Nothing Lasts FoREVer

“What the fuck, Rev?”, Zacky exasperated from the other side of the line.

“Just log off, Zee!”, Brian said.

“We’ll talk tomorrow, guys!”, I yelled over Jimmy’s shoulder.

They logged off a few minutes later; Jimmy didn’t make one more move in my direction until they logged off. As soon as they were off, Jimmy looked at me, a huge grin on his face. He filled the space between us and lifted me up bridal style.

“Are you ready to show me those moves?”, he whispered to my ear.

“Only if you promise to show me those beautiful arms in action, my sweet octopus!”, I teased.

“They’re already in action, baby… So, what are you going to do to me?”, he asked curious.

“If I told you it wouldn’t be a surprise anymore, would it?”, I gave him my best dirty look.

He kissed me eagerly while he walked us through the room. He put me down so his hands could roam my body; I was out of my clothes in no time.

“You’re a little too overdressed, don’t you think?”, I stated while I gave him the ‘up and down look’.

“Let me take care of it…”, a huge beam on his face while he stripped off his clothes and kissed me gently on the lips.

I pulled him closer until there was no fringe between us. Now I was ready to show him some of my good moves, I thought to myself while I fondled every inch of his body.

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Tough night… We woke up around 1p.m., well actually I woke up around that time; Jimmy was already awake. He was watching me sleep with a smile on his beautiful face.

“ ‘Morning!”, I greeted with my voice still choked up with sleep.

He leaned to kiss me but I put one of my hands in front of his mouth, he frowned.

“Morning breath, baby! Let me brush my teeth first…”, I explained.

“Kiss me already! You can brush your teeth afterwards!”, he tried to get a grip on me but I hurried to the bathroom.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror and I nearly panicked.

“GOD! Look at my hair! I look ridiculous…”, I tried to arrange my hair a little, I looked like a manic… no, better than that I looked like one of those Afromen!

“You look just perfect to me! Your hair it’s just a reminder of our amazing night!”, he was behind me, lacing his arms around my waist, placing soft kisses on my neck.

“Looks like it’s not the only reminder!”, I said pointing to the hickey a little below my left ear.

He smiled widely. “Sorry, babe. You left me some reminders too!”

“I did not!”, I felt outraged.

He turned his backs on me and he had a few scratches, nothing major, just the marks.
“Ouh… I didn’t realize I had…”, I tried to explain but he cut me off.

“We’re not apologizing for loving each other, are we? You were busy enjoying yourself as was I! Let’s not apologize… I would do it all over again as much as I could! I love you, baby! Can I kiss you now?”, he raised one of his eyebrows waiting for my answer.

“In a bit!”, I bent over the sink to brush my teeth.

“Watch it, little Jimmy!”, I warned after I finished.

“That’s just a good position for little Jimmy to come back to life! He has no control over himself!”, Jimmy laughed.

“That’s funny!”, I turned around and kissed him.

“It was about time!”, he mumbled against my lips.

“Will you play something for me?”, I pleaded

“Soon after we eat some breakfast… Where’s your dad’s guitar?”

“In one of the rooms downstairs. Probably my dad’s old office. Why? Are you playing the guitar today?”, I asked amazed. He would never stop surprising me.

“I’m no Synyster Gates, but I can play a little! And today I feel like playing the guitar for you!”, he placed a kiss on my forehead and led us to the bottom floor towards the kitchen.

We ate our breakfast with me sitting on his lap.

“Let me go get that guitar!”, he slapped my ass so I would get up.

I did as he asked and he blurred out of kitchen, making me chuckle. He was like a kid.
He came back a few minutes later with a shoe box on his hands.

“Did you find the guitar?”, I asked not really paying attention to the box he held in his hands.

“Yeah, I did! A Schecter, nice!”, he smiled. “I also found this box…”, he was expecting me to say something.

“You found a shoe box? And so what?”, that’s when it hit me. He had found THE box. “Oh, shit!”, I mumbled.

“Have you seen what’s inside?”, he asked.

“Yeah! Most of it… My dad used to travel every once in a while. He would write to me every day we were not together. He also wrote and composed a few songs that are also there.” I hesitated a little; I really didn’t want to tell him what I hadn’t read yet.

“Can you read them to me? Is there anything else here you don’t want to tell me about?”, like always, he just saw right through me. There was no point in trying to hide something from him.

“It’s kinda personal!”, I first said. “Why do you have to push me? Why do you have to insist so much?”, I was trying to pick a fight.

“Because I care about you, I worry about you, because I LOVE YOU…”

“Well, I also care about you, I also worry about you and I do love you too, but I’m not bugging you all the time, am I? The day you feel comfortable to talk to me about your life experiences I’ll gladly hear them, but I’m not pushing you! But you are always pushing me!”, I almost yelled at him.

“What do you wanna know?”, he asked patiently.

“What?”, I asked confused.

“What do you want to know about me? I do feel comfortable telling you anything… I love you, I trust you, and I got nothing to hide.”

“I don’t know what to ask!”, I confessed. There were so many things I would love to know about him that I just didn’t know where to begin.

“Just ask anything that pops in your head…”, he encouraged me.

“You once said that some way or another we’ve all experienced hell… What was yours?”

“See? That’s a good question! Well… Long story short… I have some authority issues, I don’t really like to be bound to this or that, and let’s say that had caused me some trouble so far.”, he showed one of his devilish smiles.

“That’s pretty vague, don’t you think? You expect me to tell you all my dirty secrets and that’s what you tell me about yourself?”, I was pissed.

“Who said I was finished? My authority issues got me kicked out of school several times, they also got me arrested and kicked out of my parents’ house when they were done pulling up with my shit. I even ended up sleeping in a car for a while…”, he laughed. “Oh, and I also slept for several months at a laundry mat.”

“You slept in a car? And in a laundry mat? You were arrested? Why?”, that was surprising, well not exactly surprising, he was Jimmy after all!

“Mostly due to bar fights…”, a grin on his face, like he was proud of his past. Jimmy was really something…

“I think I’ll need some time to take in all that shocking information!”, I put one hand over my heart dramatically.

“While you take that shocking information in, you could read to me your father’s letters!”, he quickly took over the situation. I knew now I couldn’t escape. “What haven’t you read yet?”, exactly the question I was trying to avoid.

“You can read them yourself!”, I growled.

“I would love to, but I don’t understand a word of Portuguese, remember?”

“You don’t need to! All my dad’s letters are in English, he wanted me to learn to speak fluently, so he wrote every single one of them in English. Have fun…”, I just couldn’t deal with that just yet so I left him alone in the kitchen.

“I’m reading them with you right next to me, Cat! And we’ll start for those you haven’t read yet.”, he was right behind me, with that damn shoe box under his right arm.

“Do we have to?”, I asked with a sad face.

“Yes we do. This is a good time as any. And if you’ve been avoiding it, it’s because you haven’t felt ready to deal with it, so it’s better if I’m here with you to help you deal with it!”, he said matter-of-factly.

“Fine! You’ll have to get all of my pieces back together! It’s on you…”, I gave in.

“Couch or bed?”, he asked while lacing his fingers in mine.

“Bed…”, I answered.

We climbed up the stairs to our bedroom. Jimmy arranged the pillows so we could comfortably lean on, sat and pulled me to his side. He opened the box.

“Which one is it?”, he asked gently.

“The one on the top.”

“He wrote you a lot… I bet he loved you more than anything in his whole world… Do you wanna read it or would you rather have me read it to you?”

“Better if you read it to me…”, I looked up shyly at him.

“Alright then…”, he pick the letter up, got rid of the red envelope that had written “To my dearest daughter Cat” on my dad’s perfect handwriting. Jimmy cleared his throat, placed a kiss on my temple and begun to read:

“Hello, my baby girl :)
Where to begin?
I know I messed up… I know I’ve hurt you and mom and there’s no excuse for that…
I do regret it… That was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done in my life.
You, on the other hand… you are my masterpiece! I can’t imagine nothing or anyone more perfect than you. You are the only thing I got right in my life.
I hope that someday you’ll find the strength to forgive me.
None of what is about to happen is your fault, darling. I just got tired of this world; I just can’t stand looking into your beautiful hazel eyes and see that I’ve let you down.
It used to be the most rewarding thing to me, to come back home I see your beautiful face lighten up at my sight. I loved the way you trusted me, I loved how you used to tell me all that was happening in your life. I enjoyed every hug, every kiss, every ‘You are my hero, daddy’.
I’m just too weak to deal with all the pain I caused you and mom… I’m not strong enough to stay put and wait that you get over what I’ve done, ‘cause honestly I’m not over that stupid mistake.
I’ll find you in the afterlife (if there is such thing… I sure hope so), and I hope you’ve forgiven me by then.
I’m sorry, baby…
I love you more than anything in this whole galaxy, Cat! Don’t you ever doubt that…
I’m sorry for my lack of strength to deal with the odds in life, you deserved better than that. I’m sorry for my selfishness…
I’m at peace with what I’m about to do, ‘cause I know how strong you are. You take that after your mother. :) My brave girls…
I’m just trying to find some peace, baby.
I love you, my perfect masterpiece…”, Jimmy hugged me tightly while I sobbed incessantly.

Notes