I Wish I Could be the One

Reluctantly I kept going to the rehearsals the guys were having. I was there mainly to support jimmy and Zacky..With Matt in the band they actually sounded pretty good. The lyrics they were putting together weren't bad either. For the most part the guys were all getting along. I assumed that Johnny didn't know about the Brian thing because they seemed to be okay with each other. Things seemed to be cooling down.

And I thought the best thing to do was to talk to to Johnny and squash the beef but in a way I wanted him to apologize for his assumptions about me sleeping with Brian. But was he really in the wrong? I was messing around with him and and I guess the rumors about me being a groupie were becoming more and more of a reality. Brian seemed to completely have forgotten about Mina since she left. Before all he wanted was her. He never forced himself or pushed the issue but it was obvious they had a thing for eachother despite her having a boyfriend. And now that she was gone he was into me. Which now I didn't mind but didn't like at the same time. He was homie hopping as if I was a last resort. Johnny on the other hand never thought of me like that. These thoughts kept rushing through my mind during rehearsal. I was contemplating everything. I had fun with Brian but I had fun Johnny too... But-
"KAT" Zacky yelled snapping back to reality
I turned to him with a blank expression not realizing it was just him Matt and Johnny in the room now about to leave...
"You coming sis?" Zacky said
"Wha..?" I said still confused
Zacky took a few steps toward me and bent over as I was sitting on a couch in the common room...
"You okay sis?"
"Yea yea fine sorry I'm just stressed about..." I started to say
"Which band member you're going to sleep with next?" Matt said under his breath in a joking douchebag way like everything else that came out of his mouth
"What did you just say?" Johnny said standing next to Matt furious
"Nothing I'm joking" Matt said
"What did he say Johnny?" Zacky said
As soon as Johnny repeated what he said Zacky looked at me and the way I had no response to what he had said. I guess I was the groupie messing with the guys in a band. I felt guilty and dirty.
"That's my fucking sister you dick! Don't fucking talk to her like that!! Apologize to her before I beat the shit out of you!" Zacky said to him livid.
"Dude it was a joke" Matt said
Zacky quickly moved toward him and shoved him against the wall jaw clenched
"I said apologize" Zacky said
Matt looked at Zacky and finally realized what he said wasn't funny.
"Sorry Kat, that was rude and uncalled for. I won't say it again" Matt said still against the wall reluctantly.
"Good" Zacky said to him looking him dead in the eye and pushed him away.

I couldn't face my brother after that. Or Johnny for that matter. I knew Zacky didn't know everything about the Johnny and Brian thing and I didn't want him to. I got up and walked away as fast as I could to avoid him.
I felt a hand around my wrist and pull me around.
Johnny.
He let go and held out my hoodie, which ironically was Johnny's that I stole. I looked at it forgetting it was his originally and the memories our friendship has made came rushing to me. I didn't realize I was crying.
"You...forgot your sweater..." Johnny said quietly.
"It's yours..." I said still staring at it not looking at Johnny so he couldn't see I was crying.
"I thought...I thought you liked keeping it..." He said hurt
Tears rolled down my face
"I do" I said letting out a sniffle
Silence
"Kat" Johnny said quietly
Silence
I didn't want to look at him. I was too ashamed.
"Kat..." He said again I still didn't look and he gently pushed my chin up and straight towards him so I was no longer looking away at the ground, but instead straight at him.
Silence
All he did was stare in my eyes. I started to feel self conscious because I could tell my mascara was running and I looked like even more of a wreck.
I pulled my hand up to my face to wipe the gunk away but Johnny stopped me mid way.
"You don't have to do that"
"I look ugly" I said quietly
He let out a gentle laugh
"that's impossible babe" he said as he tucked a strand a hair behind my ear. I hadn't heard him call me babe in so long, it was comforting, and bittersweet because soon he would learn about Brian, but still definitely missed.
And there he was even at my worst he somehow was irrevocably irresistible. Johnny just understood me.
I looked down at the ground feeling the tears coming
"Johnny, I'm sorry...I..."
"It's okay Kat I know. I am too. What I said was wrong, I was angry and that's no excuse. But I miss you...and I'm sorry, I did say I wouldn't ever hurt you and I did. I'm sorry Kat. I....I love you." He said in the most soft and sincere way possible
I think that was the worst thing he could say. I wanted him to be mad at me and hate me forever because that seemed easier than ever having to tell him about Brian, because I loved Johnny too. And I was so disgusted with myself. Matt had been right, Johnny had been right. I was overpowered with the bliss that he loved me too, and the excruciating guilt, that I couldn't stop the tears.
He didn't know how to make me stop, and suddenly his lips met mine. A kiss I had been waiting for so long, I had missed the familiar butterflies in my tummy when I kissed Johnny or just plainly around him. A completely different feeling than when I was with Brian. He had placed his palms on my checks as he kissed me so his fingers were intertwined in my hair. He pulled away and wiped away my tears with his thumbs.
"Baby, don't cry..." he said without the slightest clue of why I was crying
The tears kept rolling, because I couldn't help but love him, and this moment, but out of the corner of my eye, I could see four figures, Zacky, Jimmy, Matt and Brian had been watching the entire time...

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