I Wish I Could be the One

Kats POV***

That one was way to close. But it was just the brown bag I mean my brother and Bri probably just thought it was weed. Which it was… They honestly won’t think twice about it right? Or will they? I mean I did snatch it away pretty quickly didn’t I? Fuck me. Oh wait. That’s what got me into this mess. But it wasn’t that brown big I was really worried about. It was the other one that almost fell out of my bag when I turned away from them.
The amount of guilt I feel right now is ridiculous. But at the same time I could play this out and go with the weed. After all Zack never knew that I was dealing. Shit he would probably murder me if he did know. I think I would take that punishment over him killing Johnny when he found out I’ve taken 4 soon to be 5 pregnancy tests.

The problem is not only that I know I am in denial, but that I haven’t said anything to Johnny. Or anybody for that matter. Because admitting it out loud makes this mess all the more real. I mean lets be honest its not like I’m the most popular girl in school. Its now and only now that I succumb to the reality that I don’t have that many girl friends. I had mina. My rock she knew me like the back of her hand and in the blink of an eye everything changed. Her leaving may have made me a better person I realize now, and by that I mean it made me realize who my real friends are, and the kind of person I wanted to be…at least I thought so. Because now that I think about it, it doesn’t really make sense. I thought I knew who I was. But during the aftermath of Mina leaving I never thought I would be in my position now, unsure of the father of my baby. Because the harsh reality of my situation that I didn’t want to face and that I was facing was that I slept with Johnny right after Matt….which meant that it could be either of their---

“Ow” I say rubbing my head what the hell was that, why am I on the floor? Again…?
“Kat, I’m so sorry, here let me help you”
“no its okay I got it” I said to no one in particular only to realize a freshly familiar gaze on my. Valary. And then it hit me. This b-baby would not just be affecting me…if it was Matts…what about Valary? We didn’t have a great start. True. But being with Johnny since then has made me so happy it was easy to forgive and forget Matt anyway. It was never really Vals fault anyway. I felt uneasiness in my gut ready to send me over the edge because of the spider web like mess I had made…yet again.
“Really here” she said letting go of Matts toned arm as he looked with sympathetic eyes…Briefly meeting his eyes…and quickly switched back to look at val…
“Im sorry Kat, are you okay?” Val said
“No….Val, I’m sorry” I said with a double meaning and pushed between them to run away. Literally run away. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t. Who was I? Who am I? Who is this person??!?!
I feel like I’m out of control of my body and my life. I didn’t ask for this. I don’t want this tension, this whole situation so why is this happening?
I could feel my self stop running down the hallway and rest against the lockers taking deep breathes. My chest was tightening and I felt my deep breaths becoming shorter. And shorter tears flowing down my cheeks.
Bang*** I slam my fist against my classmates locker over and over and over again. I slide down the lockers to the floor grabbing fistfuls of my hair in frustration eyes closed gently banging my head against the locker to distract my self from the hauntingly familiar pain in my chest. I realize how hot my face is and the constant stream of tears has only intensified. I bang my head against the lockers a littler harder, and harder. I can’t help but let out shrieks at how uncomfortably I feel in my own skin I feel. I am itching with confusion wanting so desperately to disappear because of what I know is going to come….that’s me being reasonable, the other me at the moment is in denial. No one can know about this, I need to hide this. I need I need I need to hide this. I just…have to. Maybe I should just get rid of this little mess. I can’t hurt Johnny. I…I love him too much to have something tear us apart. My veins literally pulsate with desire to stay with him. He makes me, me. He makes me complete FUCK FUCK FUCK HOW DID I FUCK THIS UP. HOW DO I ALWAYS FUCK UP?!?! The mess inside my head makes my shrieks turn to silent screams in the hallway. All I hear is my head banging against the lockers.

“KAT”
“KAT”
“What the fuck KAT KAT”

Why am I shaking? Fuck I really am losing my mind I can’t help be scream again at the position I’m in. I feel my body convulsing and I don’t know why. I not in control of my body, or this…baby…I’m not me and it scary. I feel the tightening of my chest becoming back again. I grip my left side of my neck and continue to grab at my hair wishing the shaking would stop.

“I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m okay” I say to myself silently
“Kat”
“I’m okay. I’m okay”
“KATRINA”
“Im…Im okay”
“oh my god…Kat you’re not okay come on lets go”

I’m still closing my eyes jaws clenched at the uncomfortable pain I’m feeling when I feel my self shake more violently than before.
My eyes shoot open and see some familiar eyes….why?
Eyes see my confusion

“come on Kat do you really think I didn’t notice you acting all weirdo you weirdo”

Why is he staring at me? I’m just sitting here

“You’re not okay.”
Blank. I’m blank. And Empty. How ironic considering I’m definitely not empty…
“Shit Kat you’re scaring me, come on snap out of it. What’s wrong with you?
I make no verbal sound but mentally Im screaming wanting to get out of this body.

Brians POV***

Is that a new girl? Maybe I should check her out I still need a date from prom so maybe shes the lucky girl. She seems nice. But for some reason all the ‘nice’ girls I choose end up to be annoying as shit. I guess I’m too irresistible it’s the album… people have been looking at us with a little more respect. Not much but a little since we did something.
Either way girls looked at me. Haha. I cant help but chuckle at my self and shake my head.
Bang
Bang
Bang
What is that noise? Probably some kid just getting beat up or something.
Its getting louder but I don’t really see anything.
BANG
I stop. And turn hearing a familiar cry..
Where? Where is she
I look down and see Kat crying and having some type of fit. Not something she typically does…but I can’t help but think its connected to that bag this morning. Id be lying if I said the incident hadn’t been in the back of my mind that day.
“Kat”
“Kat”
I keep calling her but she isn’t responding. What the hell is this. I even pull out the Katrina card that zack does sometimes and nothing. I love kat I do but I don’t really know how to handle this. She’s not snapping out of it anything I say to her she just stares at me like I’m insane. Something is seriously wrong. And its freaking me out. I shake her and nothing. FUCK what is this is she okay is she sick is she dying. Shes too young to die. What the hell. Fuck Z is going to kill me if I let his sister die I need to get her out of this hallway. I pick her up and she seems numb. She keeps screaming and crying. I’ve never seen this girl so fucked up. Fuck. This is not normal Id say something about what is called PMS or someshit? But this is not what I think that is. Michelle just gets moody and stuff she doesn’t go straight exorcist…wow I really pay close attention don’t i? I shake my ahead to get back on topic: Kat. I drag her alongside me but she doesn’t move. Come on Kat walk

“come on Kat lets go find Jimmy or your brother”
Nothing. Shit what fucked her up this bad? And why does she keep grabbing her hair and neck. Johnny? Maybe she wants Johnny?
“Johnny!? Do you want Johnny?” I say to her, of course she does
Kat screams louder than before and shakes her head no locked on my eyes as if the thought caused her pain.
Okay…obviously that’s not what she wants? I pick her up wedding style and start walking down the hall she tries fighting me which made walking pretty difficult with whatever demon was inside her since she clearly was possessed. Ha maybe I should call the Vatican…damn it Brian get it together this might as well be your sister and this is not funny. Right okay. Kat slowly stops fighting but cant stop wailing tears. I realize I'm getting a really really bad feeling about whats coming as I look at the usually happy girl in my arms.
Im confused as shit but right now I know two things.
1)Kat is never ever like this. So something obviously really big and intense is bothering her. I hate looking at her like this, its fucking scary and actually heartbreaking.
2)By the reaction when I said Johnny….wait.
“are you sure you don’t want Johnny? “ I ask and she instantly starts going into another frenzy Yup. By that reaction what ever this is has to do with Johnny. And Zack will probably murder him and I’ll help because what ever it is Kat doesn’t deserve this shit that’s for damn sure. I grip my hands around Kat a little tighter, and feel my jaw clench.

Notes

DUN DUN DUN
So Kat is having what appears to be meltdown and Brian is getting pretty angry at the end. What do we think fellow readers?
As always,
Much Love~~