Matt’s POV

I couldn’t believe my luck today. Maya was here out of all places in the UK and she was talking to me, giving me the chance that I had been longing for. She even gave me her new phone number and we were even planning a time to sit down and talk. My heart was racing with anticipation and I knew that I could win her back. There was no way that she could deny what we had between us, and I’d be damned if I would let her get away from me again.

“Matt, just talking, alright?” Maya said, still looking apprehensive. I knew this act that she was putting up now, it was the same one that she had when we first started dating—the wall that she built up to protect herself. But I knew she couldn’t keep it up forever, not when I could see that glimmer of excitement hiding in her eyes. “I mean… don’t get too excited over this”

Me get over excited? Nah, I knew she would come around and come back to me. There was no way she wouldn’t once she heard my side of the story. Plus she still owed me answers and we both knew that the ‘I don’t love you’ lie wouldn’t work again. That was bullshit.

“I swear, just talking… we both explain what we did and why we did it, you and me, Maya…” I assured her, taking her hands and smiling down at her. God she was so fucking beautiful, and those eyes were exactly how I remembered them. I couldn’t believe I had been away from her for six months and now she was standing here in front of me, holding my hands. Damn, I really couldn’t let her get away from me again. We belonged together, and the electric force between us as I held her small hands in mine was enough to prove it.

“Tomorrow? When? What time should we meet? Have dinner?” I asked excitedly but Maya only frowned and shook her head. What was that about? She wasn’t backing our already was she.

“Not dinner…maybe lunch?”

I nodded, the smile growing on my face. “Alright, damn babe… I missed you so bad, you were my only thought, the only woman I could think about” I told her again and couldn’t miss the small smile on her lips. Yes, this was going so well, now all I had to do was get the time and place and—

Just as Maya opened her mouth, a pair of hands snaked around my waist and I instantly froze. No, fuck no! “Hey big boy, I have an idea how to get your mood up again, remember when we skipped the interview to have some fun in the—” and before I could stop her, DJ slung her arms around my neck and pulled me towards her.

“What the fuck, DJ?!” I growled, pushing her away from me. What the hell was she thinking? We ended things five months ago! What the actual fuck?! She looked up at me with confusion in her eyes before she looked behind me at Maya…oh fuck, Maya!

Just as I turned back to her to explain everything, she yelled, “You know what, Matt… fuck the lunch. You have enough company as I can see…” and turned away from me. No, no, no! This couldn’t fucking be happening right now, not when I had finally got her to agree to hear me out!

“What the fuck are you thinking?” I hissed at DJ, motioning my head towards Maya. I was seeing red right now and I could literally strangle our blonde roadie. “We ended things months ago and now you just fucked everything up!”

“Matt I-I’m sorry I didn’t know. I was just joking—“ DJ stammered, looking taken aback by my anger.

“Joking? You were fucking joking?!” I growled, throwing my hands up in the air. Everything was slipping away from me so fast that I felt like I was going to be sick. I couldn’t lose her like this! Not when I barely had her talking to me again! “This isn’t some fucking game! Now you’re going to fix this!”

I quickly turned back to Maya just as I saw fucking Ben Bruce coming our way. God damn it! This moment couldn’t get any worse could it!? “Maya, fuck…Maya!” I yelled, racing after her and grabbing her hand. “It’s not what it seems!” I urged, begging her eyes to meet mine and really hear me out this time. “Tell her!” I demanded, glowering at DJ who looked taken aback.

I didn’t give a damn is she was afraid of me right now. She just ruined everything by running her big mouth and if I couldn’t fix it, I’d never forgive her for that!

“I was just… joking, I mean… shit, you are the girl, right?” DJ said and I ran my hands over my face. Of course Maya was the girl! I wouldn’t give two fucks if it was someone else on the street. Why the hell did she think I was making such a big deal out of this if it wasn’t her?

“I don’t wanna hear any of your stories, Matt,” Maya scoffed and my jaw drop. Did she really think that I would tell DJ to lie to her? Fuck, when had I ever lied to Maya or given her a reason not to trust me? Never. Maya was always the one making me drag the truth out of her. Damn, now I was really getting pissed and I could feel her pulling away from me. “Go have fun with your co-worker, that’s what you had been doing anyway, right? I’ll go and enjoy my dinner with my boyfriend.”

Maya pushed my hand away from her and turned towards Bruce, leaving me shocked. “Maya, no… Listen…” I tried again, my tone pleading now. Only Maya wouldn’t hear me out, let alone turn around and face me. “Fuck!” I hissed, clenching my fist, watching her get closer and closer to Bruce. “Fucking hell, you better fix this, DJ I swear to fucking god! Tell her the god damn truth!”

“We were just having fun, nothing serious… I just thought that he could need some distraction to get a better mood, I didn’t see you standing there or I would have never said that,” DJ called after her but the truth didn’t make it sound any better, at least not in that context.

Fuck now she was never going to give me another chance and all because DJ had to pick this moment to be a smart ass. What was she thinking trying to pull that move on my anyway? She knew that there was nothing between us and that I was waiting for Maya. How could she have screwed this all up so badly, and just when things were starting to turn around?

Maya scoffed and slowly turned around as Ben pulled her into his side. What did he think he could just claim her like that in front of me? If he wanted another busted lip, he should keep it up because I was about ready to kill someone. My temper was rising by the second…

“You know what, with whatever you do, have fun… because we will,” Maya said before she did the one thing that she knew would hurt me the most. She pulled that motherfucker Bruce in for a kiss and I couldn’t help the growl that escaped me as my heart tight in my chest. How could she fucking do that to me? If I wasn’t angry before, I certainly was now.

“What the fuck?!” I growled as DJ grabbed my arm and started to pull me away. I angrily pulled my arm out of her grasp and turned back around to look at Maya and Bruce, who were still eating each other’s face. God I was going to be sick! Did I really mean that little to her that she had to fucking kiss him in front of me? “Don’t fucking touch me! Your idea of a sick ass joke caused this!” I raged gesturing to the disgusting scene in front of us.

“Look, I’m sorry okay?!” DJ shot back, looking hurt. “I didn’t mean to cause a problem, I just wanted to cheer you up…”

“Well I’m really fucking cheery now, aren’t I!” I growled, taking a step toward Maya and Bruce only to get pulled back. “What the hell are you doing?”

“We’re leaving,” she said, sounding pissed off.

“The hell I am. I’m not leaving her with him,” I raged, only for her to grab my arm and pull again, making me stumble forwards. She started dragging me along with her back toward the restaurant.

“Listen to me! Give her some time to process and think and then call her to explain. She obviously isn’t going to listen right now. Besides the last thing you need right now is to get in another fight with that guy!” DJ yelled at me, her hands flying in the air. “Let’s go!”

“What part of ‘I’m not living her with him’ did you not understand?” I yelled back, putting on the breaks. But DJ wasn’t giving up and she pulled me as hard as she could. For such a small person, she was a lot stronger than she looked.

“Well you don’t have much of choice right now!” DJ was frustrated and her hands were flying in the air as she spoke. “Look I’m sorry I messed things up for you, if I knew she was there, I would have never said anything. I was just trying to joke around to make you smile…” she sighed as I looked back at Maya. How could things have changed so quickly? This wasn’t fucking fair. “Just let her think about it. She’ll come around…she still loves you, Matt.”

“And how do you know that?” I scoffed, looking over my shoulder at her retreating form.

“Because she wouldn’t have gotten so pissed if she didn’t. Besides, you could see it in her eyes…” DJ said and I sighed. I knew blaming her further wasn’t going to fix anything, but I wasn’t going to give up on her. “Now I’ve got to grab the takeout, will you call the cab?” she sighed with a deep frown. I knew I had hurt her feeling but I didn’t care right now, I was too hurt and angry.

“Yeah,” I ran my hands over my face as DJ disappeared, leaving me to my own thoughts.

How could Maya promise me a chance to fix things and then go back to fucking Bruce? There was no way that she felt the same way with him as he did with me. He was just he ‘distraction’ as she called it and she was waiting for me to come sweep her off her feet. And I was wasn’t going to give up on her. We belonged together and we both knew it! But how was I going to make her see that?

I quickly pulled out my phone and dialed her number but of course she didn’t answer. Shit, if she would just let me explain everything that happened then I could make things right between us, but she had to give me that chance. Maybe if I kept trying to message and call her she would finally break down and listen to me. That’s all that I wanted. All she had to do was come back to me—it was almost that easy.

“All right, are you ready?” DJ asked, appearing a few minutes later with her hands full of take-out containers.

“I think I’ll walk…tell the guys I’ll be back soon,” I said before I started to jog down the street, leaving a gapping DJ behind. Before I knew where I was heading, I found myself down by a river in a desolate area of town.

“No, I’m not insane,” I screamed at the top of my lungs. “I’m not insane, I’m not insane!” I just kept repeating over and over again. Maya had to feel the same way or else she would have looked at me that way or agreed to meet me tomorrow. And then it hit me. The plan and simple truth hit me square in the face. Maya was just a girl who couldn’t deal with her emotions. Hell, for the longest time, she swore up and down that she wasn’t capable of loving me. Well, obviously she was and was now just running away from her problems, just like she had before. Somehow I knew that this wasn’t the first time she up and left.

I walked across the grassy bank with my hands on top of my head in complete shock. How could Maya just up and leave everything that we had, including her makeshift family? I glanced down at my phone as I sat down on the bank, praying she would send me a message. Though why would she? DJ fucking made it look like I had been lying about everything I just told her. I knew I had to make things right, but what exactly would I say?

I growled as I lay back in the grass, my hands clutching it for dear life. Was I afraid that I had lost her forever? Well, what did it matter anyway? Maya obviously didn’t want to be with me or else she would have admitted to her feelings yesterday. Fuck, why was this girl so damned complicated? She was driving me fucking insane! No, Matt, Maya’s that is the fucking crazy one. She chose to leave and you had nothing to do with it.

I sighed and closed my eyes - all I could see was the street lamp burning orange under my eyelids. It looked like I was in hell, the fires burning around me in combination with the torment Maya was putting me through. Why couldn’t she just come back and let me say sorry? Hell, she needed to apologize too! It would make everything so easy. I laughed, realizing that this whole thing was almost that easy to fix.

At that moment, a melody Jimmy and Brian had been playing on the bus popped into my head and the words just started to flow out of me. I quickly pulled out my phone and began to type exactly what I was feeling and the melody in my brain fit perfectly with the riff.

“I’m not insane, I’m not insane,” I sang to myself as my fingers flew across the keyboard. I ignored the burn in my eyes as I continued, not willing to let those emotions come out. “Come back to me, it’s almost easy. Come back again, it’s almost easy.”

“Now that I’ve lost you it kills me to say,” I continued to type, running with the range of emotions that were flowing inside of me. I was called M. Shadows for a reason, and it had to do with me being a little bit darker than the rest of my friends. They pushed their emotions away while I embraced them and charged forward with that pain. This time wasn’t any different.

“I’ve tried to hold on as you slowly slipped away,” and that she had. Ever since we went out on tour with out her, Maya completely withdrew from our relationship when things started to get hard. She wouldn’t even so much as have a real conversation with me anymore, and it fucking sucked. “I’m losing the fight.” I shook my head as I thought back her graduation party. I’ll admit that I was complete ass and totally ruined her party. “I’ve treated you so wrong, now let me make it right.” I wasn’t going to give up on her and I was going to win her back, no matter what it took.

Sometime around midnight, I found my way back to the hotel only to see my friends laughing and carrying on at the bar. And hell, even Brian looked happy. I hadn’t seen that smile on his face in a long time, and it was long overdue. Had he started to patch things up with Avery? Come to think of it, I hadn’t seen her yet, but I had heard her last night when we got back. I had been jealous but I was happy for him. Now if I could just get Maya to come around…

Jimmy’s POV

“You’re going to be sorry short shit, I’m telling you now!” I screamed, dancing around the breakfast area with Johnny’s backpack above my head. “No one takes my shit and gets away with it! Now tell me, where the hell did you put my notebook?! Who are you working for?!”

“What the hell are you talking about? I don’t have your fucking notebook!” Johnny yelled back, jumping up and down like a small child to get his backpack. I threw my head back and laughed. God this was hilarious! “Come on, I need my laptop! I have a skype date with Lacey in ten minutes!”

“Just tell him you’re working for the Berry’s,” Zack laughed, his face bright red from laughter. “You know you owe him anyway after last night.”


That was fucking right! Short shit lost the shot battle and was now my personal servant! Yes, this would work out nicely. I could use his shortness for my benefit and maybe the Dan wouldn’t see him coming…You see, after a Sullivan federal investigation, the Berry’s were cleared of their spy status. Though someone was still laundering our secret information and always knew what we were doing and my suspicions had now moved onto Dan the Body. Yes, he was always there…always listening, laughing, and blending in. I was sure it had to be him!

“He’s moved on from them,” Gates clarified, holding onto his cup of coffee. He looked a little irritated this morning but not much more than usual since Little One left him yesterday. “He thinks it’s—“

“Don’t say that vial name aloud!” I screamed, pushing the backpack into his arms. “The spy is among us and we cant let him know…” I said, looking at everyone at the breakfast table except for Dan. Oh, he knew I was on to him, but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of actually hearing me say it. No, he would get no rise out of the knife master. Maybe to night we could do a massive search of his dormitory…yes, that would do nicely with him at the after party. All I needed was me knife mistress and knife girl to make this mission a success. FUCK KNIFE GIRL!!!

My eyes grew wide as I dived back to the table, leaving Johnny gapping at me. Sorry, but I don’t have time for your childish games, Christ. It’s adult time now! I had to put my family back together and so now it was time for the knife master to go to work. If I could just talk to my Knife Girl, I could make her see what she is missing. She would have to come back to me and join Jess and I in our secret missions.

Knife girl, waiting for you in the lobby at six! Your Knife Master

I typed out with an evil laugh, earning a look from both Brian and Matt. “What are you doing, Rev?” Matt asked, looking a little worse for wear this morning. Was he up thinking about Knife Girl all night.

“Arranging our destiny,” I simply replied. They had no idea what plan I was scheming but I could guarantee they would enjoy the outcome. The Knife Master always succeeded in his mission.

If you think about cancelling I will call you non-stop and I mean it, non fucking stop!

I added as an after thought just as Matt asked me again. “Seriously though, Rev. Who are you texting? Is it Jess?”

“What?” We all looked up to see the beautifully stunning Knife Mistress standing in front of us with a plate. “What’s going on?”

“My queen!” I said, instantly standing up and pulling out the chair next to me with a low bow. “I was just making some special plans for the night.” I told her after placing a kiss on her lips. Damn, she always tasted like fucking rainbow sprinkles, the best thing in the world. I god loved this woman.

“By special plans you mean, making sure Maya and Avery are coming tonight?!” Jess gushed excitedly, causing both Brian and Matt to sit straight up in their seats. I smacked my hand over my face, shaking my head. Damn it woman that was supposed to be a secret. Jess quickly covered her mouth with her hands and looked at me with wide eyes. Well, I guess I could forgive her because she was so fucking adorable with those big blue eyes.

“What?” Matt and Gates said together.

“What do you mean the girls are coming? When? How did you know?” Matt said, basically scrambling to sit up. He looked at me with wide and determined eyes.

“I invited them, of course,” why were they always so slow behind the times. “Well at least Maya and you know where Knife Girl goes, Little one isn’t far behind.”

“But they’re coming,” Gates said, putting his hands on the table and glaring me down.

“As far as we know,” Jess answered with a smile. “No, I’ve got to go set up the booth. Let me know what happens, okay?”

“Of course, my queen,” I said, leaning forward and taking her lips captive.

A few hours later, I was starting to freak out. I still hadn’t heard anything from Maya and it was almost six, and I had stuck to my word of harassing her endlessly. But no news was good news, right? That meant she was meeting me here! I mean, how could she not? I was her Knife Master for crying out loud and that was a bond deeper than any mortal relationship. Maybe I should just keep calling!

I put my phone up to my ear, dialing her number for the eighth time in a row. “Twenty minutes until you should be here, Knife Girl…I’m waiting…” I said in a serious and deep tone after her voicemail clicked on. She wasn’t avoiding me was she? She couldn’t! I wouldn’t allow it!

“Nineteen minutes until our meeting for the concert of a lifetime…don’t miss it or I will run into the woods and I will never come back!” I yelled into the phone this time. “But when I do, I will be the ultra black belt knife master and I will hunt you down and bring you with me to do our secret missions…don’t be late!”

“Any sign of the girls?” Matt asked, joining in my strides as I paced the lobby after I hung up again.

“No, but she’s coming, she has to be!” I said cheerfully. I refused to believe that she would stand me up and make me surfer a slow and painful death of waiting. That wasn’t my Knife Girl!

“Listen Jimmy…I need your help,” Matt said and I instantly froze at his tone. No, what did he do?

“Go on,” I stroked my chin, looking at him through narrow eyes. I didn’t like the look on his face.

Matt sighed and ran his hands over his face and my eyes grew wide. He didn’t mess this up for me did he? No! he couldn’t have done something stupid between now and this morning could he? “Look, so last night I ran into Maya when DJ and I were picking up dinner. She agreed to meet me to talk things over…until fucking DJ stepped in and ruined it all…”

“What do you mean, ruined it all?” I asked, my eyes narrowing again.

“She wont fucking talk to me now, and I need your help. Maya is talking to you, right?” Well she was until today! What the fuck, had Matt ruined my reunion with Knife Girl? No, I refused to believe that! “Please, you have to make her believe me that nothing is going on between DJ and I and that we still need to talk.”

They did need to talk. Hell, we all needed to talk and I would go to whatever means necessary to make that happen. Even if it meant I had to sneak back into the Asking Alexandria house and kidnap Knife Girl in her sleep. I wasn’t above doing that to get my girl back! We all knew she belonged with us as a member of our family! And I wouldn’t rest until she was back with me, if not with Matt!

Just as I opened my mouth to reply, my phone started screaming and Maya’s face flashed across my screen. “Excuse me, I need to take this call,” I said to Matt before I dashed around the corner and into the empty alcove. “About fucking time!” I screamed as I answered the phone. “Knife Girl, where is your exact location?” I asked in an urgent whisper.

“Jimmy, look…I-I,” Maya started with a sigh and I didn’t like that tone.

“Don’t even start that. Just get in a cab and come here now,” I said. It was that simple. That’s right M, come back to the dark side. It’s fun, we have cookies... “You promised that you would come see me play tonight and have a drink with me!” I cried, feeling like my mind was going to explode.

“Jimmy, I-I cant make it…I forgot that I promised Avery something,” Maya said and my eyes narrowed. What could Little One have scheduled that was more important than me? I was the fucking Knife Master!

“NO!” I screamed, crumbling to my knees. “Say it isn’t so! I’m melting….into a puddle of knives…”

I heard Maya gasp on the other end of the line. “Jimmy…please I’m sorry. I have other plans tonight…and-and I can’t see Matt…not now. Not after last night.” So it was his fault I couldn’t see my knife girl! That wasn’t fucking fair! I missed her too!

“Maya…please…you owe me after kicking me out of your party!” I whined. “I need you in my life and I’m literally crumbling from not seeing you. My arms might as well fall off while I’m drumming because I’m falling apart…I….need….knife….girl….going through withdrawals!” I rasped, being overly dramatic. I had to find some way to get her to cave in.

“I’m sorry, Jimbo…but look. Can we get breakfast tomorrow morning?” My eyes instantly lit up. There was hope! “Just me and you?”

“Of course…tomorrow is our last day here anyway. We leave after our show and I am not leaving without seeing your beautiful face, Knife Girl,” I explained. “Where should we meet?” I asked, lowering my voice. I didn’t know where Dan the Body was right now, but he was not going to get his spy nose in this business. This was my secret meeting with Knife Girl!

“Let’s meet at the coffee shop down town on 5th Street,” Maya said, and I nodded repeating the address three times aloud to make sure I didn’t forget it. “I’m sorry again Jimmy, but I’m so excited to see you in the morning,” she continued and I couldn’t fight the smile on my face. It had been way to long since I had taken her on secret mission. Would she be rusty? Well there was only one way to fix that.

“Me too, Knife Girl…and no bailing this time or I will really come looking for you,” I warned and Maya laughed.

“I promise this time, I’ll be there. But hey, I’ve got to go. Have a good show, Jimmy and I will see you in the morning at 8.” She said before I said goodbye and hung up.

With a smile, I stepped around the corner only to find myself face to face with Matt. What the hell was he doing there? “Were you eavesdropping?” I asked, narrowing my eyes on him.

“Nope,” Matt said with a dimpled grin but I didn’t believe him. He looked way to happy to just have been walking around. “Just headed up to my room to get my bag before we go to the venue…” he said, clapping my shoulder as he passed.

Yes, likely story, except his room was in the other direction! Fuck, that bastard knew about my meeting with Knife Girl… “You know don’t you!” I called after him.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he smiled at me over his shoulder. “Let’s go play this show.” That was a load of bullshit, but I didn’t have time to question him because at that moment, JB Diz dragged me out to the bus for an equipment run down. I just hoped he wasn’t going to do anything stupid…

Avery’s POV

I blinked down at Brian’s message on my phone. I had probably read it over a million times and I still didn’t know what to say. I mean, how do you respond to something like that? He still loved me, that much was clear and he wanted another chance to prove himself to me. But should I let him? Did I have any other choice?

I chewed on my bottom lip, looking at my reflection in the mirror. I was all ready to go out with Maya and the Asking guys but my heart wasn’t in it. It was lost with my thoughts over a certain famous guitarist with stunning brown eyes. Hell, even just thinking about him was making my heart race. How could I deny myself this feeling?

But what if he hurt me again? I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to recover if we went back to what we were and he crushed me again…not that couldn’t happen. It would literally kill me. But could I live without him? I mean fully and happily live without him in my life? Brian was the one big time love for me and maybe it was his turn to prove that he felt the same way.

My heart started to race as I sat down on the edge of the sink in my little black dress. I had to see him, or at least that’s what my heart was screaming for me to do. I guess I owed him at least the opportunity to tell me the truth and try to win be back, especially since Zacky said he had been honest with me. And then there was the simple fact that I so obviously loved him. Fuck, I couldn’t tell him no. He was the true keeper of my heart and I couldn’t deny that anymore, not when my mind always flashed back to him.

I took in a shaky breath as I bit down on my bottom lip. This was it, I had to send this message now or else I wouldn’t have another chance. The clock was ticking and I needed to tell him how I felt, just like Zack recommended.

Brian,

Every since you left for tour, you have been the one constant thing on my mind. The thing that kept me going when I was scared; the thing that gave me hope when I was lost; the thing that kept me awake at night with longing; but you were also the one thing that hurt me the most. You caused a wound that refused to heal until I saw you again. Just your touch reminded me of what it was like to feel alive again.

There is no denying that my heart belongs to you, but I can’t give away so easily this time. You need to prove that I can trust you and that you wont break my heart again, because next time I wont be able to reassemble the pieces.

I will give you another chance, but you will need to prove yourself to me before I can hand over my heart again.

When are you available to meet before you leave?

Love, Ave

Before I could even re-read the message, a loud knock sounded on the bathroom door. Shit! I was out of time! I quickly pressed send and threw my phone into my purse. What had I just done? Was it the right choice? I guess it was too late worry about now because it was sent. I guess it was time to start following my heart like Zack had told me to do so many times before.

“Ave, you look beautiful,” Maya said, leaning in the doorway with small smile on her face. She looked slightly distant but before I could ask her about it further, Ben stepped around the corner.

“Thanks you too,” I replied, looking her up and down. Something wasn’t right with her and I could tell just by her body language and the look in her eyes. And then it hit me—I hadn’t really had the chance to talk to Maya since the graduation party. Had she run into Matt? I had no idea what was going on with her because every time I called or texted I got short responses. Something was definitely not right here, but what?

“You beautiful lasses ready to go?” Ben asked, looking me up and down with a wink as he grabbed Maya around the waist.

“Yep,” she said before she pecked his lips. Was it just me or was something off there too? I really had to get to the bottom of that, but did that mean I would have to tell her about Brian too? Shit, I knew she would be furious with me for what I did…and what if James overheard? Oh and there was that lump of guilt rising in my chest again. Why was this so hard?

“Come on, little gnome, it’s time to party,” she said before grabbing my hand and heading out the door with James and Ben in tail. “It’s going to be about fun, dancing, and drinking tonight! You got that!” Maya pointed around to all of us and I nodded.

Shit, drinking? If Maya shoved shots down my throat like she normally did, then there would be no keeping my guilty mouth from running. I would be spilling secrets and crushing all my friends at once. Damn it maybe this wasn’t a good idea….what had I gotten myself into?

Notes