My Fucking Nightmare

“Matt’s coming over.” I muttered, knowing I wasn’t concealing the anger quite as well as I’d hoped. Melissa was hiding in the bedroom. I wasn’t sure why, but the space was nice. “Liss, come out. Matt’s coming over.” The door unlatched and the hinges squeaked as she came out, wrapped in her warm robe I bought for her birthday. Her calmness took my rage away. I had this gut feeling that she had something key to do with this whole thing. When Matt got here we’d discuss it.
For a moment or two I wanted to call someone else over, just to mediate. But everyone else was just as pissed as I was. I mean, I guess I could have called Jim. Or maybe the Berry twins. Or Phil, no matter how useless he was.
Whatever, I could handle it. I had Melissa here to keep me calm. What was the worst that could happen? We’d beat the shit out of each other, kiss and make up so to speak. Christ, my heart was pounding. And when I finally heard his truck pull up, I expected the worst. I expected him to look completely haggard. Unshaven, unclean.
And yet, I was surprised. He walked through the door, wearing a new outfit, his hair cropped short. Aviators over his eyes, chains around his neck. And the metal grills in his mouth were gone. About time. Melissa walked up and hugged him. I thought I heard her say “thank you”, but I wasn’t going to say anything. She had something to do with it, end of story. But all he could do was stare at me. I mean, what the fuck were we supposed to say to each other?
He walked over to me, hand extended, waiting to take me in for one of our ultimate bro hugs. Instead, I balled my hand up into a fist and sent it flying straight into his jaw. Grunting, he staggered backwards, trying to catch his balance. When he looked back at me, he nodded. “I deserved that. Good swing.”
“Yeah, you fucking did.” I growled. And just like that, all the tension was gone. Matt stood up and wiped the blood from his lip, extending his hand again. This time I took it, pulling him into one of the best bear hugs I could offer.
I’m not sure what I’d call it. Catharsis, maybe? I mean, one minute my band was breaking up because of Matt’s recklessness. Melissa pulls some strings and he shows up here, everything gets fixed…and how did I feel about it? How was I supposed to feel? Relieved, yes. My stubbornness didn’t allow me to let it all slide right away. With getting the shiner and all, I hoped I at least gave Matt a noticeable bruise. That’s how we dealt with our shit since high school. We just duked it out and let time fix everything.
Matt, of course, had chosen the sober life for the time being. Can’t say I blamed him. If I remember correctly though, he tried it before we went on tour and it ended pretty pathetically. So the whole time he was at my place we discussed how to make it up to the fans, the thousands of people who paid top-dollar to see what we promised them. In fact, it was enough to go on to schedule a City of Evil Revival tour, which meant we’d just do Europe, Asia, and Australia all over again. Only this time, I’d be sure to keep a closer eye on Matt.
He left a little while after the discussion. Fuck, I was beaming. Melissa saved us. I don’t know how, and frankly I don’t want to know how, but she did. We owed it all to her. I sent a couple texts out to the other boys telling them I wanted a meeting here again tomorrow. I included Phil, since he absolutely had to know anything and everything that went on with us. Following the meeting I wanted to celebrate in some way. Just, some little way. Maybe with just her to show how appreciative I was of the effort she put in to a band she didn’t quite associate with.
As I put my phone on the table to charge for the night, I felt her hand creep up my shoulder. Then her lips against my cheek. “Come to bed, baby,” she whispered. I tensed. Truthfully, this would be the first time in weeks—months, even—that I felt relatively in the mood for sex. I was a little out of touch, sloppy. Definitely nervous. So I let her take control. I had to let her take control.
Until a thought came over me, and I wish it hadn’t because it started to fuck with me for a good while after that: in our band, Matt established himself as alpha. He was top dog, and we looked up to him. I’ll be the first one to ever say that. Arguably Jimmy was the guy who composed most of our shit. But Matt just made it work. And as for Zack, Johnny, and I, we filled in the blanks with our guitars. That’s all there was to it. The rest of us were weak, submissive. The omega.
Which made Melissa the alpha female, given what she’d done to salvage what was hopelessly lost. So in the end…that made Melissa and Matt the head of our band. The alpha male and female. I wasn’t sure how the hell to feel about that. It had to have made sense. Christ, my heart lurched inside my chest. I couldn’t feel like this now, not with everything finally getting better. No, no. I had to put the thoughts away; this triumph was worth celebrating!
Of course, it only made sense that through all the stress I’d been under with trying to keep Matt’s head above water, maintaining my own relationships with everyone else, and making sure I didn’t drink myself stupid too, it was time to let loose. Time to start living my own life again.
I just needed Melissa at my side, and those thoughts were so, so provoking.

Notes