I Wish I Could be the One

I didn't know what to do my eyes overflowed with tears as I made it to my room and jumped on my bed continuing to sob. I heard someone coming in
"GO AWAY!!"
"I just wanted to see if you're okay princess Kat...but if you want me to ill go"
"Jimmy bean!!!" I yelled as I jumped out of bed and threw my arms around him
"It's okay Kat" he said rubbing my back
"Why is this happening i never wanted this to happen Jimmy bean I don't know what to do!!" I said through sobs getting his uniform wet with my tears
"Look Kat, I see the way you look at Johnny, and I see the way he looks at you. I know he really cares about you. I also see the way Brian sees you, the question is how do you see Brian?" He said
I stared up at him.
"Jimmy everything has gotten so fucked up I can't think straight. I love you all so much, you're my family here. I don't want to lose you all."
"You'll never lose me princess Kat" he said kissing the top of my head
"Thanks Jimmy"
"Listen Kat, I know what has happened is more than fucked up, and I know how protective Zacky is, but you have to listen to your heart Kat. Fuck what anyone else thinks. Who do you want?"
I broke away from jimmy and sat on the side of my bed
"I don't know Jimmy.... I...after i hooked up with Brian, i stopped skipping class with him... I felt so guilty about how much it would hurt Johnny. But the truth is when Mina was here I had such a crush on him. and now that she's gone I think he finally saw how much I cared about him. I guess I'm kinda of pathetic for taking her sloppy seconds....but Brian is more than that to me...I always liked him and defended him when Mina didn't appreciate his efforts for her..."
Jimmy pulled up my desk chair and just stared at me letting me vent. He grabbed my hand in support.
"But Johnny, he's been there since day one. And he told me he loved me jimmy. He said "I love you" it made me so happy inside and it gave me the butterflies I always got with him. It made me feel more guilty though about what happened with Brian." I looked down at my skirt playing with the end of it feeling more tears roll down my cheeks.
"Princess it sounds like you care about them both...but kitty Kat, I think your really love Johnny..." Jimmy said rubbing the tears and mascara off my cheeks
"I do love him jimmy. He makes me so happy...but you saw what just happened. I don't deserve him. And he deserves someone better than me. Someone who isn't a homie hopper."
"Kat you're not a homie hopper. Don't tell me your letting all the jealous girls in the halls get the best of you..where's my bad ass Kat?!"
"Jimmy I am a homie hopper" I said
"I'm a slut, I'm a groupie" I continued
"No you're not Kat stop that!" He yelled at me
"Jimmy I am!! You don't get it! "
"No you're not Kat stop it right now!!"Jimmy yelled at me
"I AM I HOOKED UP WITH JOHNNY, AND BRIAN! AND I SLEPT WITH MATT!!!" I shouted. I couldn't hold it in any more I couldn't hide any more despite it not even happening that long ago the way it was eating away at me had me done.
Jimmy stared at me in disbelief and shock unable to say anything.
"You. Did. What?!" I heard from the door.
I couldn't move I couldn't believe I didn't hear him open the door.
"YOU DID WHAT?!?!"
I was speechless
"KAT IM FUCKING TALKING TO YOU! ANSWER ME RIGHT FUCKING NOW"
"I SLEPT WITH MATT OKAY I SLEPT WITH HIM!! WE HAD SEX OKAY! IM NOT A VIRGIN ANYMORE OKAY!! GOD DAMN IT!!" I said kicking my dresser in anger
"WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING KAT?! WAS THE FIGHT NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU?! AND WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOUR UNIFORM? WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT DRESSING LIKE THAT?!?!"
"Zack, stop yelling at her." Jimmy said slowly
"NO ARE YOU SHITTING ME KAT WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!" Zacky continued to yell
"Zacky I don't fucking know how it happened!!"
"What do you mean?! Did he force you?! I'll fucking kill him"
"No no Zacky he didn't force me I wanted to!"
"Ahhhh! Stop stop I don't need to hear that from my little sister okay?"
"Well you brought it up! Stop yelling at me Zacky!!"
He took a few deep breathes pacing around my room unsure what do to. It reminded me of when my dad used to pace around the room trying to punish us when we got in trouble as kids...
"Okay Kat, who else knows about this?" Zacky said
"Just us three" I said quietly
"Were you even going to tell me Kat? I'm your brother" he said
"Bro look at how you just reacted" Jimmy said
Zacky kicked my dresser in response knowing Jimmy was right.
He stared at the wall a long time before he walked over to me and hair brought me into a hug. I couldn't help but cry like I've never cried before. I caused all of this I fucked everything up. Was there even a band anymore? My crying turned to shrieks and loud sobbing and then screaming i couldn't control myself. All of these thoughts in my head were driving me insane I felt my self shaking and rocking back in forth in my brothers arms.
"Shhh Kat okay it's okay shhh come on it's okay it's okay" Zacky said trying to calm me down.
"Zacky I'm so sorry for fucking up the band" I said
"Shhh Kat you didn't fuck up anything I'm sorry those dipshits are confusing you" Zacky said

Suddenly the door swung open with such energy it could have broken it. What was my room a fucking airport? People coming and going as they pleased?!
"OH MY GOD GUYS I FUCKING DID IT!!!" Brian yelled excitedly
"Did what?" Jimmy said
"I got us a fucking record deal!!!! Like a real one not some scam shit like last time!! look my dad sent me the paperwork that they sent to my house!!" Brian said directly to Jimmy shoving the paperwork in his face making him grab it and analyze it.
"This can't be real Brian" Jimmy said not believing him considering last time Brian got the band a "record deal" it was some bogus guy he found on craigslist. Brian may have been fucking hott but he wasn't always the brightest crayon in the box...
"It is real! And I-" Brian said When finally his eyes fell on me and Zacky.
"What happened Kat are you okay?!" He said concerned
"Brian I think it's best if you left" Zacky said calmly
"What the hell no. That's my girlfrie-" Zacky caught Brian off with a glare that could have killed someone
"Brian don't" Jimmy said
"What the hell is going on I have a right to know! I care about her too you know!" Brian said aggravated
"I'm not your girlfriend" I said weakly unable to look at him directly
"Brian no okay, not now" Zacky urged
"Dude are you kidding me? KAT come on" Brian argued
"Brian...please take your stuff out of my room.." I said somewhat confidently "Its all in my closet"
Jimmy was right...I did love Johnny..I cared about Brian I saw the difference now. And as much as it pained me to even tell him to take his shit, and how much I could see he was disappointed and it hurt him it had to be done.
He looked at me with such disbelief and Zacky and Jimmy looked a little shocked too.
"You're serious?" Brian said.
I got up and grabbed his shit and pushed it against his chest. I turned back around and took back my spot with Zacky silently crying.
"Kat, come on...I..." Brian started
"Jimmy please take Kat so I can talk to Brian outside"
"Of course anything for princess Kat" he said plopping himself on the bed and cuddling me up to him. I leaned my head on his shoulder and simply tried to breathe I felt the anxiety attacks I would have as a kid coming back and I wanted to avoid it.
"Brian out now" Zack said pushing him gently out the doorway
"Zack" I said causing him to pause and turn around
"Yea Kat?" He said
"Tell him" I said
Zacky nodded
"Tell me what?" Was the last thing I heard from Brian before the door shut behind Zacky.

Notes

Hey All, Sorry for a lack of updating. I've been super into reading another story on here. This chapter is pretty short, but offers some turning points. Hope you guys like it, and whats to come!
Much Love