Zack! I'm just scared, okay? That's why I won't leave him. I'm scared that I'm too fucked up and no one else will ever want me. I'm scared of Jake. I'm just scared!"

Zack pulled me into a hug and stroked the back of my head. "You have nothing to be afraid of, Beks. I'll be there for you no matter what.”

Notes

Another chapter for you guys. So, so sorry for leaving you guys with a cliffhanger on chapter four and just to give you guys a flashback chapter for chapter five so you had to wait until chapter six to see what happened. Totally kidding, I did that on purpose. :p Will Bekah go back to Jake? Who knows!

Please keep the feedback coming. Thank you for reading!

Title credit: Avenged Sevenfold "Unholy Confessions"