He gently lifted my chin up with his finger, tearing my gaze away from the floor. As I looked up at him with uncertainty in my eyes he just smiles softly which instantly makes my worries fade away. I felt his left hand cup the right side of my cheek and as I stared longingly into his pair of emeralds, he removes his hand only to be replaced by his finger and delicately moves a strand of hair away from my face. I can feel my heart beat out of my chest and my body feels like it's on fire all from just the small contact of his hand....his rough fingers are callused from repeatedly running them up and down the fingerboard of his guitar. How I yearned to feel those fingers run freely across my entire body. I could feel the familiar tingling sensation build up in the pit of my stomach just from the thought. I craved him, I needed him and I wasn't sure how much longer I was going to last. Why must he keep teasing me like this? My heart rate began to speed up as I noticed him leaning in closer towards me, gradually closing in the gap between us. He still had that seductive grin glued on his face and I couldn't help but melt. His snakebites glimmered from the light above us and I'm instantly distracted by the sparkle like a squirrel with shiny object syndrome. I come out of my daze once I realize I've been rudely staring at him longer than I should be. He chuckles lightly at my repeated habit as he always does and leans in even further making me subconsciously inch my head back a bit. I get the feeling he wants to kiss me but instead he begins to open his mouth to speak. As soon as his mouth starts to move, instead of hearing actual words, I'm met with a horrible screeching sound of what sounds like an evacuation alarm flowing from the back of his throat. My only response is to quickly cover my ears and look at him with a confused look. I try to speak but the noise is so unbearably loud that I can't even hear myself talk. Suddenly my surroundings fade to black leaving me by myself but the annoying tone still lingers around me. My vision becomes blurry like I'm watching static on a TV screen then I see nothing but pure darkness....

---

I'm tossing and turning in what seems to be my bed with my hands still covering my ears from the loudness and in my confused sleepy state I can only assume it's my alarm going off. Still half asleep I lift my arm, reaching over towards my nightstand and blindly move my hand around on the table, trying to search for the evil digital device known as my alarm clock. When I can't seem to locate it, I lazily lift my head and even though I'm not 100% awake yet, I spot the noise maker and start repeatedly banging on the snooze button with my fist but for some reason it's not turning off. My fuse grows short, triggering my aggravation and I instead try to simply push the 'off' button but still to no avail.

“Ugh, what the fuck?! Why won't this fucking alarm turn off?!” Come to think of it, I don't recall my alarm clock making this type of sound the last time I checked. Before I could ponder any further, I'm suddenly blinded by a harsh bright light and I instinctively shield my eyes with my forearm.

“Maybe because that's not your alarm clock going off?” I knew the familiar voice to be Mina's and I could tell she was irritated.

I slowly lowered my arm which was a mistake from the start seeing how I didn't let my eyes adjust normally to the light, leaving me to squint harshly and cause a small headache to form. “Did you have to turn my overhead light on?? Just the hallway light would've sufficed!”

She didn't say anything, just continued to stand there in the open doorway with her arms crossed. I could tell she was still exhausted by the way she was lazily leaning against the door frame and nodding off every so often. She eventually turned her attention to where the obnoxious noise was coming from and nodded towards it while looking at me with raised eyebrows. I knew she was telepathically asking me if I was ever going to turn the damn thing off.

I got the hint and leaned near my nightstand still not fully awake but awake enough to realize how much of an idiot I felt. “Oh, shit. I must have forgotten that I set my phone's alarm to automatic.”

I grabbed my phone and slid my thumb across the screen causing it to finally turn off. My ears were ringing from the aftermath and I only prayed it would fade before rehearsal. My phone screen switched over to the home screen and my eyes surprisingly got bigger when I read the time.

“God, it's still too damn early,” I groaned while rubbing my face with my hands.

I heard Mina grumble and I didn't have to look up to know she was rolling her eyes at me. “I know, that's why I came in here... to tell you to turn that damn thing off. I can hear it all the way from across the hallway!”

My hands fell from my face dropping them harshly into my lap letting her know she wasn't the only one in a pissy mood. “Well sorry princess Mina, you know my brain doesn't function very well this early in the morning. You should also know that I HAVE to have my alarm set to something unbearably annoying otherwise I sleep right through it. I didn't mean to disturb you from your beauty sleep.” I then examined her face more, not noticing it before and smirked. “Which by the way you need more of because you look like the fucking crypt keeper.”

Mina pushed off the door frame and scrunched her face at me. “At least I didn't sleep in my clothes from yesterday and am smart enough to take off my makeup. I feel like I'm standing in front of the 'Joker' from Batman.”

I scoffed before clicking my tongue. “Oh fuck off, I warned you yesterday that I was exhausted, I ended up passing out on my bed.”

Not wanting to argue at 5 o'clock in the morning, Mina just sighed and ran her hand through her tangled messy hair. “Whatever you say unni. Don't forget we have rehearsal sometime today.”

Again I groaned in annoyance. “I know...y'all have reminded me about 5 times within the last 24 hours as if I have short term memory loss. But I have yet to hear anything from either Katherine or Grace, so if you don't mind I would like to get as much sleep as possible before I get a phone call from the devil-I mean Katherine. Unless y'all want me to be a bitch again during practice.”

I didn't hear her say anything, she just backed up anxiously, letting me know real quick that that was something she did not want to encounter again during rehearsal. She turned around and started to head back out into the hallway when I stopped her. “Uh, could you at least turn my light back off??”

She didn't even turn around as she backed up a little and stuck only her arm back through the doorway and quickly flipped the switch down causing the room to go black again. As soon as she closed the door, I fell back onto my pillow and shut my eyes after letting them fully adjust to the darkness first so I wasn't staring at remnants of left over light on the back of my eyelids.

~A few hours later~

I was abruptly awoken by the sound of Apocalyptica's “Struggle” and I knew this time around it was my cellphone ringing. I sat up in bed, rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and glanced over at my clock on my nightstand. 11:00am....well at least I was awake this time and fully aware of my surroundings. I picked up my phone and looked at the screen that flashed Katherine's name on the front. I threw my head back and groaned internally already knowing the reason for her calling. I swiped the screen to the right prompting it to answer and held the phone up to my ear.

“Yea?”

“Kelsey, it's Katherine...”

“Well I kinda figured, who else would it be?”

“Yea well anyway, we have rehearsal later today at 2:00pm. Pass this onto Mina and don't be late. We can't afford to waste anymore time.”

“Yes mom...”

“Kelsey don't start-”

“Kat, chill lax, I'm just messing with you. You're too uptight.”

“It's not my fault that no one can ever tell when you're being sarcastic. Anyway, see you guys this afternoon.”

“Okay, bye.”

I lowered my phone and swiped the screen to the left ending the call and placed it back onto my nightstand. The rapid sound of heavy rain drops hitting against the glass of my window grabbed my attention. Great....if there's one thing I hate more than the cold, it's rain. I should've foreseen this being near the ocean and all. I straightened up, stretched my arms up above my head causing my back to crack in several different places and let out a big yawn. I figured I should go ahead and get ready for the day, it usually takes me about an hour to shower, do my hair and get dressed. I pulled back the covers, swung my legs over the side edge of the bed and stood up making sure to slip on my sandals before turning back around and making the bed.

I walked over towards my dresser, fished out a pair of bra and panties and laid them out across my bed. I then made my way to the bathroom down the hallway and grabbed a towel from the linen closet before entering the bathroom and shutting the door behind me. As I walked past the vanity mirror I did a double take before gasping out loud, nearly jumping out of my skin when I caught a glimpse of my reflection. Mina wasn't kidding when she made that “Joker” comment. I wave it off and continue forward, pulling the shower curtain open and turned the water on almost to scalding hot. While the water was warming up, I quickly brushed my teeth and made sure to take my meds.

I was diagnosed with depression back in middle school after having a few episodes from constantly being bullied and put down mainly because of my race. Back then society was still closed-minded and it didn't help that there was no diversity at the school, making me an easy target. I never self-harmed, but I would always shut myself off from everyone or lock myself in my bedroom to avoid conversation. This is before I met Mina, Kat and Grace, which wasn't until later during high school. Eventually, my parents forced me to see a doctor and I was put on medication to help balance out the serotonin levels in my body and also to tone down my anger. Since then, I had improved both mentally and emotionally, though I still get peeved at times, but I wouldn't be normal if I didn't get angry every now and then. I've learned to let that part of my life go but I still struggle with depression. People who go through the same kind of pain are the only ones who will understand....it's not something that we can just turn on and off. It's something we have to live with for the rest of our lives. It's not caused by anything specific like past events...it's just a recurring feeling we get where we sense this dark cloud hovering above our head and we have to learn to fight off the sadness in order to stay strong.

I wouldn't have survived school and everyday life up until now if I didn't have support from the girls. To this day they still look after me especially Mina, hence why she's always making me eat. She knows me well enough that not eating is the main cause for my depression and I'll admit that's part of the reason, but it isn't the main reason. I'm telling the truth when I say it's stress. I made the girls swear on their life not to mention my disease to any of the guys mainly because I don't want them to continually walk on eggshells around me, worried they might set me off if they say the wrong thing. That's part of the reason why I don't want to try my luck with Zack....I don't want to drag him onto my emotional roller coaster and get caught up in all the baggage I have....it's not fair to him.

Damn it, I phased out again. That's one of the side effects from the medicine but it's not a major concern. My mind snapped out of it and I continued to do what I initially came in here to do. I undressed then leaned over the edge of the tub to lift up the small rod on top of the faucet, releasing the water from the shower head. I stepped in, sliding the curtain closed and stood underneath the hot water momentarily, letting it hit the top of my head and cascade down my body instantly relaxing me. As I stood there motionless, deep in thought, I had totally forgotten about the dream I had earlier this morning. I pressed my forehead into the cool tile in front of me and sighed deeply. Why did it have to be a dream? It felt so real. I could literally feel his soft touch on my skin and I swear I can still feel it linger. Why must my mind torture me with these constant dreams and fantasies when I know it's never going to become a reality. I guess the only way I am ever going to have a shot with Zack is in my dreams....but it's safer this way, nobody ends up getting hurt. The sudden temperature drop from the water shakes me from my thoughts and I decide to finish up before the water turns completely arctic.

I hastily wash my hair and my body, then shave in all the appropriate places before shutting the water off and grab my towel. I towel dry my hair and then wrap it around my body, carefully step out of the shower and walk over towards the sink. Before drying my hair, I make sure to plug in my straightener then turn on the dryer and air dry the condensation on the mirror instead of wiping it down, to avoid streaks. As I look in the mirror, I can clearly see the dark circles underneath my eyes and notice my skin looks a lot paler than usual. I tell myself to not worry about that right now and finish up drying and styling my hair and apply the usual small amount of makeup, which consists only eyeliner. I headed back towards my bedroom and threw on my undergarments before picking out my clothes. I decided to go with my dark skinny jeans, a plain form-fitting long sleeved top and slipped on my dark brown BearPaw boots that reached the top of my calves.

Before leaving the bedroom, I grabbed my cellphone and then headed back out to the hallway leading to the living room. I could hear faint noises coming from the kitchen and as I entered I saw Mina rummaging around in the cupboards looking for the sweetener for her coffee I assume, seeing how she had an already full cup sitting on the counter. I stepped up towards the bar counter and leaned over with my forearms supporting me.

“Try the top cabinet door above the stove,” I stated making her slightly jump and press a hand over her chest.

“Jeez, you spooked me!” She said between breaths.

I chuckled at her, “Who else would it be??”

She just rolled her eyes and then cursed under her breath once she looked back up at the cabinet. “Why the hell is the sweetener all the way up there anyway?”

I just shrugged nonchalantly as I stood up and went over to the pantry closet to retrieve the foot stool we use almost ritually considering our short height. “It wasn't me. I can only assume it was either Matt or Jimmy when they stopped by the other day. They either did it subconsciously without thinking or did it to mess with us.”

I walked towards her, stool in hand and placed it in front of the stove so she could use it. She stepped up on it, successfully grabbing the sweetener and then hopping off the stool. She poured in a generous amount of it into her cup before putting it in the pantry along with the stool. She picked up her coffee and made a gesture with her hand, motioning to me if I wanted a cup as well. I shook my head 'no' and she shrugged and headed over towards the couch in the living room. As weird as it sounds, coffee has the opposite affect on me...it makes me sleepy so if I want to have coffee, I make sure it's in the evening before I go to sleep. I followed her and sat next to her on the couch sideways with my arm hanging off the back of the cushion to make conversing with her easier.

“So are you just now getting up?” She questioned before taking a sip of her coffee.

“I've been up, I was just taking a shower. Kat's phone call woke me up and she wanted me to pass onto you that we have rehearsal today at 2pm.” I told her with a sarcastic tone causing her to giggle softly.

She reached for her phone on the side table and looked at the time. “Well, we have a few hours to kill before then. I hope you got enough sleep this time because we need you to focus today.”

“I'm not the only one who needs to focus, we all share the same amount of flaws that need to be worked on,” I countered back, not wanting to be singled out again.

“I know but you're first violin, the head of the group. You play a big part in this quartet,” she quickly said while smiling at me. She was obviously trying to go at this from a different approach to avoid an argument.

I relaxed a bit and sighed softly. “We all play a big part, not just me. Everybody's musical parts are all equally at the same level of difficulty. Now if we were playing Mozart or Haydn then yea, all the responsibility would be on me because the first violin part has all the hard, technical shit while the rest of you guys merely accompany me. But we're talking about Dvorak and Shostakovitch here. Everyone is going to have to work their ass off, not just me. We're all going to be in the spotlight for this performance...we're all leaders here.”

She was in the middle of taking a swig of her coffee but nodded her head in agreement at the same time to let me know she wasn't ignoring me. “That may be true, but you ARE the highest voice among the four of us which will be more audible to everyone out in the audience. Our parts may all be equally difficult, but no matter what composer, the first violin is still going to have more crap to play, if not harder, than the rest of us. It's just like the guys and their band. Yea both Brian and Zack have to work really hard, but who always ends up playing most of the guitar solos?”

I threw my arms up in the air and huffed not caring at this point if I had the last word or not. “Ugghh....alright fine you win! Can we just stop theorizing the standpoint of musicians and quit arguing over who puts in the most work? I feel like we're in a competition to see who has the biggest dick. I had a goodnight sleep for the first time in a long time which helped repair my brain....I don't need it to turn into mush again before rehearsal.” I began to rub my forehead as I was starting to feel another headache coming on.

Mina backs down and holds her hands up in defense. “Okay, okay....well, are you ready?”

I jerk my head up and give her a puzzled look. “Ready for what? We don't have to be at the concert hall for another two hours.”

She slowly gets up off the couch and heads back into the kitchen to place her cup in the sink all while saying, “I know that. I thought we could grab some lunch before we head over there and don't even think about trying to get out of this again. You haven't eaten since lunch yesterday and even then you barely ate anything. You got plenty of rest so you can't use that as an excuse again.”

I groaned and began to whine like a child. “Minaaaa, why do you always have to-”

She briskly turned around to face me and cut me off while holding up her index finger. “Ah ah ah, I don't wanna hear it. You're too damn skinny, it's not healthy and you've gotten so pale...” She then furrowed her eyebrows at me and looked at me a bit more thoroughly before asking, “have you been taking your medicine?”

Trying my best not to snap at her from her accusation, I took a deep breath and spoke calmly. “Yes Mina, I have. I'm not stupid to just stop cold turkey...I'm smart enough to know that I have to wean myself off of it or else it could damage me internally and mentally. Just thinking about my body going through all that scares me to death. Do you really think I would want to risk that?”

She sighs softly, “I do trust you unni, I just care about your health and I don't want anything bad to happen to you. Your spine practically pokes out whenever you bend over.....you don't want Zack to think you're bulimic do you?”

I stare at her, having the sudden urge to tell her how melodramatic she is being. Yes I'm slim but it's not like I'm a walking skeleton. “Oh God Mina, come on now, this is idiotic. You know I have a high metabolism, most all Asians inherit that, even you.”

“I actually eat though! Look this isn't up for discussion. You're going to eat something whether you like it or not. If I have to prop your mouth open and shove food down your throat, I won't hesitate in doing so.” She had her finger pointed towards me stiffly, her face holding a stern expression.

Again I gave up, still too worn out from yesterday to argue. “Fine whatever, but you're paying. You're lucky I'm Americanized, otherwise I'd scold you for talking so informally toward your superior.”

We both make our way towards the front door and Mina had to add in one last jab at me. “Whatever you say 'ahjumma.' Now grab your shit and lets go!”

“Don't push it Mina....” I warned her as I playfully shoved her forward.

I grabbed my coat, making sure I reached for the heavier one this time, as well as my purse, my instrument and most importantly my umbrella and Mina did the same. After putting on our coats, we headed out the door, locking it behind us and headed down the stairs out into the pouring rain where my car was parked.

Notes

A/N: Chapter 7 is up! I'm a bit late in updating b/c real life got in the way and I was dealing with that and at the same time trying to fit in time to write. So I hope people are still reading this, maybe some think it's moving too slow, but I find rushing a story will make it end faster leaving out important details that some readers may want to read.

I've also finally added a character list to the story and updated the banner, just an FYI.

So again, don't be a silent reader, I love getting feedback. It makes me feel like I'm writing a decent story.

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**Ahjumma is a Korean honorific mainly used for women who are much older