My Fucking Nightmare

Brian called me just as I was making dinner. It wasn’t going to be anything special, just some ramen and leftover chicken from a few nights ago. I quirkily answered, slightly intimidated. Wasn’t sure why. “Hello?” I answered, hoping to sound not so taken aback.
He answered huskily, as though he was walking while talking to me. I could hear some rustling wind in the background as well as the barking of a small dog. “Hey. How are you?”
I blushed and stirred my ramen just as I added it to the boiling water. “Oh, I’m great! How was your session?”
“Not great. We discovered we’re too tired after the last tour to care. Only got home a couple weeks ago. If the record company wasn’t so anal about pumping new shit out, we’d be alright. But how was your day? Sorry I didn’t text much. Matt got kinda cranky. He seemed kind of bitter that I’m the one currently seeing someone.”
“Ha, my roommate is the exact same way. Gee, they sound like they’d make a good couple. Two bitter people making each other miserable. Perhaps you should give Matt Harriet’s number. See what becomes of it.”
“That’s not so bad of an idea.” He chuckled. “Might do him good to chase some tail. What’s she like?”
I shrugged, hoping that Harriet wouldn’t hear what I had to say. “Well, what’s his type? She’s…different I guess. Might flip fucking shit when I tell her we’re setting her up on a blind date with the frontman of one of her favourite bands.” We laughed together as I prepped my noodles that finished a lot faster than I anticipated. I stirred the flavouring into the bowl of clumpy noodles and took the dish into my bedroom to eat at my desk. Plus I’d get a little more privacy in here. Brian didn’t have much else to say about the Matt and Harriet thing, so I just dropped it. We decided that I’d give him Harriet’s number on our next encounter.
As I ate, we joked back and forth like we did at dinner all last night. But I was sick of the cutesy shit. I wanted to get inside his circle. “Did I tell you I dreamt about you last night?”
“Yeah, you said something about it this morning. But didn’t say anything in particular. Care to talk about it?” We both went silent for a few minutes while I gathered the courage and suppressed the giggles enough to blurt it out. “Well?”
“It was a little bit dirty.”
“Oh really?”
I tried so hard to keep the laughter in, but couldn’t. I burst out into hysterics as he remained puzzled and silent, waiting for me to elaborate. “Well, you see, it wasn’t unnatural. It must have been after the fifth or sixth date. It was pouring rain. I decided to stay the night at your place. And, well, one thing led to another. Dream Brian set the bar pretty high. I wasn’t disappointed.” I could hear him muttering under his breath. “Still alive over there?”
“Yeah, yeah.” He huffed. I was curious about what snagged his breath but didn’t feel like asking. Surely he wasn’t that kind of guy, but anyone could have been that guy. “Sorry, just getting settled in again. Sounded like you enjoyed it. Hopefully if or when the time comes I’ll be able to raise that bar even higher, hmm?” He knew how to make my bits tingle, I’d give him that. “Say, about that next date. You really want to wait until the weekend?”
I chuckled in wonderment about whether he was aiming to score so soon. “Suddenly my dream has your underpants in a bunch, huh. I like the sound of a new date though. Why not go to a movie or something?”
“Yeah, I like the sound of that. But no, no. I’m definitely not into that stuff before the bare minimum, third or fourth date. I still want to get to know you more.”
“Well, we’ve got all the time in the world to get to know each other.” We babbled on and on about each other for the next two hours. Mostly just likes and interests, dislikes and whatever else came to mind. It was safe to say we knew a fair deal about each other when he decided to get off the phone just after nine-thirty. He sounded so drained. It wasn’t out of boredom, but we had to leave some subject matter for our next dates. It wasn’t decided if we were going steady so I wasn’t about to break the news to anyone at home. Not that anyone at home cared, but it was the thought that counted. “Well, see you tomorrow night then?” I asked him, somewhat flirtatiously.”
“Definitely. I’ll pick you up.” We decided on a movie to attend and then decided to attend the late-night show. He offered to take me to dinner beforehand, but I wasn’t sure about eating lots of takeout. Instead I invited him for a nice meal here. Harriet was going out for a couple hours anyway with some friends from her job here in the city. It was a perfect, opportune time. Only I had to clean the shit out of this place all day tomorrow.
We bid goodbyes again and hung up, both of us longing to talk longer. It had surprisingly been a long day and I had another long day of cleaning ahead of me, so it was probably the best course of action. So I brought my dishes out to the sink to clean them, hoping not to disturb Harry in doing so. Surely she was long asleep, so the clattering of glassware wouldn’t be much of a nuisance. I ducked back in to my bedroom to ready myself for sleep. While I was away, I got a text from Brian. Thinking of you. Oh, how sweet, I thought. I responded with Thinking of you too with a smiley at the end. For a single guy he didn’t ever give off any bad vibes. None of that catcalling, disrespectful bullshit. And I admired that.
All I could think about was my dream. Getting caught kissing in the rain. Sitting with him in a house I didn’t know about, watching some movie, but not watching it at all. Paying attention to our silhouettes dancing along the wall each time lightning flashed in the enormous bay window. I don’t remember any sound, but every single sensation. The beads of sweat, the scratches I left in his back, the bite marks he left on my throat. The trail of kisses he left running along my entire body. It would take a miracle for me to resist jumping his bones on our next date; that was a fact.
When I woke the next morning, it was gloomy and hazy, but no rain fell. There were small bursts of sunlight poking through the clouds, enough to cast a nice ray of colour on the streets and buildings of the City of Angels. I crawled from the sheets of my lumpy queen sized bed and hit the carpet floor with such shameful lack of motivation I was afraid to admit it. I was not a graceful morning person. I started in the kitchen, scrubbing every crevice and cleaning every dish that laid astray from the past busy week. Harriet had better not fuck this up for me, I thought. It took several hours, but everything was clean. Next I needed to shower.
In the little time I took for breaks I chatted casually with Brian, asking him what he liked for home cooked meals. It broke my heart when he said he couldn’t remember what a delicious home cooked meal tasted like. I told him I’d just do something easy, like chicken parmesan or something wholesome and easy. At one point he even offered to help me cook. Lord have mercy. I politely declined and carried on about my day. When the time rolled around that I should have expected him to show up, Harry was finishing her last-minute makeup details. The buzzer buzzed. I let him up. Told Harry to hold herself together.
Brian knocked twice and I let him in. He was dressed quite differently today than in the last few days. Harriet shook his hand and left faster than she really needed to. Apparently she was still grieving over her ex. It wasn’t my biggest concern for the moment. “Dinner’s just in the oven. Decided to stick with chicken parmesan. Hope you don’t mind.”
“Oh, I’ve always appreciated a good meal. Anything other than restaurant or diner food.” I sat him at our wobbly table and poured a glass of wine. I didn’t usually drink wine, and neither did Harry, but he seemed to take it down like water so I knew one way or another I’d be finally getting rid of that bottle that somehow appeared in my liquor cabinet one day. “Well, if you were planning on getting me drunk I’d recommend maybe not catching a movie tonight.”
“Well, there’s always something good on television.” I beamed. “And in all fairness, you got me reasonably drunk the other night. Took me a while to recover. I’m taking my revenge on you, dear sir. Please, join me and indulge in some breast of chicken and noodles of angel hair.”
He laughed heartily and drank some more wine. “You’re a total nerd. I love it. But what about your roommate? When’s she coming back tonight?”
I shrugged. “Who knows? Speaking of which, I have to give you her number. Hopefully something good will come of it.”
“Would it be weird if she came home and I was still here? I mean, isn’t she still upset?”
“Well, I do have a television in my bedroom. It doesn’t have cable but I do have a DVD player. We could bring the wine and have a quiet night in.”
He cocked an eyebrow, giving me a very enigmatic stare. “I do like the sound of that. Wait, what day is it?” I hadn’t the slightest clue. “If it’s the day I think it is, I might have an incredible surprise for you.”
I raised one eyebrow in suspicion but he kept his genuine smile spread across his face so I had to let down my guard. “And what day do you think it is?”
“Just a little occasion. We could have dinner and I’ll take you right after, no time to spare. Can’t get a very good view from here I don’t think.”
“Is the world ending or something?”
He laughed and sipped some more wine, reflexively reaching for my hand. Wait, when did it become reflexive? I was beginning to feel the works of anxiousness. I couldn’t even pick up on any subtle hints. “No, it’s much nicer an occasion.”
I had to go over all the special holidays and occasions in my head, yet to no avail, I was stumped. Decided to let it go and enjoy the evening before he’d bring us to said mystery location. I was excited to see what he had in store but when we decided on staying in for the night, my mind finalized that I wouldn’t have had to dress myself up for the public. It couldn’t have been anything huge because he would have dressed a little more like I figured he would, a rocker, and not a regular guy.
We talked for a while before dinner was ready. He told me more about his experience as a guitarist in a rising band. I didn’t have much in my world to stack up to that, but I loved listening to him talk. He constantly insisted that I say more about myself, but to no avail, I told him just that and he left it alone. I honestly wasn’t sure how we were so compatible.
I got up to prepare our meals when the timer beeped and he followed me into our tiny kitchen to help me serve up. Kept a hand around my waist the entire time. “Would you have an issue with meeting the guys sometime next week? If I can get everyone in one room, that is.” Way to break the ice there, Brian.
“Uh, no. That sounds like something fun. Oh god, they don’t hate me do they? Cuz I’m not all tattooed and pierced? And I definitely don’t dress like your typical fans.” He shushed me with a quick kiss. I melted, leaning against the countertop, not knowing how to proceed.
He seated me at the table again once I caught my balance and pushed my chair in before resuming his own seating. Poured more wine into his glass. “Only Matt and Jimmy know about it. I wanted to wait but I feel like the others should know before it really takes off. Not saying we have to rush anything, but I’m in high spirits. I’m feeling like this could gain some real traction. There’s nothing about you I don’t like.”
I sighed out of relief and cut the first piece of chicken delicately dressed with mozzarella and parmesan. Brian closely followed suit, emphasizing his enjoyment. He was a very vocal man. Didn’t stay quiet much. But he had some of the best manners in a person I’d ever seen. “Well, I look forward to meeting them.”
“Surely they do too. This is delicious, by the way. Who taught you to cook?”
“Oh, my dad. Owned his own restaurant before he died.” Oops, I’m pretty sure I just killed the mood.
Brian seemed to have kept his cool. “Oh, I’m sorry. That’s gotta be hard. Bet he’d be proud to hear that his little girl cooked a meal appetizing enough for royalty.” I blushed. Hard. Felt like I was floating. My god, I don’t know how I could have had such luck to meet a man like him. He finished his portion in record timing. Must have been incredibly hungry coming down. I felt slightly embarrassed that I was just over halfway through my plate. Still, he was patient, he sipped on wine, continued to talk about plans and dreams and hopes for the future.
Turns out Brian wanted a family. He wanted a wife who would miss him terribly when he went away and loved him half to death when he came home. He wanted a child or two to carry on his name and inherit his love and passion for what they were good at. I wanted love, happiness and prosperity. I told him I didn’t want material possessions and wealth. I grew up with the most minimal of things. Never had desire for brand new except when what I had was too broken to use or if I had the money for it.
They were huge revelations and I wondered throughout the remainder of our dinner if it would be me settling down to be that girl he’d one day call his wife. I mean, imagining all this wouldn’t exactly ruin the sanctity of pure love. It’s not like Brian was bringing me to a Vegas chapel tonight to tie the knot. Not that it would be a big inconvenience, but I feel like there was still so much left to discover about each other.
When I finally finished my dinner we brought our dishes to the kitchen. Brian offered, even insisted, to help me clean before we left. Likely some sort of immaculacy he needed in his lifestyle. He lived on the road for the majority of his young-adult life and I’d imagine by now he’d have gained some sort of cleanliness regime. Sharing a tour bus or van or whatever else with a group of other guys must have been quite uncomfortable. I packed away the leftovers and offered them to him since he enjoyed the meal so much. “Definitely beats living out of a restaurant.” He thanked me, polished off the wine in his glass, and we left for our mysterious adventure.
His truck was a black Chevrolet long box crew cab with leather seats. The truck was probably just a year old and didn’t have a single dent or scratch on it. The truck itself wasn’t overly tall, but higher than I was used to in Indiana. I noticed people rarely drove trucks here in the city; they were a little harder on gas and emissions were higher than that of a sedan or crossover. Surely one truck with a higher emission rate wouldn’t drastically change the levels of smog all by itself, and Brian was proud of the sparkling beauty nonetheless.
I climbed up into the passenger’s seat and buckled in, checking out the new hot features of newer model vehicles. He had the works: an auxiliary cable hook up with an insane sound system. Probably rarely listened to the radio. When the engine fired up, just to my suspicion, Metallica came blasting through the speakers but he was hasty to turn it off. “Something tells me that stuff wouldn’t exactly set the right kind of mood.” He wryly said, glancing over his shoulder at me.
He shifted into drive and departed from the shoulder of the sidewalk leading up to my apartment and followed the road straight down to the beginning of the downtown sector where he took a bypass and headed over some nice foothills. I recognized the area enough as Redondo, and the beach was nearby. We continued on through a different area, one I hadn’t yet explored, where I could just faintly make out the Hollywood sign overlooking the city. We climbed the hills to get closer to the sign. Brian paid close attention to the time on the dash of the truck as he drove, careful not to miss the beginning of the show.
We finally parked on the side of the road looking over the same hill that the sign sat on. The sky was wide and open, quite beautiful to say the least with the moon pouring light down over the valley. I was in awe. “Is this what you wanted to show me?”
“No, no. Just wait.” He crooned, leaning over me with one hand around my hip, the other holding the guard rail. “Should be any minute now.” And he called it, dead on. A burst of white shimmering fire appeared in the sky followed by an ear-bursting bang and it took several moments for the lights to fade as the next few climbed into the sky and exploded. My god, I knew I wouldn’t have been able to watch this from my apartment. How did he know this was going to happen?
I couldn’t speak; my mouth frozen with awe. This was one of the most beautiful moments in my entire life. I turned around to him looking at me, eyes mellow with tenderness and love. I fell into his arms and kissed him again, much like the last date, and held him there while the fire danced in the sky.
It was about an hour long show but we decided to call it a night as the wind was beginning to pick up and there was a chill in the air. Watching the show would have been dull from inside the truck, so we headed back to his place for the rest of the night. I had already texted Harriet informing her that I wouldn’t be home until morning. Normally it would have bothered me when she did that, but I wasn’t about to let her foul mood of jealousy ruin my evening.
As I anticipated, Brian’s house was huge. Far bigger than my little apartment downtown. It had all the specs: a huge bay window, a massive back patio and a garage attached to the side. It was essentially a villa except more moderate in size. Not a typical Tom Cruise or Will Smith property on Hollywood Hills tours. And his fucking dog. Little tiny ball of fluff just prancing around on his patio trying desperately to climb up my leg. “Meet Pinkly, my first love. She keeps me company. Not much to do around this part of town and cab fares get pretty expensive hitting up all the exclusive clubs. The scenery gets old anyways.” Brian picked Pinkly up into his arms and gave her some real sweet puppy kisses. She was just too frantic to stay up in his arms, so he passed her off to me to make acquaintances. “Shall I give you a tour?”
“Sure!” I barked, ruffling the small dog’s hair between my fingers. She licked my hands incessantly. I could see how Brian could love the little thing so much. “If you wouldn’t mind I’d like to use your bathroom anyway.”
“Oh, definitely. It’s just down here.” I let Pinkly down and followed him down his hallway where he pointed out the bathroom. I closed the door behind me and turned to his sink to splash water on my face before emptying my bladder. His bathroom smelled like musky aftershave. An idiot would be able to figure out that this was a bachelor pad. But it still had that new home smell. He definitely had to be away a lot more than he was here.
After I evacuated my bladder I washed and dried my hands and fixed my windblown hair. Whatever eye makeup I put on earlier was now wiped away and I looked like a newly reanimated zombie. Probably just bad lighting, so I didn’t think it was a big enough deal to stress over. I left the bathroom and found him in his living room with a couple beers in his hand. “Figure you’d like one. Not Sierra, but still tasty. Here, I’ll show you around.”
He led me to the kitchen which seemed somewhat secluded, separated from the living room by a dining table covered in a white table cloth. Like the rest of the house, it smelled brand new, fresh out of packaging. I really hoped he didn’t go out and binge buy all new household items to make an impression. Then I noticed the few beer and coffee stains and the suspicion rolled away. His kitchen was enormous, like one of those celebrity chef kitchens with the fancy array of knives, a built-in dishwasher that looked like it hadn’t yet been installed sat beside the fridge. The freezer had an ice dispenser with three different controls. I was impressed. “How long have you been living here? Everything seems so new.”
“A few months at most. Finally able to afford something nice. Interior design is top of the market, outside is typical for this neighbourhood.” He was humbled like me, but proud that his work was able to give him the things he wanted: a bike, a truck, a beautiful house. The only part I didn’t like was how it was so big, and only he and Pinkly lived there.
We regrouped in the living room on his suede leather couch. He casually flicked on the flat screen on the far wall of the room. Nothing in particular was on tonight considering most of the town was out partying. “I can see how lonely you’d get up here.”
“Yeah, which is why I’m glad you decided to come over.”
“Well I wasn’t about to pass up on that kind of opportunity, Brian. You’ve got a beautiful setup here.”
He leaned in closer to me and pulled my chin upwards with two fingers. “Wish I had someone to share it with me, is all.” He kissed me again, and again, and again. Pinkly wagged her tail on the floor and yipped several times in confusion and excitement, unsure of what to make of her dad’s new company. “Shh, girl. It’s alright. Here, let’s bring you outside. Be right back, Melissa.”
I waved him off and leaned back against the couch, sipping back more beer. I’d say after the few glasses of wine from dinner, a beer was plenty. I didn’t want alcohol to cloud my judgment, even though I knew my mind was made up. He reappeared into the living room, this time without his light jacket on from before. He had on a tee shirt with some legendary rock icon as the logo. I could see the faint wisps of eyeliner around his eyes with how close he got to me once he sat down. His jeans were torn and tattered but not to the point of appearing trashy. It was the style of the time. His hair dangled down in long, curly strands. His skin was so pale, so clear. I was inclined to touch his cheek with several fingers, but his hand caught mine and held it in the air for a moment before our fingers intertwined.
I never noticed just how thick he was before. The weight must have caught up with him quickly, as he mentioned before when on tour before fame they’d practically starve, living off a dollar each day. He was home living a lifestyle he long deserved. I’d have been damned if I chose to let it slide away. I wasn’t sure how to proceed. I might have been an adult with taste for spicy romance, but I didn’t have any expertise with this. That was all Harriet. So I let Brian do what he chose, and hoped that maybe his actions would prompt some out of me.
That was, until, the power went out.

Notes