My Fucking Nightmare

My bike roared almost as fast as my heart did once I sped away. Fuck, that kiss. That girl. I needed that girl. Was she my girl already or was it too soon to start falling? Guys didn’t fall unless they knew, and I knew that this was it for me. No more forlorn looking and hoping for something to come along. Fate gave me my next calling. And it was already consuming me alive.
What was it about her? Melissa, the girl from my dreams? What about her made everything so much more special? What about her was different from anyone else? My head spun when I parked the bike in my garage. At the door Pinkly waited, chirping her adorable little chirp. The neighbour’s cat howled again at the moon that begged for more romancing, but the night was over. I shouldn’t have left her there. I should have asked her to stay with me longer. My pathetic lonely life here in this enormous house I bought on a whim. Okay, I had Pinkly. The little runt of her Shih Tzu litter. God I loved that little thing.
I opened the door and locked it behind me and set the alarm system. Pinkly chirped while tripping me up, my half-buzzed ass stumbling through the doorway to get to the fridge to find more beer to drown out my heartache. Pink jumped into my lap once I sat down with my only six pack that I had planned on saving for tomorrow’s session with the boys at the studio. I didn’t anticipate this night to go the way it did.
But instinctively I picked up the phone and selected her number and typed out a brief message. Hey, made it home, but kinda wish the night didn’t end so early.
Waited a few minutes while tuning into some movie on the tube. She replied back. Me too. Maybe next time?
I smiled. There’s always next time. Friday night?
I like the sound of that. Any ideas?
Sighing, I wasn’t sure what to put. I didn’t want to sound desperate, nor did I want to sound forward and aggressive. Movie night? Smiley face. Doesn’t have to be a late night.
Definitely! She responded, with a smiley face as well. Pinkly climbed up into my arms and began ferociously licking my face, as if she knew somehow that I was particularly low tonight. “It’s alright little baby.” I promised her, scratching behind her fluffy little ears. If it wasn’t for that dog I’d have been in a really bad place. She settled down and nestled herself between me and the couch cushion like she normally did. Letting a long, exasperated sigh blow through her little wet nose, we were feeling the same things. Our home needed a woman’s touch.
I told Melissa I was exhausted and that I’d talk to her in the morning before heading out. She wished me a good night and I put my phone on charge for the rest of the night in the kitchen. Pinkly and I slept on the couch with the television quietly playing in the background, open beer in my hand. Miracle it didn’t spill.
When I woke I set the beer can onto the coffee table and headed straight for the bathroom to empty my bladder and comb the mess of hair that knotted in the wind yesterday. I splashed some water on my face and headed for my bedroom to find a change of clothes and to apply some long-overdue deodorant. I had to meet the boys in an hour. After I put Pinkly outside to take care of her business I grabbed my phone to check all the notifications I’d likely missed in my slumber. Only one phone call from Matt, and a couple texts from Melissa. I was more curious about what she had to say than listen to the voicemail Matt left me.
One of her messages said goodnight from last night, which kinda crushed me since I normally like being the last one to say goodnight. The other message was good morning with a smiley. I responded with the same message and poured some chow into Pinkly’s dish. She devoured all her food in record timing, and I put her out again before grabbing my jacket and truck keys. “See you tonight, little lady.” I told her and scratched her head before locking the door behind me. I saw her jump up into the window on the couch and bark several times as I pulled out of the drive.
My phone beeped again with another incoming text; I hoped it was from Melissa, but I wasn’t going to check it until I pulled into Starbucks. How did you sleep? She had asked. Truthfully, I didn’t remember sleeping. I barely remembered getting home last night. Not bad, guess I passed out on my couch. You? Left the truck in the lot to grab a bite inside. Smiled madly when the phone beeped again. She had a dream about me. This was going to be a long day.
When I bought the coffees and a box of muffins my phone beeped several times. Another voicemail from Matt and a text from Melissa. I listened to the voicemail from Matt. Apparently we weren’t meeting at the studio anymore, but at Jimmy’s instead. It was a closer drive to my place anyway, and I could take an easy detour to drive by her place too. Even if it meant knocking on her door and giving her a good morning kiss. Fuck, I was falling too hard too fast. But was it actually a bad thing?
Deciding not to risk falling harder, I drove to Jimmy’s place and parked behind Matt’s truck. By the looks of it Zack and Johnny hadn’t shown up yet. They live close together so they usually carpool. I went inside to find Matt and Jim chumming around Jim’s living room table. Papers were sprawled everywhere, as were some guitars and Jimmy’s practice drum set. Nothing special, just some basic equipment for composition. The papers were mostly jumbled lyrics. Matt spent a lot of time at home throwing ideas together about album concepts. He lived a more solitary life than I did. Guy got laid a little more often than me, but the last time he had any was at least a year ago.
I laid the coffee and muffins on the table on top of the papers and fist-bumped my brothers before taking a seat on the couch beside Jimmy. “What’s up man? I called you last night but you never answered me. Anything new?” Matt asked. I guess I hadn’t wiped the silly smirk off my face before coming in so they were wary about my sudden personality shift. “Someone must have had a good night.”
“Nah, don’t worry about it. What do we got going on?”
Jimmy laughed his Jimmy-laugh and slapped my shoulder. “Nah, man. You gotta come out and fuckin’ say it before the other two hooligans show up. Lucky it’s just us right now. What happened? Finally catch some tail?”
I rolled my eyes and sipped some piping hot coffee. “Fine. I guess I met someone the other day.”
“So you did get a little bit last night!” Matt chirped. It wasn’t bitterness in his voice that made me cringe, but that little tinge of jealousy that anyone could have picked up on. “What’s she like, dude?”
“Well, she drinks the same beer as you so you’ll get along fine. She’s a journalist. Moved here from Indiana a couple months ago to test the Hollywood waters. She’s a fan but humbled enough not to go over the fucking top like the rest of them. God, guys. She’s perfect. She’s all I’ve been able to think about.” And just as I finished talking I pulled my phone out to answer her last text. With the guys now, will text when I can. Winky face. She texted back with a little heart. I flushed. The boys giggled. “First date was last night. Nothing happened, if that’s the only thing you fucking nerds are obsessed about. We made out a little.”
“I dunno, Brian. It’s more than Matt’s gotten recently.”
“Shut the fuck up, Jim.” Matt said, this time with full-on bitterness. We laughed it off before the other two arrived, fashionably late as usual. Phil, our manager, was supposed to come along as well, but no one had heard from him in a couple days, so we decided to proceed without him. “Okay, good. We’re all here. Sucks we couldn’t have done this in the studio cuz I kinda wanted to test out some demos I was meddling with the other day. Sucks, but whatever. Brian, get off your phone.” As I said before, this was going to be a long day. We weren’t going to get very far with little equipment. But everyone had some material to present.
Basically the premise of the new album would be a more traditional metal theme. We’d all agreed that Matt wasn’t going to scream at all anymore. We’d be softening up a bit. Not enough to lose that Avenged Sevenfold theme alone, but to present our fans with a new sound. Our sound.
We were anxious. Hours passed by and the only few things we accomplished were basic guitar and bass riffs, some drum track, and a little lyric to go along. Enough for one song altogether, but the whole mix was choppy. None of us were feeling it. Probably just too exhausted from the last tour. This proved beneficial to pursue the possibility of dating Melissa. Not that I was trying to rush anything, but our musical career really could have used a small break.
When five or six rolled around, we called it a day. Johnny and Jim stayed to meddle around with their stuff while Zack took off to see Gina and the kids. Must have been so hard to stay away since he got married and had a couple kids. And they were so, so young. That’s why I was so hesitant at first to find someone. It’s all Zack ever talked about when we were away. His wife and kids, his wife and kids. Good for him. I hoped that we’d all find that one day. Sure it threw a loop in our stuff for him to get tied down so young, but he was happy. That’s all that mattered.
Matt and I strolled back to our trucks slowly, calmly. I knew he had a few things to say. “So you think this could be the real deal?”
I was unsure of what to say. “I don’t know yet. We only met a couple days ago. Our first time out together was last night. I don’t even know that much about her yet. We’re compatible but she could have a whole closet full of skeletons.”
He pursed his lips, staring at the gravel driveway. His hands were in his pockets. He felt threatened, I knew it. His best friend was going to be ripped away by some girl. Still, I had to keep reassuring him that wouldn’t happen. As much as my heart throbbed each time my cell buzzed or I even so much as thought about her, I was unsure of it all. Wouldn’t know until the third or fourth date, and I was in no rush. “Matt, I don’t think we should dive right into this new album. I think we gotta take some time away. Last tour was fucking brutal. Not even goddamn Lars Ulrich could pick up again after a tour as long as we did this time around. Give these guys some time. Give the fans some time to build up some hype. Let us indulge in being bachelors on the hunt for some pretty ladies.”
He nodded, tucking a cigarette between his lips, lighting it without saying anything except for “Alright.” I wished him a good evening, promised I’d call him later, and left. The forecast was still calling for that crazy rain storm we were supposed to get two nights ago, but the few clouds in the sunny sky just weren’t having it. I took a joyride downtown to the liquor store again to replenish my beer stock as I’d polished off the remaining five from last night’s six pack. Picked up a bottle of Jack too. Didn’t have much mix at home but Jack on the rocks was an old favourite I shared with my father.
I had a lot of thought to ponder. Thoughts not worth pondering while sober. Pinkly and I were due for a movie date. I’d call Melissa when I got home and hear her voice for the first time today. Ask her about the dream she had. Hell, maybe I’d just swoop by her place like I planned earlier but with some flowers and chocolate. Have a movie date there.
Matt seemed too bitter to be approachable so I figured, fuck him, I’ll just go about my evening how I originally wanted to. I decided to leave the flowers for another day. Decided to just return home to Pinkly to curl up on my couch and listen to the wind ripple outside as the storm began brewing.

Notes