Four; Victim

Axl\s POV:
The minute I woke up, I knew I had to go home; that kiss with Matt last night was so wrong.

As scared as I was to go home, its where I needed to be, Brian was my husband after all.

I didn’t even bother waking Matt up to say goodbye, I quickly threw my bag iinto my car and headed towards mine and Brian’s house; the drive wasn’t very long.

I sat in our drive way, deciding what I should even say to Brian if he was upstairs.

I wondered if he would even have noticed I had left or not.

I worked up the courage and finally walked inside our house, it was quiet and cold, it seemed so lifeless.

I dropped my bag by the door and walked towards the living room, no one was there it was the exact same way as I left it.

“Brian?” I softly called out; I didn’t really expect an answer.

“Look who decided to come home” Brian said standing in the kitchen.

Brian had completely startled me, i could tell he was angry, at least he wasn’t drunk, but he still seemed off.

“How was Matt’s?” Brian sternly asked me

The question got me off guard, how did he know I was at Matt’s? I wondered. Its not like he ever the left the house, and its not like Zack had even noticed I was with Matt.

I stood there staring at Brian not sure what to say.

“Val called me, left me multiple messages saying she seen you with Matt, asking if I knew what was going on – I didn’t call her back, cause I don’t know what’s going on, do you care to fill me
in?” Brian asked never taking his eyes off of me.

I couldn’t help but feel like I was going to throw up, I did nothing wrong besides that kiss.

I needed to say something before Brian assumed the worse like I knew he was already doing.

“I.. I nothing happened” I managed to stutter out.

“Well sure seems like it, you’re never home and now that you are you can’t even look at me” Brian angrily said.

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!” I yelled, I didn’t mean to yell, but I was angry.

“I haven’t talked to you in days Brian! You’re always drunk and in that stupid studio of yours, you physically hurt me Brian, you’re supposed to be my husband, not someone I fear”

“SO what you run and sleep with Matt, because that will make everything better?” Brian asked sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes at him, “ I didn’t sleep with him, in fact he’s the only one who’s been there for me lately, I understand that Jim was your best friend in the whole world, but he was my friend too and I don’t know what to do without him, I need someone and matt has been that someone”

“FUCK OFF” Brian yelled. “I cant be there for both of us”

I looked down at the ground, maybe I was asking too much from him.

I went to go walk into our bedroom as I didn’t have much else to say to him.

“Where are you going?” he yelled as he grabbed me by the arm.

“Brian let go, you’re hurting me”

I looked into his eyes and they weren’t their normal inviting brown color, they were dark and glazed over, I knew brian wasn’t drunk but he wasn’t himself either, something was definitely going on.

“You’re going back to Matt aren’t you?” Brian yelled.

“I was going to our bedroom” I said trying to get out of his grip.

“You’re lying, you want him, it’s always been him” Brian continued.

I couldn’t believe him right now, I obviously didn’t want Matt, I chose Brian over Matt.

I tried to get away again but he grabbed me harder, as he pulled me back his fist collided with my face and I felt blood trickling down my face. I let out a gasp and he let me go.

He stood there and stared at me with his dark cold eyes, tears were streaming down my face along with blood.

I slowly back up and ran out the door, I jumped in my car and quickly began driving to anywhere but here.

I ended up sitting outside Matt’s house in my car, debating to go in or not.

I felt my nose start to bleed again; I quickly got out of my car and banged on Matt’s door.

“Axl? Oh my god what happened to you?” Matt asked.

I couldn’t even say anything I just started crying, he brought me into the house and sat me down in the down stairs bathroom on the edge of the tub.

“What the hell happened?” He asked again.

I just shook my head; he took a warm damp cloth and cleaned my face up. Once all the blood was gone there was a bruise on my way and by my eye

“That son of a bitch, I’m gonna kill him” Matt whispered.

“No, don’t” My voiced cracked out.

“He’s.. there’s something wrong with him Matt, that man is not Brian, he’s completely fucked up” I sobbed out.

Matt held me against his chest and played with my hair.

I sat there with my head against matt’s chest, I couldn’t even think straight. All I could see was Brian’s cold eyes.

“Do you want me to take you to Zack’s?” Matt asked breaking me from my thoughts.

“Uhh” I breathed out, I didn’t want to go anywhere, if I went to Zack’s it would be just like being alone, and he wouldn’t even notice I was there.

“Can I stay here with you? Zack is like a zombie”

“Of course you can stay here” Matt said happily.

I knew that I being here was so wrong and it was so easy to fall back into old habits. But right now i felt like I didn’t have much of a choice, Brian made me come here; where did he think I
was going to go if he hit me; I thought.

This was his fault, I never would have come to Matt if Brian would have just manned up.

“You okay?” Matt asked looking at zoned out facial expression.

I nodded my head yes I was okay, but I wasn’t; “i-i-I’m lost Matt, I don’t know how I should feel about Brian and the way he’s been acting lately, or how I should feel about Jim or anything really” I said in a calm low voice.

Matt looked into my eyes, “I know what you mean, I don’t know how I should be about anything, but at least we have each other to figure it out with right?” Matt said giving me a small smile.
I gave him one back and decided I needed to sleep and hopefully forget these painful last few days.

“I think I should head to bed” I said smiling at Matt as I walked towards the guest bedroom.

“Goodnight” Matt called back.

I quickly got undressed into one of Matt’s large tshirts that he accidentally left at my house when
I was 14. I always carried it around with me as pajamas; although Zack or Matt or anyone else for that matter knew that it was Matt’s.

I got into the big comfy familiar bed and let myself drift to sleep.

I awoke at 3 am, I was having nightmares about Jim again and it was always the same one that woke me up.

There’s always a voice in my head that was saying I could have saved Jim, I should have been
watching him better, I should have gone out with him that night. I should have done something.

I tossed and turned with these thoughts in my head; I decided to get up. I couldn’t stand to lay here and listen to myself anymore.

I stood outside Matt’s door debating to go in; I didn’t want to be alone.

Just as I was about to go into the bedroom the door opened and there stood a sleepy half naked Matt.

I felt like I had forgotten how to breathe, Matt was so beautiful; his perfectly chiselled body and the tattoos that covered a majority of him.

“What’s going on? You okay?” He asked in a groggy voice.

I stood there silently for a minute as I took in his gorgeous figure some more.

“Yeah just a bad dream, more like a nightmare really” I said quietly.

Matt put his hand on my shoulder, “You can sleep with me if you want”

“Thanks” I whispered as I moved passed him and climbed into his bed.

Matt left the room and I laid there on the unslept side of the bed, I assumed this was Val’s side; what was I doing? I thought, I thought I was done with Matt I thought when I chose Brian that
would be it.

But Brian wasn’t Brian anymore, I kept reminding myself, I was still married to that dark, depressed man that wasn’t Synyster gates, it wasn’t okay for me to be in Matt’s bed and I know that, I just don’t get what was possessing me to sleep in his bed tonight.

Matt returned with two glasses of water, he passed me one and I took a sip as he climbed into the bed.

We both lay there quietly, unsure of what to say; I tossed and turned for a bit until finally I turned over onto my side facing away from Matt.

I was just about asleep when I felt a large arm wrap around my body, I instantly froze at his touch, but once my body had realized it was him I relaxed.

He now traced circles around my bellybutton and breathed heavily on my neck as if he knew it was turning me on.

His breathing quickened when he felt me start to squirm under his touch.

Finally I couldn’t take anymore; I turned over and kissed him.

Matt kissed me back and before I knew it our clothes were off and he was inside of me, thrusting with move that I made. It was amazing; everything was off my mind, including Jim.

I knew this was wrong, I know that I don’t love Matt.

But it was nice to find an escape somehow.

Notes