The Way Your Heart Sounds

Lauren didn't remember much of the night after that. She woke up in a haze after a brief sleep to see Jimmy looking at her. He was curled up next to her, but his deep blue eyes were focused on her face.

“What are you doing awake?” Lauren murmured.

“I love you.”

Lauren smiled and returned the I love you. She gently kissed him on the lips, cupping his cheeks with her hands. It wasn't uncommon of him to randomly proclaim his love to her, but she thought it was odd he was still awake. Especially considering he was tired. When she went to pull her hands away, he wrapped his hands around her wrists and kept her hands where they were.

“Are you okay?” She asked. He nodded and let go of her hands, then buried his face into her shoulder. Lauren eventually dozed off again.

She had no idea what time it was when she woke up again. It was still dark. Immediately she noticed that Jimmy was gone from the bed. Yawning, she slowly got out of bed to see where he was. First she checked the hallway, then peeped into the bathroom and Jimmy’s studio. Nothing. After that, she made her way out into the living room. She saw his tattooed arm resting on the arm of the chair.

“What's the matter, couldn't sleep?”

No answer. Maybe he had fallen asleep out here. She walked over to the chair and noticed that he was slumped over to the right side. Anxiety flooded through her as her nursing instincts kicked in. He was extremely pale, and his body position didn’t look like a position someone would fall asleep in.

“Jimmy, sweetie, wake up,” she said loudly, shaking his shoulders. No response. She grabbed his hand and squeezed. It was cold. His chest was not moving. He had no pulse.
She had to act quickly.

Using all her strength, she dragged his body out of the chair and laid him flat on the floor. She somehow managed to keep herself from having a complete meltdown as she called 911, put her phone on speaker, and threw it next to her. She ripped Jimmy’s shirt off and started CPR when she heard the operator ask what the emergency was.

“My fiancé is not breathing. No pulse. I found him when I woke up in the middle of the night, I don't know how long he's been there,” she explained, her voice trembling with tears, panic, and breathlessness as she performed chest compressions.

The operator asked if she knew CPR, and she replied that she was already doing it. The operator stayed on the phone after she said the paramedics were on the way. Lauren didn't speak, and just continued the cycle of chest compressions and breathing that she had performed dozens of times in her life. Except now it was on her fiancé.

After about ten minutes of doing CPR, Lauren was ready to pass out. If it weren't for the adrenaline running through her veins, she probably would have already. Finally, a knock on the door. She screamed for them to come in, and several paramedics immediately flooded into the house, running towards Jimmy. One of them took over CPR, and Lauren collapsed to the side of Jimmy, hardly able to breathe. As a few paramedics worked on Jimmy, one of them came to make sure Lauren was okay. Her memory was blurring as he asked her to tell him what happened.

Before she knew what happened, they had the defibrillator out. The first shock was delivered. Lauren was unable to look, and continued to sob where she was sitting on the floor. She heard them say “clear” a few times, but still couldn't bring herself to look.

“We got a pulse, lets go,” one of them called. Lauren felt a wave of relief. Maybe there was a chance that he would make it through this. She was in a daze as someone guided her into the ambulance.

“Do you want us to take him to your hospital? It's closest,” the driver asked. Lauren didn't remember telling them where she worked or that she was a nurse, but she simply nodded.
It felt like a million years until they got to the hospital, even though it was probably only a few minutes. Jimmy was quickly wheeled out of the ambulance and brought inside to a room, where several staff members flooded in to assess him. She had been through this as an employee countless times, but never as the family member.

One of the paramedics guided her to a chair outside of the room Jimmy was in. She reluctantly sat down. She recognized several of the nurses here tonight, from when she worked the night shift fresh out of school. They seemed to figure out what was going on pretty quickly.

She lost count of how many people came over to her while she was sitting there. Her mind was too preoccupied to hold a conversation with any of them. As she was sitting there, she realized she had to tell someone what happened. But who would she call first? Brian? Dr. Kramer? Jimmy’s parents?

Slowly and robotically, she pulled her phone out and dialed the number she'd come to learn by heart.

“Lauren? It's like 4am, is everything okay?” Brian’s voice came through the speakers, groggy with sleep.

“No, you need to come to the hospital,” she said simply.

“I'll be right there.” He hung up.

When she saw the attending physician for the night walk over to her, she felt like she was going to throw up. She couldn't read the look on his face. The doctor sat down next to her.

“Are you Mr. Sullivan’s fiancé?” He asked quietly. She nodded.

“It seems that his heart suddenly stopped. We’re not sure if maybe he had an arrhythmia that caused sudden cardiac arrest…” the doctor started. “He’s still alive, but barely. We’re doing everything we can to stabilize him, and then he’ll be sent over to a cardiac unit. Right now he’s unresponsive, but hopefully he’ll come to in a little while once his body has recovered a bit. We’ll keep you informed as we find out more.”

Lauren wasn't able to respond with words, only continuous tears streaming down her face and a nod. She was so relieved to hear that he was still alive, but so scared at the same time. The doctor said he was unresponsive, what if he was in a coma?

“Another thing I wanted to ask you, does he use any kind of drugs? Specifically narcotics?”
She was taken aback by his question, and wondered what that had to do with anything.

“He’s an ex-drug addict. He’s been sober for a few months now. What makes you ask?” she said quietly.

“His respiratory drive is depressed, he’s barely at 6 breaths per minute. We also noticed that his pupils are fixed and constricted. We had no way of knowing for sure, but we just gave him a small dose of Narcan to be on the safe side.”

Lauren couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She even remembered noticing his pupils being constricted a few days ago, but the connection never clicked in her head. Her heart felt heavy as she slowly realized that it was very likely Jimmy had been using drugs again.

“That was smart,” she nodded. “I noticed him acting a little off lately, but I didn’t make the connection I suppose. I hope we’re wrong. But as long as he’s alive…” she started to tear up, and struggled to finish her sentence. “I don’t care about anything else.”

The doctor nodded in understanding and gave her a reassuring pat on the shoulder before he left. Out of the corner of her eye she spotted Dr.Kramer. He was out of breath as he jogged over to Lauren.

“They just paged me. What happened?” He spit out quickly. Lauren quickly filled him in. He sighed and rubbed his forehead before he took a seat next to her.

“Do you really think he overdosed?” Dr. Kramer asked, in disbelief himself.

“I don’t want to believe that, but it’s very possible. If he wakes up soon, I guess we’ll know…” she replied. She knew that Narcan was fast acting, and if he did overdose, he would probably be awake soon.

“You don’t think he tried to…” The doctor started, but was interrupted by Brian’s voice coming from down the hallway.

“Is he okay?” Brian panted.

“They said he’s alive, but barely. His heart stopped,” Lauren had a hard time looking at Brian. She wondered if any of the guys knew if he was using again.

“Holy shit,” Brian mumbled, running a hand through his disheveled hair.

“I need you to be honest with me right now,” Lauren said, looking him dead in the eyes. Brian nodded, but looked at her with confusion in his big brown eyes. “Was Jimmy using drugs again?” His forehead wrinkled, and he quickly shook his head.

“Not that I know of. Is that what the doctors said?”

“They think he overdosed,” she said. Tears started to spill down her face again. Brian frowned deeply and pulled her into a hug. Neither of them let go for a very long time. The smell of cigarettes and cologne filled her nostrils as she rested her head on Brian’s shoulder.

“He’s going to get through this, Lauren. I know he will.”

Notes

You guys spoke, so expect 44 chapters! This one was kind of painful for me to write, I'll admit. Thank you to everyone who has been reading and commenting, I love hearing your thoughts.