My Fucking Nightmare

The boys were back in California! Fucking finally! Ugh, it was just under twelve months since I was last face-to-face with Brian, and honestly the thought of him soon coming through the door was absolutely insane. I’d been marking their progress on the calendar, watching them on YouTube, and now they’d be pulling up any minute now, and I was ecstatic.
A few days ago, Harriet and I went lingerie shopping at Victoria’s Secret. Brian gave me his credit card and told me to get whatever the hell I wanted, but I made sure I didn’t go overboard. Just a few special outfits, nothing crazy, yet VS was fucking expensive. Like, damn expensive. Oh well, I knew it’d be worth it when his jaw hit the floor and boner broke through his jeans.
Come on, I can dream.
The shopping trip with Harriet was a little weird, though, I might add. I’m not sure of the situation at hand but I do know she got a new roommate, and apparently he was one of the Ghost Adventures crew members I did my paper on in Vegas. I didn’t know hardly anything about him. He seemed half decent. I only met him a handful of times. But I got this really odd vibe about him, and I couldn’t quite shake it.
I went to Harry’s usually once or twice a week. Usually I was the only one around to give her a ride to work, and she was good company, seeing as her and I were still very close friends. One of the days I went to visit her, she wasn’t supposed to work, and when I walked into the place something definitely felt…off. Really, really freaking strange. I found her in her room with the lights off and all these candles lit, muttering to herself while reading a book. I couldn’t see the title because of the darkness. I turned her light on and found her with some red liquid dripping down her cheeks from her eyes. What the fuck, was she crying blood? “Uh, Harry, what the fuck is going on?”
She snapped the book closed and stuffed it under her pillow and wiped her face. The candles dimmed a tad and somehow extinguished by herself. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t think you’d be coming by for a while. Aaron gave me this weird book to try reading. Said it had something to do with keeping away evil spirits, since his line of work involves interacting with some.”
I cocked one eyebrow. “Right, that didn’t seem like any kind of light reading to me. Was that blood on your face?”
“Fuck, no. Just fruit concentrate.”
I rolled my eyes and flopped down on her bed. “I’m worried about you, Harry. You spend so much time in this room, every single time I come here you’re locked away…whatever happened to singing to no music or dancing after having a shower like normal Harriet? I miss normal Harriet.”
“Yeah, well normal me is gone because Matt’s gone.”
“Harry, he’s gone only for another little while. A couple months, that’s it. You and I have both survived this long without them, we can keep doing it for another little while.”
She sighed and got up off the bed, heading for the bathroom I assumed to groom her wild, unwashed hair. “We haven’t exactly been on a talking basis. He seems to be a little too busy for me.”
I followed her to the bathroom and leaned up against the counter, arms folded across my chest. Whatever was up with her was making me become really defensive, especially when it came to the boys. “What do you mean, you’re not talking to him? A couple days ago everything was fine. We were group chatting, laughing. Did you have a fight? Did he do something?”
“Look, enough questions, Melissa. Please. Just because you and Brian are all fine and rosy, doesn’t mean Matt and I are the same way. We got married in a fucking Vegas chapel. We were pregnant, I suffered a miscarriage, and then he went away on tour. I’ve been all alone here in this goddamn apartment, looking for a new tenant to take over the payments for when my term is up. Matt isn’t as generous as Brian. He didn’t pay the remainder of my rent. So I’m stuck here, and now Aaron is moved in and he’s way more interesting than Matt ever was. So don’t fucking tell me that because I’m married to a guy who isn’t ever here is the best thing that could have happened to me. I need someone here in my life. I can’t do this waiting thing all the time.”
I sighed, rolling my eyes. “So what then, this Aaron guy who’s obsessed with paganist bullshit moves in and makes you read out loud in the dark and look like you’re bleeding from your goddamn eyes, and all of a sudden you’re not talking to Matt because his career means he’s on the road for a period of time? I thought you were stronger than that. Have I not been here? As your best friend, ex-roommate, chauffeur, and everything else? Have I not done everything in my power to make this time alone more liveable?”
She threw the brush down, into the sink, bowing her head down to her chest, hair still askew. I saw her scalp turn red between the strands, sensing either a surge of anger or embarrassment. I wasn’t sure yet. When she lifted her head up again, she was crying. “I’m sorry, Melissa. This is hard. It’s so hard. You can’t say it isn’t. I married the guy in hopes he wouldn’t leave me. I didn’t want to be alone.”
“No, it is hard. It’s really hard. It’s killing me that they’re gone for so long. I know, honey. Just…does Matt know Aaron is living here now?”
She shook her head. Oh, crap. “I haven’t told him because he’s too busy to call me. We’ve become so distant. And I don’t even know what life on tour is like. I heard all about the drugs and parties and girls, just bullshit that I’m not there to keep him from doing.”
I smoothed her back with the palm of my hand and used my other one to clutch her fingers. “I know it’s tough. Gina doesn’t have any problems with it though, and they have kids, her and Zack. I don’t think for a second that Matt’s stupid enough to fuck up something good like this. It was his idea to marry you, wasn’t it?”
She nodded and sniffled, wiping both tears and her runny nose. “I guess, yeah. I’m sorry. Let’s get out and go for coffee or something, I’m getting cabin fever.”
We left the apartment and went for a nice walk. I drove us down to Redondo where we could walk along the path and watch the waves crashing against the sand. Something still wasn’t out in the open. I knew Harriet well enough to know when she was hiding something, but I wasn’t gonna corner her on it. Matt would be home soon and he’d be in for a rude enough awakening when he found another guy’s shit moved into her apartment.
I debated on whether I’d tell Brian, but the best of me decided it probably wasn’t a great idea. We talked for at least a couple hours every night once he got back to the hotel after the shows or conferences or whatever the hell else he was doing. I never once got a bad vibe, and every day I hoped to god that my view of his perfection wouldn’t ever be tainted by something as reckless as what Harriet was doing to Matt.
We’ll take care of them, I heard Jimmy’s voice say in the back of my head, laying in our bed night after night. Waiting, counting down the hours before I could hold him again. All this shit about Harriet was agitating every insecurity I didn’t need. What if Brian had already slept with a couple dozen girls? Fans, groupies? What if he didn’t want to come home to me, a normal person, who barely published her first big article only a short while ago? I hated that fear, that feeling. Maybe Harriet had the right idea.
I didn’t sleep at all the night before he got home, thinking of what the hell I’d be seeing once he walked through the door. I was so scared, anxious, and excited all at once. I hoped for the best. Pinkly’s soft breathing between my feet was all the comfort I had in the world, as I knew I couldn’t depend on my phone to ring, since I knew they were driving in the middle of nowhere. It was all a matter of hours before the door opened and my lover stood with his luggage and equipment tossed over his shoulder.
What should I have prepared for him besides the purchase of some sexy lace with which to cover the naked flesh upon me? What if he was in no mood to even look at me, but fall into the bed and sleep for a week straight?
I put it all out of my mind. I went with my gut. So as I heard the roar of his truck’s engine approach the house, I scrambled to pull on my sexy new outfit, and cover it with a bath robe until I knew we were alone and the privacy was undisturbed.
The truck’s brakes squealed and came to a stop, the sound goddamn near drowned out by my own heartbeat, the frantic pulse so great I swear my heart was about to bust out of my chest and run for the hills. God, I was fucking dizzy and sick with anticipation. What the hell was gonna come through those doors?
As soon as I saw the fedora and the red bandana covering his hair through the frosted glass window in the door, I almost dropped to the floor. The handle twisted and I saw the edges of his shades, and without realizing what I was doing the bathrobe dropped to my ankles and everything was revealed.
He dropped all his shit in the doorway and rushed over, picking me up and potato-sacking me over his shoulder. Pinkly barked excitedly at his ankles as he rushed to the bedroom, tossing me into the sheets strewn all over the bed, blindly fumbling for his belt buckle and jeans. Just as I imagined. He said nothing but dove straight for my neck, biting at every inch of skin he could find, smothering my body with his calloused hands. Oh, god, need I reiterate calloused, because there was nothing smooth left about them…
Didn’t matter, was about to have sex.
My Brian got skinny. So, so skinny. And sweaty, good lord. If I wasn’t so goddamn horny the smell alone would have been enough to incapacitate my libido entirely. If it hadn’t been almost a year…
I was soaking when he entered me, knowing he didn’t need to test-run anything before he attempted. A little squishing sound came of it, nothing worth giving a fuck about, and he was off like a fucking rabbit. Lasted maybe five minutes, but I’ll be damned if they weren’t the hottest five fucking minutes of my life.
Doesn’t matter, had sex.
I thought to myself, if there was a god in heaven he’d climb right back on the horse and keep riding. Lo and behold, a few minutes of calming down, and he pulled me back on top, clawing at the fabric of my bra, shredding it and tossing it to the floor. “You paid for that, you know.” I whispered in a sigh, but I could tell that the lack of anything but love and lust in his eyes meant that he truly didn’t care.
So I rode him. I rode him like anyone would have, admiring everything about him. His cheekbones, his smile. The way his eyes rolled into the back of his head when I hit that right spot. The way each of his muscles clenched as he did everything in his power not to cum again, when instead he picked me up into his arms and dropped us both down onto the floor where he carried on, bending my legs over his massive shoulders—oh hell yeah, we’ve never done this before I don’t think?—and came to a shuddering halt once his orgasm caught up with his stamina.
Panting like some rabid dog, he fell onto his back, eyes and fists clenched tight, waiting for his heart rate to calm down before even trying to talk to me. I waited patiently, feeling the hot sticky mess drip onto the floor, staring into his eyes as I’d longed to do since he left. “I…missed you.”

Notes