I Wish I Could be the One

I was cradled in Jimmys' arms as he picked me up wedding style and I rested my cheek on his shoulder crying getting a mix of blood and tears on his favorite self made band hoodie.
I saw Zacky give both Brian and Johnny a black eye. Everything was happening so swiftly and quickly. I squirmed to get out of Jimmys arms to stop Zacky and Matt. But Jimmy wouldn't let me go
Why was I protecting them?
On of them had just hit me in the face
But I was guilty this was my fault. Not theirs.
"We didn't mean to!" Brian said
"I would never do anything to hurt her!!" Johnny added genuinely
"Never?! Look at my fuckin baby sister she's bleeding! Because of your selfish piece of shit asses. Who the fuck do you think you guys are?!" Zackys veins were popping out, his blood boiling and face as red as the blood coming out of my nose. Matt was holding him back. I'm surprised he had the energy, because Zacky was in the most chaotic angered frenzy I've ever seen him in. But Brian and Johnny were pretty torn up themselves, between hitting each other, Matts turn and my brothers, I'm surprised they didn't have broken noses...which mine felt like.
Jimmy kissed me gently on my forehead trying to comfort me
"Come on kit Kat, this is enough for a lifetime. "
Giving me no choice he carried away to my room. Leaving behind the ashes of bridges burned, and Zacky loosing his mind.

I couldn't stop crying not because of my nose but because of what I had caused. My brother finally had made it to my room with Matt as I was laying down in my bed. I didn't want to face him and the look of disappointment he was going to give me. I wanted nothing more but to lay by myself. I didn't deserve to be comforted by my protective brother, or by anybody. After this, I deserved to be alone. I wasn't worthy of love. Right? Not when all it causes is this heartache and disaster. Johnny said he Loved me. And now I hardly believed that was still true.
I had heard the door open and turned towards the wall
"Kat" Zacky said gently
I will not respond
"Kat" he said again louder
"Damn it Kat turn around!!" He said aggressively scaring me, I reluctantly turned around and I felt a few lone tears yet again trickle down
He inspected my face and nose, determined I was fine, as if he were a doctor, sat in my desk chair moving it next to my bed and buried his hands in his face.
"Zacky..." I said weakly
He looked up at me
"Why didn't you tell me you were seeing them. Why didn't you tell me?!" I looked around deeming that this was the wrong time, Matt being there, for my brother to be grilling me.
"I didn't know what was going on Zacky, I just...I was so confused...and I know you wouldn't like it...." I started crying again
"I don't care Kat. I can't look out for you or help you if you don't tell me anything. I'm your brother, not your dad. Even though sometimes it feels like it" he said
I wiped my eyes and let out a chuckle sitting up right
"I'm sorry okay? I just I don't know" I said as I grabbed my knees together and brought them to my chest
"Are they okay?" I asked
"Are you shitting me???" Matt practically yelled
Zacky and Jimmy were in shock I would even care.
"What" I replied sheepishly
"They literally fucking hit you Kat less that an hour ago and your asking that?" Jimmy said
I felt odd Jimmy not being on my side about this. Why was he being like this? I didn't like it. I turned my head and could see Matts face getting hot and red with frustration
"Kat you need to think about your position right now. And how you got to this point" Zacky said desperately trying to get me to see what I couldn't
"I know how I got here!! I hurt them!!! And I got in the way!! This is my fault! Not theirs!!!" I shouted
"Wow babe they really messed you didn't they" Matt said
Silence
Jimmy looked uncomfortable Zacky looked uneasy
"Don't. Call. Me. That" I said tensely
"Oh god here we go. Kat calm the fuck down" Zacky said annoyed
"What I say?" Matt said.
"Don't call me babe. Ever" I was livid how dare he call me that. Johnny was the only person who called me that. The only person. Who the hell did he fucking think he was?!!
"Kat. When are you going to see that they are no good for you? They fucking hit you and didn't even notice, and you're over here so hurt that I called you babe? Not that they put their hands on you?" Matt said
Zacky said nothing he seemed to agree as did Jimmy.
"Zack aren't you going to defend me?! Who do you think you are Matt?! You don't even know me!! Or anything about me!" I said throwing a stuffed animal at him, that Brian had won me at the school carnival last semester.
Zacky leaned back and had no response to me. What was wrong with him? And Jimmy?
The stuffed animal didn't even make it to Matt. He walked up to it bent down picked it up and placed it in front of me on the bed gently.
"I really always knew you were in too deep with those losers. But not deep enough to not be able to acknowledge what's standing right in front of you." Matt said looking at me straight in the eye. He turned around and walked out the door.
Zacky crossed his arms and looked at me.
What was Matt even talking about?

Notes