The Way Your Heart Sounds

While Lauren was at work, she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. Once she had a spare second she checked it to see that Jimmy had texted her.

‘Hanging out with Johnny later, so I won’t be home when you get there. I’ll see you later my love.’

Once work was over, Lauren decided to stop at her house since Jimmy wasn’t going to be home anyway. She needed to pick up some extra clothes, because she was staying at Jimmy’s house way longer than she had anticipated. A tote bag filled with clothes got dumped into her front seat, and she was off. Her house felt weirdly empty now that she was never there. If she did end up living with Jimmy, she would need to start thinking about listing her place for sale. The whole idea felt odd.

Back at Jimmy’s place, she started to unpack the bag of new clothes and sorted them into her dresser. In the meantime she was thinking about dinner. She decided to just heat up some leftovers and watch the news. Nothing exciting.

Sitting criss cross on the couch, she began working on eating her noodles. The phone started to ring and she reached over to grab it off of the table. It was Jimmy.

“Hey babe, how’s it going?” she asked. When she heard sniffling, her heart immediately dropped.

“Jimmy? Are you alright?” she asked quickly. He didn’t answer for a moment, which only made her more anxious.

“Lauren, I fucked up,” he managed to say. His voice was stricken with tears and panic. She jumped off the couch, ready to go find him wherever he was.

“Sweetheart, I need you to take some deep breaths for me. What happened?”

“I was out with Johnny… he kept telling me to have a drink and I kept refusing but I finally caved because he wouldn’t stop. I had one….then I had two… and I finally realized what I was doing... and immediately left to call you,” he managed to say. Lauren felt her blood boil. She thought all this time that the guys were on their side, when obviously not all of them were.

“Where are you? I’ll be there as soon as possible,” she said, slipping her shoes on. Jimmy told her the name of the bar as she was already out the door.

“Stay put, Jimmy. I’ll be there in two minutes.”

Lauren probably broke a few traffic rules on her way to the bar, but she didn’t really care. She was so scared about how this would affect Jimmy. He was doing so well, and it could only take one mistake to screw him up and put him back where he started. As she pulled down the street to the bar, she saw Jimmy sitting on the curb outside. His head was on top of his knees. She quickly pulled over and hopped out of the car, running over to him.

“I’m here,” she said quietly, kneeling down next to him. He refused to look at her or say anything. She rubbed his shoulder.

“Come on, let’s get you in the car,” she said. As Jimmy was reluctantly standing up, she noticed Johnny had just stumbled out of the bar. He could barely walk in a straight line.

“You,” she growled, pointing at the short man who was now in front of her. “You’re such an irresponsible asshole!”

“What’s your problem?” he mumbled as Lauren stormed over to him. Jimmy was behind her, begging her to leave Johnny alone, but she ignored him.

“Lauren, it’s not his fault,” Jimmy mumbled.

“My problem is that you know he’s not supposed to drink and instead you pressure him into it. What’s the matter with you?” she snapped at Johnny. She was so angry that she felt like shoving him, but knew he was so drunk that he would probably just fall over.

“Come on...It was one drink,” Johnny slurred. Lauren was so mad she could barely speak.

“Fuck you!” she spat. Johnny rolled his eyes as she turned around and grabbed Jimmy, taking him back to the car. He was silent as Lauren started the car and took off. She wanted to talk to him about what happened, but was waiting until she had calmed down a little bit. Since the bar wasn’t far away from Jimmy’s house, they got there in a matter of minutes. When they got inside, Jimmy sat on the couch with a look of defeat on his face. Lauren sighed as she sat down next to him and put a hand on his knee.

“Are you okay?” she asked. He shook his head no.

“Just know that this isn’t the end of the world, okay? You slipped up is all. The fact that you stopped yourself and called me is so amazing,” she explained. He was just staring into space, not responding much to her.

“You’re going to see Dr. Kramer tomorrow, so don’t worry.” She wasn’t sure what else to say that would comfort him. He seemed unresponsive and upset.

“I’m a screw-up,” he mumbled, looking down at the floor.

“Don’t say that,” she started, wrapping an arm around him. “Everyone makes mistakes. Now we just get you back on track and handle it from there. You know I’m so proud of you, right?”

“You shouldn’t be.” He stood up and started to walk down the hall. Watching how sad he was about all of this made Lauren’s heart break. He was taking this worse than she had expected.

She stood up and followed him down the hallway into his room. He didn’t seem to notice or respond to her being there.

“I need to be alone,” he said finally.

“I don’t think you should be alone right now. We don’t have to talk but let me stay with you, please,” she begged. Jimmy sank down onto the floor against his bed.

“I can’t do this,” he said quietly.

She frowned and took a seat next to him. Tears started streaming down his face again and he turned away from her. He mumbled something else, but it was incoherent.

“Jimmy, baby, I can’t understand what you’re saying,” Lauren murmured, rubbing his back.

“I’m losing my mind.”

He wiped his eyes and stood up again. When he started to pace around the room, Lauren became even more concerned. She had never seen him so inconsolable before. There had to be something deeper going on.

“This isn’t just about the relapse,” Lauren started slowly, leaving room for him to answer. He turned to look at her. His eyes were intense, and a bit scary.

“I can’t talk about this,” he mumbled. His long legs started making a dash towards the door, but Lauren stopped him from leaving.

“It’s okay, Jimmy. You don’t have to tell me anything if you’re not comfortable… but can you tell the doctor? Just so you have someone to talk to…” she said. He nodded but said nothing. She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him silently in the doorway for a few moments.

“I love you, and I’m here for you no matter what,” she whispered to him. In response, he squeezed her tighter and refused to let go.

Notes