Come Back to Me

We were seated to one of the tables in the far back corner but considering our location, we still ended up just mere feet away from all the other paying customers. Mina was lucky I had been craving Korean BBQ for a while now because if my mood were any different I would have never come within 2 inches near this place. This is the only Korean restaurant in town I will eat at simply because all the meat is fresh, of the highest quality and at a good price knowing how Korean beef can be expensive. I rarely ate meat, but when it comes to Galbi and Samgyeopsal, be prepared to eat what you can because I don't share my food. The only downside is it's also the most popular out of all the other restaurants around here meaning it is always over crowded. When I say crowded, you could come in on a workday in the mid-afternoon or even 3:00 in the morning...it doesn't matter... and it would still be filled to the brim with people.

I observed the marinated meat on the built-in grill at our table, noticing that it was cooked all the way through. I picked up a piece of lettuce, smeared some samjang on top and then proceeded to add the cooked meat, Sangchu Geotjeori and a clove of raw garlic on top. I rolled up the wrap with my fingers, about to stuff the whole thing into my mouth when I start to hear that annoying voice again come across the table from me causing me to pause midway.

“So about Zack...”

My body froze with shock and utter annoyance. I almost felt like a retard just sitting there, holding the ball of lettuce stagnant in front of my open mouth which was now growing impatient by the lack of food making it water instinctively. Still motionless, my eyes were the only muscle I felt move as they slowly lifted up to meet Minas who initially interrupted my feeding time. I heavily dropped my hand that held the wrap, onto the table top and rolled my eyes so far back into my head, I thought they were going to pop out of my sockets. There was an awkward silence filling the room that the only thing I could hear was the sizzling sound from the meat on the grill in front of me and the occasional sound of chit chat and laughter coming from the other patrons in the background. I stared her down for a moment, hoping that my readable expression of irritability on my face was apparent enough for her to understand but the look on her face remained unchanged.

“Are you fucking serious right now?” I whisper angrily not wanting to gain attention from everyone else in the restaurant. I should have foreseen this...

“I told you last night that we would discuss this again did I not?” Her eyes now focused on the lettuce wrap she was currently making.

I sneer at her ever so lightly and roll my eyes again but I mentally smirk to myself knowing I found a loophole. “Yea but I never agreed to it. So your statement is null and void.”

“God, I swear you are so damn stubborn! It's just a simple yes or no answer. Are you and Zack a'thing' or not?” She huffed immaturely as she ate her wrap in one bite, then leaned back in her chair with her arms crossed.

My head jolts up and I quirk an eyebrow at her. I gawk at her like she just asked me a stupid question....well technically she did. “Really? A thing? Look I'm sick and tired of sounding like a broken record...I've already given you an answer regarding this and I will repeat once again that there is nothing between-”

“I know you're not telling me the truth though...” She cuts me off mid sentence already predicting what I'm going to say.

I groan loudly already past the annoyed stage and slowly entering the pissed off stage. “Mina...I AM telling you the truth...my answer isn't going to change.”

She twists her face while looking down at the table as if she's in deep thought, then leans forward and rests her forearms on the edge of the table, lacing her fingers together. She then looks up at me, her eyes filled with manipulation. “Can you at least tell me if you're crushing on him or not? Can you tell me just that much?”

I look straight at her while shaking my head side to side as if to show disappointment. God she's like a fucking parrot...does she ever shut up? “Will you drop the fucking subject if I give you an answer?”

Not to my surprise, her whole body jerks up from her previous slump, her eyes almost bugging out of her head. She begins to nod her head rapidly as a response. She looked like one of those ridiculous bobble heads you find placed atop of somebody's dashboard. I look around me nervously even though I'm pretty sure there was nobody I knew present or within ear shot....I'm just always paranoid. I take in a deep breath, hold it for a few seconds and then slowly breath out for what seems like an infinite amount of air from my lungs. Mina impatiently taps her index finger onto the table....she obviously could sense my stalling. I couldn't pull back now seeing how I had already committed in giving her an answer, so I slowly leaned in closer to her, or as close as the table would allow and spoke in a whisper.

“Then yea...I might have a slight infatuation for him but-”

“Ha! I fucking knew it!” She blurted out, causing nearby people to turn their heads and stare over at us. I let out a nervous chuckle as I rub the back of my neck in hopes that will wave off the attention directed at us. As soon as I notice people turning back around and continue with their previous conversations, I quickly go from my nervous laugh to whipping my head around, now bringing my attention back to Mina, unamused, making it look like I have split personality disorder. I shoot her an evil death glare with pursed lips and flail my hands indiscreetly in her direction while mouthing the words 'WTF?!' She lowers her head in embarrassment, giving me an apologetic look and I just huff in exasperation before picking up from where I left off.

“But anyway, it's just a stupid crush and I don't expect it to go any further than that because I'm never going to tell him.”

“Why the hell not??” Her mood instantly went from ecstatic to sudden dismay and then pushy which I anticipated.

I sigh heavily...my mood now heading south. “Because I don't know how he will take it. He may not have the same feelings and then I've put both of us in an awkward situation. I don't want to chance ruining the close friendship I have with him right now. I've been put down so many times in the past, I can't handle anymore rejection....you know my fears.”

Well so much for feeling stress free and somewhat carefree...not fully, just slightly. You didn't think I was going to ever be 100% optimistic did you? Hell no.

Without explaining any further, Mina picks up to what I'm referring to once I mention 'my fears.' I've had so many relationships end badly because they couldn't handle my mood swings, my anxiety, my crying spells, my outbursts....my depression. In the beginning, they were understanding and supportive...they were willing to tough out this lifelong journey with me, picking me up when I fell, give me tough love whenever I always felt like giving up. But every time I came to a crack in the road, it would gradually get harder and harder to step over it and continue with my life without looking back and eventually they couldn't take it anymore. Before a break up, I was always told the same heartbreaking speech....'I just can't do this anymore...I thought I could in the beginning, but this is just too much. If I had known beforehand just how serious your mental illness was and that it was lifelong, I would've opted out long ago. If you are able to find someone who will be able to care for your disease and not mind you burdening them, then more power to you....but that someone isn't me...I'm sorry.'

I cringe, as I always do, after replaying those words in my head. I've heard it so many times, I've practically memorized them. This makes me think of Zack and how it's selfish of me to put him in that kind of predicament where he feels the need to take care of me. The last thing I want is to hear him repeat that same bullshit statement. His name is not something I want to see written on a list of people who find me a hindrance. It pains me to know that the only type relationship I will have with him is strictly a friendship and it would be in his best interest to feel the same. I'm going to have to face the fact that I will probably never find 'Mr. Right'.....I should just concentrate on my career and not waste my time with sappy romance. I try to turn my attention back to Mina who can sense my insecurities.

She gives me a sympathetic look, her features turned soft once she realizes I'm agonizing over my past. “That wasn't any of your fault to begin with. The men you were with were complete utter douche-bags who were too blind to see what stood in front of them and it's their damn loss, but that's all behind you now. I know you still have trust issues but you have to let go of the past and live in the here and now. And I know you're afraid of how he will react to your illness but Zack isn't like all those other assholes you've dated and even if he doesn't feel the same way as you do for him, he's not that insensitive to just end a friendship.”

After what seems like forever, I finally stuff the lettuce wrap, that I was previously holding before this whole conversation started, into my mouth. I then pick up the tongs and added some more raw meat onto the grill in the middle of our table. I prop my left elbow onto the table and let my cheek rest atop my left hand while simultaneously flipping the meat over, making sure it cooks all the way through. I continue doing this while staring blankly at the grill, watching the smokey heat rise from the meat. I still hear Mina talking and I nod every now and then to show I'm not ignoring her. When I hear the tail end of her statement, my eyes still stay glued to the grill.

“….what have you got to lose?” She finishes.

I answer her but I'm still looking down, almost feeling ashamed. “My dignity...”

She doesn't mention my lack of eye contact seeing as she's used to me shutting her out when this touchy subject is brought up, but she still tries to advise me. “You need to take a chance before someone else snatches him up. He's not the type to stay single for very long.”

I finally meet her gaze with my own and show a light smile, mildly astonished with myself that I find Zack's womanizing ways amusing. “He's also known for having commitment issues. He has a new girl hanging on his arm every damn week.”

She returns the smile, but more smug. “He hasn't dated anyone in over a month, haven't you picked up on that yet? That's very unusual for him. I've also noticed that since then, he has been trying to fill in any empty time in his schedule to either talk or spend time with you.”

My face falls and I give her a disturbing look because I honestly don't believe her at first. “Are you spying on him or something?? It sounds like you've been following him around and documenting his day to day activity.”

She easily shrugs like it's no big deal that she basically was creeping on Zack. “No not really. It's like I told you yesterday, I'm very observant.”

My facial expression doesn't change, only enhances the more she speaks. “There's a big difference between being sharp-eyed and being a crazed stalker.” I pause momentarily before shaking my head at her, still weirded out by her behavior but continue on with the previous topic. “Even if your speculations about Zack are true, he most likely is tired of the whole dating scene and just wants to enjoy being single for a while.”

“Why do you always focus on the negative? You should at least try, because you're never going to have the opportunity to do so again. If you wait around for him to make the first move we'll all be dead by then.”

Why do I even try? I feel like I'm talking to the chopped up remnants that previously belonged to the cow that was now cooking in front of me. No matter how many times I try to explain to Mina that I do not want to pursue Zack because of the 'demons' I have locked up inside me, she doesn't seem to get it past that thick skull of hers. And she has the nerve to call me stubborn? Pot calling the kettle black right there. I'm almost tempted to take a handful of lettuce wraps and shove them in her mouth so she would shut up. I was so enjoying the silence when we first walked in here. Of course being the push over I am, I can never stay mad at her for too long. She is my best friend and sister....well, that and she pays half the rent, so she's kind of needed.

I try to make light of the conversation so I can maintain my sanity. “You've known me long enough to realize how much of a pessimist I truly am, and I don't have to be blind to see that he treats me differently. Have you noticed how he always fucks around with me? He's either putting me in head locks and giving me noogies or pulling pranks on me almost on a daily basis....no thanks to you. Now I understand the shit Johnny goes through.”

“What the hell did I do?” She challenges me while furrowing her eyebrows together.

I give her a look that questions her intelligence because she knows what the hell I'm talking about. “You fucking told Jimmy about my severe case of arachnophobia! Now I'm repeatedly looking over my shoulder with constant paranoia ever since Zack thought it would be 'oh so' fucking hilarious to place a fake tarantula on top of my shoulder when I wasn't looking.” The guys are never gonna let me live that down.

I instantly scowl at her once I catch her fighting back a grin, trying to act all innocent. “I only told him to make him feel better so he wouldn't feel singled out. It kinda embarrasses him that he's one of very few guys who's afraid of spiders. Jimmy may be a sweetheart but he can look real tough and intimidating from a stranger's point of view. How was I supposed to know he would tell the others?”

Again I stare at her like she's an idiot. Was she born yesterday?? “Uhm, this is Jimmy we are talking about...how can you NOT expect him to go blabbing to everyone about everything under the sun? That's like putting candy in front of a hyperactive child and assuming they won't take it. In all honesty here, he's basically just a taller male version of you.”

She rolls her eyes and scoffs as her typical response to brush me off. “Just because Zack picks on you doesn't automatically mean he views you like a sister. Guys have their own unique way of showing affection and apparently playing practical jokes and rough housing with you is his way of showing it. He wouldn't be giving you that much attention if he wasn't interested.”

At that brief moment, I don't comment back and I can't figure out if it's due to the fact that for once she's right or that I'm losing my touch and can't come up with any kind of retort. As if I would 'ever' admit she was right about anything...

She takes advantage of my silence and adds another jab. “If you want him to stop horse playing around with you so much, tone down the kickboxing training a bit like I have suggested to you so many times before. You punch so hard you've even managed to make Matt wince in pain. It doesn't make you look very 'ladylike' to Zack.”

Okay, that grabbed my attention back. Now I can feel the gears in my head start to turn again. “Really?? You're going to base Zack's actions off of the fact that I'm not feminine? You make it sound as if I'm trying to prepare myself for a bodybuilding competition. Plus you and I both know why I took up kickboxing and muay thai years ago.”

“I understand that, but that was way back when we were in high school. When are you going to finally put all that behind you?” She briefly responds, knowing that's another sensitive subject I don't want to delve into and I can tell by her tone that neither does she.

“I have! The only reason I've kept at it is because it leaves me feeling stress free....also who's going to replace me as Brian's spar partner if I quit?” I try my best to defend my statement but I seem to be failing miserably given the skeptical look on Mina's face.

She looks at me lovingly, a light smile forming on her baby like face and I just want to throw up. “I just want you to be happy and Zack makes you happy and I can always tell from your body language that you would be happier if the two of you shared more than just a friendship.”

I saw the sparkle in her puppy eyes and at that point I was done. There's only so much cuteness I can take before I end up picking up my chopsticks and attempt to gouge my eyeballs out. “Look, I'll think about it alright? Right now I just want to concentrate on our performance coming up and get that out of the way. But you gotta promise me you won't bring this up ever again unless I do and if you cherish your life you won't share this conversation with anyone... not the girls, not the guys and especially not Zack.”

I can't believe I was actually considering in “thinking about it.” I try to convince myself that my response was only a brush off so she would get off my back, but who am I kidding...like that will ever happen since I am forever stuck with her constant nagging and assertiveness. I never and I mean never take advice from Mina. Her heart is always in the right place but she never questions the 'what ifs' and it usually ends up in disaster. I don't know if I was slowly losing my mind or if there was a small hint of hope buried deep within my heart. That will most likely all wash away since I learned a long time ago to ignore how my heart felt and start listening to my brain....trusting reason over emotion.

“Don't worry your secret is safe with me.” She assures me, adding a little wink at the end.

“I'm fucking serious Mina, I know you can't control your mouth most of the time.” I respond harshly through gritted teeth while pointing a firm finger at her as one would scold a child.

Again she re-assures me and leans forward to gently lower my pointed finger to ease the tension. “Relax...I swear this conversation won't leave this table.”

My nerves finally subside knowing that that certain topic can be put to rest....for now at least. Give it a few minutes before she brings it up again. The sweet sound of silence surrounds us, aside from the background noise consisting of remaining customers and random clinking of glasses. We eventually resume eating in silence for the next few minutes until a random thought pops into my head and I debate whether or not I want to break the silence by asking the question, knowing that will involve Mina opening her mouth again. But I decide to say 'fuck it' because honestly, she deserves this.

I smile mischievously as I look up at her before speaking. “So now that I finally answered 'that' question, care to tell me what the fuck is going on between you and Brian?”

I seemed to have caught her off guard as she suddenly began to choke on her water that she was currently drinking and began to cough uncontrollably. I watched in amusement as she repeatedly pounded the top of her chest with the palm of her hand, her face turning red in the process from sudden shock and having difficulty breathing. I could feel the stares once again from around the restaurant bore into us and I'm sure everyone was beginning to believe that there was something psychologically wrong with us. I can only assume it's because they were all witnessing my best friend choking and coughing to death as I sit across from her, laughing my ass off at her expense, but this time around I didn't care...serves her right.

Her coughs eventually slow down and become intermittent, allowing her to breathe, still a bit heavy, but is able to control it until it regulates once again. Once she regains awareness, she looks up at me with watery eyes, caused by hacking her lungs up. She shoots daggers into me once she sees me sitting there with my arms crossed, head slightly lifted and she seethed when my cocky grin slowly began to transform into a full on open smile, teeth showing in the end.

Her face says 'really?!' and I just shrug and continue to smirk at her. “Hey, you dragged it out of me now I'm going to do the same to you. It's only fair.”

“I didn't try to kill you in the process though!” She spat back.

My body still in the same position before, I pursed my lips at her, making it known that I was still waiting for an answer.

She whines slightly but unlike me, didn't put up a fight and willingly responded. “Alright fine....yes I have a thing for Brian and I'm pretty sure he feels the same way seeing how he constantly flirts with me every time we talk. I'm just waiting for the right time to open up to him unless he does first.”

The feeling of sheer pleasure that I had obtained from her suffering moments ago began to fade. I should have known the gratification wouldn't last long. “So it's perfectly okay for you to take your sweet ass time to confess your attraction to him, but when it comes to Zack and I, it's either shit or get off the pot? Am I the only one who sees something wrong with this picture?”

She took a small sip of her water as a precaution in case there was still any kind of blockage stuck in her throat, then looked at me, her face no longer expressing joy. “The problem with you and Zack is that both of you are indecisive and over-analyze every little thing. You're both waiting for the other to make the move instead of just doing it. With Brian I have already calculated the time frame in-between.”

What's with her sudden interest in being a creeper? She's been hanging around Jimmy too much lately. “Wow, you've been planning this for a while haven't you? Obsessive much?”

“Not obsessive, I just want to make sure no one grabs him before I get the chance to,” she simply states, as if I'm supposed to completely agree with her that this is normal everyday behavior, when in reality, I'm contemplating whether or not I should have her psychologically examined.

“Pfft, same damn difference,” I retort back as I playfully roll my eyes at her.

“Hey at least I'm putting in the effort unlike you who insists on believing that you'll just magically get a phone call from Zack confessing his undying love for you,” she taunted back while flailing her hands in front of her in a mocking manner.

Before I could comment back, I heard the muffled sound of my cellphone, beeping erratically, from inside my purse. Once I fished it out I glanced at the screen then softly snickered to myself once I realized I had a new text message. “Speak of the devil...”

Mina's head jerks up, “Zack?”

I smile and nod at her with confirmation then turn my attention back to my phone. I tap on the blinking message icon causing it to open and I quickly knit my eyebrows together in slight confusion once I notice it's a multimedia message. I shrug it off and click the 'download image' button and wait for it to load. Once it finishes uploading and appears on my screen, at first I squint my eyes a bit as I lean my face closer to my phone, trying to make out the image. When I finally realize what it is, I feel the corners of my lips curve up into a tight smile followed by a snicker then transforms into full blown laughter. I'm 100% positive that I've caught the attention of everyone else in the restaurant again for the third time in the past 15 minutes. Mina stares at me like I'm on crack until finally deciding to get up and run over to my side of the table so she can see what it is that I find so amusing.

It's a picture of Zack, asleep, at the studio, all sprawled out on the couch; his right arm tucked up behind his neck while his other dangled loosely over the front edge of the couch, almost touching the floor. His head was in an uncomfortable position as it bent to the side, leaning halfway off the couch, not to mention his mouth hung wide open, but that wasn't the main reason I was chuckling uncontrollably. Also in the picture was none other than Brian hovering closely over Zack's head. His mouth was also wide open but had his tongue protruding all the way out while making the 'Rock On' symbol with his right hand. And top it all off, there was a yellow sticky note stuck to Zack's forehead that had the words, “Syn's Bitch” written on it.

Mina eventually joins in on the laugh-fest which drags on for a few more minutes. She tells me to text her that picture as she heads back to her seat on the other side of the table. “Brian must have snatched Zack's phone while he was sleeping so he could take that selfie and send it to you in order to embarrass him.” She pauses momentarily and shakes her head, giggling. “Poor Zack.”

“Poor Zack?? More like poor Brian. I wouldn't want to be in his situation once he wakes up. Zack is going to be piiiisssed,” I sing-song, dragging out the last word. I begin to fiddle with my phone and save the picture in my gallery folder.

“What are you doing?” She questions once she notices my eyes are still glued to the phone.

“I'm setting the picture up as Zack's contact photo, but I gotta edit it.” I make sure to crop the picture so that the majority of Zack's face is visible, then scroll through my contacts until I spot his and proceed to add the image above his name then tap 'save.'

“Now whenever he calls, this will appear all over my screen,” I giggle almost drunkenly as I show Mina the finished product.

She rolls her eyes at me, taking the opportunity to again tease me about my “Zack infatuation.” I don't reciprocate and focus back to my phone. Before I disable all my running apps, I go back into my text messaging log, click on Zack's name, attach the photo of him that I previously edited and added the caption:You like the new image I chose for your contact photo? :P

I smile devilishly as I hit 'send' and closed my messaging app but my smile vanishes once I glance at the time. “Shit, it's twenty till. We gotta start heading over to the auditorium if we want to warm up beforehand. Kat specifically instructed me not to be late and I don't want to have a repeat of yesterday where I was about to lunge forward and ring her neck.”

“Oh come on you guys love each other and you know it. The four of us have been good friends for almost ten years. You know we all, more so Katherine, get stressed and bitchy before an upcoming performance. Afterwards we're all smiles and sisterly towards one another like nothing happened. Just go in there, play nice and focus...then there won't be any more arguments.” She's always trying to look on the bright side of things....it's nauseating.

“Easy for you to say...you don't get singled out by everyone during practice. You can easily just blend your low notes with my high-pitched ones since you never play past a high B on the E string. It's like all three of you have some sort of beef with me,” I accuse, then sink into a deep sulk as I try to pull the victim card.

I notice her briefly pause and look down at the remaining pieces of Galbi on the plate. “Speaking of beef, we're not leaving until you eat at least one more lettuce wrap.”

I grumble loudly and rub my stomach, trying to ease the pain. “Mina, I'm done, I can't eat another piece of meat on this table.”

I see her try to hold back a smile. “I bet you wouldn't turn down Zack's piece of man meat-”

“Ah, ah, ah, ah, okay-okay-cut-cut-” I quickly cut her off then begin to make a swiping gesture repeatedly back and forth, across my neck with a flat hand. “And on that note, this conversation is over-we are leaving now-heading to rehearsal-this is to never be brought up again-and also don't forget your promise not to speak of anything that was said at this exact table that we sat at involving 'you know who' pertaining to 'you know what'or I will personally cut you open-rip out your guts and use them as my violin strings understand??” I purposely spoke rapidly, blending all my words together to form one long run-on sentence so she wouldn't have a chance to get a word in.

Her eyes widen to the point where she could easily be mistaken for an anime character. Her voice is soft spoken, something I'm not accustomed to hearing. “Uhh..yeaaa...I think so....”

“It's real simple. You blab. You die. The end.” I explain to her while counting off each from my fingers, then finish with a grin on my face.

She's creeped out by this point so I end up flicking her forehead with my middle fingers followed by a playful nudge to her shoulder to let her know I was just messing with her; but that I was deadpan serious when it came to her uncontrollable gab. It was never my intention to scare her with death threats but I didn't know of any other way to make it clear to her. I'm pretty certain the light bulb that's been hovering above her head, has finally clicked on and I won't have to hear the word 'Zack' come out of her mouth...at least for a while I hope...but then who am I kidding. I'll be lucky if I'm able to reach the parking lot successfully without her mentioning his name.

Mina takes care of the bill she previously promised to do, we both gather our belongings and head out the door. It's still pouring heavily by the time we get outside and I don't hesitate in pulling my umbrella out. We walked towards the car, carefully minding the water puddles that were scattered unevenly throughout the parking lot. I take advantage of the silence but it's cut short as I hear the familiar beeping of my phone alerting me that I had a new text. After I managed to get situated behind the steering wheel, I pulled my phone out and saw it was from Zack again. I opened the text and I felt the corners of my mouth turn upwards once again as I read his response: “Fucking seriously? Oh he is so dead...”

Notes

A/N: Chapter 8 is up and I hope y'all don't see it as a bunch of rambling lol. As always, feedback is appreciated!

Please comment, subscribe, vote and rate! :)
((Hugs))

**Galbi- marinated Korean short ribs
**Samgyeopsal- Korean pork belly
**Ssamjang- Spicy paste used with food wrapped in lettuce
**Sangchu Geotjeori- Korean lettuce salad