"Code Blue ICU"

Zack’s POV
I knew that I needed to hold on to Penny or there is no telling what she would do. She was struggling in my arms to get free as the staff came running past to Brian's room. She had managed to get turned around and I was holding her back with my arms around her waist as she watched them run by in horror. Then she just collapsed onto her knees. I knelt next to her with my arm around her. "Penny, why don't you come sit down?"

I had texted Suzy and Chloe as soon as I had left Brian before Penny had gotten back from her shower. I had been getting texts and calls this whole time, but I wasn't able to even read them. I had to help Penny, I needed someone to help me. It was a horrible nightmare.

Once I finally got her to a chair. Penny was now just sitting there, staring toward his room, tears streaming down her cheeks, not making a sound except for an occasional sniffle. Finally, the door opened and the Doctor came out we both walked over to him quickly.
"Mrs. Haner?"
"Yes. Is my husband okay?"
The doctor paused before speaking. "Your husband gave us quite a scare, his heart stopped but we were able to resuscitate him fairly quickly. His vital signs have stabilized. His EKG and EEG results were good as well. We are going to run some more tests."
"Can I see him?" Penny asked.
"Yes, as soon as all the staff have finished up and cleared out of the room. I will have the nurse come get you."
Penny turned to me and we hugged and both cried.
"He's alive Zack!" She said.
"I knew Brian wouldn't bail." I said.
Just then everyone got there and we told them what had happened. I was exhausted, I was glad that I was there for Penny but the whole thing scared the shit out of me.

Penny's POV
Once I finally was able to see him, I was almost angry with him. "That wasn't funny Haner! You scared the crap out of me!"

Gwyn had come to visit every day. She didn't know Brian that well, but she was there for me. I would tell her about good times Bri and I had together. I hoped he could hear me and they would help him fight his way back. That night I told her about the night of the accident and what Brian and I were talking about right before we were hit.
"I know this is horrible Penny, but you have to stop blaming yourself. The guy was drunk, Brian was drunk and you just naturally drive fast and furious when your upset." She said.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I don't mean anything I just don't want you to blame yourself because of your reputation of sometimes driving like you're in a NASCAR race."
"Do you think it was my fault?"
"Of course not, just forget I brought it up. I didn't mean to upset you."

I couldn't get what Gwyn said out of my head.
"Bri, I don't know what to do. You have saved me time and time again. You have always protected me and taken care of me. I have been so selfish you have given so much to me. Now you need my help and I don't know what to do."
"I wish I had sat at that light longer, I always punch the gas and take off. If I had just accelerated slowly, the other car might have passed in front of us and missed our car. Those roses would be sitting in our home we would have had our night. Because of me, they are sitting in a hospital room and you can't even see them. I don't deserve these flowers I can't look at them anymore!" I pulled the giant bundle of roses out of the vase and started to throw them in the trash.
"MOM!" Chloe must have come in while I was talking to Brian.
I stopped and turned to her. "Why are you here?" It didn't even register at first who she was.
"Well, I wasn't able to come earlier because of the twins, so once Max got home I came to check on you two. The real question here is what are you doing? I heard what you said and why would you think it's okay to throw those flowers away?"
"I don't deserve them." Chloe took the flowers from me and put them back in the vase.
"This wasn't your fault Mom; Brian would never blame you."
"How much did you hear?"
"Enough to know that blaming yourself will not help him. I have gotten to know Brian pretty well in the past four and a half years, he's part of our family. The last thing he would want is for you to blame yourself. In the last year you two have been through some terrible things, but you have also had many more wonderful times in the years you've been together. Talk to him about those, Mom. He has always been strong and positive to help you through the bad times, you need to do that too."
"I don't know if I can, I always thought I was a strong person but right now I feel helpless."
"You can do this Momma, you can do it for him."
I hugged her. "How did you get to be so wise?"
"I learned it from you, you just don't see it right now because you're afraid and you haven't hardly slept or eaten for four days."
"I just can't seem to eat and what if he wakes up and I am asleep?"
"What if he wakes up and you are in a hospital bed in another room?" Chloe pointed out.
"I will call for a dinner tray tonight and I will sleep on the pull out bed too. Just not right now."
"Do you promise?" She asked.
"Yes, I promise."
"Good, I am going to get the pull out bed all ready for you, so when the time comes all you have to do is lay down."
"Thank you Baby Girl. I'm a very lucky Mom."

I didn't do as I promised Chloe and lay down on the pull out bed. I never ate anything either. I was determined that I was going to be awake and right next to him. I must have fallen asleep without even realizing it. I had a dream that Jimmy was standing there next to me. He put his hand on my shoulder.
I didn't even let him speak. "You told me you were going to help him fight! Why haven't you?"
"He is, Penny. He's fighting as hard as he can, he has a journey, a difficult journey ahead. You've got to be patient, sleep a little longer now. It's very important that you take care of yourself. He needs you to help him fight too, you can't do that if you end up in a hospital bed." Then Jimmy picked me up, put me on the converted chair and put the covers over me. "I told you I would help you both and right now you need to sleep."
I woke up a few hours later and I was in the pull out bed. It was still night. I went out to the nurses' station. "Has anyone other than me been in my husband's room tonight?"
No, the only other person in his room tonight was me checking on him. I am happy to see you finally decided to lay down and get some sleep."

I must have been so tired I didn't remember getting up and getting in the bed. I did try to go back to sleep again, but there was just no way I could. I couldn't not hear the monitors and know he was okay. There was no way I was going to leave him, not after what happened. I wasn't leaving that room and taking a chance that it might happen again and me not be there and awake. Matt and Brian Sr. did finally convince me to eat an actual meal, I was only able to eat about a quarter of it.

At about 4:00 AM, I just felt so lost, so scared. I had to plead with him to wake up.
"Honey, I hope you can hear me. I remember the last thing you said before we were hit, I'm sorry. I promise I will let it go and stop worrying about it. But you have to wake up so I can prove it to you. I need you." I squeezed his hand. I don't know exactly why, but the song from Music Man that we danced to just before midnight on our first New Year together came into my mind and I started singing;

"There were bells on a hill.
"But I never heard them ringing."
"No, I never heard them at all."
"Till there was you."
"There were birds in the sky."
"But I never saw them winging."
"No, I never saw them at all."
"Till there was you."
"Then there was music and wonderful roses."
At that line I looked over at the vase of roses he had sent to me, they were starting to wilt and a disheveled mess from when I pulled them out. I couldn't stop repeating the line,
"Then there was music and wonderful roses."
"Music and Roses."
I just dropped my head down on the bed next to him, crying.
Then I felt Brian squeeze my hand...

Notes