Brian’s POV

I knew I had to do this and this back and forth between Sam and me was more then just nervwrecking. I couldn’t stand it anymore, we were living next to each other trying not to say too much and not to get too much attention.
But I knew it would have to end sooner or later…
And I also knew I couldn’t let it end without a fight, as worried as I was about her not replying to me the thought of not trying and loosing her in the end scared me to death.

So I finally took myself a heart and brought Sam outside, I couldn’t stand the hotel room anymore, the walls were slowly closing in on me and each and every sound that Sam made gave me a thought about backing out again.
When she sighed I thought that maybe just an hour later it would be better, but I couldn’t do that forever…

So finally I brought her outside with me, to the beach just like I planned to on our date, it wasn’t the place I originally planned with Jimmy, but I didn’t have much of a choice now anyway.
I had to get this out without much back and forth now… I had to say it, but first calm my nerves and look at her, think of everything that I felt for her how happy she made me and that I didn’t want to leave her, that must be enough right?
It should be… that’s what I thought, if only she would feel the same.

So I took her hands in mine and swallowed my pride and my fear and talked to her, really talked to her about what I haven’t done before, about what I should have done and all my feelings.
I bared my soul for her cause I felt that exactly that was what it would take to make this right.

I had to love and she had to love me back, tears welled up in her eyes and she broke my heart. I saw them rolling down her cheeks and my heart broke even more for her, I didn’t want to make her cry, I wanted to see her smile.
She didn’t deserve to cry, she deserved smiles and happiness and nothing else.

To finally end my long speech I added the most important part to it.
“What I am trying to say with all this is… Sam, I love you from the bottom of my heart. I tried not to, I even didn’t want to, cause I was afraid that if I did I had to leave you in the end anyway but, god, look at you… how could I not fall for you? I love you, Sam.”

I stared finally into the still tear filled eyes of Sam and she began to shake her head. What does she want to say? That she couldn’t speak? That she was overwhelmed? Well, I was too, that’s for sure.
I never said those things to a woman before and I knew that this moment was the right one, that she was the woman who needed to hear them.

She sucked in air into her lungs and whispered something. I couldn’t make out through her tear filled voice so I stepped closer, I wanted to tell her that she doesn’t have to reply just yet, but the problem was, I did need her to reply.

“I’m so sorry, Brian.” Now I heard her and more tears run down her cheeks making me nervous.
I took her hands in mine again, when had I let go? I stared into her eyes “Why are you sorry, Sam? Is everything all right?” I asked and she shook her head some more.
“I can’t… I just can’t… I mean, I never heard so beautiful words, but… I can’t reply.” She said and then she turned away, her back to me at first and then she slowly began walking away from me.

And even if it’s completely absurd but in that moment I think I heard my heart crash to the ground and it sprang into a million small pieces, so small that I knew… even if I tried I couldn’t mend it back together…

“Sam?!” I asked but it was too quiet for her to hear, did she forget that she couldn’t walk away from me. That I had to stay with her at least until tomorrow?
Wouldn’t she give me an explanation? Did she feel nothing for me?! Nothing at all?

But then she stopped, she just made a bigger distance to me, she didn’t turn around when she started to talk.
“I wish I could tell you the same… I wished it would be that way, Brian. But I can’t… I cannot change it even if I wanted to.” Her words were cutting into the wound of my heart like razors, and my sadness was forming into anger.

How dare she play my girlfriend for this month, treat me like her boyfriend when it all had been just a masquerade? Did she like the times we made love or was I just there.. just available for her?
Did she mean anything she said to me? That she cared for me? Or was that all just part of the game?

“I can’t explain everything to you now, but you are right, those past weeks were fun and amazing” Did her voice just shook? Was I that repulsive to her? Was she making this distance between us because she finally knew that I would be gone tomorrow?

“This meant nothing?” I finally snarled and was even more enraged that she didn’t even look me in the eyes when she was telling me this.
“It meant… nothing” She sighed and I swallowed thickly, my heartache was now a physical pain to me, so strong that it nearly pushed me down to my knees.

I was about to tell her that she just doomed me for eternity into a book again and she didn’t even care, but in the end, that wouldn’t change anything, would it? She made her choice… and that wasn’t me…
Something was happening to me and I had no idea what, I had never felt like this before.

“Brian, I just want you to know, that… I won’t forget you. But that’s all… I wish you a good life and lots of happiness…” With that she walked away from me, not just a couple of steps, she kept on walking into the darkness now, she was gone from my view and I didn’t feel the magical bond that was drawing me behind her, but that was just a second thought in my mind. I didn’t even register what the distance she put between us meant, the first thought was just how wrong I had been about all this and that she was gone.

My first love had just walked away from me… and the anger was turning back to sadness and mixing up with doubt.

How could I think that she would love me? We have only met a month ago… I put too much pressure on her… and I didn’t court her enough, maybe I should have done more… now it was too late.

Finally I sank down on my knees and looked over the ocean, my mind blank not wanting to acknowledge all the sorrow…

I can think of younger days when living for my life
Was everything a man could want to do
I could never see tomorrow
But I was never told about the sorrow

And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?

How can you mend this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart
And let me live again

The waves were getting heavier and heavier and the rain was slowly falling, I didn’t know how long I still sat there, but I knew it was time for me to go…
Was Sam waiting there somewhere for me? She only had to stay with me one more day, then she would be free again, have her life back.. Meet with her friends, meet new people… be with someone else…

I can still feel the breeze that rustles through the trees
And misty memories of days gone by
We could never see tomorrow
No one said a word about the sorrow

And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?

And how can you mend this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart
And let me live again

I walked along the path back to the hotel and realized Sam hadn’t waited for me, was the leash she had on me letting her go more since it was just one more day?
I went into the hotel room the door was just ajar and I saw that I stood there alone, all my things were but Sam’s were gone.

I moved out of the room looking at the parking lot, nothing… Her car was gone as well.
She had left… she was gone, for good… but how was that possible?
Did the curse break?
But she didn’t tell me she loved me? It was the opposite… how could that be?
And why did that not make me happy? Why was the only thought in my mind:

Please help me mend my broken heart
And let me live again

I just wanted Sam back, my life with her back, my heart intact and with her… but I guess now, I'm gonna pay the price for dreaming.

Notes

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