I Wish I Could be the One

It was a lot to process. How did this much happen within the last couple days? Nothing seemed normal to me anymore. Johnny hardly talked to me in Latin or ever since I got out of the hospital. He stopped texting me, he stopped coming to my room when we skipped and I basically never saw him anymore. And why? What had I done? Was I leading him on? In a way I guess since he still technically didn't know about Austin. But in a way I wanted to keep it that way. I almost felt that if he knew I wasn't with Austin it would give him the chance to act on his feelings which in a way I wanted...but what about Brian? That would make it all the more complicated. I had heard him in the hospital and made Jimmy and Zacky promise not to tell them I knew what they were saying.

"Alright class please turn to chapter four"

And how was it that I was in Latin right now and Johnny hadn't even said hi to me? How could he do that he doesn't even know that I know he and Brian got into a fight in the bar over me. And not even me, more like johnnys constant talking about me to the guys and how Brian didn't like it. As if he had a right not to like it!! I'm not his girlfriend. But did he want me to be? I mean I get why Zacky didn't like it, I was his kind of little sister...This is so confusing I felt like the concussion I had was going to be permanent with all these thoughts swimming in my head..

"Did everyone read chapter four? This is a vital chapter folks"

Jimmy was acting as normal as possible but it was obvious he knew why Johnny was mad at me. Why the hell was I in the dark about so many things?! I'm so mad that thirty minutes in this class has passed and still not even an acknowledgment of my presence to Johnny, I was so fucking over this shit.

"So are you going to ignore me forever?" I leaned over and whispered.
No answer
"The fuck Johnny, what did I do?!" I half yelled half whispered.
No answer
Jimmy nudged me to be quiet since our instructor was starting to look over at me. I complied.
So now he was completely giving me the cold shoulder and I was getting more and more upset about it, clearly my feelings for Johnny were more than just friendship, I needed him, him not talking to me was killing me.
"Johnny what the hell come on, why won't you talk to me?" I said trying to sound upset.
No answer.
"Ms. Baker! You are proving to be more and more like your brother everyday!! Since you like to talk so much maybe you can enlighten your classmates with the answers to exercise b at the end of chapter 4."
How dare our instructor compare me to Zacky, and in an insulting way! I was boiling Johnny and this class was driving me up the wall and I had it.
"Or did you not read it?? Katrina are you listening?!"
"NO! I DIDNT FUCKING READ IT OKAY! " I said as I stood up and slammed my desk with my
Hand, and as soon as that last word left my mouth I slammed my palm over my mouth and stared at our poor hardworking under appreciated instructor and the stern yet slightly scared look on her face. I could feel Johnny staring at me wanting to say something, and Jimmy simply laughing to himself.
"Well at least you're honest"
I was in awe no demerits no immediate detention just that...
I sat in a completely shocked and silent class the rest of the period. And walked out as soon as it ended as fast as I could.
I felt a hand grab me and turn me around so fast
"The hell was that Kat" Johnny said in a serious tone
"Really now you'll talk to me? Cool! Now bye!" I said as I intended to leave and show him what it felt like to be ignored.
"Kat knock it off. You're the one that has been leading me on! I know you have fucking feelings for Brian!"
"What the hell Johnny! I'm not the only guilty one here! You're mixed signals are annoying as shit!" We were shouting at this point and people were stopping and staring.
I didn't realize I was less than a foot away from him yelling his face and him in mine.
"Kat this is bull you know how I feel ever since that night and before! Don't give me this shit!!" He yelled back
"Wait what night?" Jimmy chimed in innocently
"So have you! I haven't changed! I'm not the one ignoring you!" I said back to Johnny
"Well I'm not the one lying about a relationship!"
So he knew I was dating Austin...silence
"That's not even really any of your business. You won't stay for someone more than a few weeks!" I snapped finally
"THAT IS FOR YOU KAT. I'm waiting for you!! Why can't you see that?! But no! What all the guys in the halls say is probably true!! But you won't tell me yourself!.....I know your sleeping with Brian! Way to succumb to the rumors Kat!"
That was it I felt the tears welt up in my eyes, and spill over my eye lids, my lip quivered with anger hurt and disgust that Johnny would say that to me. I couldn't even look at him anymore, when did he become like this? And why?
"Dude not cool" I heard Jimmy say to him "Kat... Come on" he looked at me and my hurting face.
"You know Johnny, I thought that night you said you'd never hurt me.."
I couldn't push him, I couldn't slap him I couldn't even argue with him, my heart felt shattered my stomach felt like I was going to throw up that his happened, and in front of my entire class who were now circled around to see the freak show.
I turned away and Jimmy grabbed my hand, I couldn't help but cry on Jimmys arm as we walked and I tried to tune out Johnny trying to take it back and whatever else he was trying to say.
Yea, that was some Latin class

Notes