Nothing Lasts FoREVer

“Are you okay, baby?”, Jimmy asked hesitantly after awhile. He kept fondling my hair, trying somehow to calm me down.

“How can you ask me that?”, I lifted my upper half from his chest so I could look at him, tears streaming down my face incessantly.

“Come here, honey…”, he opened his arms so I could crash in his bare chest again.

“Will you stop it?”, I growled, wiping furiously the tears from my face.

“Stop what, babe?”, even though I was behaving like a child, he never lost his temper.

“Comforting me! I don’t fucking deserve it! What kind of daughter am I, Jimmy? I just turned my back on him when he needed me the most. I never even tried to get to know his side of the story! He killed himself because he couldn’t stand looking at me and see my disappointment towards him. He ended his own life because I’m just a shity daughter…-“, I was starting to lose it when Jimmy cut me off.

“Haven’t you heard a single word that I just read to you? It’s not your fault, baby… He was just sick of being here, tired even. He loved you more than anything; he wouldn’t want you to blame yourself, honey! He was proud of you… He probably thought he had lived enough and was through with it. Maybe losing your mom and your trust because of his stupid mistake was too much for him to handle and he just lost it… You said that he had been an addict before you were born, right? He got clean for you, he stayed clean for eighteen years that’s a pretty big deal, and it takes a lot of strength, a lot of will power not to use again. Do you really think that wasn’t hard for him? I bet that every single time he found a bump on his path he thought about using again, but he never did because he knew he wouldn’t fully enjoyed the time with you.”, he tried to erase that kind of thoughts from my head, but it was useless. Every single word coming out of his mouth only intensified my guilty conscience.

“How is that supposed to make me feel better? You’re just agreeing with me without even realizing it. He was the perfect father… He cared for me; he loved me more than he loved himself. Every single day we were apart he would write to me, telling me all about his day and how much he missed me. His world revolved around me, I was like the central piece! Can you imagine how devastated he must have felt when I stopped saying that he was my hero, when I just stopped trusting him with my secrets or even just the small things of my day?”, I was on my feet near the bed, tears still rolling down my face.

Jimmy jumped out of the bed, pulled me closer to him. I pressed my temple against his chest, sobbing uncontrollably, he just held me in his arms, stroking my hair, placing soft kisses on the top of my head. “That’s just the way it’s supposed to be, babe! All parents should love their children more than themselves. Now, you just need to accept that some people can’t be bothered to stick around in this world one more day, and unfortunately your father was one of those people. He stuck around as much as he could; he struggled every single day until he was done with this world.”, he mumbled soothingly.

“I can’t accept it… It just feels like I’m the reason he decided to take his own life and that’s eating me up on the inside, you know? It’s tearing me apart… I never stopped loving him. What if he died thinking I didn’t love him anymore? I never lost my faith in him, despite the way I acted… I was just hurt and acting on it! How come have I not notice how he felt, how depressed he was? I should have sensed it… But I didn’t. All I could think about was me and my mom and how he had betrayed us. But he really never betrayed me… I was the first to judge him, like I was perfect. But I’m not… I’m selfish; I’m oblivious to other people’s feelings. I didn’t even realize how deeply heartbroken my own father was… Sure, I knew he was hurting and that he still loved my mom, but I never saw the depth of his pain!”, I was talking more to myself than to Jimmy.

Jimmy didn’t try to say anything else; he knew that wouldn’t do any good, not now anyway. He just kept me in his arms like he could shield me from any danger or any dark thought that I might be having. We somehow ended up in bed, tangled in each other until I finally stopped crying. I looked up at his face and he bent his head a little so he could kiss me softly on the lips.

“Thank you for being here with me, thank you for listening to me… Thank you!”, I whispered against his lips while one of my hands reached his face to stroke his cheek.

“I love you!”, he said and kissed me with more intensity this time, his tongue trying desperately to find mine.

I suddenly broke the kiss; Jimmy glared at me confused.

“What time is it? The guys are probably waiting for you, babe! Brian is gonna get pissed…”

“Really? You broke the kiss ‘cause you’re afraid of what Brian might say?”, he asked in disbelief.

“Did you not hear him yesterday? I don’t want you to get in trouble because of me… Hop hop! Let’s go!”, I laced my fingers on his and pulled him up the bed and hurried downstairs. I hurried to the computer and turned it on, while Jimmy took a seat on the piano stool.
He started to run his gentle fingers across the keyboard, and then I realized I recognized that melody. I didn’t put it together until he started to sing:

“Your hazel golden eyes watching every move I make.
And that feeling of doubt, it's erased.
I'll never feel alone again with you by my side.
You're the one, and in you I confide.

And we have gone through good and bad times.
But your unconditional love was always on my mind.
You've been there from the start for me.
And your love's always been true as can be.
I give my heart to you.
I give my heart, cause nothing can compare in this world to you.

And we have gone through good and bad times.
But your unconditional love was always on my mind.
You've been there from the start for me.
And your love's always been true as can be.
I give my heart to you.
I give my heart, cause nothing can compare in this world to you.

I give my heart to you.
I give my heart, cause nothing can compare in this world to you.”, he was staring at me with a huge grin on his face. I was probably with a dazzled look on my face. I had no idea he could sing too! He was like a fucking octopus on the drums; he played the piano; he sang amazingly, his voice was different than Matt’s, some different tune I don’t know; and he had told me before that he also hit some notes on the guitar.

“Hey! Are you stealing my song, dude?”, we heard Matt’s voice on the other side of the line. I didn’t even bothered greeting, my eyes were locked on Jimmy’s.

“I changed at least the color of the eyes, Shadz!”, Jimmy smiled widely at me

“You’re such a songwriter, Jimmy!”, Matt teased.

“Actually the song really applies better to your story with Val… But I’ll write some even more awesome than that to my Cat.”, Jimmy replied winking at me. I was still amazed, I hadn’t move an inch since he started to sing. “Are you okay, babe?”, Jimmy seemed a little worried.

“I h… I ha…I had no idea you could sing!”, I managed to answer.

“Anybody can sing, Cat!”, he tried to make it past unnoticed.

“Not like THAT! I love you… Did you know that? Have I told you that yet?”, I started to walk in his direction. Once I was near him, he pulled me onto his lap and kissed me eagerly.

“I’m sorry… What did you just said? I didn’t hear you, you were so damn far away!”, Jimmy taunted me, his lips still brushing mine.

“Ouh… I was just saying, you know?”, I bitted his lower lip softly.

“What were you saying then?”, he licked one of the corners of my mouth playfully.

“Pleeeeasee! Just leave that love bubble and come back to earth, already!”, Zacky exasperated.

“I said that… I love you, Jimmy!”, I ignored Zacky's comment on purpose.

“I love you too, Cat! More than you can possibly know… I’m glad to see you cheered up!”, even though that was not his intention, his words reminded me our talk in our bedroom and my dad’s goodbye letter. I could feel the tears stinging in the back of my eyes, threatening to roll down my cheeks again.

“Baby?”, Jimmy called after me when I got up from his lap and headed up the stairs straight to my room.

Jimmy’s P.O.V.

“What? Troubles in paradise? So soon?!”, Zacky taunted.

“Shut the fuck up, Vengeance! You don’t know shit!”, Jimmy replied angrily.

“I’m sorry, dude! I was just teasing you! Did something happen?”, Zacky apologized.

“Yeah… Something did happen! I got Cat to read, better yet, listen to her dad’s suicide note. Now she thinks she’s somehow responsible for her dad’s suicide! I had just managed to calm her down!”, Jimmy sighed.

“Her dad killed himself?”, Brian sounded shocked.

“Yeah… she found him laying on the bathroom floor with a syringe on one of his arms, nine months ago.”, Jimmy sighed again.

“That’s just fucked up, man!”, Matt said.

“It’s not her fault as she thinks, you know? He just made the biggest mistake of his life and when he felt that he couldn’t deal with the consequences anymore took the desperate rout. She blames herself because the last few months of her father’s life she was hurt and acted on it, because she changed her behavior towards him. I just messed up… I need to fix it! Do you guys mind if we do a raincheck on the rehearsal? “, Jimmy asked.

“Not at all, ‘bro! Cat needs you right now! We’ll catch up with you later!”, They all said almost at the same time.

Notes

Will Jimmy be able to fix it? :s
What do you think about Cat's reaction to her father's suicide note?
I really hope you like it... :)
Leave me a comment, will you? Pwease? *puppy eyes*