Enough

The next two days were excruciatingly slow. Zack and I tried to keep things normal between us, but I'd be lying if I said it was easy. We kept sneaking glances at each other when the others weren't looking, and we were constantly looking for a reason to be near the other without it looking too obvious.

That was all we did though. Zack refused to cheat on Gena and I was happy With that. I already felt like I was breaking them up and stealing the love of her life, I didn't want him to cheat on her with me and make things worse.

I kept reminding myself I only had a short time left before I could be with Zack. Two days down and two to go, just forty eight hours left and Gena would be home.

I shook my head, I was literally counting down to the moment Gena was going to get her heart broken, her soul crushed. What kind of friend was I? I pushed the thoughts away and walked downstairs to see what Matt was up to. He was sitting on the couch with a beer in one hand and the remote in the other.

"Anything good on?" I asked, plopping down beside him.

He shook his head. "There never is."

"Two days until Val gets home." I said.

"Two days until Gena gets home too." He said, raising his eyebrows at me.

I narrowed my eyes at him, confused as to what he meant. "Two days until Michelle gets home...?"

Matt didn't reply, but took a swig of his beer. "Don't play dumb with me, Bekah." He mumbled.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I told him with a shrug.

"Zack is in a relationship with Gena." Matt said.

"I know that, Matt." I crossed my arms defensively.

"Okay," he said, "I guess what I meant to say is you and Zack aren't as sly as you two think you are."

"Nothing is going on between Zack and me."

"I'm not entirely sure about that, Bekah." Matt sighed. "I know you two have always had a thing for each other but..."

I shook my head. "No we haven't. We had feelings for each other in high school, but decided to just be friends."

"And what about now?"

"What do you mean what about now?" I rolled my eyes.

Matt took another swig of beer and emptied it. "I mean, I see how you guys have been recently. It was happening before Gena left, and it has only become increasingly apparent."

"I don't know what you're talking about." I lied.

"The lunch dates, movie nights, you follow each other around, constantly sneaking glances at each other when you don't think anyone is paying attention."

"So, if you and I went out and did more stuff like eat a meal or watch a movie you'd say there was something going on between us too?" I asked, becoming more and more defensive by the second.

Matt sighed, clearly aggravated. "No. It's not just that, Bekah. It's the vibe that you two give off."

"A vibe?" I asked, standing to my feet. "What am I supposed to do about a vibe, Matthew?"

"I'm not saying you can do anything about it, Rebekah." Matt stood to his feet too.

"So, I'm getting in trouble for something I can't do anything about?" I scoffed.

"No, you're not in trouble..."

I cut him off. "You're right. I'm not in trouble because no matter how hard to try, Matt, you're not
really my brother and you're certainly not my father." I grabbed my keys and stormed to the front door. "I'll be back when you're not being a dick."

"Tell Zack I said hi!" Matt shouted as I slammed the door.

I stomped to my car and pulled the door open. I shoved the keys in the ignition and turned the engine over but only heard a clocking noise. A dead battery.

"Motherfucker!" I exclaimed hitting my steering wheel several times before resting my head onto it. I took several deep breaths before calming down enough to decide on what to do.
I pulled my cellphone out of my pocket and dialed Zack's number. It rang a hand full of times before he answered.

"Hello?"

"What are you doing?" I asked him.

"Nothin', just chillin', killin'." He said with a slight laugh in his voice.

I smiled at his stupid move reference. "Want to come get me? Matt's being an asshole and my car battery is dead."

"What's he being an asshole about?"

I sighed. “He suspects there is something going on between us. He's not very happy because you're with Gena."

"Oh," Zack said. "I'll be right there."

"Okay," I said and we hung up.

I got out of my car and hopped up on the trunk as I waited for Zack. My mind swarmed with thoughts of Zack and Gena and Matt. Matt was right, I was a shitty person for doing this to Gena even if he didn't come right out and say it.

I sighed. But Zack isn't happy with Gena. And Zack and I haven't done anything since our kiss. We've flirted a little and craved each other's attention but...oh, who am I kidding? Zack and I were awful people for treating Gena this way.

I was so deep in my thoughts I didn't even notice Zack had arrived until the slam of his car door rang out. I jumped and hopped off the trunk when I saw him walking towards me.

"I'm going to go talk to him." Zack said.

I grabbed his arm as he tried to walk past me. "No, Zack just let it go."

He shook his head. "No. It's none of his damn business what you and I do. He had no right to attack you."

He tried to walk away from me again but I didn't let go of his arm. "He didn't mean it," I told him. "You know Matt and how protective he is of me. I'm sure in his own twisted way he just got mad at me to protect me or something." I shook my head, I knew it didn't make much sense but it was likely.

Zack sighed and caressed my arm. "How did he find out anyway?"

I shook my head again. "He just knew. He said we put off a vibe."

"A vibe?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, that's just what he said."

Zack didn't reply at first but then he said, "Let's just go."

I agreed and we walked back to his car and got in. Zack pulled out of the driveway and headed back to his house.

When we arrived we got out and headed inside immediately. He walked to the kitchen and offered me a beer; I declined and settled for a bottle of water. Zack returned to the living room with two waters in his hands and sat next to me.

"What's wrong, Beks?" He asked me. I had drowned myself in thoughts about Gena again and didn't realize it until Zack broke my concentration.

"Nothing," I smiled and took the water from his hands.

Zack frowned. "You've got to stop lying to me, Beks."

I nodded slightly. "I'm sorry," I told him. "When I was with Jake...I uh...kind of had to lie all the time, about everything."

Zack took my hand in his. "I don't want you to ever feel the need to lie to me." He lifted my hand up and placed it against his lips. "Tell me what's wrong."

I took a deep breath. "I'm just...feeling really guilty about this - about Gena."

Zack shook his head. "You have no reason to be guilty, Beks. I came to where you were staying two days ago; I told you I was going to leave her. It was all me. You said no one had to know that we kissed and I told you I wanted to be with you."

"But I kissed you. If I didn't do that, then none of this would be happening."

"That's probably true," Zack agreed. "But I'm glad you did. Gena and I weren't going to last anyways, no matter how are we tried. You helped me realize that when you kissed me."

"Yeah but..."

"No, no 'buts'." Zack shook his head. "Don't put yourself down over this, Beks."

"Are you sure you want to do this though? Are you sure you want to be with me? Because I'm seriously fucked up, Zack." I shifted awkwardly on my seat and looked down at my hands.

"No, you're not." He said softly. "You had something - well, a lot of things that were fucked up, happen to you. But you're not fucked up. Not any more than the rest of us, anyway."

I smiled softly. "I'm being serious, Zack."

"So am I." Zack said. He shifted in his seat so he was a few centimeters closer to me. "I'm going to tell you something and I need you to take me seriously. I need to you believe every word of it because it's the God's honest truth and it's important you hear it."

"Maybe you should wait," I told him. "If it's something that important you should wait until you're not with Gena."

He shook his head. "No, you need to hear this now and I need to tell it to you now."

"Okay," I said softly.

"I loved you back then. Prom night, when you and me happened - it was one of the greatest nights of my life, not because of the physical activity but because I got to really feel emotionally and mentally connected to you that night. Not only were you my best friend that night but you were also the single most important thing. You made everything better. I was happy with you." He stopped talking and chewed at his lip. "Then you said you cared about me but we could only be friends. You said our friendship was more important than some high school fling. I could have fought for you then, but I also had Gena so I didn't. I shoved my feelings deep, deep, down until they didn't exist anymore and we were able to go back to being only-but-great friends. I chose Gena over you then because I didn't want to lose you just as much as you didn't want to lose me. But we're not in high school anymore and I'm not making that mistake again."

I didn't know what to say. What do you say to something like that? My body craved to be tangled with his, for my lips to be against his. I forced the cravings to back of my head. I couldn't do that, not yet. I opened my mouth to speak but closed it when I heard a car door slam outside Zack's house.

Zack looked at me confused and got off the couch. "I'm not expecting anyone," he told me and walked up to the window. He opened the curtain and I thought I heard a profanity escape his lips.

"What?" I asked.

"Gena's home."

"She's not supposed to be home for two days!" I whispered. I didn't know why I was whispering but I did know I didn't expect Gena home this early and I didn't want to be here when Zack broke things off with her.

"I know, I know." Zack said. From the tone of his voice I knew he wasn't prepared for this either.

"I'm just going to get going. I'm going to go out the back so she doesn't see me," I told him. It sounded stupid when it came out of my mouth, but I didn't want her to see me. I was being a coward.

"You don't have to go," he said.

"I'll talk to you later," I told him before I walked out of the living room and into the kitchen which led to the back door.

However, once I got into the kitchen and the door closed behind me I couldn't seem to remember how to move my feet.

I heard the front door open and Gena greeted Zack.

"I thought you," Zack started and I assumed he was interrupted with a kiss. My stomach churned. "I thought you weren't coming home for two more days."

"Yeah, we had to come home early. I'll tell you why but you have to act surprised when the secret is officially out." She sounded cheery.

"Actually, Gena we need to talk about something else."

"Okay, but can we do it later? I'm so tired." She asked.

I should leave. I didn’t.

"No, no," Zack said quietly. I heard him clear his throat and then with a stronger voice he said, "It'll be best I tell you now. I'm sorry."

"Z, baby, what's wrong?" Gena asked concerned.

I tried to move my feet again but they were planted. I didn't want to hear this; I didn't want to be here. Did I?

Neither Zack nor Gena spoke for a very long time. I was beginning to think they were just talking in such a hushed whisper that I couldn't hear them through the wall when I heard Zack.
"It's not working out," was all he said.

"Oh," was all Gena replied with.

"I love you, but I think we should both go our separate ways. I think there's a reason you rejected my marriage proposal, even if you're not quite sure what it is yet. I can't wait around forever, and I don't want to. I don't think either of us are very happy nowadays."

"When did you come to this conclusion?" Gena asked softly.

Zack didn't reply right away. I imagined him taking a deep breath and nibbling at his lip. "A while ago," he told her. "But more so in the last week or two."

I was able to move my legs now but had no desire to. My name was about to come up and I wanted to know if I should expect Gena at Matt's doorstep with a pitchfork tonight to not.

"Does Rebekah have anything to do with it?" Gena asked him. A slight gasp escaped my lips. I expected my name to come up but I didn't expect it to be from Gena. Had Matt talked to her? Is that why she was back early?

"Why would you say that?" Zack asked her. His tone was neither accusatory nor defensive.

"You and she have always had a special bond, Z." She sighed. "Everyone knows it. I knew once you came home from tour and started talking to her again things would change between you and me."

"We have a special bond because we're best friends. We've known each other since third grade at least." Zack said, his tone now becoming defensive.

"I know," she said. "But it's more than that. You guys have been in love with each other since high school."

Why did everyone keep saying that? First Matt and now Gena? These two have definitely been talking behind our back.

"No," Zack said. "I did love her, but I haven't had feelings for her since high school. They only recently came back."

Gena didn't answer right away. "I know you believe that, Zack. I know you honestly think that, and that's why I can't be mad about it. But I've known for a very, very long time that you loved her. I'm glad you're finally figuring it out. Has she expressed her feelings yet?"

Zack avoided her question. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," she sounded defeated. "I can't be mad at you. You proposed to me and for whatever reason, I didn’t say yes. Then Bekah came back and I'm glad you both realized you love each other. Really, I'm not mad. I love you; I really, really love you, Z. And so I'm happy for you." She said. "I'll have someone come grab my things."

"Gena, wait don't go just yet."

"I need time, Zack," she said. "I'll have someone come grab my things in the next few days. I wish you and Bekah the best. Honestly." And with that I heard the front door open and close. I took a deep breath, allowing everything to sink in before I decided I better get out of there while I could. I slowly snuck though the kitchen and out the back door, closing it quietly behind me.

The walk home wasn't very long. Zack and Matt only lived about a mile from each other and I needed time to clear my head.

So, Gena didn't hate me and I think it was safe to rule out the hunt for Bekah the Harlot tonight. Was it true that everyone thought Zack and I always loved each other? And if it was true, why would they think that? Zack and I never showed any traits of liking each other more than friends, did we? I tried to think back but had a migraine so didn’t worry too much about it.
I knew I was going to have to talk to Matt when I got home. I was going to have to talk to him about Gena and about our fight. If Gena was home I bet that mean Valary was also home, which was going to make it harder. I didn't want everyone to know about me and Zack or our maybe soon-to-be relationship right now.

I got back to Matt's before I was finished with my thoughts. Sure enough, Valarys car was parked beside Matt's truck. I walked in the house and was surprised to see only Matt sitting out the couch.

"Where's Val?" I asked.

"Laying down," he answered. He turned off the television and looked at me. "Bekah, I'm so sorry."

"No, it's okay." I told him.

He shook his head. "I shouldn't have gone off on you like that. I just don't want you to get hurt and if you're messing around with a man who is in a relationship..." He stopped and sighed, "Still, it's not any of my business."

"I'm not messing around with him, Matt." I said. "It's complicated."

"Well, the girls are back now so you're going to have to uncomplicated it."

"Did you call her?" I asked him, not being able to bring Gena's name to my lips. "Did you tell her that Zack and I were messing around and that's why she came home early?"

Matt shook his head, "No."

"Don't lie, Matt." I rolled my eyes. "She said the same thing you did. That Zack and I have always had feelings for each other so if you didn't get that idea from her or vice versa then..."
Matt interjected. "Then maybe it's the truth and you should realize that. Look, Bekah I swear on my life I haven't talked to Gena about you, so if she said that to you then apparently I'm not the only one who has noticed it over the years."

I opened my mouth to reply but quickly shut it when I realized I didn't have anything to say. I knew Matt was telling the truth because Matt never lied to me. "So," I said desperately, "why are they back early then?"

Matt reluctantly answered, "That's...that has nothing to do with you. I promise. Val's sick."
"Is she okay?" I asked, worried.

"Yeah," he nodded. He pressed his lips together, looked around the room as if he thought someone may be eavesdropping and then said in a hushed voice, "If I tell you something, you promise not to tell anyone?"

"After all the secrets you've kept of mine? Of course." I said.

Matt grinned, his dimples visible. "I'm going to be a dad."

"Oh!" I exclaimed and pulled Matt into a hug. "That's fantastic! I'm so happy for you! You're going to make such a great dad!"

"Thank you," he said and hugged me tighter.

"Does she know how far a long she is?" I asked him when we broke apart.

He shrugged. "The clinic she went to told her about six weeks. We're going to book another appointment soon to get a better guess."

"So, it's morning sickness then?" I asked. "Poor girl!"

Matt nodded. "Yeah, she was exhausted when she came in. With the flying and the constantly being sick, she's just totally worn out. She told me the news and then basically fell asleep."

"That's great news though! You guys are going to make an amazing little family."

"Thank you, Bekah."

"I...kind of have some news for you too," I told him.

"You're pregnant too?" Matt asked, his brows furrowed.

"God, no." I laughed. "I'm on birth control."

Matt looked relieved and I would have been relieved too if I was in his shoes. There's no way I'd want to have a child of Jakes or one of those strangers.

I bit my lip. "Gena and Zack broke up."

"What?" He asked, "When?"

I shrugged. "Today."

"She's been home for like thirty seconds."

I nodded, "I know." Matt didn't reply, so I spoke again. "Zack and I haven't been messing around. We kissed once, but it was just that one time, we haven't allowed it to happen again. He wanted to break things off with Gena before we continued anything."

Matt raised his eyebrows but he didn't look surprised. "So, are you guys dating then?"

I shook my head. "No, not yet."

Matt pulled me into an unexpected hug. "You deserve to be happy," he whispered. "So, if he is who you want, go for it and don't look back. You both are two of my closest friends, you're both great, amazing people. You both deserve happiness."

"Thank you, Matt." I said as he pulled away from me.

"Not a problem, Bekah." He said. "I'm going to go lay down with Val for a little while."

I nodded and he turned to walk away. "Hey, Matt." He turned around but didn't say anything. "I'm sorry for what I said earlier about you not being my brother. You know you're the closet fucking thing I've ever had to that. I'm grateful for it, even if I don't sound like it sometimes."

Matt smiled. "I know. I love you too." He winked before climbing the stairs.

Notes

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Title credit: Of Mice & Men "Seven Thousand Miles For What?"