Maya’s POV

After the breakfast with Jimmy and the unannounced visit from Matt I was now completely confused. He made me feel things again that I had pushed to the back of my mind, things that I thought I’d never feel again, not with him, maybe not ever.

I worried my bottom lip while driving home, and even received another message from Matt before I had made the distance from the bakery to Ben’s house.

When I arrived I opened it up and when I saw the text, a small smile made its way on my face and I felt guilty for it in a way too.

I’m still thinking about you, hope u are doing the same… well but about me. Think about visiting us, Jimmy and Jess and the rest of the guys would love to see you, too. MB is talking about you a lot, I think you left quite an impression on him, making me jealous a bit… Love, Matt

I had to grin, Matt Berry and I had become good friends, he had always helped me out on the booth and he was just funny to be around with, and Jimmy and Jess I don’t even have to think about them, I would love to spend time with all of them again… but… it would become so awkward between Matt and me, wouldn’t it?

He didn’t say it directly but I knew that he did want us to be a couple again, he said it in more words and I didn’t know how I felt about that. On one side my heart made a jump every time I thought about him, and now knowing he didn’t really move on, but tried the same as I did, to heal… made it even harder for me to push the thought away of how good we were.

But then again, I felt good with Ben too, he picked me up when I felt like nothing would matter anymore, he helped me enjoy life again and I knew there were feelings towards him or I would have never said yes to the relationship between us.

So what was I supposed to do now?!
Matt would be leaving today and I wouldn’t be seeing him for weeks, maybe in that time I could figure out what was right for me?
I could think about my feelings for him, and if I could risk going back, or if my feelings for Ben grew even stronger and he was the one I needed?
But then I had to tell Ben about it, had to come clean about my doubts, didn’t I?!

I sat in my car and wrote the reply for Matt:

Well with your message, I didn’t get a chance of thinking of anyone else, did I? ;)
Give Jimmy and Jess a hug for me and tell MB I’m missing him, too as I do the rest of you guys.
Will think about it, I promised.
Maya

I sent the message and put my phone back in my bag before walking towards the back door of Ben’s house, it was already after two in the afternoon, and I bet Ben was awake by now, but then again with the amount of alcohol he drank yesterday maybe wasn’t, well.. We shall see…

When I just closed the door behind me Ben stood in the kitchen doorway, his eyes looking at me intensely and before I could even greet him he snapped, “Where the hell have you been?” after the words left his mouth he cringed a little but didn’t say anything else.

I gaped at him and put my hands on my hips, lifting my eyebrow “I left you a note, didn’t you get it?”

“Yeah, the world’s vaguest fucking note, Maya,” Ben raged, and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Mind enlightening me where you’ve been all damn morning that was so much more important than me?” He stared at me and looked pissed off and not only that, he looked hurt, did he know I saw Matt? Guilt was washing over me, even though nothing really had happened between me and Matt. “Well?!” He prompted when I still didn’t reply, the hurt washed away a little by cockiness and that began to piss me off.

“Well, I went out to have breakfast, is that a crime now? I left you a note so you won’t be worried, I don’t see a problem in that. I’m back now, so what?” I asked and shrugged trying to put this stupid conversation behind me. I put my bag beside the door walking around the couch and Ben followed me, his eyes catching every one of my moves.

“With whom? Blondie? Couldn’t you write that done?!” Ben asked and his eyes softened just a little but when I shook my head they were burning with fire again.
I sighed and let me fall down on the couch, I didn’t know why he was so pissed off he didn’t even know I saw Matt, why was he trying to pick a fight now?!

“I was having breakfast with Jimmy” I said and Ben lifted his eyebrow “And you not accidentally run into Sander or he just showed up, huh?” He said and I cringed, “He was there later on yes.” I wouldn’t lie to him, nothing happened, so why should I keep that from him? Right?

“Fuck! I knew it! I fucking knew it!” Ben shouted, he came towards me “What did he want? Did he kiss you again? What happened?!” He demanded, shaking my arms, to get me to answer more quickly and I pulled away getting up from the couch, so we were standing facing of each other.
“We talked, nothing else. We talked… I owed him answer so did he me… That’s it” I said and that was the truth.

“That’s not it! He wants you back, don’t you get it? Are you that stupid? Or acting that way? Fuck, Maya. You can’t see him again! He will brain wash you! I won’t allow that! Don’t you remember how you felt after you broke up?” Ben asked his voice was harsh, making me flinch a little but before I could reply he continued “Don’t you realize how good we are, and how you feel with me?! How I feel with you?” His voice had softened, his hands grabbing mine, pulling me towards him but I pushed away.

“What do you mean I can’t see him? It’s not like you can forbid me to meet with someone… I didn’t plan to see him, he was there… I hadn’t invited him, but it was good that we could talk.” I said honestly but that just seemed to anger Ben more.
“I was here, not knowing where you are, with whom you are with, worrying and you felt good to talk to your freaking ex? I can’t fucking believe it!? Why are you not running back to him right now? Letting your heart be broken all over again, but then someone else can pick up the pieces, damn it! Are you that blind, Maya?” Ben yelled and I pushed away.

“You know what, fuck you, Ben! I won’t be talking to you when you are like that… I hope that’s what you wanted and don’t even bother calling before you can act normal again!” I turned my back on him and grabbed my bag and realized I had to go back towards the kitchen to get my car keys, having left them on the counter.

I heard some vile curses from Ben’s direction and from the corner of my eyes I saw his hands running through his hair in frustration “Fuck, Maya.” He came after me but I wouldn’t let him stop me, I needed to get out of here, or more things would be said that we didn’t mean, or did we?

I heard his voice behind me still cursing, I swallowed thickly, he didn’t even try to stop me, I bet he also didn’t know what else to say or do, I didn’t have much experience in relationships only Matt’s and mine and Ben’s now, but I bet this wasn’t a good example for a fight.

Ben wasn’t a relationship guy either, maybe this had been too much for him, but I couldn’t think about that now, distance, all I could think about was getting distance between us.
I drove around town to calm my nerves, before heading home and finding it empty, at least that’s what I thought until I heard light music wavering from Ave’s room.

I lightly knocked on the door and felt like I needed my best friend, I didn’t really know what she would think about everything or if I really wanted to tell her everything or wanted her to know it?!
When had all this become so complicated?

“Come in” I heard Ave’s voice and walked in “Hey” I said softly and Ave’s eyes met mine “Hi”
“You alone?” She asked and I nodded “May I?” I asked and Ave crawled a little to the side giving me space to sit down on her bed, I let my head down next to hers and we silently stared at the ceiling, the music in the background.

“What’s wrong?” Ave said quietly and I sighed “We had a fight” I told her after a moment and she turned towards me, while I kept staring up above.
“About what?” Ave asked and I closed my eyes “I went out having breakfast with Jimmy and Matt showed up… I talked to him, it was good, we could settle some things, getting rid of some of the tension…” I explained it vaguely.

“And Ben?” Ave asked coming right to the point “Well, he guessed that much, he was furious of me meeting Matt… Even though I didn’t plan any of it… then it kinda escalated quickly” I shrugged and Ave frowned.
“Ben’s in love with you, huh?” Ave said and made me pause, we did like each other, but love? Like really love? I knew I loved Matt, but was it the same with Ben?

“He never told me” I answered uncertain and Ave’s blue eyes met mine she gave me a little smile, I knew what that meant, she might be saying something I didn’t wanna hear.
“Maybe he doesn’t know how? I really don’t wanna side with him or anyone, but I bet he is jealous, because of what you and Matt had, he knows he probably won’t have that with you, or he is afraid you will be back with Matt before that can develop. I mean, that’s what you probably fought about?”
Ave asked and I sighed, my arm covering my eyes “Yeah, kind of… not with that many words. He was pissed off for me leaving, and meeting with Matt, wanting to forbid me to see him… I felt corned and left, I mean… I don’t know” I put my arm away meeting Ave’s eyes again.

Ave didn’t say more about that topic, I knew she was not a fan of Ben and me and it was hard for her to understand, but apparently she did know more about Ben’s situation then I realized. “I missed you, little Gnome. We haven’t been spending much time together, and I feel guilty about that.” I told her and Ave nodded “It’s my fault too” She looked away not meeting my eyes.
“What’s wrong? You got problems with James? Or did you talk with Brian again?” I asked her and it was her time to turn away.

“I-I told James, that we should better be friends” She finally admitted and I nodded, she knew how I felt about her and James, they were so fitting for each other, but I also knew how much Ave’s heart had belonged to Brian, apparently still does, if he deserved it or not.

“And?” I asked because Ave wouldn’t give me any more information herself.
“He didn’t really wanna accept that, wanting to try harder… It’s complicated” Ave said and I had a feeling she was holding something back, but I couldn’t blame her, so did I.

Why couldn’t we talk to each other like we used to? Maybe we needed a little warm up?
“How about we order some pizza?”
“How about renting a movie?”
Ave and I both said at the same time making us smile “Perfect” I nodded, she grabbed her phone to call for pizza while I searched online for a movie.

Ave and I were laughing and talking the whole night, and it felt good to have my best friend back. I missed her dearly, and I wouldn’t let that happen again, nothing coming between us, but that still didn’t solve my other problems.

One day had passed since the fight when I received a message from Ben, he also tried to call me but I had still been asleep.

Don’t let something like that ruin what we have, love. We need to talk, I don’t wanna lose you. Ben

I didn’t really know what to do or think, I kind of missed his company, but I didn’t really know how to deal with my emotions right now.

You are right., let’s meet tomorrow at your place around ten. Today I’m spending my day with Ave, we are working on our designs. Maya

I left it at that, Ave and I were planning to do some creative work today, we needed to finally get our groove back on and if we still postponed and postponed our business that would never happen. Ave and I did talk and it nearly felt like the old times, but I still wouldn’t lose the feeling that something huge was bothering her and she knew that something was still brewing inside of me… Whenever I asked her about Brian or what happened she quickly changed the topic, and for now I let her get away with it…

Maybe the time would let us both come clean on what was really going on in our heads?

Brian’s POV

I sat in the bus, my guitar on my lap, silently playing some notes, but nothing really made sense, nothing really felt like it was worth keeping.
Everything was pissing me off and I really tried to stay calm, tried to keep my cool, tried not to be the ass of the universe, but it was a tough thing to do when so much anger and frustration and hurt was flowing through my veins.

We still had four weeks left of our European tour and the only thing I wanted, was a break, not even burying my head in work was working out anymore, so I thought a break and some time away, would do the job. Maybe I could put on some vacations? Leaving everything behind as soon as this tour was done?

“Gates, you wanna come along?” Matt stood on the steps of the bus a smile on his face, why was he having such a good mood lately? He sometimes stared at his phone and grinned like the idiot he was.
What was putting that smile there? I didn’t see Maya around and I haven’t heard that her and Bruce were called off or anything.

“Where to?” I grumbled and set my guitar aside. “After party? We could have a beer… could jam a little bit later on, if you got some ideas?” Matt shrugged and I shook my head, if I drank now, I wouldn’t find the energy to stop, and we still had some shows to do.
“Come on, just a beer? Nothing more nothing less” He put his arm around my shoulder, dragging me forward but I stopped, making both of us halt, “You can’t just sit here on the bus all alone, come on spend some time with us.” Matt gave me a smile and I closed my eyes.

“Why are you so happy anyway?” I asked before I could stop the words from coming out of my mouth.
Matt looked a little taken aback “Well, why not? I’m having a good time with my friends and we are doing the job we love…”
“Something else behind all this?” I asked him eyes narrowed, did he know something?
Did I want to know, if he knew something?

“No, I just feel better than some time ago… and why are you being the pain in the ass all the time? Will you finally tell us what happened on our last day in the UK?” Matt asked hitting the nerve right there. I had been avoiding that topic and that day, since we left days ago.
Not wanting to be reminded, and there he put it in the open, putting salt in the wound.

“None of your business, Sanders” I gritted out, not wanting to think about the fact, that I freaking poured my heart out to that woman and she just fucked around with that drummer boy, and wasn’t even woman enough to tell me, she moved on and with that we were done. She had tried to call me, had send me a message that she didn’t get my message for our meeting, right, didn’t get it?! Was busy with the UK boy, my bet…
I was getting sick even with the thought of his hands being on my- no not mine anymore… on her.

“I just wanted to help you, man. Don’t need to be nasty about it.” Matt said and finally let go of me, and again before I could keep my mouth shut it slipped out “So why are you so happy, I haven’t heard that Maya stopped fucking the guitar boy, or did she?”

I saw exactly on Matt’s face when the sentence hit, in a mere second his face turned an angry red, the vein on his throat pulsating, so I had hit the nerve right there.
“Don’t fucking talk like that, at least I am trying to get the woman I love back, and you?” Matt stood suddenly in my face, toe to toe, him towering a little over me, but I was not backing down, his blue eye had faded mostly, but it wouldn’t be our first fight as friends and I wasn’t behind putting a new one right there.
“I don’t need a woman who is fucking someone else while telling me to start over again” I growled back and Matt features softened a little, making me angrier, I didn’t need pity, I was about to open my mouth when Matt turned away and then started talking, “Let me tell you something, I talked to Maya… I saw that she was thinking about us, I couldn’t convince her, but we are in contact at least… Bruce is still in the game, but I hope… fuck if she would just visit us and be back here, she would realize… realize that it’s here where she belongs, you know… with us” Matt said and turned fully away from me, the anger was completely gone from his voice and his shoulders slumped down a bit, making me feel like the biggest jerk on planet, why did I even say that?

Because I didn’t want to be the only one feeling hurt and miserable, what kind of friend am I?
And why were there still thoughts of Ave and me, when Matt had mentioned Maya visiting…
“Shit, I’m sorry Matt… I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s okay… forget about it” Matt shook his head and moved towards the door he was nearly down the steps when I said “I made an appointment to meet with Ave, we were in contact as well, after the night we shared… We wanted to start anew… at least that’s what I got out of the messages.” I said and Matt turned back around.
“But?” He asked and his eyes met mine.

“When the time came for her to meet with me, I got the flowers, dressed up…” I laughed without humor “And she came walking down the street, she hadn’t seen me yet, my heart sped up, god, how much I had longed for her…” I closed my eyes recalling the moment “Suddenly Cassells stood beside her, pulling her to him… when I was about to move forward, he leaned down to kiss her and I.. fuck I turned away, I couldn’t watch that… Was that all some game?” I voiced the fear and the question that had bothered my thoughts the entire time, then I shook my head, still not getting it, still feeling utterly hurt.

“Damn… Brian, I didn’t know.” Matt moved up the steps “You know what?” He said leaning down towards the fridge, he grabbed two beer and handed me one.
“We gonna do our after party here. Show me what you got, and I’ll read you some lyric ideas. Maybe we can get some creativity out of this mess, huh?”

I chuckled, and nodded typically Matt, he had to dig even deeper into it to find the lyrics for songs from your pain, but if that would get us at least something from it and I would forget about the actual thing happening for a few hours, I would be game…

Something good must come out of this whole disaster, and even if it was just a song…

Notes

More trouble coming up!?!

What do u think is going to happen?!
Leave us some more comments :)