Reliving the Nightmare

♡LOLA'S POV♡

"Please take me back , Lola. I can change for you," Brian begged me, his chocolate eyes wide with regret and desperation. His clasped hands reached out for me, pleading for me to accept him. I allowed myself a small smile at his pitiful attempts, feeling sorry for the weak figure that knelt before me. I couldn't believe that I had ever had feelings for this pathetic excuse for a man.

I looked down my nose at him and in barely contained disgust, snapped, "Get away from me. How could you ever think that I could respect you after I found about your foul drug habits. You sicken me."

As I watched his face crumple and his posture slacken under my cruel words, I felt a surge of power run through me; I was done with being pushed around and it felt good for once to be the one inflicting the pain. I knew the devastating effects that my sharpness would cause Brian and it brought me an exhilarating rush.

"Please, I love you Lolly," he whispered, still pleading. However I could tell that he was resigning himself to his fate without me by his defeatist tone. I had broken him.

I sneered at him and replied, "You don't know what love is." I snapped my fingers and barked, "Matt, finish him."

Matt materialised out of nowhere with an evil grin similar to my own plastered on his eager face. He crunched his knuckles, laughing when Brian winced at the harsh sound it made.

"Don't worry, Lola. This won't take long," Matt assured me, his malice shining through his glinting eyes. He stepped forward then, with the speed of a cobra, struck and grasped Brian in a rough choke hold. His giant tattooed hands cut off Brian's air supply and crushed his windpipe with an ease that was unnatural for a mere man. I looked on with satisfaction nestling in my stomach at the man who had caused me so much heartache finally being brought to justice. His eyes bulged as he clawed weakly at Matt's hands, to no avail.

The smile never left my face as I turned and walked away, listening as Brian's gasps gradually were silenced and all that was left was the thump when his body hit the ground.



My own piercing screams woke me up. They tore into the previously still night and violently broke the silence. They were wrenched out of me, just like they were every single night when I had a nightmare. I convulsed in my bed, my whole body jerking about as if it was being controlled like a puppet on strings. Sheer terror and panic consumed me as the never ending images of Brian's lifeless body filled my mind.

He was dead.
It was my fault.
I had killed Brian Haner.

I had refused him because he had taken drugs and I had allowed his best friend to kill him. His death was on me and I would never forget that. All me. My fault. His once vibrant life, full of love and joy was ended because of my selfish decisions. I would burn in hell for this.

Through my hysteria I felt hands lock around my wrists, pinning them firmly to the bed and a body climb on top of me, restricting my spasms. I shook harder and increased the volume of my screams in order to remove this unwanted weight from me. If anything it panicked me further, driving me to a desperate state in which all I wanted to do was escape this mind blowing fear that was overtaking all reason.

"Lola, ssshhh honey. You're okay. Brian's not dead, you're okay," a soothing voice broke through the haze that had engulfed me.

I ignored the voice from above. How could it know what atrocities I had committed? The beautiful female voice would never understand the pain that had cracked me. She had no idea the guilt that felt it's way out through my mouth because of the terrible crime I had committed. Brian was dead and I had killed him with my cruelty.

"Zacky! Please hurry Zacky!" the female voice yelled out from above me, sounding very desperate. I wondered what she was worried about. I bet she hadn't killed anyone.

A horrific picture of Brian's death flashed in my mind and I groaned in agony. His pale face and blank eyes made my panic increase tenfold and I shook my head, trying to get rid of the reminder that I was a terrible person. I snatched my hand away from the girl on top of me and began scratching at my face to make the images go away. I released my other hand and doubled my efforts, not stopping even when I felt warm liquid trailing down the length of my face. My fingers gouged frantically at my eyes, trying so hard to remove the tools that allowed me to see such horrible things.

"Fuck, Zacky grab her. It's a bad one," the female voice shouted.

Large hands clamped down on my self damaging hands and held them down against my sides and this time I knew there was no hope of escaping. I continued screaming and thrashing against this powerful person that was holding me down. My voice was turning raw and my wrists felt like they were going to snap from the strength of the person's hands but I didn't stop. I didn't deserve to be pain free.

"Lola, Brian is alive and healthy. Come back to us, open your eyes and look at me," a male voice joined in and the gentleness of him persuaded me to stop screaming.

The only sound in the room was the harsh sound of my laboured gasps as breath ripped in and out of me, my chest heaving up and down in an almost violent motion. Tremors coursed through me but I had ceased trying to get away.

"Fuck it, I'm calling Brian. I'm fed up of watching her suffer like this. You calm her down and I'll get him to come over now," the girl sharply said. She sounded like she had been crying but I had no idea why she would cry. Why was she upset?

"El, you know that Lola said she didn't want to see him," the man paused when I let out a strangled cry at the mention that I had barred Brian from seeing me. "Plus it's three in the morning. Let's be sensible here."

"Sensible? You want to talk about being fucking sensible? What's fucking sensible is getting help for the girl that is clawing at her own face because every night she thinks that she's killed the man she loves. The only way that we can help her is by getting Brian in here and telling him to fucking sort things out," came the angry retort.

"Fine, get Brian over here but don't blame me when he reopens her wounds and breaks her heart again."

There was a pause and then she said, "You can't reopen wounds that have never closed."

A soft click of the door signalled her leaving. I concentrated on drawing oxygen into my starving lungs and not thinking about Brian. These people's words had no meaning; the only word that meant anything to me right now was the name of the man I had done wrong by.

"Lola, can you please open your eyes?" the gentle voice asked me as a smooth hand stroked the side of my head, back and forth. Due to his comforting and polite tone, I felt obliged to obey even though my quivering eyelids were telling me not to.

In one fast move I flicked my eyelids open, and I was met with the most compassionate green eyes looking down at me. In a rush I was brought back to reality and my brain finally connected who this was. Zacky was hovering above me, a strained look on his tired face. Dark circles underlined his eyes, mirroring his lack of sleep over the past couple of months.

"Zacky?" I breathed out shakily and his lip quirked up in relief.

"There we go. You're back," he whispered, before moving to lie beside me in the double bed then pulling me against him so that he was spooning me. This had become a familiar position for us and I settled into the steady thump of his heartbeat. I fisted my hand in the soft cotton fabric of his sleepshirt and slowly began to ground myself.

As I left my nightmare behind and came back to reality, a blade of fear shot through me as I realised that my nightmares were growing more intense and lasting longer. A month ago I would have screamed for a bit after I had woken up but I would have calmed down relatively quickly. Now, I had no clue where I was or what was real or not for ages after I had woken up and only Zacky could bring me back. El, although she tried, couldn't calm me down so she had to get Zacky every time. Most of the time I slept with Zacky anyway. It had been two and a half months since I had last talked to Brian and I resented that he meant so much to me that I was broken without him.

"You okay?" Zacky murmured against my back.

I let out a rasping breath but my voice was unwavering when I replied, "Yeah, sorry about that."

"You have nothing to be sorry about," Zacky said emphatically. "But Lola, we have to get you some kind of help if this continues. I've abided by your wishes up until now but it's getting out of control now. I'm scared for you."

I stayed silent, knowing he was right. I didn't want to tell him that I was scared for myself as well. These nightmares were taking over my life and I just wanted rid of them. Having to see Brian die every night was mentally exhausting and I was concerned for my emotional health. I didn't want to be insane.

I lay my head against Zacky's chest and closed my eyes, letting sheer exhaustion take over me. My face was stinging but I couldn't bring myself to get up and clean it.

I heard footsteps approaching the door but kept my eyes shut, knowing it would just be El. The door clicked open and in they walked. Zacky slowly sat up, leaving my lying.

"Lola?" a nervously deep voice said. It's beautiful melodical tone nearly had me weeping and it's familiarity jolted me upright.

Brian's frame stood awkwardly at the doorway, his hands shoved into his pockets. His brown eyes stared beseechingly at me and my limbs went weak at the sight of his face. He stepped forward into the room.

"We need to talk."

Notes

Another chapter up!

OK so El actually seemed quite human in this chapter? Maybe? She decided that she was going to intervene for Lola's sake and get Brian.

Good decision or bad decision?

Thanks for continuing to read! Please leave your thoughts!

L xxx