My Fucking Nightmare

The end of our apology tour, as I liked to call it, we were invited to do one last show with one of our influences, Coheed and Cambria, who met us on the end leg in Australia. We always admired their work and dedication, as well as the spectacular performance they put on for the fans in each show. So of course we were going to accept. The show would take place at the San Diego Sports Centre, and my first order of business was to book a VIP ticket for Melissa. She hadn’t seen us perform before, and as I was away I had some pretty special plans thought up for my return home.
I played it off as a formal invitation to come to San Diego and see the zoo, as we hadn’t yet seen much of SoCo. I planned on staying in San Diego at least a couple days anyway, just to get away from it all for a while, only to return to Los Angeles later on to regroup. If this show went as well as I’d hoped it would, it would make for the end of what had already been a drop-dead fantastic tour. It was redeeming, seeing all the faces for a second time. As far as reviews held out, we didn’t disappoint. I’d be throwing a toast to Matt for that, once we got back.
All that being said, we got to San Diego and played it off to our wives and girlfriends that we were in New York. Phil even made sure we had a separate flight itinerary which didn’t include San Diego, so when I told Melissa we were in Cali, she fucking freaked out. So I gave her all the details, sent her the VIP ticket package, and hoped she wouldn’t miss it.
God, there were so many arrangements to be made. It was so quick, too, organizing a kind of thrown-together mashup with Coheed, and another band I only heard of a couple times, Eighteen Visions. These guys weren’t amateurs, which promised that this show might actually work. Tickets were selling faster than we anticipated and the posters had only gone up two days beforehand.
On the night of the show I made sure I had everything I needed. Even had a little checklist that Jimmy helped me with, to keep my thoughts collected and organized. I wasn’t that organized of a guy, but this had to be the only time it really ever mattered. Nothing could go wrong, or out of step. The whole thing would be fucked up. I even had it arranged that the security guards would know who Melissa was, to be able to control where she stood in the lineup. Not many VIP tickets sold, so my sense of worry subsided for the most part.
So far, so good.
Eighteen Visions would be on first. Their setlist included only half a dozen songs but their gig, especially since they’d been talking about disbanding, was to be more interactive with the fans so they didn’t wash up like most of ‘em did. I couldn’t see her before it was our turn to get on stage, so I left it in fate’s hands to make sure she was there.
Security confirmed that she made it only minutes before we got up there, waiting for all the lights to pop on and commence the badassery that we promised. Our setlist was twice as long as Eighteen Visions, cut in half from what we’d normally be performing on the Europe, Asia, and Australia tour. We were tired, and it was a righteous break. I just had to remember that we were skipping every other song, and had only rehearsed once upon arriving in San Diego.
We’d just have to see.
Just before the lights came on, I started droning in with my guitar. Zack followed, the Johnny. Matt came in with vocals, backed up by Jimmy, who murdered the fuck out of his drums as usual. It was all muscle memory. The lights danced, always making me so dizzy, and I was only able to make out the faces in the first dozen rows of heads bouncing up and down in the crowd. The first I saw, however, was that of my beloved Melissa. She smiled and whistled, making my heart jump, making me play harder and better than I had this whole time. Tired or not. I didn’t care. This one was for her.
My place on the stage was usually pretty flexible. Zack and I paired up for most solos, leaving Johnny in the backdrop like the runt he was. Usually the bass player fans hung out on his side of the stage anyway. It was amazing to see such energy within the crowd, especially since this was the second time coming to this place, the first being when we just started out and only had enough money to stick within California. It was always so heartfelt. All that adrenaline pumping.
We finished three songs in good timing, allowing me to setup for my own solo. The signature of our band so far. Usually I composed them while we were travelling, just picking at chords blindly. But this one was special. This one was for her.
Matt and I stood at the centre of the stage where he did a formal introduction of us, as per our manners, since we were the guests. This time would be different, because he was going to bring me in last, leaving a lot of people wondering why the lead guitarist was left out.
Ugh, all I could hear was the beating of my own heart. “And this motherfucker…standing right here with me, is Synyster Gates. And he’s got something special for you tonight. For you, the one person here in the crowd that matters, that gives us all a reason to be here tonight…who saved us from times of hardship and crisis. Please, everyone, allow her to get up here on this stage.”
I helped Matt coax her up here, eventually bending down and pulling her up myself with the security guards behind her pushing everyone back. The screaming got that much louder. Or maybe it was the panic rising in my chest. She stared at me blankly, utterly mortified. I couldn’t hear her over the roar of the crowd, but I watched her lips as she asked me what the fuck I was doing. I missed you too, babe, have some fucking patience.
It’s not like all of San Diego’s venue was watching us or anything. So, I took the moment to bend down on my knee, grabbing the box from Matt’s hand who made sure everything was running relatively smoothly. I assumed we’d have to cut down on one or two songs to fit it all in, considering how shaky my fucking hands were. At that point, Coheed would have to chill, because this was way more important.
I watched her face as I opened the box. She’d covered her mouth with her hands, her eyes sparkling with tear drops as the spot light hit at just the right angle. Matt towered over me, pointing his mic at my face, waiting for me to say each and every word. We all hoped I wasn’t gonna fuck this up. I couldn’t fuck this up.
“Melissa.” I choked. The crowd quieted down as Zack and Johnny were behind us, throwing their arms in the air, waving everyone down into submission. “Melissa, I wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for you.” Cue screaming girls. Oh, god they were the worst. Zack yelled through his own mic this time, for them to quiet the fuck down. Even Jimmy approached the front of the stage to help out. The security guards were going absolutely fucking nuts down there keeping everyone down and away from us.
I was numb. “I thank the gods in the heavens and the skies every single day for you walking into my life. Stumbling, as you’d always put it.” I watched her laugh between her sobs. “And I asked you here today to celebrate with us, a milestone, looking back on where we were a year ago. Avenged Sevenfold has come through valleys and over mountains to be where we are today, and you’re the reason why. You’re my reason to live, to breathe. To sing to the stars. I need you every day.”
“And there’s no escaping either, so don’t think about it.” Jimmy chimed in. A raucous laughter erupted and quieted again. Before us the crowd had become a harmonized wave of cell phone and lighter glow. Breathtaking.
I inhaled sharply one more time, trying to not choke on my own tears this time. “Melissa, I ask for your hand in marriage in hopes that you’ll be the one to keep me on the right path down this long line ahead. Will you, Melissa Sanders, take my hand in marriage?”
Sniffling, she nodded her head, cueing Matt to raise the microphone to her face. “Yes, you big idiot, I’ll marry you.”
After sliding the ring on her finger I stood up, barely able to hold my balance, and held her tightly. All around us, there was noise. Just white, absent noise. Eventually I was able to pull it all apart and separate the screaming of the crowd, Jimmy beating the shit out of his kick drum, and Matt continuing to interact with everyone. I pulled her off to the side, wiping the tears from her swollen eyes. She punched me in the arm, and I had to admit it hurt for someone as small as her. “I’m sorry I called you a big idiot, baby.”
I smiled and kissed her, pushing her off behind the corner wall to wait in my dressing room. “We’ll be done in a half hour or so, alright? Don’t have a heart attack or burst into flames or anything. I love you. I love you.” Pulling away, it was time to resume the show.
Matt and I made eye contact, passing me the I know I’m definitely going to hear you two doing it later look, and to my entertainment, I winked and started strumming. Only a couple more songs to go and I could get the hell out of dodge and consummate what was eventually going to be my marriage to the most perfect girl. Checkmate, insecurities.
When we finished, I did just that. Matt accompanied me backstage, giving me the proper send-off any best friend would. The other three I imagined would have plenty of time to do what they had in mind, and I was sure they wouldn’t take it lightly. I put it out of my mind and made for my private dressing room, where I found my wife-to-be sitting in the chair in front of the vanity. I grabbed her from behind, wrapping my arms around her neck, letting go of all the tiredness and saudade. Ha, fancy word I picked up in Portugal.
She held my sweaty, sticky arms, wrapping them up with hers across her chest. God, she always smelled so good. “Wanna get out of here? Limo’s waiting outside, hotel’s just down the road.”
I felt her nodding, then pulled the chair around so she faced me. Pulling her up into my arms, we left the dressing room, meeting what I could only assume to be a security escort by the door. “They’re crazy, watch out.” one of the guards warned us, but I didn’t care. I was ready to take the world on and face the worst.
Just before they opened the doors I expected a huge crowd of paparazzi shooters and fans going absolutely nuts, but instead once I stepped outside into the cool air, there was nothing. “Mm, peaceful.” I whispered down to Melissa, whose eyes hadn’t left my face. Our limo was about twenty feet away, idling in wait for us. The driver opened up the door, helping me get her in, closing up after I scooted onto the seat beside her. There were a couple glasses of champagne waiting for us in the cup holders. Chilled.
I reflected for a second or two on how amazing it was for the entire thing to fall through in one solid motion. Surely one of us was going to fuck up somehow, my money being on Jimmy, since he loved talking about things he really shouldn’t talk about. So yes, I was impressed and relieved and absolutely in love with the woman I was soon going to strip down and take to pound town.

Notes